bstockman

Hi LSL, I'm glad you wrote your feelings here, that is the first step on your healing journey. If you can ask the Dr for some physical therapy. If you have not been active, it would be really helpful to have someone help you with excersises and getting muscles moving, so you don't injure yourslef.

I would also ask the Dr for some blood tests, maybe even Thyroid and for sure a Vitamin D level, it is called OH(25) D . I had to be on a special dose for 12 weeks, then re-checked and then the recommended dose from the Dr. The doctors office said to be sure and purchase the gel caps ( I get them at a vitamin store) they are absorbed better than the tablets. They are not expensive. make sure you check with your Dr for the proper dose.

Some high schools have programs, especially for students in sports or those going on trips. Hire a student. Maybe you could find a student to come help they are not expensive to help with yard work, or one to help one day a week in the house.

You might try contacing the Local Boy Scouts for yard work, they often help people, and work toward earning their badges.

Get all your medical bills together and go to your local Department of Social and health services. There are some programs that will pay medical bills, sometimes just a one time thing, or you may be able to get some on going help.

You are reaching out.. that is the first step for help... now keep the ball rolling.

Life may be different, and we may be a little slower.. but there is plenty to enjoy. I much rather see the daisy's from this side...

Bonnie

Hi Craig, I wasn't told much about mental or emotional problems. My Dr did have me come in often for check ups, etc. I'm not sure the first few weeks, that would have even "sunk" in. I was adjusting to the word "stroke" and it took awhile for to even believe my body was not listening to my brain. My beginning focus was physical recovery. I think sometimes. it is really not known what will be affected, what will come back.. and "how we will react emotionally".. From what I see many times on the board ... many of the Dr's give the worst case scenario.. some kind of.. well we will have to wait and see. Dr's are larning about our brains more.. but each stroke can really affect each person a bit differently.. we are unique.. and how we react and recover can't really be known.

Dr did talk to me and put me on an antii-depressant, it is used in diabetics for neuropathy , I also had nerve pain, and the sleeping 2 hours.. waking up. This medication does help get your body back into sleep rythm. Not everyone can take the same meds, and sometmes it takes 3 weeks for it to reach a therpeutic level. The name of the medication is Cymbalta. you may want to talk to your Dr, or do some reasearch on line. I know there are several natural sleep aids, I would talk to the Dr and pharmacist to make sure if you are on prescriptions, that any over the counter or herb, does not have a reaction with your regular meds.

I hope you feelcmfortable speaking with your Dr.. or find one you are comfortable with. I worked in the medical field .... and had the knowledge of who was a good Dr and that I got on well with, so I have had him for several yrs before the CVA

You have extra stress with parents and dealing with your stroke. Please talk to the Dr and let him/her know your stress and your concerns.

Bonnie

Thanks for the update.. Terriers are hysterical.. and Very smart. I have 3 minature pinschers (which were bred from terrier) and a toy fox terrier. You will be amazed at how many words he will learn.. and even your routine and body language.

If you have mice or moles in the yard.... expect holes.. he will dig to get them.. Terriers were bred to keep mice and vermin ou of the house.

Have fun , Enjoy...

Bonnie

Hi Jeannie, I missed the part about getting a dog.. I guess I was focused on you feeling so down and some of your family's not understanding stroke

My husban and I have 5 acres.. We have 5 dogs.. ( we had 6) 2 were rescues. we have 2 rescue cats, and we have 2 goats.. that needed a new home.

My fur babies gice so much love and joy.. my husband and I refer to them as " the kids" lol Having this many we rarely get away.. Other than shopping, or for 6 or 8 hrs. My husband also owns his own business so that makes geting away together difficut; but I wouldn't have it any other way. The love and joy we get in return gives us happiness, and many laughs.

( if we time things during school vacations.. my daughter and grandson can come and.."funny farm sit")

I know Riley will give you happiness and fill your days.

we look forward to hearing more about him

Bonnie

Hi Jean, after stroke can be a real emotional rollercoaster. There can be.. "emotional liability" Please phone your Dr, you may need an anti-depressant for awhile.

