Betty Jean

Hi Vicky and congratulations on the pregnancy! As much as I hate to say this, I was sick 24/7 from the day I conceived until the day I delivered. The sight and smell of raw meat made me sick, the smell of fresh fruit and other produce made me sick. Eating anything at all was pretty much out of the question because that too made me sick. I only gained 12 pounds while I was pregnant and after a while I was so anemic that my iron level wouldn't even register on their machines. There was nothing they could do to help me except have Jim try to talk me into eating and hope that I could keep it down for the sake of the baby. That being said, when they put that beautiful tiny baby boy ( who was born a bit early but was sooo healthy) in my arms, I forgot all the misery and would gladly have done the whole thing over again if I could have. Your precious little miracle is going to make all this seem like nothing. And, just so you know, the doctors said a woman like me comes along once every 10 years so I'm pretty sure your sickness is just a passing phase. You are going to be a wonderful mother and if you need a baby sitter just give me a call! Betty Jean

Hi Everybody!!! It's been a while since I've written but my computer was down and I couldn't afford to get it fixed. Anyway, I;m back and have been checking things out to see how everyone is doing. September 4 was my husbands first anniversary of his stroke. It was sort of weird for me because I sort of kept waiting for the other shoe to fall and Thank God it didn't! Jim wasn't even aware that it was his anniversary but my son and I both knew and both had the same worries about it. I know it was pretty silly of us because Jim is doing just fine but we couldn;t seem to get around that feeling. Jim is now at the point where he can walk a bit using a walker if he has a little help. He still has trouble holding on with his left hand but it is such great progress as far as I'm concerned! We have been working out in the pool exerxising his legs and working on Jim's hand and arm to try to get him to be able to grip things. Slow but sure we are making progress.Jim doesn't think so because his hand and arm are not doing what he wants on demand but They are beginning to do the right things and I'm very excited even if Jim isn't. :Clap-Hands: Our son had to have hernia surgey the other day and it's truly making him miserable. I know with time he will appreciate having the surgery but, right how, he is NOT a happy camper. I have a couple of job interviews coming up next week :laughbounce: so wish me good luck! The government doesn't seem to want to help us out and It's hard to buy groceries and Jim's meds on just the little bit that we have been getting. I don't want to go back to work but if I want to feed him and pay for doctors and so on and so on then the choice is not mine to make. Well, it's geat to see everybody and be back with you all. I've needed to be here so many times for one reason or the other and and I'm so glad to be here! Good bight all, Sleep well and I will be ack soon! Love to All, Betty Jean

Well, it's been a very long time since I wrote a blog. There have been a lot of things happening around here (some good, some not so good) and I've been just too tired from riding this rollercoaster to do more than just pop in and read sometimes. Today is Jim's birthday so I am baking him a birthday cake while I write this. The whole family went to the Outback for dinner last night and that was a real big thing. Jim doesn't like to go anywhere to eat because he is embarrassed that I need to cut his meat up or prepare his meal in some way for him. At any rate, we got him out for dinner and had a very nice time. It was good for me as well just for the change of scenery. Anyway, part of the family is coming over here today to have cake and ice cream and help celebrate Jim's birthday. I'm glad because it stimulates him and he joins in life for a while. Since we put up the swimming pool, Jim has been getting in it nearly every day. It's a joy to see him walking around the pool or kicking his legs to go back and forth across the pool. What good rehab for him! He was very frightened at first even though I was right beside him all the time. Jim's confidence is growing and he is getting a bit more daring when he is in the pool now. The worst thing about that is that he wants to be able to get in and out by himself and I can't let him do that. There is a ladder Jim has to go up and down in order to get in or out of the pool. He is just too shaky and could fall and hurt himself quite badly if I'm not there to help him. Jim also can't be left in the pool alone because if he slipped and fell he could easily drown and I can't take that chance. I know he doesn't like to be babysat but for now I can do nothing else. In time he will be able to be left alone more but not right now. Our son got married a week ago. I've been reflecting on that late at night after I've read something here and I'm watching him sleep. Every mother wants her child to be happy in his or her life. What I really wish for my son is the kind of love that I see here with most of the married couples. It is gentle, joyful and unconditional! I pray that Dane's new wife is his "other half". That she completes him and that their two lives will be spent bringing happiness to each other. I have become part of the lives of the people that I know here and have seen love flowing back and forth between couples like the waves in the ocean, gentle, constant and never-ending. There are celebrations of progress no matter how big or small, worries when there is a setback, laughter at some of the things the survivor or the caregiver does and tears when someone loses a family member. Underneath it all, is love and it is this kind of love that I want for my son in his marriage. Well, I've gotten a bit off track there and the cake is done so I think I'll go try to rest for a bit. Have a wonderful day and God Bless All of You, Betty Jean

