Stroke Survivor - female
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About CagedBird

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    Associate Mentor
  • Birthday 06/14/1989

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  • Stroke Anniversary (first stroke)
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  1. CagedBird

    October 18

    Today is my stroke anniversary but Im glad the day is almost over. I woke up feeling so depressed. Instead of celebrating this milestone and all the great things that have happened this year (mainly just getting my wrist straight), I just kept wondering what my life would be like if I never had the stroke. I don't want to hear any encouragement. I know I've accomplished so much, life could be worse, just be thankful, etc. I have just been in a bad mood/on the verge of tears all day. I have also been pretty sad since I gave my dog away a few weeks ago. I am sorry I cant talk about it Im ge
  2. CagedBird

    do i want to be disabled?

    I have gone through a strange identity crisis. My wrist was bent for so long that I knew I looked disabled to other people. I used to hate that bent wrist and I felt like that was the first thing people noticed when they looked at me. Now it feels kind of weird to look semi normal or whatever. Even though I can straighten my elbow I find myself choosing to keep it bent. I dont know why. My therapist thinks I want people to feel sorry for me but its not that its just I want them to still know Im disabled. I guess I still want help. When I had my cast on, strangers offered me help everywhere
  3. CagedBird

    My new wrist

    Today I got my cast off and I put my hands together for the first time in 15 years. The first thing I did was wash my hands. It felt soo good. Ever since my stroke I was only washing my good hand by itself but today I actually rubbed my hands together. My OT said I can get a manicure soon. It does not feel real. It feels like Im dreaming. I dreamed about this day forever. You guys know I have gone through so much emotionally I just wanted to die because I could not feel my fingers. I would stay up all night trying to fall asleep with the splint on my hand. I was picked on and self conscious b
  4. CagedBird

    1 more week

    I get my cast off next week. Im so excited. My OT is going to do some e-stim with me to get my fingers moving again. She makes it sound like I can do whatever I want like all we have to do is some e-stim so I can remember how to open my hand again and I'll be good as new. It is pretty exciting but at the same time Im kinda trying not to get my hopes up too high. Its kinda surreal like what's the first thing Im going to do with my new hand? Probably wash my hands! lol I have not been able to put my hands together in forever. I also want to feel my hair but I gotta get my shoulder strong enough
  5. CagedBird

    had my surgery

    well i had my surgery back in May. Now I am in OT. I cant squeeze my fingers anymore since the doctor released the tendons. I had to wear my arm bandaged up for 2 weeks and now Im in a cast for 6 more weeks. I cant wait to get it off and see my wrist straight! My fingers have been curling back up but hopefully wearing the splint and doing OT will get them straight. Thank you all for your support
  6. Happy Birthday CagedBird!

  7. Happy Anniversary CagedBird!

  8. CagedBird

    if anyone still reads this

    I finally had my appointment with the orthopedic surgeon today. I am going to do the surgery. She is going to put a rod or something in my wrist to keep it straight then she may release the tendons in my fingers depending on how it goes after that. I feel indifferent about it. Part of me is happy my wrist will finally be straight and in a more comfortable position but part of me feels sad that I will officially never be able to do things like clap my hands. I got a new position at work. Instead of receptionist, I am now a medical records clerk. I just started yesterday. Everyone is proud o
  9. CagedBird


    I have not felt like blogging, journaling or anything lately I dont really want to focus on my thoughts. I prefer to block them out with activities that distract me. I did want to let you guys know about my latest stroke journey though. I asked my neurologist to give me a referral to see a hand therapist. He refused because he said at this point therapy will not make a difference. So I told my primary doctor. He's known me for 20 years so he was nice enough to do the referral. I was excited about seeing the certified hand therapist! but she told me surgery to release the tendons is probabl
  10. CagedBird


    wow i haven't blogged since October so that means I've been doing good. I don't know if I put this is my last entry but I adopted a dog back in October. He is a black basset hound/ dachshund. I love him so much. He does wonders for my depression. He loves me. Just having him there helps with anxiety because I know Im not alone. I would post a pic but I dont know how on here anymore. I quit my last job and started at the VA (Veterans Affairs Hospital). I like it so much better. The company I contract with only hires disabled so everyone I work with including my supervisor has some type of d
  11. CagedBird

    14 years

    Today is my 14 year strokeversary! I think this is the happiest I have ever been on October 18th. I am actually happy to be alive. I have been telling random people my story all day. I've been out all day. I just feel like I have come so far. On my past stroke anniversaries all I can remember is being depressed over having seizures/ panic attacks, not being able to drive, not being able to work, not being able to use my left hand, etc. I did not think in 2015 I would still be walking with a brace, still not able to use my left hand, and still have no left field vision. But I am so thankful
  12. CagedBird

    at a good place

    Wow it has been a while since I last blogged. I guess it's been a mixture of me being busy and not really feel like blogging about the crap going on or how I felt. Where do I start? Well a few days after my last entry, I had another seizure. It was really bad. It wasnt in my sleep. I was awake. When the aura came, I thought it was anxiety so I told myself I was ok but the next thing I knew it felt like I had been dreaming and my boyfriend was asking me if I was okay. I didn't know who he was, who I was, what day it was or anything. After that, I couldn't really take it. It's like the "devi
  13. CagedBird


    I just wanted to update you guys on how Im doing. I've started getting used to working. I've also still been doing the stationary bike and treadmill a few times a week at the YMCA. I have been spending a lot of time with my boyfriend. We met a little over a month ago. We go to church a lot and watch movies at my place a lot. It's nice to have a friend to hang with. I had a "seizure" Thursday morning around 4am. I bit my tongue on both sides and my legs were hurting. I woke up in my living room. I dont remember anything except having the seizure like my head was shaking and I was trying to yel
  14. CagedBird

    Working (Out)

    I have been busy working and going to the gym. Working is stressful but I do enjoy getting a check every two weeks. I've always had direct deposit in the past but it's something about getting my check handed to me that reminds me to hang in there and not quit my job. I have also been trying to workout. I have gained too much weight. I have never weighed this much in my life. At first I thought I was just getting my appetite back, then I thought it was anxiety because I only ate a lot when I was home alone, but then I realized it was my meds and my doctor pretty much confirmed that for me.