azrabbit

:Clap-Hands: We are cheering you on here in AZ Rich. We are discussing the treatment with my husband's acupuncturist and revisiting our finances for a future trip to China. PLEASE, PLEASE keep us posted on your treatments, travels and adventures. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers and send you as much positive energy as we can muster. :Good-Luck:

I think the cost is really reasonable. Compare it to a three month inpatient stay at a rehab hospital in the US! Also, accupuncture alone with a skilled stroke accupuncturist costs $375 per treatment in Phoenix. I am excited for you Rich and looking forward to the blogs. PLUS - we will keep you in our thoughts and send you all the positive energy we can muster. Is it like the Kiev facility where you can have a family member or accompanying person stay with you? My husband is going for accupunture here and the person treating him just returned from spending two weeks in a stroke center in China. He said for the treatments to be effective, you need to come in daily like in China, not the once a week treatments we have here.

Don't give up! My husband's progress was not constant. He would show great improvement, then level off, then improve, then level off. His doctor told us it was often like that for stroke survivors. He said to think of the plateaus as the body gearing up for the next big jump in recovery.

Bonnie - You are amazing! That is a lot of work for even a non-stroke survivor. I had to chuckle at the panties part. Today Denny was walking around and I saw something sticking out of the leg of his jeans. I walked over and grabbed it and it was his underwear. Some how in the dressing process, they got inside his jeans but not on his body! We both had a good giggle over that one. Sleep well and pat yourself on the back for all that you have accomplished!

Sounds like you had a great day Annie. I understand that "caregiver look." I see photos of myself and I look 10 years older than I did last year at this time. AND, because our lives changed so dramatically after the stroke - we used to hike, bike, backpack, sail... - I have gained so much weight! I can't fit into any of my clothes and I refuse to buy the next bigger size. I hope the rest of the weekend is wonderful for you.

Thanks for this discussion Jean. I have been accused by a survivor on this very forum of clearly resenting caring for my husband and father. It was such a stab to my heart. If we caregivers can't feel comfortable voicing our frustrations without fear of being judged, we will not be visiting or blogging on the site. We all have bad days when the burdens get to be too much and need to vent to those we think will understand. Maybe we need a site that is for caregivers only and off limits to survivors so we can express our feelings without fear of being judged as unloving or resentful.

Way to go Rich. Glad to hear you are working hard and it sounds like your new PT is motivating you! Denny has a chemical stress test on Thursday. I'll let you know how that goes for him.

Sue - thanks for taking me back to the ocean and sand...one of my very favorite places.

Yumm, fresh basked apple pie. I made an apple tart two days ago and my counter surging male Weimaraner sneaked it off the back of the stove where it was cooling and enjoyed it along with our female. I hope they were happy because I was not!

Thanks for the head's up - I'll go watch too.

Do you like to listen to music? Maybe you can find some CD's of soothing music or sounds. It always helps me calm down or at lease distracts me from what I was getting anxious about.

Slowe, The next time you go to the VA, request a walk in appointment with the Social Worker in your clinic. As a caregiver for my Dad, I spend a lot of time at the VA center. While he has had pretty good care there, you do have to "go according to procedure." Having never been in the military, this was quite a learning experience for me. First you sign in, then one person takes your information and asks you if you are in pain, then you wait, then you see a PA or a dr. who spends his/her time reading your computerized chart witout making eye contact. Then they tell you what they are going to do. If the meds are changed, you go back out and wait until the pharmacist can talk to you to tell you what the medication is, then you go wait at the pharmacy until you name comes up on the board. If you are waiting over an hour (which we frequently do) you tell them and your name seems to appear shortly thereafter. BUT, if you are successful in seeing the social worker, they can complete forms for you to be listed as the Next of Kin and you will be able to ask questions, get answers - sometimes, and manage billing. They also redid my Dad's POA and Advanced Directives while we were there. Worth the wait considering what that would have cost us elsewhere. Hang in there! I have found that you just have to keep bugging them.

Dennie - thanks for understanding! It is good to be able to say, "Today just stinks!" I hope you have lots of better tomorrows!

Bonnie got me started on this by encouraging me to hid my guilt monster along with the dust bunnies. I did a needle work piece of the original poem when my daughter was little. After Bonnie's post, I decided to resurrect it and revise it for this new time of my life. Blessings I Reap Caregiver, oh Caregiver, come shake out your cloth Empty the dustpan, poison the moth, Hang out the washing and butter the bread, Sew on a button and make up a bed. Where is the Caregiver whose house is so shocking? She's loving and caring and encouraging walking. Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue

Lord knows I have PLENTY of those to go around. I used to have a poem I stiched when my daughter was a baby about cleaning house not being important because I was rocking my baby and babies don't keep, now I feel like rewriting it to include I am caring for someone I love and the dust can just wait! Thanks Bonnie!

Thanks so much Robyn and Sue for understanding. Your replies are just what I was talking about...the chance to air my feelings without being judged! Sue - I love the Lion analogy!

June, I NEVER said I resented it. I said I was tired - there is a BIG difference. I am hurt by your comment and feel as if you are judging me. And I have heard many times, as I am sure you have as a survivor, the comment about God not giving us more than we can handle, but you know what, some days it FEELS like more than I can handle. I would not give up being Denny's partner for anything. He had his stroke on 12/31/05 and this is the first time I have left him. If I resented caring for him or my Dad, I would have been long gone a long time ago.

I was just reading Sue's blog about marking time and noticed her's began with a reference to Heather's comments. I love how interdependent we are with each other on the site to help us "talk" out what we are feeling. I understand how you feel Sue, and most times I can be happy marking time. But some days or moments I find myself longing for things to be different. It is usually after we have attempted to do something in the "new normal" way that we used to do with ease. Or after visiting with friends and then experiencing the let down of knowing it will be days before I have intelligent two way conversation again. I was listening to NPR on Saturday evening, the Prairie Home Companion show, and had to turn it off. They were singing a song about a woman who was 91 and she had apparently been the care giver those entire years. I almost crashed my car thinking - OH MY GOD, is this what the rest of my life will be like? Single motherhood, care giver for Dad and now Denny? :Sob: I started this blog with every intention of looking forward, so I won't let this blog be about what I miss. After all there are length limits! :Ask: But how did I get from looking forward with a positive outlook to looking forward with longing for change? Do you think that some people are just destined in life to be the ones looking out for others? Do they ever get their chance at being cared for? How do I turn around the lonliness and find that satisfaction again in my life's circumstances. I remember my Mother always telling us to be content with what we have. When we would wish for something, she would tell us "People in Hell want ice water too!" I am going away on business this week. For the first time since Denny's stroke, I will be leaving him for an extended period of time in the care of another. I am ashamed to say I don't think I am going to miss being here. I will miss him and knowing that I can walk into his office and see that he is ok and doesn't need anything. But, I am so looking forward to sleeping alone, getting dressed alone with no one watching or asking me what I am doing. Walking at my own pace through the airport, eating when I feel like it, or not. I just hope I can go without the guilt monster rearing up to bite me in the butt!