Most of the antidepressants can take a few weeks to really work, or you may have to try more than one, or adjust the dose until you feel better.

It does take time to grieve, you have changed and feel you have "lost" something.. Try to think of this as a warning, You did not have a "big" stroke. You are walking, eating healthy.. doing the right things. The first year is the hardest, it will get better, but there is not "snapping out of it" Even a "mild stroke" there can be some emotional or cognitive deficits. It takes time and adjusting..

Try each day to do someting that makes you smile.. just smelling fresh brewed cofee, or buying a little plant for the house or yard.. Remember,, you have a 2nd chance to enjoy and see these. I try think of the stroke entering my life.. to tell me it was time to slow down, to enjoy the little things.. the sun on my skin, the breeze.. My husband, children, grandchildren, my pets.

I was left side paralyzed for a short time.. I know walk sower and with a limp... my left hand is a bit clumsy , but it works.

This was an "event" that happened to you.. you did not ask for it.. It is like someone having a heartattack or.. anything else.. It jumps up and smacks you in the face.. but you are a Survivor. The fear of another stroke is real.. and it also lessens.. all you can do is live healthy, take your medications. Do the best you can to prevent another one. There are also chances of getting in a car accident, or thousands of things happening.. but we don't dwell on these. Life is worth living.. and enjoying..

(((((hugs)))) Bonnie almost 6 years post stroke Survivor.

Dear Allan,

You are more than Welcome, for any little bit I may have helped in any small way. I am a better person for knowing you. I know and see how many here, including me that you ave given, hope,inspiration, and looking at acceptance.

This is a great support "family" sometimes we are the ones that need a shoulder, a listening ear... a virtual hug, and sometimes we give. That to me is family and love, and support. To reach out and care, to share good times and bad. To cheer for success, and shed tears in sadness.

We all apprecite how much you give of yourself, and I know you have made many people more appreciative of what they have, You are a great friend, and you are appreciated and loved here.

Bonnie

No one ever promised life to be "fair", we each have choices, ... And as Marie Claire says, you don't know from the outside,, what is happening inside, or mentally.

I have known people who also, took god care, physically active, etc.. and have dropped dead.. Some of this is genetic, and now we are learning more and more health wise with food, fats, cholesterol. Others have their lives cut short.. by an accident.

Live life each day the best you can..

Bonnie

Hi gramma, It is much easier to say.. be kinder to yourself, than it is to actually do it. Frustration seems to come hand in hand with stroke. Slowing down and practice seem to help. In the beginning I could not even finish a hand of solataire on the computer, each time i was on the computer it became a bit easier and I could be on longer. I practiced with card games and Mahjjong (matching games)

Our injuries.. for the most part are invisible, thought, reading, focus etc. With reading, I started with mgazines, short stories, I have only completed a few books post stroke, but I am reading a book now. I used to devour books.... With slowing down, and practice things will come back.

I still have days when phone numbers or words escape me. ... I have learned ..look it up, the next day it will probably be back soon. Frustraition sometimes helps us get motivated or challenged. You are not stupid.. you have had a brain injury....

Bonnie

For my husbands side of the Family... we do one of 2 things.. we either draw names.. and have a $$$ limit. or we have a gift exchange. ech family (adults) take 2 gifts (also a $ limit) and we chose numbers.. then next person can "steal" a gift ( a gift can only be stolen 2 times)

I have made baskets.. one was a family theme with movies ..popcorn .. and some of the large sizes of movie tpe candies. One was a basket with wine and glasses and those little trinkets you put on the glasses so you know whose glass is whose.

one basket was cheese, a cheese board, summer sausage..

I also crohet.. you take cute kitchen towels.. cut them in half and crochet across the top so they can hang on the stove or refrigeraor handle. ( I try to keep some of those made up incase I need an "unexpected gift" I also crochet around the plastic round kitchen scrubbers ( free crochet patterns on line) i do some in colors to match the kichen towels.

