givincare

Stroke Caregiver - female
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Everything posted by givincare

  1. I am pounding my head against the wall, and I think Patrick is feeling the same way. People don't understand (unless you've been there) just how frustrating it is to argue with a person who has aphasia. Not only do you have to make your own point, but you have to articulate the point of the person with aphasia so they understand YOU understand their point of view. God forbid you not say it exactly as they want you to, otherwise you are missing the point! NO, I AM NOT MISSING THE POINT. I UNDERSTAND! LET ME SAY IT THIS WAY... The argument we are having is about Patrick driving again. In September, his neurologist told him if he was still seizure free by November, he would recommend Patrick for a driving evaluation. He made it halfway thru November then had a seizure. They upped his meds again, but we had to lower the dosage back down as he was having side affects. Since that seizure in November, he had two more small seizures on the origanal dosage. Yesterday, we went to see the neurologist again. we decided a new medication was in order, even though his last seizure was in January. This is not a quick process, weening him off his old meds and onto a new one. It will take almost three months before he is totally off the old and totally on the new one. Then it will take a few months soley on the new med to see if it works for him. His point is, it has once again been two months since his last seizure, so he should be able to get the driving eval now. He is seizure-free in his mind. I keep trying to explain that even though it has been several months since the last seizure, the meds are not working for him well enough or he would not have had the seizures in December and January. Round and round we go. I tell him it's not up to me anyway. He tells me over and over: how long he has went without driving; how long it's been since his last seizure; how he was only suppose to have to wait 2 months of being seizure-free. I go round and round telling him he is still having occasional seizures on the current med, he is not safe to drive. I tell him it is out of my hands, it's up to the doctor. I tell him he has to wait untill we know if the new meds are working. I think he thinks we are conspiring against him. I have tried every way I can to explain that I WANT HIM TO DRIVE, TOO!!! We are both SO FRUSTRATED!!!! Kristen
  2. Phyllis, I asked for Marley and Me for Christmas, and was fortunate enought oactually get it!!! I read it in three days, it was wonderful. I laughed and cried and laughed some more. It's such a nice read that I wish it could be reccomended for the book club, but as of now it is still in hard cover only. I loved it so much, I read a few interviews with John Grogan on the web, and learned about the tv show- The Dog Whisperer from the interviews. (Grogan was featured in the premeire episode of the show this season with "Gracie") Kristen
  3. Welcome Lesley! I am glad you decided to join our blog world here! The group of people here, survivor and caregiver alike- are the best. Between everyone here, there is almost always someone else who has been there, done that. Definately reminds you that you are not alone, no matter what you are feeling or going through. I look forward to future blogs! Kristen
  4. givincare

    Death in Family...

    Mel, I am very sorry to hear of you and your husbands loss. Hugs to you both! Now, as for that cloud... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW Kristen
  5. givincare

    Sophie

    Yin, Sophie sounds great! Puppies and dogs are such a great addition to families. Give her a big cuddle and bellie/ chin scratch from me! Kristen
  6. Thanks for the replies, MOST of them made feel better (wink! wink!). I can't wait to get some flowers and plants in them so I don't have to look at the empty pots and bed. It is a constant reminder of the poor little things I... didn't "keep". I did save a couple of things, there is one mystery plant I pulled up that came out in one big root ball, so I have put that into one of the containers. There was one group of "sticks" and then one plant (possibly hosta) that seems to be coming up well, so I left them too. That leaves me with 90% of the flower bed and 19 containers to fill. So much! There are also 3 or 4 dead things in the landscaping rocks that look like the were a shrub or bushy style flower. But There is no signs of life, they are completely flat on the ground like someone steamrolled over them. Should I dig or wait??? Kristen
