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Stroke Survivor - female
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About hmmblue

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  • Birthday 05/27/1960

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  1. Hello my dear friends..stroke 7 17 2007....

    What a journey it has been these years...yes things seem to be better on the outside..people can hardly notice..the crook in my smile..the ever so slightly droop on my rt..yes all seems well....

    However the inside of me  still missing the old me..I still remember..that's the hardest  part..the memories of once was...keep smiling it makes everyone feel better...these are the secret memories that we can't share..the true feelings..now which life is fake..the new me..is she real?   What is real? Reality  ...that's the question!!!

  2. Happy Anniversary hmmblue!

  3. hmmblue

    just a little adventure !!!! I have done the same. .I once drove for 2 hours looking for an exit....around and around I go..lol Everytime I went to get off..I got scared...and went around the loop again..
  4. hmmblue

    Thank you for the welcome back,,,,hugs
  5. hmmblue

    It's been a while!

    I have been away since 2008 or 09. Lots has changed since 2007..the year of the stroke. In 2012...I pack up and walked away from everyone and everything. You see .. I was different.... not the same person as pre stroke. I couldn't deal with people expecting me to feel the same way I did about things...I didn't feel the same about things or them...it was hard faking it. So here I am ..now in Florida....live in a small house..with my dogs...and a lake down the street..55 on disability. Hmmmm what to do now??? peace Sherry
  6. Happy Anniversary hmmblue!

  7. Happy Anniversary hmmblue!

  8. hmmblue

    Gone for four months

    Hello, I'm finally back. I've been lost in all my confusion and dispare. I've been able to finally let go and I'm ok. I'm finally able to get on with living. All the test from August came back fine and I thank God for that! I weather that one and am forever thankful. I have changed my thought process and will not blame myself for getting sick. I took a while to convince myself that his actions were his problem and not because I was damaged from the stroke. Discusting and ugly. It was his problem, he chose to run off and run around and he has to live with his decision. As for me I'm ok I am a survivor. We all are survivors and we are stong. We are not damaged and we deserve respect and love. ( and we should all demand the best for ourselves) This was a hard jorney for me but I would not change a thing. I made it and came out a better stronger woman for it. 2009 my wishes everyone peace, happiness, good friend, and lots of laughter for myself to keep learning about me and to smile every day Thanks for hearing me Sherry
  9. hmmblue


    what to do when the only person you trusted betrays you what do you do he lied cheated need i say more i feel old ugly and stupid i just dont get it when i was well this didn't happen but now things just keep happening and its hard to even care anymore whats wrong with me that i was so stupid what did i do to deserve that i just found out yesterday his sister was mad at him so she sent me a pic of her that was the worst to see that and find out everyone knew but me sat in front of me and never said anything then hit me with that after he left town and i was driving i almost crashed the car i had to stop and vomit i slept with him this weekend and she was a whore he picked up how do i go for a aids test should i even bother ive been up all night and smoking i quite 1 year ago just try to hurt myself i guess ill stop smoking today im trying not to flip out i have his clothes in a pile and i want to burn them i dont know what ill do will i burn them or worse im so very angry bitter why i love him so much sherry
  10. hmmblue

  12. hmmblue

    i found my way back

    hello out there does anyone remember me? I found my way back. I had another little stroker and it put me out for a bit but now im back. And i think im different again. when i now look in the mirror it seems the other me is so far away. im behind those eyes but i cant pull myself out. my bodys the same but my mind has slipped a bit. i was looking so forward but now i have to start over so here we go again and this time it seems harder and more intense the pain is stronger and now theres depression and panic attaches. lol to anyone reading this i just want to say hi and if you knew me im still in here somewhere. thankyou for listening sherryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
  13. hmmblue

    wow what now

    Things were going along and I thought I was making progress. Them wham pain, and more pain. I've had pain since my stoke but I've been dealing with it. But it's changed now. It's every day. All day and intense. It starts with a sharp pain to the bottom of my rt foot then in both calves more like a cramp with a sharp pain too. Front of my leggs below and above my knees. At the same time they burn, feel like the flesh is being torn from the bone. My rt hip is stuck and when I move it is sharp and constant pain that moves into my lower back. As far as my upper body my rt sholder feels exactly like my rt hip and my arms like my leggs, my hands same as my feet. Then there are the chest pains like a belt around my chest and the numbness in my face. There may be a few moments with less intense pain but it is now constant. This is slowing down my progress because I can't walk when the pain realy sets in. And It makes it increasingly difficult to go on. I have a dr apt the 25th with a new dr so hopefully he'll believe me. I don't want to be drugged but just a little help to go on with rehab. I've been trying different things heat, cold, exercise but I can hardly do anything and I'm really mad. Ispent a couple of days curled up in a ball in my bed but thats not what I want so I try to do something every day. Pain makes it hard to think and I'm just waiting till the 25th. Is this common. It's almost my 1st year aniversery and I had such hope. Perhaps this is just the way strokes work? Thanks for Listning Sherry
  14. hmmblue

    i am one of the 400 that did not respond. No disrespect ment. I just didn't know what to say, first a stroke now Cancer. Some times it's hard to react to such things. I can't give advise because I no nothing about Cancer and only a little about stroke I'm only 11 months out. But I am truly sorry to hear about your Cancer. You are in my Prayers Sherry
  15. hmmblue

    i'm getting things done

    Hi everyone Iv'e been working hard getting apointments and filling out papers and well tommorrow will be my last apt until June 25 and I'm glad because I need a break. The apt on the 25th i'm looking forward to its with a md and maybe I'll bet some help with the pain. Now what really on my mind Iv'e gone fron a size six pant to a 10 in 11 months I take thyroid med for hypothyroid but I'm not going to blame it on just that It seems that I can't get motivated to do something about the lbs on my waist and butt!!!! I tried walking but my rt hip and foot hurt so much a friend had to come and get me I could not make it home. That was very disapointing and made me mad I felt week and at war with my body. So this is my plan. 1. go to dr and get help with pain and get check up for chest pain. 2. ask him If I need surgury to close the whole in my heart 3. ask dr what I can do safely to loose weight 4. get healthy so I can do my rehab and vocatiional trainning So thats my short term plan Tommorrow I'm going to the nursing home and ask if I can volenteer there a couple of days a week. I need this for myself and I realy would like to be usefull. I'm tired of only thinking of myself, it's time for someone other that me me me lol I thank god everyday for One more day to share with my beloved animals. Life was so easiy before and now everthing is a chalange. I try to remember how lucky I am. I can communicat, eat, pat my animals, and even laugh. Life can be what ever you make it, so I'll make it the best I can. I'm afraid this post is not so interesting but thats my life. lol Thanks for Listning Do you think I have a good plan if not what would you change. I welcome feed back. Did I forget something I should be doing? I'll let you know what the nursing home says thanks Sherry