That was my plan for putting the pool up in the first place. I was thrilled that he came out and helped me with it but now he is just waiting for the water to warm up a bit more and then he wants to get inin the worst way! I'm not quite sure how I can safely manage that as the only way Jim can get in is by climbing a ladder. Maybe if our son is there to help him along with me we will manage. Jim's right side is strong and his left leg is strong he just can't control it very well yet so things may work out better than I think. He has also been working with his left hand and arm some. The hand is no longer curled up in a claw which is a big relief. I think maybe some therapy in the pool for his hand and arm can be worked out as well. If you have any ideas along that line I would appreciate them. I should have posted more about Jim's progress before. Maybe I will post the question about water therapy for the hand and arm on the other forum and see what everyone else says. Thanks for your comments, they sort of woke my brain up. Betty Jean

Well, I haven't blogged for a while so I thought I'd just drop in and say "Hi". I got laid off from my job for a bit due to health reasons so have been spending some quality time with Jim. Since I've been home we have been involved is taking care of some projects that needed doing around here and I have gotten Jim involved in all of it. He really seems to be enjoying getting involved in life again (around here at least). It angers him that he is stuck in that wheelchair which makes it hard to get around outside. We have a great big above ground pool that I had Jim help me set up and now he wants to get in it. I think it is motivating him to walk more and try to use his weak hand and arm. YIPPEE!!! When I see him fall asleep it is because he is tired and not because he is bored. Sometimes, as a caregiver, I run out of ideas to help motivate Jim and it gets very frustrating for me. I think I might be on to something here, though. By the way, the tumor that I have on my scalp is benign, I went to a dermopathologist and that's the first thing he said, then he gave it some treatment and said it was supposed to shrink and fall off. It's still there. While I was there, though, he removed a "sore" that wouldn't heal from my forehead and that did turn out to be cancer. The doc got it all, though, so that's okay by me. I did want to use this as a reminder that everyone should be using sunscreen if you are going outside for any length of time at all. I just can't stress the importance of that too much. Especially with some of the meds you are on, you must be very careful about the sunshine. Well, that's all for now, Betty Jean

Ross, I just read about Diane's passing and, like the others, I want to offer my deepest sympathies to you and your family. I know that at this time there is little anyone can day to make it easier for you. Just know that she was loved here and will be remembered. God Bless you and the family! You are in my prayers, Betty Jean

Well, it's been a while since I wrote anything in my blog but there has been so much going on around here that it's no surprise to me. However now, I just needed to write in because I thought it might help me get my head on straight. See, I went to the doctor because I had this bump gtowing on my head. I figured it was a cyst or something like that ans he would send me to someone to have it taken off. However, the doc looked at it and said it was a tumor. GOD I hate that word. Then he said he thought it might be benign but he didn't know for sure because he isn't a dermatologist so it could possibly be malignant. The doc wanted to try a treatment on it first. till we know for sure After all that, please understand that I have decided I'm not going anywhere! Malignant or not, I want the tumor off of my head and that is that! Jim has need of me so I can't be crossing over just yet. I had this thought, though. IF I COULD HAVE ONE PERFECT DAY BEFORE I GO WHAT WOULD IT BE LIKE? Would Jim be healed? Would I want my whole family around me? Maybe I would rather spend it alone with God. Maybe I would want to spend it pretending I wasn't sick at all and just go out and do a little partying, Maybe I would want to spend it ministering to others. It's an interesting thought and one that I have been playing with since the word tumor came into my life. If you could have ONE PERFECT DAY, what would yours be like? Love to All, Betty Jean

