daughter_of_light

Dear Diary, things are looking up as far as the fall-out of family goes. not all- but little by little we seem to be able to pick ourselves up after loosing such a huge part of our lives. I miss dad so much. even still. but i am able to think of him now and not fall apart. i told a joke yesterday that was so corny he would have LOVED it. :roflmao: i haven't been to his burial though since his furneral... a part of me wants to... a part of me doesn't. right now, the part of me that doesn't seems to be winning. i don't know if that is good or bad. i had a dream two nights ago. dad was in it and he was walking around and showing me different things. maybe that is the way it will be when we meet up again. i'll be glad to see him up and walking and running things. :happydance: oh well, night.

hi amy... kids are FUNNY! no way around it. thanks for sharing. :big_grin:

well... today really SUCKED! little Runt didn't make it. yet another death in our family. i tried my best to keep something alive that was no bigger than a quarter... and i failed. my children will be so upset when they wake in the morning. my oldest actually came in and saw; she has already cried and insisted that Runt be buried with dignity and a memorial tomorrow. agh... my third funeral in a matter of days. i may head for a melt down soon. :yikes: on a lighter note.... wait a minute- there is none... oh, wait- let's see- oh, i know- i still, remarkably look just as good as when this all started! :giggle:

i am TRULY excited and happy for you! its wonderful to get positive things when going to the PT / OT. you are not a survivor... you are a warrior! i agree- look out world!

Dear Diary, i know i've been here already today. but it's raining, it's cold (37 degrees), dark and dreary. my physical pain is at a peak today and i miss Dad. he's only been gone 2 weeks, but it already seems like it's been forever since i saw him. PLUS the little girl at our church died this week of cancer. and going to support her family at the funeral home, just seemed to stir it up all over again. i feel bad for her family. i understand completely. my kids have pet mice & a new litter arrived the same time Dad passed. there is a runt.. we actually named him runt that has been rejected by its momma. i explained to the kids that it is very sad, but it's natures way and it won't survive without her. they cried and begged. .... as i stayed up with my new little roommate last night, runt, i wondered what has become of my life. here i am, struggling with a loss- yet i am feeding something that is literally the size of a quarter EVERY hour... baby formula. he's is staying in a box with a heating pad. got on the mouse forum (it really exists) and was told that although tried- it is not successful when attempting to foster an orphaned mouse. we'll see. maybe this has happened to help me get my mind focused on something positive? hmmm... any way... it's time to feed runt. see you tomorrow.

Dear Diary, my family seems to have completely fallen apart and separated since Dad died. no one talks to anyone. no one calls. no one emails friendly things or conversation. no one is attached any longer. i don't know if it's because we are all still dealing with the loss of such a sweetie, the void in the day/routine, the disagreements in the planning of funeral/burial or even the financial issues that arise as a result of death. i was friendless before... now i'm famlie-less. i know that's not a word. any way. i hope we pass this point soon. i miss Dad AND i'm lonely.

:giggle: dear diary, this being a public space and not a private thought; i will only write here what i think is helpful, thoughtful, share-able, wise..... um.... too funny not to, irrepressible and what ever else i decide to add.

Dear Diary, it has been two weeks since my Dad passed on. i continue to miss him. i continue to feel guilty when i forget that he is gone. i am guilty of being glad he is no longer suffering or bound to his bed. i wish the moments i had stayed home because of my health- i had not given in and went to him any way. i wish there had been more photo's. i wish i had owned a video recorder and been able to capture his spirit on film. i guess i have a lot of regrets. i hope my regrets become advise for others. that they not let opportunities go by. that they grab the camera and get a camcorder. oh, well... this is the point where dad would say, it doesn't matter. so :blush: i'l close.