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Stroke Caregiver - female
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About arogers

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  • Birthday 06/08/1949

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    my Christian faith, my dog Max, grandkids, computer, reading, cooking, baking,The Stroke Network
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  1. arogers

    Thank you for your blog. As with Sue, my late husband suffered multiple strokes - six between 2004 and 2011. I agree that there does come some sort of peace with the situation but the vigilance just never changes. Each of Bill's strokes seemed to be crises. He would be near death and within hours rallied. Toward the end the nurses remembered me, although they didn't remember Bill. Ironic, it was...the patient "forgettable", the caregiver not so much. I don't regret my persistence or questioning because I was responsible for him. He couldn't speak for himself, who else was there to speak? And that is your situation - if not you, who will advocate? As you know, faith is the answer to the "how" of handling it all. I believe I was sustained so many times through prayer! And Bill was spared as well! Again, thank you for sharing your story with us!
  2. Happy Birthday arogers!

  3. Happy Anniversary arogers!

  4. arogers

    Please don't ever feel as though you are a distraction. You go at your own pace!!! The other part is that it will help you in your recovery and maybe those slow times will become less frequent as you continue on!!! You are an asset to our family here!!!
  5. arogers

    Hi Nancy, After Bill passed away I saw a gentleman briefly who would not take me out in our town - and there are some 300,000 people here. It turned out he had not told his daughters he wanted to date. When he told the oldest daughter - who he thought would be accepting - he found out she wasn't. I was referred to as "that woman", and you can imagine how I felt when he read me the letter. His demeanor changed completely and to make a short story even shorter that was the end of our dating. I didn't feel it was fair to me that he had not shared HIS desires with his daughters so I was made out to be the bad "guy" or "girl" in this situation. Dating as a widow isn't even all that easy sometimes! I'll not judge you, being alone is lonely, and as caregivers we are all lonely, confused, depressed and angry - sometimes all at the same time. As with Yvonne, the only thing that really got me through eight years of it was my spiritual life. And it really is what it is. We can't change it, all we can do is walk through it. I would hate for you to open yourself to unnecessary criticism from people who are apt to do so if you live in a small town - and I am sure you have thought of all the negatives over and over again!
  6. Hello Jorge, I still don't know whether she is diabetic. If she is, then her carbohydrates should be watched closely. I don't know whether she is even checking her sugar levels or not. I don't know of any nutrients that are lacking that cause strokes. Diabetes can be a contributing factor. And so, as far as dietary guidelines for helping a person recover from strokes, I've not heard of any such thing. I was an eight year caregiver and the only dietary considerations we made were for diabetis/bp (low sodium) and for coumadin (limiting foods with vitamin K). Really, if you and the kids know what you should eat for a good balanced diet, she should be eating that sort of diet! Fast food is probably the worst food out there for anybody, but that isn't news!! I think the family definitely needs help from a social worker who can provide direction as far as putting strategies in place to help your sister. As was suggested, if she was in the hospital a social worker should be made available to help. Everybody is busy. Yes, her children are busy. That does not mean she should not be getting the care she needs however.
  7. arogers

    Meeting at Hunters Hall

    In May, 2005 I joined The Stroke Network as Caregiver to my husband who had suffered two major strokes. The same month, the same year a Caregiver from Australia joined. And the journey began. Sue Wilkinson and I traveled closely through our husband's illnesses. It seemed as though if Bill had a crisis, Ray (Sue's husband) would ... or if Ray got ill, sure enough Bill would. We often called ourselves "twins". We vowed through it all we would someday meet face to face! Fast forward to 2015. My son Marc had met a lovely lady from the UK while living in Phoenix, AZ. Hayley was the General Manager for a Sea Life Aquarium her company had just opened. Marc was the Project Manager for the Mill Work company who was contracted to create the appropriate details for this new Sea Life. What began as a professional relationship eventually took a turn toward dating, and eventually more than that! Marc asked Hayley to marry him in July 2014. Hayley is an English citizen. The company she works for is actually headquartered in London. Of course any bride wants to be married at home with her family and friends in attendance. Last summer Marc asked me to go with them. He has two sons, 16 and almost 12 who would need some supervision and he knew the wedding festivities may require someone other than himself to take those duties. I was thrilled and of course said YES! Now, the Sue part. Sue will tell her own story about her adventures in her blog I know. She started her trip a couple of weeks before I got over. She took time out though to meet me at Hunters Hall, near Norwich, Norfolk UK in time to go out to dinner with the ladies of the wedding party and experience the wedding day with me. (She honestly was looking for a few English Gentlemen with whom she could dance the night away...alas there were none provided!!!) It was truly a dream come true to spend a couple of days with Sue. I hope we will do it again! She said she has family in Canada she wants to visit. I can do that! Canada is not that far away! Since I'm from Michigan I even know some of the Canadian "lingo"! Oh - Marc and Hayley have settled in Michigan. Hayley is now the General Manager of the new Sea Life Aquarium in Auborn Hills. Next fall there will be a new Lego Land and she will be the GM over both those attractions.
  8. arogers