  7. I didn't WANT to do it, I swear!! Patrick and I decided to clean out the flower pots and flower bed today so that when we are ready to plant, the containers are also ready. They were full of dead plants and flowers. The first few pots were easy, we just had to remove the dead flowers from the center of the pots, and we left the evergreen plants in there, as they are already starting to perk up for spring. We then moved on to the side of the house where the flower bed is. It is about 5' by 10' bed, and it had lots of remnents from last year's garden. We started clearing out all the dead stuff, and it seemed never ending. What we were left with was several small patches of grass and some sticks sticking out of the ground. After surveying the bed, Patrick wanted to just gut the whole thing. I decided we should just dig everything up and start over since I have no idea what was planted, what was weeds, and how to take care of whatever started to grow since I didn't know what it was. So we did it. We dug it all up. Over and over I kept asking God to forgive me, for I knew not what what I was doing. I'd dig up what looked like a blade of grass and find a little bulb on the end. I'd look at the dead sticks and start to pull, only to find a substantial root system existed. I am going to burn for this sin against nature. The former owner would probably have a nervous breakdown if she knew what we did today. I keep trying to convince myself it was the right thing becuase we would know what was planted and how to properly maintain it. I try to remind myself it is okay because now we get to choose what WE like intead of what the old owner liked. Please tell me it is okay! My heart has been breaking all day!!! Kristen
  8. Sue, As usual, another fantastic blog. You could always just market the book in the US if you don't feel comfortable letting your friends in the Land of Oz read it. Talk to you soon, Kristen
  9. I had three days off in a row: Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. That never happens! It felt almost like a mini vacation. I am also now convinced that if I could voluntarily never work again, I could find ways to keep myself happily occupied. Sunday was a pretty lazy day, it took me forever to get motivated to actually get out of bed. I bet it was 1pm before I was showered and dressed for the day. OH WELL!!! Brandon had his cousin and a friend spend the night, so I did get up and make the whole family french toast. It is one of my specialties, and even though I had to do it a bit differently than I prefer, it was still quite yummy. A great way to start a lazy day! Monday Patrick and I drove to the local nurseries and landscaping stores. We have two projects this spring, and I am rather clueless about both. The first is our flowergarden and planters. We have over 20 planters throughout our yard plus a raised flower bed, and I have not a clue what are in them. (We moved-in in Nov.) I was just going to wait a while to see what did or didn't pop up, but in truth I would let a weed grow waiting for it to bloom. Patrick has decided he would rather us choose and plant all new plants and flowers. I got a catalog the other day, so I had him thumb through it and show me what he likes. Typical guy, he likes the flowers that are Denver Nugget's colors (pale blue and yellow)! I told him I would go for some NUGGETS flowers, but that we need some other colors too. It will be a little while yet before we order them, but he seems really excited about being the caretaker of our flowers. I am excited about him getting outside and having a hobby! The other project we want (ok, I WANT) is to install patio pavers in the back yard. Our yard is half gravel and half grass. I would like to turn the gravel half into an actual patio where I can set our fire pit and eventually a "conversation patio set". It is not that difficult a project, it's just going to require alot of physical work. And a decent chunk of change. I have been running all over comparing paving prices, and reading as much as I can to install them. I think I will tackle it during my vacation in April. Tuesday, Patrick was a little bummed out. I decided on the spur of the moment we needed to enjoy the scenery we moved out here for. We drove up to Estes Park, about 40 minutes away, and grabbed a bite to eat at The Smiling Elk. The elk was probably really smiling because we had beef burgers instead, saved an elk. The view from the restaurant was really nice, and for a moment we felt like typical tourists. It was fun. while driving back down, I had been hoping I would see a buckle goat (it's really big horn sheep- but for an unknown reason my niece calls them buckle goats). I had only seen my first one last October after many vacations furiously scanning the mountain-sides for them. That was when we went around a bend and came across a herd right there on the side of the road! It was awesome! The trip seemed to cheer Patrick up. Overall, the three days off were full of us ON-THE-GO. It was really cool to have some time to hang out as a couple and as a family! Kristen
  10. Hi Lucy, I am going to differ slightly (I think) from the group. I think if what is most important to you to be accepted by your son's family, then forget about the money. Consider it a gift and be prepared never to see a penny of it returned. I think the son should take the responsibility to pay you back as promised. Unfortunately, that rarely seems to happen with parents and children. Money tears relationships apart, and it seems to me it is more important to you to be a part of the lives of your son and his new baby. If you have to have this money in order for you to be able to move, then talk to your son and DIL about it so they can get the proper arrangements in order in time. If you don't HAVE to have it, think of it as a gift for them starting their lives together. If they surprise you and pay you back, even better! Thinking about the house from the stand point of you DIL, she probably DOES feel that you are just renting, since it seems the arrangement was that you would not be living there forever. She thinks she WILL be there forever, and thinks she should have the final say in what "her" house looks like. I don't think this means she doesn't like you, more likely that she just likes to have control and probably has a hard time understanding that she could be hurting your feelings. She probably just never learned to comprimise in kindergarten. You are not WRONG in your feelings; you just need to decide if this is worth estranging yourself from your son via DIL. Take Care, I hope you get everything worked out in a way that you can live with (no pun intended) Kristen
