helpless

Update after Christmas. Hooray! I got my youngest son and new daughter-in-law to go visit Dad with us. We've put off our Christmas until Friday night. He was very glad to see us, although he cried a lot. Mostly due to frustration that he couldn't tell us what he wanted us to know. He made us take down his tree that my sister put up at Thanksgiving, and clear his corkboard of all birthday and Christmas cards and put them in a box. I think too much chaos and change of routine for him. He felt better after the board was clear of almost everything. We had a problem though - a gift was a white open weave blanket, and he got very VERY VERY upset that it was in his room. After about 30 minutes of trying this and that, we finally figured out that he wanted it out of his room. The nurses seemed to think that it looked like the other blankets there and he's very particular about what leaves his room (like laundry). So they thought he was worried it would get lost. Anyway, after that VERY LONG TIME, and we figured it out - Dad and I both sighed real big and went "Whew!" We tried to get him to understand that we'll get it eventually, not to lose patience with us as we try to figure out what he wants. One funny thing - we were visiting in the lobby and my daughter-in-law started to rub his shoulders. After a minute, he leaned forward very slowly, and she started rubbing lower down his back. We looked up at Dad and he had this grin on his face I haven't seen in a long time. It was like "I got her where I want her!" Everyone cracked up. Anyway, I was both discouraged that he seems to be getting weaker (won't exercise) and encouraged (that even though he cries a lot, you can tease him out of it easily.) Thanks everyone. I'll keep checking back as I find out more about getting Dad evaluated.

Thank you. My whole family cant make it down there for Christmas, but hubb and I are going. I'll just play it by ear until after Christmas. I thought I would get him one of those roboraptors. The description says he has a stalking mode and an attack mode. Maybe dad would get a kick out of sicing that on the nurses.

Sorry folks. I didn't expect to be lambasted on this site. Since I seemed to come across unfeeling in the interest of being to the point, let me clarify a few things. First - Dad and Mom MOVED AWAY FROM US - not the other way around. They retired in their hometown near their brothers and sisters. It's been a Godsend for the past 20 years, more so since my mom died 15 years ago. Ever since then I have tried to get dad to move closer to my sister and I. He wouldn't talk about it at all, would just change the subject. The only concession I got out of him was a durable power of attorney. Thank the Lord for that. Second - I would do ANYTHING to make my dad happy - hence the private room in his hometown so his family can visit daily if they wish. Third - I haven't given up on him at all. We paid privately for and are still paying for, speech therapy. Even after everyone gave up that he would ever be able to swallow. After all this time he is finally able to swallow mashed potatoes, and thickened ice cream, a bite or two a few times a week. With a great deal of caution since he could aspirate. He has limited mobility in his right arm. He can walk with assistance. He unhooks himself from his feeding tube to go to the bathroom by himself (which he is not supposed to do). Facial features are fine. He can clear his throat and say yes, no, let see and thats about it. The rest is mumbling. He gets agitated easily and angry and shakes his fist at people. Then he cries. Last week he refused to be bathed until the nurse said she wouldn't take no for an answer again. I appreciate your answer on the evaluation. I will contact the rehab hospital he was in and see if they can recommend someone. In my way of thinking, I need to know some answers before I can know whether to move him in his home again.

P.S. Sorry I didn't answer all questions. Dad turns 86 on Friday. He is on anti-depressants, however the doc says its a low dose. Trying to get this doc todo anything is very difficult. I'veconsidered changing docs. Good or bad idea?

Thanks for everyone's quick response. Dad has brothers, sisters, in-laws, etc. where he is. His brother checks on him every day. Without him there. there would be no question as to where Dad would be. There's a nursing home where I live, and he's on the list, but it's small (only 60 rooms), and we're waiting for a private room. Dad can't tolerate being around the other residents. That's why I'm considering the option of his own home. I've heard the nightmare stories also, but I just don't know what to do. I read somewhere about special phycologists (sp) that work with stroke patients to determine their emotional state. Does anyone know anything about this? His doctor is no good, so I'm pretty much on my own as far as getting information. Beyond changing medication - I wonder if Dad's brain has healed enough after 6 months that he's finally realizing the state he's in and that there won't be anymore progress for him. Any thoughts? I guess Ijust need some feedback to help me know which direction to go. Thanks for your prayers.

Hi - glad I found this site. Dad had a major stroke in May. Has been through rehap, pt and ot and speech. He's left with some mobility in his right arm, and can walk with assistance. He is unable to speak except to say yes, no, etc. He is unable to swallow except soft foods fed by his speech therapist. He is on a monitored feeding tube, due to the fact that he was getting dehydrated and sick to his stomach on regular feedings. He is currently in a nursing home. We are not sure he can read, although he can play solitaire and seems to recognize some numbers. My real delimma is this - He's in oklahoma, i'm in kansas and my sister is in texas. We get to see him every 3 weeks or so, but when we do see him, all he does is cry. My sister went there at Thanksgiving and he sobbed and cried so much it was a very difficult visit. Someone help - would it be worth it to try to get round the clock care for him and get him back in his own home? helpless