givincare

Katrina, Maybe the miracle was never meant to be how you regained the use of your arm and hand after stroke, maybe it was always meant to be how you triumphed despite of it. A person's worth is not measured by what limbs or extremities work or don't work. Your worth is about what you contribute to LIFE. The OT probably knew she only had a limited amount of time to work with you and that her focus needed to be on what would be the most helpful to you in that moment. That was getting you to be able to do things as independently as possible- as quickly as possible. She probably would have loved to spend time working on your affected arm but she knew she had only enough time to focus on one thing, and teaching you to live using one arm took precedence (which she KNEW you could do). It was a gamble to put all the eggs in the basket that she should focus on retraining your affected arm, after all, what if she failed? I know you wish this was the path she had chosen, to at least give it a shot. It very well may have turned out differently. It just wasn't the decision that was made at that time. I know you don't want to hear this right now but I am going to say it anyway: You ARE strong; you ARE beautiful; you ARE amazing; and YOU have much to give this world. Please don't deny us your gifts. Krsiten

It just goes to show life aint over after a stroke. Even though for a moment I thought it might be. Please check out this video of me, Patrick, and Brandon. Things we do for love, huh? Please be patient, it seems to take a moment to load! Kristen

Sue, I am sorry they have not been able to give you any answers to what is wrong. I remember that feeling of never getting answers and that can be SO emotionally draining. You anticipate and worry what they will tell you only to be told nothing. Hopefully they will figure something out soon. My grandma is having similar symptoms of passing out and falling. Seems Mom is getting a call several times a week now about another "spell". They can't figure her issues out either. Then again, I don't think anyone will EVER figure out Grandma's issues , but they have nothing to do with passing out-lol. I pray that you find the strength you need to care for Ray at home and that you will find answers soon. Patrick includes you both in his prayers everyday as well. Take comfort in knowing you are loved, admired, and held in the highest regard to many people- those close at home and those a world away. Kristen

:friends: You and Ray are always in Patrick's and my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there. Kristen

Thank you for the update, I am sure it is hard to take the time to let us all know what is going on, but we really appreciate it. Patrick and I have both been keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. I wish you both a speedy recovery! Sending you BIG hugs (lets see, given the 16 hrs time difference...add a few hours to get through airport security, subtract an hour for my driving like a bat out of hell, carry the 1... you should be getting the warm wishes and hugs any minute) Kristen

It has been a long time since I have had any time off from work- especially considering I get 5 weeks per year- and I finally get to start a vacation at the end of this week. I have been trying to decide what is the best thing to do with this time off, and I am having a hard time working out. We had been thinking about taking 2 days and going to Colorado Springs and doing the tourist things there. It will still be pretty expensive though, and part of me says I should just stay home and save the money. Then I talked to my mom the other day and have become very concerned about her. I feel a burning desire to go "home" and be there for her, but the plane tickets have all been outrageous. I am currently trying find a hybrid-rental car and driving the 13 hours to get there. The worst thing is I have to be in Colorado for a training meeting smack in the middle of my days off so it makes it more difficult to work out the logistics of it all. It stinks being excited about having time off and feeling like you can't spend it doing what you want to or need to. Kristen

Hi Kathy, Just wondering, if you had been keeping up with emails and b-day cards post stroke but stopped this year, why? Maybe your husband is worried that, even though you are content now, if in the future you decide you want to socialize more, maybe it will be too late to re-connect with them. Sending cars and emails don't make you to leave the comforts of home (except to buy and mail the cards possibly) and hopefully wouldn't wear you out too much. And maybe you could invite a friend over to your house from time to time so you don't have to fight the outside world while keeping your husband satisfied that you are keeping a friend in your inner circle. As they say, you can never have too many friends. Don't isolate yourself too much. You never know when you night need them, or when they might need you. Kristen

Hey Butch! Glad to hear another update! It's nice that you were able to find a great deal on a van, I am never that great at finding deals on cars. As for the empty nest, I am looking forward to it! Only two more years of school till my son gets kicked out, uh, I mean moves out. Who knows though, when the time gets closer I have a feeling I might feel a little differently... Hope you continue to have a great summer. May your balls bounce your way. (I am talking about golf...geesh) Kristen

You definitely deserve the gold medal. Taking a drive into the mountains gives me the same feeling as you looking at the ocean. Makes it easy to remember how trivial some problems are in the "Grand Scheme". Kristen

Thanks for the blog, Sue! Someday, not now- (I still have the "anxiety" you spoke of) I will have to go back and read my old blogs. At least you blog when things are good and bad. I seem to blog mostly when I am frustrated-lol. Catch You soon, Kristen

:console: Kristen

But who could afford the gas, Sue?