  11. You and Jean are right, really knowing a person helps so much when you are dealing with aphasia. Sometimes I fear I don't let Patrick try hard enough to come up a word, I just instinctively fill it in. I try to be aware of doing this, and only help him when he wants me to. Best friends truly are the best! Kristen
  12. Thank You for the replies. Tom really is a special guy. We seemed to have a connection right away. One of the first times I sat down with him, he had been talking to me for at least half an hour (which I don't mind doing, just worry I am neglecting my job )and he stopped mid-sentence and said: "I think your brown eyes make it easy for me to talk to you." I have been happily all ears ever since. It's funny, he usually calls me "the Boss Lady" because he still has trouble remembering my name! Kristen
  13. I am sorry you are hurting. I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Some people just don't have to courage to step-up when they are needed. Grieve your loss of your friend and partner. Then show the courage to be the one to step up and not let his weakness be your downfall. Best wishes and hugs, Kristen
  14. Tom is a "regular" who comes into the restaurant usually on Mondays and Fridays. He is probably in his eighties, although I have never asked. As a matter of fact, I ask very few questions of him. Usually, I listen. He has his regular server, Angie, who waits on him. She was the first waitress he had at our restaurant after he and his wife moved here from California two or three years ago. They "got such a kick out of her" they requested her every time since. Tom even says Angie is his "adopted daughter". Whatever she needs, he will be there for her. And he has. Nowdays it is just Tom. Tom's wife had a fall shortly after their move, and has never been back to her old self. During her rehabilitation, they also discovered she had dementia. She apparently had turned violent, and has been in a "dementia lodge" (as Sue would put it) ever since. I know it is hard on Tom, not having his wife home and knowing he can't take care of her needs himself. But by the same token, he has peace knowing that she is in a lovely facility where they take excellent care of her. He goes to visit her often, and says it's gets harder each time; she wants to know when he will let her come home. He also spends alot of time with his grandchildren. His grandson, about 12 I think, is taking karate. Tom takes him to karate twice a week and is his sponsor. His grandaughter is 15 and wants him to teach her to drive. He declined saying he would make her nervous and she would scare the hell out of him. Instead he is looking forward to when vollyball starts up again in September. He says he has a ball watching her play. When Tom comes in, I usually try to sit down with him towards the end of his meal. I have to wait a bit because we could sit there all day, and in reality, I need to be there for ALLl the guests and crew. So I wait until he is closer to leaving to sit down. He always has a story to tell. But unlike some "story-tellers", there is a sense of solemness and wisdom in his stories. He doesn't tell them to be entertaining or to get a laugh; he tells them so you understand his perspective of why he believes what he believes. He is a philosipher. And yet he never takes life too seriously. He rolls with what life has handed him and believes that it is the way it is suppose to be. He has told me about his childhood and how he and his two sisters and brother had to choose which parent to live with after his parents divorced. Two kids went with his mom, he and another with his dad. He says he had wondered at times on what had missed out on, not living with his mom and the other two kids. But then he decided he had missed nothing; he couldn't miss something he never knew about. In fact, he said for all he knew, there were things he may have been "damn lucky to miss". No sense wondering about the "what if's". The life lessons continue every time he comes in. Sometimes, I disagree as they are merely a reflection of the culture/era he grew up in. But most times, he gives me comfort. He reminds me life is just life, no need for self-pity. He shows me I can handle whatever comes my way, even when I think I can take no more. I will get through it, and this time will be a memory before I know it- for better or worse. He tells me you can never go back- and he couldn't be more right. The past is the past. Enjoy today instead. Kristen
  15. givincare

    He's Home!