Today, April 25, is my Dad's birthday! Ordinarily a family birthday is a family birthday, right? What makes this one so special is that Dad is 102 years old today. Yup, that's right, 102. He was twenty years older than my Mother. Anyway, I spent yesterday thinking about all the things he must have done and seen in his liferime and oll the things we have done, seen and learned from him in our time together. You see, he is my stepfather technically but has been part of my life since I was a kid and he is my Dad and a blessing to the family and everyone who ever knew him. Anyway, I got to reflecting on how different things were way back when for him and how much more difficult everyday life was. To go from a horse and buggy to cars, making candles and using kerosene lamps for light to electricity, to go through all the wars, see the radio, telephone and television invented. he saw a nab walk on the moon and the Gerlin wall go up and come down. The list is endless.He bought his home for $350.00 and made payments of $25.00 a month. Dad still lives there and when he passes the house will go to one of my sisters so that it will stay in the family. Then I got to reflecting on our lives now, what we have seen and done and can pass on to our children and grandchildren. There again, the list is endless. If I had the time and told you about my life, you wouldn't believe it. I do not want to live to be 102, but whatever life I have left, I want to live with the grace a nd dignity that Dad has lived his entire life.I never saw him lose his temper even once in all these years. All I ever saw was Dad genuinely caring and loving every single person he ever met. He is one of God's teachers and we are so blessed to have him in our family! Happy Birthday Dad, I love you!!!! Betty Jean

Mary Jo, It's so good to hear from you ! I was getting concerned since you hadn't written for such a long time.Congratulations on staying sober for another day even though the stress was really getting to you. I'm very proud of you for that. You shouldn't let his family get to you that way, though. They have done nothing and you have done everything for Bill and if necessary you can point that out to them. Did you ever get in touch with Bill's shrink? I hope so and I hope that something good came from that. You can pm me if you want to talk and tell me how things are going. Again, congratulatios on staying sober! Betty Jean

Donna, I really didn't think anyone would pay any attention to that blog because it was so unusual. It is the truth, though. The lady who had thd house before us dies of cancer but not in this house. By law if anyone had died in the house the realtor would have had to tell us. So......that leaves us with with being over an ancient burial ground, somebody being murdered and buried under the house, or a guardian angel. I prefer to think it's a guardian angel who, by the way, woke me up this morning with the soft tinkling of the prettiest bells in my ear. It was the lovliest way to wake up. Thanks for reading it. Betty Jean

I haven't blogged for a while, but this is sort of interesting so I thought I'd tell you about it. We bought this house about 9 years ago I guess. Shortly after we moved in, we became aware that this house had a ghost in it. It isn't a bad ghost, it just wanted to let us know that it was here so we would see someone go by out of the corner of our eye but when we turned to look there was no one there. Then, when Jim changed jobs and I started spending many evenings all alone, the apparition would make itself even more visible. There was always a comforting feeling to it as if it wanted to say " I'm here, you aren't alone and I'll keep an eye on things for you." Now that Jim is home and recovering and I've had to go back to work part time, the ghost is showing itself totally once in a while to Jim. It will walk right between Jim and the television set when Jim is just waking up or drifting off to sleep. Again it's like it want Jim to know that it is keeping an eye on him while I am gone. My son has seen it too as has my former daughter in law. It's sort of reassuring to me to know that the house ghost is watching over him while I'm gone. I know that if it needed to, the ghost would find a way to wake Jim up in an emergency. We like to think that it's Jim's father taking care of his son, but who knows. Whether you believe in ghosts or not, we've got one and we rather like him/her so I hope he/ she stays around for a long time. Betty Jean

