Le Hermite

Hi Mary..... I would say that you've taken the first step to break out of the negative feelings and emotions by coming out of lurkdom and bouncing it off of others.... Most of us, if not all, have been where you are at.....Everybody's situation is a little different, but there's lots of things that are the same.... Let's face it, you are stuck with this thing....Just as I am stuck with my scenario and so forth.... Once ya accept that, then you can take it apart and start fixing it..... And believe it or not, you will find out that you are the most powerful and effective force in dealing with it..... Don't hesitate to reach out again if needs be, because you've just signed on to one of the toughest jobs you're ever going to have.... The rewards are outstanding....

Hi Ya Jeanne... Welcome to the StrokeNet.... Though I think we've met in Chat already......<G>.... I think one of the great things about StrokeNet, is that folks here understand.... Normies have a lot of trouble understanding what it's like....and they usually do so at the time when you're trying to get a handle on the event and you, also..... I ran into the misconception like your daughter's and mother's, too....Sometimes I think it's folks wanting things to be like before, generally.... But with a stroke that's the *rare* exception to the rule.... For a lot of people, it's essentially 'ya hafta be there' or they'll never get it.... Think of how hard it was getting it through your own head, and you 'are there'.....<G>..... The normies don't have the 'benefit' of your daily experiences to remind them..... Eventually, they do figure it out.....It just takes a while... Glad ya picked up on Riley....I'll bet you'll be doing each other good deeds real fast.... Look forward into bumping into you some more....

Hi Susan...... BS (before stroke) there were times I was alone, but not lonely... With the stroke, I felt alone, and even when around my best friends, alone and lonely... They couldn't understand.... Then I found this place....Strokenet... Problem practically disappeared....Folks who understood... I got off my duff, and started educating my friends...I mean, somebody had to do it...<G>.... In most cases...we're closer than ever before... In the cases where we're not....well, that was an education for me....

Hi Sillybunnie..... I know that lonely feeling.....and it disappeared last May when I joined Strokenet.... Have you tried the Real Time Chat....? That's more like actually yakking with people.... You get a group of people in a "room", and because the response is so quick, you can carry on a conversation that flows...It's "live"... There's a Chat Schedule you can access at the top of the page that shows when the scheduled chats are happening on a calendar... Or....if you want to, you can set up to meet someone at the Chat and have your own... Give it a try....

Allan..... Nicely put, mate.....

Hi Again Waterbabe.... Let me second what Alan just added...

Hi Waterbabe.... Welcome to the Strokenet..... I dunno what kind of meds you have....I was put on antidepressants from day one.... You feel the loss of going from what you were, to where your at....It sounds like you're doing great physically.....but you haven't returned to your former mental agility... This I experienced, too....It seems to do stuff right, ya have to focus on the one thing.... The old chew gum and walk task.... I too, find myself sentimental at times, sometimes at the craziest things..... What's helped me, is not to focus on what I used to be, but where I am since the morning after my stroke....It's a different paradigm, and to me more realistic..... That gives me a better perspective on the hand I got dealt...... It's been about a year, and just recently noted a *teensy* bit of multitasking ability happening now and again....I still keep a notebook around..... Keep plugging away.....I'll bet you'll surprise yourself....<G>..... One other thing.......it *always* seems to take too long......

Hi Folks..... Yeah...Wesley and Allan.....Well said.... It's like you get an extra dimension, in regards to what people are about, that gets opened up to you.... I think it's because I have this new set of physical limitations to grapple with, and people have helped me, I appreciate the concept of helping out a lot more....... An example...I'll be at the local mega-mart, and every so often I come across a little old lady, eyeing a two liter bottle of Coke, or Pepsi, or whatever...Of course its on a tilted shelf rack at the top....And there's just no way she's gonna get at it.... In tha past, I've offered and helped of course....But I *know* what that kind of frustration is like now....and what a godsend it is for someone to help.... It adds a dimension to yer act ot kindness, and makes it compelling to do more.... Hoping some of that made sense.....