Sorry for the rant. It was all a personal statement. I am sorry I didn't clarify that a little better. SUE RULES (thats a compliment BTW) Kristen

Sue, :Soapbox: I have the utmost compassion for someone who is suffering. We all suffer from time to time and we deserve to be hurt, sad, or angry because of that suffering. It is even okay to ask for others to join you in your suffering, to share your pain for a bit. Sometimes you just don't want to feel alone, you want someone else to in some way say, "I understand how you must be feeling. You don't deserve this... it isn't fair" etc. On the other hand, there is a huge difference between suffering and self pity. To me, self pity is a self centered emotion that allows you to remove yourself from any responsibility you have from the way things turned out. I have no use for it. Everyone is dealt a raw deal sometime. EVERYONE. Most would agree that we had very little responsibility in causing the strokes (or insert whatever unfair deal you have been dealt here______). The responsibility I referred to lies in how you deal with it. Most of us here have spoke of having a pity-party from time to time. The truth is in my opinion, is it not pity at all but a moment of suffering. We were sad. We were hurting or even angry. But never did we put the blame on someone else for our suffering. The point of LIFE is to go on LIVING to the very best of your ability. You have to look behind you and acknowledge what you lost. You mourn it. Then you look at what you still have and you cherish it. Then you dream of what could be and fight for it. You do your best. If it isn't meant to be then it won't. You just start over again... You, Miss Sue, have been a beacon for this and I thank you for leading the way. Newsflash: Life ain't fair and I'm never gonna be a rock star. (Stepping off my soapbox) Kristen

I have been meaning to blog forever, just seems I haven't have the motivation and time at the SAME time-lol. So here goes... APRIL- "Tax day" was actually spent doing something fun. My mom and I were in Dallas so she could participate in the Pillsbury Bake-Off. I flew out of Denver and she out of Moline, Illinois and we met up in the Dallas airport for our 2 1/2 day trip. The bake-off paid for her trip but we had to pay for mine, so this was awesome that she chose to take me with her instead of my step-dad. This was her third and final chance to win the $1,000,000 grand prize for the Pillsbury Bake-off, after that you and your immediate family are eliminated from entering the contest. She took me since she eliminated me from ever being eligible to enter. The hotel was very nice and the semi-formal dinner was really good. The whole thing was allot of fun but we were exhausted. There was not allot of time to even catch your breath, especially for the 100 contestants. Pillsbury had them going from check-ins to orientations, to question/answer sessions, to Grand March practice to dinner. Then you have to be to breakfast at 6:15 am to start again. It was crazy, but fun. Mom didn't win but seemed to be satisfied those who did. Anyway, we crammed in a week-long trip into 2 days. It was cool. MAY- The first week of May proved to have another whirlwind trip in store for me. My dad (who lives in Louisiana) retired officially in May and his company offered to fly me, my husband, son and also my brother out for his retirement party. Unfortunately due to work circumstances, I was unable to take any extra time off for work so I had to fly down and back over my normal two days off. We ended up having to get up at 3:30am in order to make our 6am flight. The party was that night and it was allot of fun. It was great to hear the stories about my dad. He apparently played the "bad cop" role perfectly. (He was, by the way, NOT in law enforcement!) There is a legendary meeting between my dad's company and another extremely prominent steel company that is now referred to as "The mother F-er" meeting. Apparently when the president of the other company stated they were going to raise prices, the president of my dad's company said, "John, what do you think?". My father said, "Well I think we ought to shoot the mother f______er." He got up and left the meeting. They didn't raise the prices. (BTW, the other president has actually become a friend of my dad-lol.) I guess whatever works!!! During my father's speech, he spoke of Patrick and his struggle with the stroke. My dad actually started to cry when he spoke of almost losing him. It was very emotional which is rare for my stoic father. We enjoyed the next day just spending it all together, going for a boat ride and ending it with dinner. The next morning we were up again at 3:30 to catch our 6 am flight home. We arrived in Denver later that morning. I unfortunately had no time to rest as I had to be at work at 3pm that day. It was again a very quick trip, but very enjoyable. YESTERDAY: Patrick had his last driving lesson. All he has to do now is take the written and driving test and he has a Colorado license! His therapist has recommended Patrick drive 3 or 4 more hours with me before he drives alone and a few other restrictions (no night driving, 40 MPH or less, no radio or chatting). She will re-evaluate him again after he has 60 hours of driving in to see what restrictions she will lift. These restrictions are short-term at this point so luckily we won't have to go to the DMV again to "remove" them. He just drove this morning to drop off our son at school and to get coffee. He was so excited and the girl at the coffee drive-in gave him big congratulations on him being in the driver's seat. We go to this place all the time and she "knows" us. When we went through yesterday she asked him how driving was coming along. Today she got to see for herself! I see jaunts to the store (in the passenger seat) in my future! Kristen

Jean, Sorry to hear about your loss. I will miss hearing about Cooper's adventures, but will look forward to hearing the joys of having a new puppy. Take Care, Kristen

Hey Sue! Glad you're back! We have all missed hearing about whats been going on with you, too. Got to go for now, catch you soon, I hope! Kristen

:Jammin: WAY TO GO DONNA! I hope the progress continues! Kristen

Sue, I am so glad you will have some time to get away and spend with your family. I hope you are able to just relax and take it all in, savoring the moment. Don't worry about us...(sniff) we will...(sniff) be...(sniff) fine...(wailing now)! Have a fun, relaxing, safe trip. And just pack everything, thats what Mom's do, or at least my mom. Kristen

Glad to hear things are going pretty well despite having to give up your help. I hope it comforts you to know you are still capable of doing what you need to do. As a "caregiver", let me say THANK YOU for what you do, like laundry, dishes, or whatever. My husband does these things too and he often apologizes for not doing more. I tell him, "ARE YOU CRAZY??? THANK YOU FOR DOING IT, I couldn't ask for more!!!" Kristen I bet that kid never runs his mouth around a bunch of girls again, especially in an enclosed area!