A few year John and I have gone out for dinner.. and do shopping late evenings.. most stores have late evening hours.. and we found it to be much less crowded at those times. ( A nap during the day.. for a late night of shopping...

Hi Pal, I also had ... wha I explained as my mind did not want to turn off. I felt like I had Attention deficit disorder.. Dr put me on alprazolam.. I also used computer games .. I only take the alprazolm now about an hour before bed so I can fall asleep . I take 1/2 a tablet if i get overwhelmed or too much going on and I get over-anxious. (very seldom now) I am 5 yrs post stroke.

When i began I could barely finish a hand of solitare on the computer. I still have to .. focus on things. and can no longer multitask. If someone is talking.. and it is too long.. I tend to lose track of the conversation or get antsy.

( I was a pharmacy assistant and a medical assistan in a busy OB/GYN office before stroke) concentration and stayng on track or focused is very difficult.

I also have memory issues.. before the alprazolam I only slept about 2 hrs wake up.. maybe another 2 hrs. etc. being tired and not sleeping well makes deficits much more difficult.. Your husband may have a hard time realizing what is going on, or even expressing this to you. I know I did.

Bonnie

Hi Kathy, prestroke I worked.. so I was always on the gooo.>>>>>

I have cooked a few holiday dinners post stroke, but most of the time either step son or sister in law have them. I always take/bake something.

So I guess. do what is important to you. I still want Happy Family memories for grandkids... niece and nephews... I enjoy the times when I go, and I know I will be "pooped" for a few days.

I have a girlfriend we get together.. she has some health issues also.. so our times are quiet lunches... just visiting.

so pick and choose what you want to do ... a movie with friends a lunch. It doesn't have to be a 10 hour shopping marathon. You may be surprise also the more you are around people, they get used to your deficits and will help if you need it, or just like everythig is the same.. you just have to give people a chance to know the new you. The same as we had to learn to know us and adapt to do things.

Friends will offer help, If I need it I say so .. If not, no thanks i can do it.

I think some of the issue is getting comfortable and let our selves be

Then there are days I am tired.. and I want to home... but choose what you want to do

hugs, Bonnie

Hi, You are certainly taking the right steps, counseling would be a GOOD idea. Anti depressants are and can be helpful.. It may take trying a couple or adjusting dose before you get the right one.. The other thing though.. the stroke.. and or the prozac. can be making some of his emotions "flat" except for thr frustration and anger.

Someone mentioned denial.. That is could be a big factor. also just admitting.. coming to grips that your body (mind) could have failed in such a way.

It is like slamming into a wall at 100 miles per hour. One minute you are fine doing everything you worked for and knew how.. and the next... you can't walk, it takes Extreme concentration to focus on what someone is saying.. understand it, figure out how to respond.. an get the thought out... ( this depends on where and what was damaged.. ) but for many stroke survivors... everything , each response is slower and takes focus and concentration.

It took me .... probably 5 or 6 months.. before I realized I was NOT going to recover enough to go back to my job... I worked my _______ so I could get back to work.. Not gonna happen... but I had to come to terms and realize that... and that is a huge bucket of ice water thrown in your face.

He is probably very scared, I know you are also.. There is NOTHING about stroke that happens quickly,... except the stroke itself.

I think Dr's and rehab people are mostly reluctant to tell you... because they Really don't know what exactly has been damaged and what a person will get back...

I would Push for counseling with a neuro psychologist..

Is there someone who can help with the business for a short time.. Sometimes community colleges are a source of someone to help for experience.....

please try to get some time ... to take care of yourself.

I am more emotionl since the stroke. maybe life is to short to hold stuff in now. I find I am more "sensitive" to tones of voice.. I hate being patfronized, and I can have quite a sharp tongue. I try to bite it at times, so I dont have to end up with my foot in my mouth.. my husband probably gets the brunt of it.