    I saw your blog title and nearly did a back-flip, I was so excited!!! Nearly! I am so happy to hear Ray is home, I know it means new stresses on you, but I also know how relieved you must be to just have him there. As for your friend who had the stroke, why does it always seem the people who are the greatest communicators and story tellers have the left-brained strokes/aphasia??? Such a cruel twist of fate... BIG HUGE HUGS TO YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES! Kristen
  16. Hey Bonnie, My dog steps on her bowl so it flips on it's side, then she rolls it around. The funny thing is she isn't neccesarily hungry or thirtsy. She just wants to make sure it is full for when she is. I hope the makeover goes well, what color will you paint the walls? Take Care, glad the ear infection is better! Kristen
  17. Hey Sue, I am sorry Ray's release has been delayed. Of course it is for good reason, but it doesn't make it any easier, does it? I will continue to keep you both in my thoughts, sending hugs your way :hug: Kristen
  18. Las Vegas! We arrived about 930am and managed to get to our hotel by 10:30. I had expected to just check our luggage then check into the hotel around 3-4pm, but when we got to the front desk, they actually allowed us to check in. That was awesome to have a few minutes to settle into our room and refresh ourselves a bit before hitting the strip. After we pulled ourselves back together, we headed across the street to the Bellagio hotel to partake in their lunch buffet. We heard it was one of the best ones on the strip, and the long line supported that theory. We didn't mind though, again it was a chance to relax for a bit. The buffet was very good, and I thought Patrick was going to need an insulin injection after all the desserts he ate! I asked him which one was his favorite, and all he could say was, "Apples and oranges!". I guess they all held a special place in his heart. We continued to walk the strip, heading over to Caesar's Palace. We walked through it a bit, window shopping at all the stores I would never be able to afford an actual purchase. It's okay though, I don't need a $500 purse, although I might be able to find a use for a $10,000 diamond pendant or ring. Someday... By this time we decided to go back to our room so Patrick could change his outfit (what a girl-lol). My feet were starting to hurt already, so sitting for a bit appealed to me anyway. After taking a brief nap, I contimplated putting those shoes back on. And contimplated it some more. And looked at the blisters that had already formed on my big toes and my little toes. So I put them on with tears in my eyes and went straight to the shopping area in our hotel. There was only one store with shoes, so I was determined I was not leaving it till I found the most confortable pair. Cost was not an issue at this point. I found a pair of rather ugly, super-comfy shoes that were around $70. More than I usually spend, but worth it. My feet felt great the rest of the trip. We walked along the strip, trying to make our way to the Mandalay Bay where we were going to see a band at the House of Blues that night. We walked F O R E V E R. Funny how close they look, but you never seem reach your destination! I guess the size of the hotels makes them seem closer. After we finally calapsed into our seats at the HOB, we were spent. It was only 7pm! The show started at 8pm, and both bands (Reckless Kelly, and headliners- Big Head Todd and The Monsters) were AWESOME! They both put on great shows, and BHTM played until 1130pm! When we left, there was no chance of walking back, so we grabbed a cab. Worth every penny. We had planned to get something to eat back at our hotel, but we got there just after midnight and everything was closed. We were off again looking, and even the Barbary Coasts 24hour restaurant was closed! How frustrating! I eventually gave up and told Patrick I couldn't go on, I didn't care how hungry I was. It was after 1am when we got back to our room with a bag of Doritos from the vending machine. The next day we went to the Paris buffet for breakfast which was also good. Did I mention we were STARVING? After that, we were back on the strip and decided which hotel we had to visit before leaving. We decided MGM Grand, New York New York, The Venitian, and The Mirage were the must-sees of the day. We purchased monorail tickets to make it easier, but I am not sure if it really helps in the long run or not. You have to walk so far through the hotel to get to the monorail that I think its about the same. Oh well, I liked sitting for a few minutes. All the hotels were fun, Patrick liked MGM best, I am not sure. NY NY was cool, I have never been to the real city, so it was fun to have a taste of it without the muggings. I liked the Mirage alot too. We finally went back to our hotel to retrieve our luggage and put a few dollars in the slots. I came out a little ahead, Patrick blew all of his. It was fun. We got to the airport by 6pm and touched down in Denver by 10:50pm (denver time). We found our car and pulled into our driveway around 12:45am. Whew! It was a whirlwind trip, but SO MUCH FUN! We need a vacation now to recover. Talk to you all soon, Kristen