Hi Again.... Your wife is one tough lady......but I suspect you already know that.....<G>.....! She's doing GREAT! Heck.....I hafta wear the AFO around the house, and with a cane outside...... Having a stroke messes up your sense of time.....Everything seems to take forever..... Cognitive stuff....I keep a notebook nearby..... I figure my brain is working OT trying to get stuff straightened out, so I give it a hand... The hardest part for me.....was getting over that the stroke had happened to me.... Believe it or not...that was the first two months...... It ain't fair....None of my friends...I look terrible.... Uhhhhhh....I found out about friends (and relatives) too.... Then the thought came....OK...so these are the cards that are dealt... It's a crummy hand, but I had met folks with very much lousier cards, in the hospital... Let's see what we can do....... A new life....with I think more of the PITA aspects... But, I ain't gonna fold yet..... Please tell her...."You Go, Girl!" from me......!

Hi.... I think what happens with your wife is not unusual.....I know in my case I have the "tireds" when it gets to me....my motivation goes away.....Sometimes this can be for a couple of days.... She's lucky she has you around..... Like Vi says Ya just have to keep working.... What helps me is setting mini-goals, and just work until I can beat it.... So...at one time it was jacket zippers...another time it was using a hand can opener.....shaking a person's hand... When ya succeed, ya get a mini-reward.... There's seemingly hundreds of different things ya can't do like before, so there's lotsa those to fool with.... Throwing a karate punch took 6 months.....I finally got it, though there's some days I can't...a work in progress.... The other thing....Strokenet is a good place to ramble around in....If she's stuck with one handed typing, like me, there's a program built into WINDOW$ to help.... There are times when yer sitting in strokeland, and it feels like you are all alone...despite people around you... And then you find out, yer really not alone at all.... you just didn't know about alla the other folks sharing your trials and tribulations... The thing is....only the Stroke Survivor completely knows what their stroke has done to them, and their job, if you would, with the help of others, is to figure the way back.... It's a tough job...but if ya work at it......you will prevail...

Hi Stessie, Folks.... In the beginning...lots of visits....... Now am approaching a year, and things are shuffling out....... Ya find out who were friends and who were acquaintences..... I have a number of on line friends, and I found Strokenet last May.... Way I see it, if I make more new friends now, the ground rules will be in place....

Hi Gramma.... Let me add to the chorus of 'Yeah...me also'... For me it was almost constant in the beginning.... It took a while to get it thru to my psyche that it'll come, I just have to keep nudging it... Though I still find my self shouting at me..."NOW CUT IT OUT!!" once in a while.... Fortunately, I live single, so other folks don't have to question my sanity any more than usual....<G>....

Hi Again..... Now, if onlt I could get the new Chat to work fer me..... *Sigh*

Hey Jan.... Good words.... I think we all go thru mental gyrations when an event such as this happens...We have to re-evaluate our existences and our part in that existence....You more or less had it all scoped out before... It can be approached as a great, new exploration....If for no other reason that you find out about people around you....and yourself..... As a survivor....you really s/b happy about things....the essence of you just has to negotiate a new landscape.... 'Course the big thing is figuring out that essence of you... Stuff will get you down, but stuff did that sometimes BS (before stroke)....Paradigms have shifted....the interesting thing is figuring out the new paradigms, and how you'll deal with those that are limiting... And then...there are new paths to take... Oh, heck...now ya got me waxing philosophical....<G>.....