He has a "tone" of voice at times.... that if it was legal.. and I could get away with it I would probably punch him... (he is 6' tall actually a very gentle person, and I m a 5 ft tall spitfire.

My opinion.. Family DO not want to see the deficits.. they will see the progress. and they can be in denial BIG time. for awhile .. if I did something or got upset... I did say.. ah... brain damage...

I will get better, your skin and emotions will get better.. and sometimes you will just tell someone.. 'bite me"...oh well life goes on... try to think...

is this really important .. to make a fuss over. will it be a big deal tomorrow? next week, next year? If not. try to let it go.. life is short .. live it love it and have fun

Bonnie

You need to tell Sis, I NEED help and I need it NOW or yyou may be planning 2 funerals..

I realize your mom is elderly, and she is "probably " scared, but you may nee to say bluntly to her.. MOM if you don't SHUT UP and be ice to the people who are taking care of you and DAD you may be seperated into different homes... or find yourslef moved to another home.

Is there Elder Care in your area maybe someone can go talk to her... It might be good to stay away for a couple days, and just chill and take some time for you.

Running around in 114* heat is not good for anyone.

Hi Priscilla, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I was a widow at age 30..... my husband had been ill for sometime and on dialysis. (whick I ran at home 3 times a week)

he developed complictions. I remember going thru many stages. We had a 12 year old. I felt angry. angry that he didnt fight harder. that I was alone raising a teen, I felt abandoned.. I think I felt relief that he didn't have to suffer, so manyemotions.. I was lost, my routine was gone.

I think we kind of go thru a "numb" period.. and take in as much as we can.. we have all the arrangements, phone calls, people etc. Grief, loss is overwhelming and sometimes we can't take it all at once.

As others have said it might be good to find some "Grief support" group or some others to talk to. It takes time, you had a routine of care and now everything is changed, it takes time to adjust

As others have sid you are being strong, taking care of things.. some little thing, a smell of his cologne, a song.. something will trigger ..... when you least expect it.

Take care of yourself...

sneding warm hugs, Bonnie

Hi, I think different areas must work differently. I had PT .. he worked with both my walking and my arm. My arm had a mind of its own also.. I would reach for something, usually missed, if I did get it, I would either have a death grip on it, or not tight enough and drop it.

PT had me reach into a large jar of jelly beans and sort them by color into about 6 or 8 cups. I also had a nerf ball to catch and throw back to him. at home I used buttons and small objects to practice picking up and sorting.

Hi Rick. Yes ..... April 28,2004 wa the first yr anniversay date. Apprehension, a bit scared.. and "what the he____ next?

Well I woke up that morning.. kind of looking and checking parts.. ( I had woken up on thta day a yr before in the process of stroke). I got dressed and I think I went to my husbands shop... #1. I wasn't sure I wanted to be alone that day. #2. I would be close to Dr and hospital if needed.

I don't think I mentioned the date to my husband until afternoon... he gave me a hug and said wow.

The first year is definately the worst... as other's have said .... you learn to Compare yourself to a few days or weeks post stroke..Then you can see how far you have come. There is NEVER any time to think "this is as good as it get's" You keep challenging yourself.. I finally started walking better in the 2nd and 3 rd years...

You will have some bad days.... But the BETTER days out-weigh the bad ones. You learn how to adapt and hand le yourself better.. you like yourself.

You will always have times that you miss pre stroke days.. You are not and idiot.. but relalistically ... you know where you are... and you know it will get better..

I wasn't sure I wanted any... congrats.. or celebration,, it was more of a Wheewh I am still here.

Best Wishes and a BIG HUGE HUG

Hi Kathy, No you are certainly not alone in this. This is some *** roller coaster ride. Some days are up and we feel good.... but we try to do the things or accomplish what we "could" and burn out, fatigue and pain knock us on our kester. The stamina, fatigue and pain are real issues.

I try to tell myself slow and easy.. but it takes 3 times as long to do anything and then we get frustrated.