  19. I was too tired to post yesterday, and I have no time right now. I will give all the details later today! Kristen
  20. Well, We leave for the airport in 6 hours!!! OMG!!! I have to try to sleep, but I am so excited!!! Please wish us luck that there are no airline delays tomorrow as we don't have much time as it is. I'll let you all know how it went Thursday! LUCK BE A LADY!!! Kristen
  21. I gave you a clue, but I am not ready to say where!!! Just a bit of fun if anyone wants to place a guess! Kristen
  22. I have done something kinda crazy and impulsive, and I am so excited about it! A few weeks ago, I was window shopping on the internet for a cheap get-away to anywhere. After looking at what was being offered, I saw some deals that I thought might actually be possible. I showed Patrick how much it would cost us for a hotel and plane tickets, and we decided to go for it! The really crazy part is NOT us deciding to go on the spur of the moment. It is actually because of how long we are leaving for. Our flight leaves around 8am Tuesday, and our return flight arrives home around 11pm Wednesday! For all intents and purposes, we will be gone all of 39 hours! We are both really excited about it though, it is our first trip to this city, the first "vacation" with just the two of us (at least where we got on a plane), and the first real trip anywhere since Patrick's stroke. Today we went shopping for supplies; you know- new outfit, new shoes (which I plan to wear all day tomorrow to break in), new sneakers for Patrick (no need to break those in!), some movie-star sunglasses (which patrick picked out for me!), and a mini- purse that will hold my ID and my card/cash and nothing else. How much fun!!! I am planning on only packing a carry-on bag so we don't waste time checking and retreiving luggage, after all, how much can you need for overnight??? I have also been buying travel size products since the airports regulate the amounts of liquids you can carry on. I should have no problems, I don't need much!!! We are doing this on my scheduled days off, no special time off needed. I am probably going to go back to work wore out instead of rejuvinated, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT! I will tell everyone how it went when we get back! In the meantime, more shopping to do tomorrow!! :pokerface: Kristen
  23. "It's only a matter of time". I've heard that phrase a million times, but never thought too much about what it really means. Isn't everything only a matter of time when it comes right down to it? ************************************ Stevie Ray Vaughan wrote this song, which has always been a favorite of mine. It has as beautiful of a melody as it does lyrics. If you are not familiar with the song, I HIGHLY encourage you give it a listen (a link is at the bottom of the page). It appeals to everyone who enjoys music- not just a single genre. I like to think that Stevie's dream came true for him after he was killed in a plane crash. I am now dedicating this song to Grandma, who only has A Matter of Time.I hope this dream comes true for her, too. Kristen Tick Tock By Stevie Ray Vaughan One night while sleeping in my bed I had a beautiful dream That all the people of the world got together On the same wavelength And began helping one another Now in this dream universal love was the theme of the day Peace and understanding and it happened this way The sick, the hungry, had smiles on their faces The tired and the homeless had family all around The streets and the cities were all beautiful places And the walls came tumblin' down People of the world all had it together Had it together for the boys and the girls And the children of the world look forward to a future Remember Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock people Time's tickin' away Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock people Time's tickin' away I had a vision of blue skies from sea to shining sea All the trees in the forest stood strong and tall again Everything was clean and pretty and safe for you and me The worst of enemies became the best of friends People of the world all had it together Had it together for the boys and the girls And the children of the world look forward to a future Remember Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock people Time's tickin' away Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock people Time's tickin' away Remember that, remember that Remember that, remember that People of the world all had it together Had it together for the boys and the girls And the children of the world look forward to a future Remember Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock people Time's tickin' away Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock people Time's tickin' away The Song