Sue, My goodness, you wore me out just reading about everything you had done! I was happy to read that you went to Grandparent's Day. It means so much to the younguns.We have two grandkids, a 7 yr old boy and a 2 1/2 yr old girl and we have always been a huge part of their lives and try to attend whatever is going on with them. Good for you but you might want to slide a little break in there someplace once in a while. Betty Jean

Mary Jo, Please extend my deepest symapthies to your mother and family. I'm sorry your introduction to blogging had to be such a sad one. Welcome to the blogging community. You will find caring, helpful people here who would like to get to know you better and, through your blogs, hopefully they will. I have found the blogs to be a great way to celebrate when Jim makes some progress, or to vent a bit when I get frustrated, or to just talk when I need people who will understand. Bless you and your family during this difficult time, Betty Jean

Well, it's been a little while since I've written so I just thought I'd givr you a little update on things at my house. Our son came over with the grandkidsand that was enough to perk Jim right up. Then Dane (our son) tweaked the little helicopter and got it flying really well and Jim figured out how to fly the darned thing one handed. It's kept Jim busy for hoirs. The only problem is that we have two 70 lb boxers who think the helicopter is big ole dragonfly or something. They chase after yhe thing and try to bat it down and yhen pounce on it when it's down. They are a lot of fun to watch as long as we don't let them hurt the copter. The next time Dane brought the kids over I put Jim'shoes on him and we took jim outside fppr a walk, Jim thought we were going to push him around but I thought we were going to get him up and walk him. Jim protested and fussed A LOT but I wasn't going to be stopped and Jim got up and walked a ways down from his chair and then sat on our little wall to rest and then I made him walk back to the chair. While he was walking he GRIPPED Dane's hand with his left hand which he hasn't been able to do before so I got two gifts in one afternoon and one very angry husband. I can handle the angry part, I'm going to make him walk again today so he will get angry again but he knows it's for his own good and he can just get over it. Sometimes I just have to have my way and there is nothing he can do about it. I think it's called tough love. Anyway, I'm celebrating! Betty Jean

Sue, You may not like this but I think the demon in your dreams is your life. I don't analyze dreams. I don't know the first thing about it but in reading your blog I noticed a couple of things. First of all, the "friend" you referred to doesn't fit the definition of a friend. A friend would have already known the circumstances and have offered to help you in whatever way she could. She certainly would not have asked you to add to an already heavy burden. Pray for the woman while you erase from your list of friends because she certainly needs it. As for the church and Easter week, God is going to love you whether you are at church or at home caring for Ray. There are references in the bible about Christ tending to and/or healing the sick. What more Godly work could you be doing than caring for one of his children? "When ye do this unto the least of these, my brethren, ye do it also unto me." I know that passage doesn't apply specifically here but it gives you the idea. Let the church celebrate Easter any way they choose. You celebrate Easter in whatever way you are able and know that God will be more pleased by your offering. Now to the world. The world is what it is and always has been. It is not for you to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You need to concern yourself for right now with your world which is you and Ray and your home. Smile at people during the day, do an unexpected kindness for someone who need it. Share the love that God shares with you but only in your little corner of the world. I am my husband's sole caregiver and I know where you are coming from so I know what I am talking about. You can't change the world so don't waste your time and energy worrying about it or whether others are worrying about it. Believe me there are many, many others taking gigantic steps to try to heal the world so you just try to heal yours. As for your house and all those little things that need doing. I couldn't tell you how many projects I have started in every room in my home not to mention outside in my yard. The key word here is started. At some point I will finish at least one of them. LOL But I'm not going to worry about it. Every single one of those projects will still be there when I get time to deal with it. I keep everything Jim needs or is using very clean and disinfected. If people come over to see my little messes then I will gladly show them to whoever it is and then they can just go home. They aren't friends anyway. Now to the most important thing and that is you. Do you have any family or friends who can help you out and just give you a break for a little bit every so often? You are in bad need of some self time. Time where you can go shopping or take a nap or go to a park or just do whatever will recharge your batteries.Spend some time loving yourself and it will show up in the way you feel and think about everything else. God loves you and so should you. Next time you find yourself rinning in one spot, take advantage of it. Just sit down. Stop running, sit down, grab a good book and a cup of coffee and relax for a bit. You can control your dreams so if you do that, your nightmare will stop. Just stop running and sit down. Take a little self time and the nightmare will be gone. Betty Jean