Hey Louis..... Illegitimae non carborundum....(Don't let the *beeps* wear ya down...<G>...) Folks who ain't ever been around strokers, or had one theirselves sometimes have a real problem understanding.... No offense to yer son....but he don't know WTF he's yacking on...You may quote *me*... You ain't retarded, and I think you got through things pretty well cognitively....Can tell by your post.... I've got both my Doc and the therapists to admit up front...they really don't know what it's like.... They have lotsa experience dealing with strokers, but until yer there, you really can't *know*.... Or how tired you can get, just doing normal things like just walking, say, if ya have a balance issue....you gotta work at and be carefull with, something that most folks don't even have to think about...Lotsa work....multiple times the effort.... Funny thing...what winds up is that yer gonna hafta educate *them*.....<G>.... Tell them.....whenever you have to do something that's difficult....Tell them when yer trying something new.... Tell them when you try, but just can't... And *NEVER* be ashamed when you can't do something, to ASK for help..... I was gonna rehang a calendar, tap a small nail in the wall, and hang it.....Got the hammer and the nail..... Ya know....its a tap-tap-tap kinda thing....I fooled meself... Until I looked at it and realized....can't do this one handed (I tried to hold the nail with bad hand....no go)... Got the guy downstairs to finish up, had a coupla drinks, and we laughed about the whole thing... Actually...the conversation turned ribald, any abilities I might ever have, right-handed.... It would *never* occur to him, that this might be a hard thing to do... Wasn't until two months ago (outta 9) that I could shake somebody's hand with my right hand....and I still have trouble aiming it sometimes.....But I try, every time it's appropriate.....They already know I'm a stroker...I tell 'em.... They appreciate that I try...... Which brings up my last thing.....keep trying....let people know yer trying.... Lotta folks just don't know how to deal with ya, so you have to help them.....

Hi Leah.... The thing of it is...folks who aren't walking down the same path have trouble knowing what you're going through..... Now...I didn't recover physically...my right side is kinda semi functional...walk with a cane and a brace.... So in a way, I advertise the situation... But if folks are seeing without a physical manifestation...they'll tend to forget..... The tendency is for them to think yer cured.....Heck...they want ya to be cured..... But it's most likely not in the cards for that..... Just be aware of your limitations, and remind other folks of them, when you run up against one.... Yer kinda stuck with having to educate them.....

Hi Charlene..... I'm sure that when your hubby seems to be blocking you, he's only doing out of love and concern...... Having a stroke happen to a loved one, scares the heck out of folks, and rightfully so..... On the other hand, I do not have a caregiver, but I do have some very concerned friends..... And even a few of my siblings......<G>.... What I've found helps me keep going with enthusiasm, is what I call teeny goals...... I used to do jewelry, but that's pretty hard to do one handed...So....one teeny goal was to open and close a pliers right handed.....One day I did it.......Now, I still can't "aim" my arm very well....but.... Another goal is picking up a stone with tweezers.....that one hasn't happened yet... But it will..... The point being.....you get a reward to yourself, each time you succeed at one of the teeny goals.....and they do make life easier... Last week, I opened a door, i.e. twisted the doorknob with the right hand....It took a couple of weeks trying.... Pain issues, but...... This week I've been attempting to turn book pages with the recalcitrant hand......as well as I've tried a coupla times to chop onions, cut tomatos, etc., with it....I did cut stuff, but very crooked...Tasted good though.... Hey....two months ago....I couldn't do jacket and fly zippers......now I can (most of the time)..... I couldn't wink my right eye for four months after my stroke......I tried almost every day.....I can do it 95% of the time now....... And every time you succeed, you get a reward...... I dunno about you....but I have a bunch of meds I have to take......I didn't stage them in one of the nice pill allocation boxes......I learned to open script bottles one handed, with my strong hand.....I got very good at that.... Then I told myself.....I'm gonna use two hands......I was eventually able to twist off and on the "child-proof" caps.....doing the turning with the weak hand..... You can find these teeny goals or challenges all around you in daily life......and that's what the OT folks are trying to do with you anyway.... And accomplishing these gets to be addicting...... Wait until I can hit the shift key reliably on this keyboard...... Hang in there and give yourself a chance....Explain to your hubby what you're doing....Show him when you achieve a teeny goal..... You'll be interacting with him more, and reassuring him in your abilities..... This could have other benefits..... Go For It, Girl..........!