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The Minnesota Stroke Association is sponsoring its annual Strike Out Stroke at the Dome Event on Thursday, June 4th, 2009 at the HHH Metrodome in DT Minneapolis. All survivors, family, caregivers and friends are invited to partake in this celebration of life at the afternoon Twins vs. Cleveland game. Festivities begin at 10 am outside Gate D with the game beginning at 12:15 pm. If you are interested, please visit the MN Stroke Association's website at www.strokemn.org Thanks and hope to see you there! Karen

Hi, Mary: Welcome! Glad you decided to post a message. First, know that crying is a NORMAL and HEALTHY emotional response. I'm a big boo-hooer myself (always was, always will be). Sometimes, it's just the perfect release. It's when you can't stop crying or you're crying for no reason that you might want to discuss this with your doctor. Many here have had much success on anti-depressants while others have visited neuropsychologists. Please, if you feel yourself spinning, go talk to your doctor. I am almost three years post-stroke, and I still sometimes mourn life before stroke. I've also lost my dad, my job and my beloved dog and had a major surgery since then. We all go through ups and downs, and we all understand where you're coming from. Cry when you need to. You've changed since stroke. Surround yourself with people who love you and can keep your spirits up. Like Ringo Starr once said, "I get by with a little help from my friends." We're here for you. Karen

Hi, Dianne: I feel your pain. I was there about a year and a half ago. I'm a little over two years post (4-30-06), and three months after my stroke, my dad had a massive heart attack in another state. I was guilted by my family to stay with him in the ICU in Marquette, MI because I was the "closest" child distance-wise. It was horrifying because it brought back all the icky feelings of my being in the ICU here in St. Paul. Then, being the child closest to my parents, I had to help them move to Minnesota in Dec. 06--looking for senior housing for them; meanwhile, having panic attacks and suffering from severe exhaustion and two nasty co-workers trying to get me fired. Then, two months later, my mom had brain surgery. Then, I had to have a hysterectomy in October. . .just finished my recovery from that when my dad died the day after Christmas. . .then, I just got laid off my job last week. So, stress central, here. I've dealt with my stress by crying, too. And, when the weather cooperates, I walk a lot and ride my bike (our weather is opposite yours with the cold in winter). I pray and meditate a lot. Do you have a church? Even one good friend you can tell all your troubles to? Is there a stroke support group through your hospital? Another good outlet I found is venting into a journal. Am I angry? Yep. Is that okay? Yep. I cope by taking it a day at a time. . .sometimes, an hour at a time. Okay, but this is about you, not me. Is there a social worker at the home where your parents are? Is your mom jealous of all the attention your dad receives? Is there someone there who might be able to talk to her on a professional level? Is there a way to get your sister to understand that you need her help? You're obviously very strong and responsible, but you can't do it alone. Look for any resources you can because you need to take care of yourself--and taking care of yourself is not being selfish. Feel free to vent to me (or any of us) at any time. Karen

Pjoy: I am so sorry for your loss. Please give yourself a break. Everyone grieves in her/his own way. We become so conditioned to be strong, suck it up and put on a good face for others. The truth is that only you know how you feel at any given time. And, just because you aren't sobbing uncontrollably doesn't mean you don't hurt or grieve. I lost my dad the day after Christmas, and I couldn't cry. It didn't mean I didn't love him, miss him or grieve for him. Then, about a week later, I went back to work and cried at my desk in my office. It happened in its own time. Allow yourself to grieve the way you want and need to grieve. . .and do not worry (like 2nd Chance said in the previous post) that you are not following someone else's protocol for grieving. My best to you in this difficult time, Karen

Hi, Rick: Well, tomorrow is an important day for you. Just breathe deeply, hold your chin up and say, "HEY, I MADE IT!" Like others have said, the first anniversary was a turning point for many of us. I took my one-year anniversary off from work. I cried at 12:15 pm (the time at which I went boom), and my emotions ran the gamut all day long as I replayed the events of that fateful day in 2006. Yes, I sulked that day--because I think we all deserve to mourn ourselves. The next day, I realized that, "Heck, I'm still here. I beat the odds! Yippee!" The second year was so much easier--trust me. So, do mourn for yourself. But, do also celebrate--you made it, and that's something worth cheering about! :laughbounce: Karen

Ladibluej: I cried when I read your poem. It is soooo applicable to so many of us. I don't know how many times people snarked at me when I went back to work, "Well, you look fine. . ." UGH. Your poem says what so many of us feel. Would you be willing to let me publish it (credited to you, of course) on the Minnesota Stroke Association's "For Survivors" web page? It would be such a great piece for our newly updated site and an inspiration to others facing the reality of stroke. Thanks and please keep pursuing the writing. . .you are definitely a talent! Karen

The first anniversary of my stroke is coming up quickly--April 30th--and I am full of very mixed emotions. This year has gone so quicky, and while in some ways it feels like the stroke never happened, in other ways, it is all-consuming. While the physical symptoms continue to disappear, the emotional ones seem to keep me on my toes. I've felt everything this past year. . .anger, depression, anxiety, joy, humility, embarrassment, fear, dread, jealousy, hopelessness, hopefulness. . .you name it, I've felt it. Going back to work was the single worst thing that has happened to me since stroking. I've heard everything from, "I'm glad it's you not me," to "Get over yourself," to my boss basically blaming my blood clots on my "not having a positive attitude," and the HR genious (??) telling other managers behind my back that all the fast food I ate caused the stroke. I'm crying now just thinking about all the insensitivity I've experienced and the ignorace of others. I don't think I've ever felt so alone in my life as I have the past 11 months. But, I know I was spared for a reason, and God must have some great plan for me--because He surely didn't spare me to go back to my horsepoop marketing job peddling propaganda to poor saps who believe my product is the best for them. I feel like such a liar in my job, and by getting others to "drink the Kool-aid," I feel even worse. I guess I should just be thankful that I'm functional enough to go back to work full time, but I don't. I want to do something that means something. I know this seems so cliche for someone who's been through a life-altering experience, but I can't stand that I've gone back to the same robot I was pre-stroke. By the way, Happy Easter. . .

Hi: I'm a 39-year-old survivor who lives in Hugo, MN (20 miles north of St. Paul). Would love to meet and chat with other survivors locally.