You have had some busy ..physically aand mentally times, getting the house ready and even thinking of moving.. a big change in your lives.

I don't know what ... to make you feel better, like Donna .. If I had a magic wand I would be waving it like crazy.. for all of us.

I am 4 1/2 yrs.. and the "brain pain" is finally getting less. That overwhelmed feeling though still hits me... and I try to focus on getting one or two things done.. I am not the "whirlwind" I used to be, and I try to remember that.

Sending BIG (((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) your way.

Hi DJ and welcome. You sound like your therapy is going well. You could talk to your therapist, there are some programs to help you get back to work, and set up aids, or help with special need/things you would need to work.

As Phyl said maybe you could do the research part in a law firm, or legal aid. For now, volunteering at a hospital to talk to stroke survivors.

I had a clot on the right side, had left side hemiparesis for awhile. I regained about 90% use of my left arm/hand. I walk un-aided, with a limp.

I was unable to return to work. I worked in the medical field.. and have cognitive deficts and "left side weakness"

I volunteer here, and try to get informaton out about stroke, and this site.

You are 5 months out... I started driving about 6 months, your priority now is YOU.. and your PT, OT etc.

When you are used to Multi-tasking and going at 90 Mph, it is difficult to come to a screeching halt that stroke brings. Things get better, but at it's own pace, your brain is re-learning, and you body and brain healing.

I recommend reading in the Classic Posting Forum on the main message board "A Letter From Your Brain"

Come back often, get to know us, make friends. We have chat here. it is private.. for members only. The chat times are posted daily at the top of the message board.. and the calendar is in the menu .. Members Links. The chat tutorial is at the top of the Newbie section. We have several male hosts, and men that come to the chats as well.

Welcome to the family.

Hi Cindy, I am glad to hear you have an appointment soon. All i can "guess" is the "motivation" .. self starting part of his brain has been damaged.

You are sooo right.. sitting in his recliner all day is NOT going to help. and repetition is the key and the ONLY way I know of to make any progress.

I was so Scared when I couldn't walk, but I had this Determination that I would walk again.

I hope the new Dr can help.. and somehow convince him .. he needs to be Pro active in his recovery...

(hugs)))))))))) to you. my husband also pushes ...sometimes. most of the time it is when i need it. Or he reminds me of things needing done.

i try to have a little routine each day, I take a Lot of breaks as I get tired very easy. but I do feel happy when I finish a task ..

I was on Zoloft and it seemed to quit working or? I was changed to Cymbalta, and have been on it about a yr.. doing much better since we changed.

WOW 10 miles good for you.. :Clap-Hands: :thumbup: :bicycle: just don't get over tired and BE SAFE

Charles, maybe you can talk to a physical therapist and see if they recommend a specific pedal or some device for you. Also when rididng maybe an ankle brace, even the slip on or wrap around type to give that ankle more support.

Is the pedal at the correct distance for you? Maybe it needs some adjustments. again if you could talk to a PT and maybe take your trike with you they could give some good directions and ideas.

Hi McSaul another warm WELCOME. You are not alone. Most of have felt some guilt.. The stroke was not something you had any control over. It is a brain attack.. like a heart attack or some other illness.

We were not so brave in the beginning.. Stroke affects everyone in the family. It takes a lot of hard work, patience to make an inch of recovery

You may want to speak with your Dr. your antidepressant may need to be adjusted or.. changed.

If your husband was ever in the military you may want to check.. you may be able to get some help for home care or someone to come in and clean or do laundry a day or 2 a week.

Maybe some friends can take turns making a couple meals a week. If you belong to a church or group they may have people taht would volunteer to cook or help with housework or taking yuo to Dr appointments. Check into ssome resources.

Ho Beautiful written. You should definately publish this in the stroke connection and stroke smart magazine. Also send it to Lin her at stroke net for the newsletter.

You have hit feelings so truly. and beautifully. I printed out a couple copies for others. This so amazing.