    I just love to read about your creativity and Bob's determination!!! Yes, although recovery slows, his is certainly continuing along!!! Ann
  9. arogers

    Nancy, One of the complicating factors for Bill was that he was bipolar. Stroke does not remove that illness. I used to be able to tell when he was not feeling well - he would sit and rock back and forth. He would answer that he wasn't feeling well, but he couldn't identify exactly what the problem was. It was complicated to deal with bipolar disease with a stroke survivor whose issues were as severe as his. As you so aptly said, "it is what it is". I went through lots of guilt when Bill went into the VA nursing facility. After all, I had promised him I would keep him home - but I had added "as long as I can". I just wanted it to be longer. The problem is, he got sicker and I got older. I'm hoping you will get the medication you require in order to feel exactly like your former self very soon Nancy. As you know, it is many times trial and error in finding the best meds to control moods. Take care dear lady! Ann
  10. arogers

    Pam, I must agree with David. Your writing is some of the most honest, raw emotional and open writing I have ever read. You know, our plans change abruptly sometimes and maybe your plan should be in the area of writing. Your physical body may be betraying you, but your intellectual self is so acute and brilliant. Something to consider? Your thoughts and experiences might help others who grapple with where they fit into a place they don't necessarily belong. An author is born!! Ann
  11. arogers

    Ann's Excellent Adventure 7 2015

    Ann spent a good deal of time in England, celebrating her son's marriage July 18, 2015. One of the best parts was meeting and spending a couple of days with Sue Wilkinson!
  12. Happy Birthday arogers!

  13. Jorg - I know there are lots of questions. And I certainly would never suggest they are abusing her purposely. It does get tedious when one hears 24/7 complaints...everybody is human. And abuse takes so many forms - not always doing to, but sometimes not doing! We don't know, we aren't there, as you indicated! I would suggest you just have a quiet conversation, not really confronting them, but more asking questions - are they ok with this or that? And one important item is to let them know you are on their side!!! It is really delicate, isn't it? Best of luck!!
  14. http://www.strokecaregiver.org/handbook.htm is the handbook that has been compiled by caregivers from this site. You may find some very helpful information here. Next, since you do not have a healthcare power of attorney for your sister, your involvement can only be directed by her children who have that power of attorney I expect. This is a bitter pill to swallow when you see your sister in a situation that may be harmful to her. Frankly, your options could result in a really difficult family situation. If you feel she is being neglected you can always go to the courts and report that she is being neglected. The other thing you can do is sit your sister's adult children down and confront them with your concerns. You can, with compassion, explain that you know they are in a difficult place. You know their mother is difficult. You know they are probably exhausted. And then you can ask them to allow you to help. This may be the answer rather than you creating a flow chart for how they can do things. If you have the time, I would suggest you may need to take over her care. Just a thought about the blood thinner. High blood pressure medication and blood thinners aren't the same. If she is on a blood thinner that must be monitored regularly. Is this happening? There are so many unknowns really, Jorg. I'm sorry for this. You are going with a lot of assumptions - based on limited knowledge you have of the family situation I know. Is she a diabetic? That condition requires specific dietary considerations. We can provide you with web-sites you may wish to explore if she is. If she takes a blood thinner she needs to be on a diet low in Vitamin K to keep her blood thinned at a proper level. Frankly, with stroke homeopathic medicine may not be a suitable solution. I don't know that, but I am not aware of anyone who has controlled the complicated medical conditions that exist with stroke. I'm a little concerned about her complaint of pain from sitting because that may be a result of bed sores from sitting. Also, I am rather concerned about the seeming lack of concern about her comfort in the wheelchair. Is she safe? Jorg, these may be more questions than answers too your post. I'm sorry I can't lay out a plan of action for you. I am more concerned about her care and safety right now. If she is being neglected, even if it is because of religious beliefs or caregiver fatigue ... THAT needs to come to an end. Her attitude may be a result of her strokes. And yet it seems she is just being viewed as a difficult, angry patient. There are all sorts of emotional problems that crop up after strokes. You or they may not want to hear it, but in many (if not most) cases and anti-depressant is often necessary.
  15. arogers

    Jay - and who better to help stroke survivors than one who's life work has been helping the less fortunate of this world! Thanks for your dedication - by the way, I love that good coffee too! I call my favorite Starbucks my "Cheers" since everybody knows me when I walk in!! *wink*