Phyllis, This might seem like a silly question, but what does ST stand for? Betty Jean

:cheer: Kristen, Why didn't you take the bulbs you dug up and replant them in a couple empty pots just to see if they would grow and what they would turn out to be. I am a gardener and that's what I would have done. It might have appeased the garden God's just a bit. As for the sticks, no tellin what you've done there. Only the God's know and will exact retribution. However, on the up side of things, you are going to put in another different but lovely garden so that may save you from being thrown down the well and just leave you with pulling weeds for eternity. LOL :big_grin: Betty Jean :cheer:

Jean, I did check out the book club discussion on The Secret but to be honest it looked more like a discussion over whether the book was going to be discussed. It didn't sound as if anyone had actually read the book or seen the movie. Please, no offense intended to anyone there. Also, I was not a member of the book club so I didn't know I could just put my two cents in. I will try to do better next time. Of course, it was the middle of the night when I read the book club comments and I was falling asleep at my computer so I will go back and see what I slept through. Betty Jean

Well, shoot, it seems like I'm taking one step forward and two steps backward and that's just me. No matter how hard I try to take care of the house, yard, car, doctors, meds, rehab etc. I turn around and something has gone to h--- Really needs my attention! Then I go to one of my own docs and find out that I'm in worse shape than I knew I was in before I went in. LOL Sooo I came home and decided that nothing needed me that badly and I was just going to ignore the whole thing for today. Tomorrow is another day and we will see what fun it brings. Jim ordered himself a havoc heli (that's one of those little tiny remote controlled helicopters that you can fly around in the house). It came and he's sort of disappointed because it's very hard if not impossible to fly one handed. I told him he needs to get busy working on that hand then. He does work with it a lot but not much improvement yet. My son, Dane, and I are working with Jim and applying The Law of Attraction. Those of you who have read or seen The Secret will know what I am talking about. Both of us are students of various forms of the principles discussed in The Secret. Well, anyway, that's what's going on at my house these days. Betty Jean

Congratulations! You did well for your first blog. I guess I'm too old to know what cheer is but I'm sorry that it's over. Just the name makes it sound like something you would want to have last a bit longer. Good luck with the talent show. I'm sure you will do well this year. You know your mom has gone through a lot of changes with her stroke and depression is one of them. It all takes time to adjust and I'm sure that she will come to see that there is a whole new life out there for her. It may be different than the one she had planned but it also may be better, who knows? As has already been said, I'm sure that your mom wants you to have a normal teenage life so tend to your mom's needs but also tend to your own. Just make sure that she can reach you if she needs you. Betty Jean

George, You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today. There is nothing I can say that will ease the pain of your loss. Just know that you are not alone. Blessings and Prayers to you and your family, Betty Jean

Well, this is nothing short of a miracle if you ask me. I got Jim to come out in the back yard and actually do a lettle work with me. We have small holes in the yard that our dogs have given us for a present so Jim went around in his chair pulling some topsoil on a 4 wheel dolly and was filling in the holes for me. See, Jim has become quite the couch potato. He will lay there and watch racing for hours and it just drives me crazy so I sort of guilted him into going outside and getting a little fresh air and exercise. I don't know if I can do it again but even once was pretty darn good. I'm celebrating! Betty Jean