4mom

I could not imagine loosing my child. You think as a parent you are suppost to go before your child. Sadly it doesn't always work that way. I have to say that you are a strong strong man to still be functioning. You have definitely had more than your share. They say that God never gives you more than you can handle, but I have to ask how much can one person bear?

I am a caretaker to my mom who stroked at 55. She lost it all. She has slowly regained very little but is still making progress. My mother was locked in and only able to move her eyes. I get what you say about your wife being in there somewhere. I still have my mom to, but it is nowhere close to being the same. I am trying to accept that it never will be the same again but it has been a slow process. I want her back still. She is quadreplegic now and literally unable to do anything for herself. I am more than happy to be taking care of her because she is still here. That is what keeps me going. Recently one of my dads good friends was planting trees in our lots next to our house. He was here Wed, thurs and fri of last week and on sunday his aunt called to say that he had a brain aneurisom. Completely fine one day and 2 days later slumped over the wheel of his truck unconscious. Yesterday the Dr. said he is brain dead. Today his family took him off life support. When they took him off he started breathing on his own. I am not sure what that means, and we haven't heard a update in several hours. The point is I feel really lucky when I hear stories like that. My moms stroke was devastating and I can't think of many things worse but this was one of them. She is still here the same or not. I can tell her I love her and she can say it back. It is one of the few times I can say I feel lucky about her stroke.

Keep up your hard work. I admire you for your courage. Your wife is lucky to have such a strong man to support her through all this grief. I don't know how you and her manage.

Here's to better days

Ruth

Your father also may just be coming to undertand what happened to him. I think that it takes a while for it to set in. My mother was locked in (only able to move her eyes up and down, couldn't even breathe on her own) for about a week. She is 1.5 years post stroke and doesn't remember the first 2 weeks after her stroke. The doctor started my mom on zoloft for deppression right away as she has always had problems with depression and anxiety.

He may need reassurance that he has a chance of getting better. He may think this is it. 3 weeks must feel like forever to the patient but in stroke rehabilitaion it is like a second. This past year and a half has been the longest for me and my mom, but tell him he can't give up. Every gain is worth the work. My mom has went through spurts where she doesn't want to work anymore, and I think that everyone prob. does. Her stroke was in her brain stem and she literally lost it all. Today to a outsider they prob. don't think she has come very far, but if you think about someone that could only move her eyes to now it is a long long way.

I also told her that if she gives up then I am which means I will put her in a nursing home cause I am not busting my but for her if she isn't doing the same for me. I never would and she knows that but I don't want her to give up. There is so much hope still.

Don't be suprised to see your father have major mood swings such as uncontolable laughter or crying. It is a common side effect of strokes. I remember when it started with my mom it was so hard. One day we went to a educational movie about strokes where the whole rehab group was there and just out of the blue she started wailing, I say wailing cause it was so loud. Everyone turned and started staring at us. It was the only time I ever felt embarassed by her. I was so ashamed of myself for feeling that way, it was just my gut reaction. I knew it wasn't her fault and she would never want to call attention to her self like that. That day it took over a hour to calm her down. Therapists ended up coming in. To this day she has lost the inappropriate laughter, but still has issues with crying. We all thought in the begininning after her stroke she is laughing and smiling more than we have ever seen her before, then someone explained it to us. I thought in the begining I was so happy she could cry when they capped her trech. I thought finally a way for her to express herself. It prob. felt good to just make noise. Now when she starts I want to run for the hills. It can go on and on and on. I have learned to ingnore it or at least most days I try to. If I play into it, it goes on and on. So distracting her or by changing her settings sometimes it works.

Also like they said changes in medication can affect them. One day we came up to see my mom the only time I left her alone and they had put her on baclofen for spasticity. I called the doctor in cause she had changed so much. She was almost lathargic. Once she adjusted to the medication she came back to herself, but I didn't like it. My mom also gets so weak when she has a infection. It zaps her and she always has a set back. Just recently she was hospitalized her central line had gotten infected and she ended up spending 4 days in ICU then 6 more on the reg. floor. This was in Jan. Just nw she is getting her strength back. She really lost alot. Now we have to work hard just to get her back up to where she was.

It will be a long battle and it won't always be uphill, but look at the alternative. I would rather fight the battle.

How old is your father? Does he have any movement yet? The first thing my mom regained was her middle finger on her right hand. Yep so she flipped everyone off all the time. The rehab doctor said he would know she was recovered when she could flip him off with both hands.

Good luck and lots of prayers

Ruth

I get the tired and ready to collapse comment. I have been taking care of my mom for 1.5 years who is now quadraplegic and I have a 3 year old and twin 5 year olds. Being a caretaker is a never ending job. Some days I literally feel like I have to kick myself out of bed. On thurs. I told my mom I was taking a personal day. I only did what I had to and I sat on the couch (felt terribly guilty) andn watched tv. I am always tired. I have help only on the weekends, but I usually don't sleep on Fri cause my system is all out of wack from getting up every 2 hours to turn her during the week that I just can't get in the rythym or I worry if they are waking up with her. Does your wife nap? My mom doesn't but I am told that is a great time to get rest if they do.

As fas as the stomach goes, if she is not regular that can make her belly bloated. My mom went for 3 weeks w/o haveing a bowel movement after the stroke and the doctors and nurses also were not concerned. When they moved her to the rehab hospital she was impacted and the nurse literally had to help pull it out. She was in so much pain. Sorry if that grosses anyone out. They put my mom on senocot (over the counter stool softner), ducolax suppositories (over the counter) and a liquid called colace (prescription) to help her with her bowel movements. I still have to give her the suppository every other day to make her go she doesn't on her own. That really helped and it helped her feel better. Is she in pain? Can she use a bed pan or does she wear diapers. My mom is in diapers. It was hard cleaning her the first time but I made myself jump right in and we try to make a joke about it. Thank god she has a good sense of humor about it. I am sure it is humiliating. She has handled it better than I ever thought she could.

Hang in there and take any opportunity to rest that you can.