arogers

Thank you for your blog. As with Sue, my late husband suffered multiple strokes - six between 2004 and 2011. I agree that there does come some sort of peace with the situation but the vigilance just never changes. Each of Bill's strokes seemed to be crises. He would be near death and within hours rallied. Toward the end the nurses remembered me, although they didn't remember Bill. Ironic, it was...the patient "forgettable", the caregiver not so much. I don't regret my persistence or questioning because I was responsible for him. He couldn't speak for himself, who else was there to speak? And that is your situation - if not you, who will advocate? As you know, faith is the answer to the "how" of handling it all. I believe I was sustained so many times through prayer! And Bill was spared as well! Again, thank you for sharing your story with us!

Hi Nancy, After Bill passed away I saw a gentleman briefly who would not take me out in our town - and there are some 300,000 people here. It turned out he had not told his daughters he wanted to date. When he told the oldest daughter - who he thought would be accepting - he found out she wasn't. I was referred to as "that woman", and you can imagine how I felt when he read me the letter. His demeanor changed completely and to make a short story even shorter that was the end of our dating. I didn't feel it was fair to me that he had not shared HIS desires with his daughters so I was made out to be the bad "guy" or "girl" in this situation. Dating as a widow isn't even all that easy sometimes! I'll not judge you, being alone is lonely, and as caregivers we are all lonely, confused, depressed and angry - sometimes all at the same time. As with Yvonne, the only thing that really got me through eight years of it was my spiritual life. And it really is what it is. We can't change it, all we can do is walk through it. I would hate for you to open yourself to unnecessary criticism from people who are apt to do so if you live in a small town - and I am sure you have thought of all the negatives over and over again!

In May, 2005 I joined The Stroke Network as Caregiver to my husband who had suffered two major strokes. The same month, the same year a Caregiver from Australia joined. And the journey began. Sue Wilkinson and I traveled closely through our husband's illnesses. It seemed as though if Bill had a crisis, Ray (Sue's husband) would ... or if Ray got ill, sure enough Bill would. We often called ourselves "twins". We vowed through it all we would someday meet face to face! Fast forward to 2015. My son Marc had met a lovely lady from the UK while living in Phoenix, AZ. Hayley was the General Manager for a Sea Life Aquarium her company had just opened. Marc was the Project Manager for the Mill Work company who was contracted to create the appropriate details for this new Sea Life. What began as a professional relationship eventually took a turn toward dating, and eventually more than that! Marc asked Hayley to marry him in July 2014. Hayley is an English citizen. The company she works for is actually headquartered in London. Of course any bride wants to be married at home with her family and friends in attendance. Last summer Marc asked me to go with them. He has two sons, 16 and almost 12 who would need some supervision and he knew the wedding festivities may require someone other than himself to take those duties. I was thrilled and of course said YES! Now, the Sue part. Sue will tell her own story about her adventures in her blog I know. She started her trip a couple of weeks before I got over. She took time out though to meet me at Hunters Hall, near Norwich, Norfolk UK in time to go out to dinner with the ladies of the wedding party and experience the wedding day with me. (She honestly was looking for a few English Gentlemen with whom she could dance the night away...alas there were none provided!!!) It was truly a dream come true to spend a couple of days with Sue. I hope we will do it again! She said she has family in Canada she wants to visit. I can do that! Canada is not that far away! Since I'm from Michigan I even know some of the Canadian "lingo"! Oh - Marc and Hayley have settled in Michigan. Hayley is now the General Manager of the new Sea Life Aquarium in Auborn Hills. Next fall there will be a new Lego Land and she will be the GM over both those attractions.

I just love to read about your creativity and Bob's determination!!! Yes, although recovery slows, his is certainly continuing along!!! Ann

Nancy, One of the complicating factors for Bill was that he was bipolar. Stroke does not remove that illness. I used to be able to tell when he was not feeling well - he would sit and rock back and forth. He would answer that he wasn't feeling well, but he couldn't identify exactly what the problem was. It was complicated to deal with bipolar disease with a stroke survivor whose issues were as severe as his. As you so aptly said, "it is what it is". I went through lots of guilt when Bill went into the VA nursing facility. After all, I had promised him I would keep him home - but I had added "as long as I can". I just wanted it to be longer. The problem is, he got sicker and I got older. I'm hoping you will get the medication you require in order to feel exactly like your former self very soon Nancy. As you know, it is many times trial and error in finding the best meds to control moods. Take care dear lady! Ann

Pam, I must agree with David. Your writing is some of the most honest, raw emotional and open writing I have ever read. You know, our plans change abruptly sometimes and maybe your plan should be in the area of writing. Your physical body may be betraying you, but your intellectual self is so acute and brilliant. Something to consider? Your thoughts and experiences might help others who grapple with where they fit into a place they don't necessarily belong. An author is born!! Ann

Jay - and who better to help stroke survivors than one who's life work has been helping the less fortunate of this world! Thanks for your dedication - by the way, I love that good coffee too! I call my favorite Starbucks my "Cheers" since everybody knows me when I walk in!! *wink*

Thank you, Cagin, for your beautiful words. Your grandma is so blessed to have all the love around her. One of the things that may be happening with your grandma is a sort of a seizure. Not an outward seizure but something going on with her brain. That used to happen with my husband. I would look at him and he would be gazing off, seemingly looking at a corner in the ceiling. And then he would come back. That went on for several years, by the way. Thoughts of love for you and your family. Ann

Ahhhhh...."one with nature" - conjures up visions of me in Michigan breathing in the air of the shores of Lake Michigan! And of course, listening to the noisy Seagulls!!

This is some kind of exciting and scarey stuff!!! I'm anxious to hear what goes on!! I hope your flight went well and I'm anxious to hear what happens during your .... vacation!

Pam - First off..You are sure doing everything right!!! You keep going girl! I'm looking forward to hearing the outcome of this last interview! In this day and age there are some pretty strict laws surrounding protecting the disabled against discrimination. If you feel you are being discriminated against based upon your disabilities and feel you are qualified and able to do the job for which you are applying, the Americans with Disability Act should be helpful to you. You are working so hard to reach your goals and you deserve to get the assistance you are entitled to in order to reach those goals!!! I haven't seen the show you talked about but it sounds pretty interesting!!!

Hi Fred - It sounds as though you are making some fun plans!! About the getting up and going thing in the morning...I am the same way! It seems it doesn't take long to get in the habit of leisurely mornings! I got in the habit when Bill was ill. He was never one to enjoy jumping out of bed early anyway. So, when he got ill I just adapted. Now I'm doing some transporting of folks to medical appointments and am forced (if I want to work!) to get up and going some mornings! WOW - what a shock!!! I feel for ya'! I know you'll be happy to be back on YOUR schedule!

Dean, I am so sorry for your family situation. You are doing the right things. You understand you need to take care of you because YOU are the only one who will. Don't do anything other than what you are doing. You kids are not little children. Your daughter is in college and your son in high school. I feel badly that their mother is playing games, because it sounds as though that is what is going on. As you said, get your paper work together and go back to court! Prayers for you right now Dean, that you will feel the strength God can provide you as you go forward.

"I resolve to cry when I need to and laugh as much as I can because a cry washes it away and a laugh keeps it away." I spent most of the years when I was taking care of Bill NOT crying. I didn't want to cry in front of him because I felt he needed to be strong. When he was in long term care I had the luxury of being able to have a few good cries though - and oh how therapeutic they were. Of all your resolutions - and they were all so good, I liked this one the very best!