Ditto Miss Bonnie! I am PROUD of you for not smoking, I know how hard it is to quit. Keep up the good work, you are past the worst of it!! I will continue to keep "Mom" in my thoughts, as well as you and John. Kristen

Patrick and I don't have much time (or money) to just DO something together. It seems like it is so hard when you are extremely limited financially and then compounded by limited mobility to find fun ways to spend time together. Even just a drive somewhere costs a fortune in gas. When the opportunity arose earlier this month to just get away for the afternoon, we took it! We started off the morning with our usual stop for coffee and hit the road towards Morrison, Colorado. One of the things we have always wanted to do since moving here was to see a concert at Red Rocks. While on a Friday morning there would be no concert, I thought it would be nice to check out the venue and find out how easy or difficult it was from our house to get there. I had no map or directions, but I had seen in a guidebook that it appeared to not be too far off the interstate. I headed in the right direction and hoped for the best (and signs). Along the way, in a suburb just outside Denver, stood four elk. What a nice surprise! We continued on and kept an eye for signs. When a sign finally appeared, I wasn't sure if it was the right exit. I asked Patrick if he had anywhere to be and he confirmed he didn't, so we pressed on for another 10 miles or so. I am glad we did because the view was beautiful. Snow-capped mountains in the distance and rolling foothills before us. We eventually turned around and headed back to the exit we missed- didn't want to end up in Utah. When we took the exit, I was surprised how small the road was that lead to the venue. I can imagine the road is deadlocked before or after a show. Oh well, I guess thats to be expected at any concert or event. Once we reached the amphitheater we wandered around the grounds and it was SO COOL. I was kind of shocked how many other people we there to wander around like us, or there to exercise by walking or jogging up and down the arena. We envisioned what bands we would like to see there, and what it would be like to see them perform as the sun was setting on the "red rocks" around us and the city of Denver in the distance. This is definitely a must-do in the future. Add it to my list. Visit Red Rocks here After checking out the museum inside, we decided to head to Denver and grab some lunch. We ended up at the 16th street mall and found a restaurant. I really love going to local restaurants vs. chains and so we walked into a place that looked interesting and had some meat-free options (we are not vegetarians, Patrick is Catholic). It was fabulous! It had been a while since we treated ourselves to a nice restaurant and I am so glad we did. After finishing lunch and beating the meter maid, we headed toward the art district on Santa Fe Drive. This was actually the entire reason we planned this little day-trip. I had recently acquired a copy Stroke Smart magazine in the waiting room of Patrick's driving therapist. I brought it home and the first thing Patrick said was, "Why is Jerry Garcia on the cover?" (I am paraphrasing aphasia-style). I explained it was not Jerry, but Abbas Khajeaian who is a local mosaic artist in the area. We thought it might be cool to see him, his studio and art so we decided why not! We parked the car in the district and walked into many studios along the way while we looked for his studio. I had an old Denver guidebook and his studio was no longer at the same address. I did know that it was still around there somewhere because it had been listed in Stroke Smart mag as being in the district. We didn't mind that we hadn't found it, we were enjoying the walk and the art. We started to head back to the car when I saw a group of studios across the street. Low and behold his studio was inside! We looked at the pieces he had in the studio, the photos of past pieces and saw his works in progress. They were truly amazing. This man has little use of his right right side similar to Patrick. We got the opportunity to speak to Abbas for about 15 minutes or so. Patrick was very inspired by this man's accomplishments. Visit his website It was a great way to spend the day. We had fun, enjoyed breathtaking views, fantasized about who it would be cool to see play at Red Rocks, saw elk grazing, grazed ourselves, DIDN'T get a parking ticket, enjoyed some art and inspiring company. We need to do this again!!! Kristen

Butch, Glad to hear from you! Some families just don't understand how much their help would really HELP. But it's difficult to get people to help if it means they have to change their routine in some way. My son is 16 and I have thought often about the joys of an empty nest (ok, mostly a clean house after an empty nest ). But then I think about all the little chores I will have to start actually doing myself, like mowing the lawn. YUCK. I hope things settle down soon!! Take Care, Kristen

Well I am no George Clooney... but you ARE beautiful and I love you! Kristen

Just wanted to say check out the gallery, I uploaded our ONLY professional family picture! We had it done while Ian (the older one) was here visiting over Christmas. Just imagine, this is AFTER I lost 35 lbs! Patrick has also lost at least 15 lbs since I joined weight watchers last August. Here's to doing what it takes to keep it off :Cheers: Kristen