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Considering that Bill was released out of the Hospital to begin a new phase of Pallitive Care only.....it was a bittersweet Chrismas. We are sure or at least relative sure this will be our last Christmas...Christmas eve it looked like maybe that would not be but we got better control on the pain and we had a nice Christmas at our Grandaugters....Now we are looking to ring in the New Year much the same way We sleep as we can . I average 2 hours a night most nights if that The cancer has spread and the tumors are now larger than the Pancrease itself. All chemo failed even an experimental one. Each day we find blessings and joy and some peace despite that other guys best efforts to destroy. God is so Good and each day is a blessing. I gave up long ago listening to the predictions of what kind of time we may have remaining. Time is irrelevant except to enjoy what remains. Bill is doing his best and I am going the very best I can to take care of him. We have applied to get into assisted living. That would make it so much better for us. Bill is on substantial medication to keep him as comfortable as possible. We confirmed it was cancer one year ago today. they thought then 6 months tops No one can explain how it is he is still here. Thats easy prayer. I dont know when we only know he has really amazed the doctors Ill take it!!! Happy New Year to you all I dont know what the New Year will bring most likely more of a series of lasts. We are simply grateful for each day. Karen

Thank you Leah you have no idea how much I needed to hear these words Bill is hanging on each day is a juggle of pain meds vs the pain Each day is unto itself now. You give me courage and hope and remind me where to find the strength when of myself I cant barely make it on another 2 hours of sleep broken up through the day. Love Karen and Bill

Leah I am so sorry to hear this news. Bill is on the last chance chemo for his cancer its a week to week thing Its difficult and you will be in our prayers Karen

I dont know in my case as I am a survivor of 4 strokes and a TIA that I will ever not have that fear I think though I am more concerned about the aneurisms I would be dead before I hit the floor. That is ok as long as I dont suffer Karen

There is no denying that he is getting sicker and sicker I love him so but how much can he endure for the love of his family? One day one day at a time love Karen

LeahI do know about all the knots in the stomach. Bill is now just starting what will be his last chemotherapy option I swore I could never go from being the cared for to the caregiver and slowly but surely that is what I have done. Out of necessity there was no one else to do it and it had to be done Now at last the home nurse comes to check on him every week now that he has this pump installed But again who would have dreamed that my beloved darling Bill could have survived his devastating cancer that alone survived it since Last October. I am beyond exhausted and worn the doctor said my keee has to be replaced its bone on bone from trying to be on a cane too much. If at any time this chemo drives his blood cell count over the top we are done and a home hospice care plan will be developed The cost of this is over Ten thousand per session ever other week. This is already considered experimental as it is out of Europe and not Authorized by the FDA for here. He uterly failed at the Gemcetabine and Folfow is the ony other thing out there. We wont be blessed with remissiong but perhaps a bit of extra time and knowing that the statistics may benefit others down the road I believe I shared that it is all experimental You are in my prayers If ever there was a formidale foe it was Stroke and now I HAte Cancer of any kind In the midst of this we have had a friend kill herself with drama played out on the news as Swat was called in How can Life be of such value to one and be nothing to another I was going to update the forum on Bill Maybe Sue or one of others could Use this Blog in some way I have little strengh to try to repeat I will keep Jerry in our Prayers Do let me know the results and Leah remeber you can only do what you can Sainthood is not all its cracked up to be Hugs Karen I am Bills only caregiver and we are in the late stages of terminal Pancreatic Liver Spleen and Lung cancers I am talking my response to Leah and cheating in away. I have niether the time or strentgth to go into the many details I will say this, Bill has alrealdy beaten every odd to be where he is at he by all accounts should have been gone months ago. This is the last treatment authoried and it is listed as experimental or it would not be offered If he gets any benefit from it that is wonderful if not hospice and Palitive care is all we have left as an option Love Karen Sorry for the format of this Its all i can manage for now Karen

I do know about all the knots in the stomach. Bill is now just starting what will be his last chemotherapy option I swore I could never go from being the cared for to the caregiver and slowly but surely that is what I have done. Out of necessity there was no one else to do it and it had to be done Now at last the home nurse comes to check on him every week now that he has this pump installed But again who would have dreamed that my beloved darling Bill could have survived his devastating cancer that alone survived it since Last October. I am beyond exhausted and worn the doctor said my keee has to be replaced its bone on bone from trying to be on a cane too much. If at any time this chemo drives his blood cell count over the top we are done and a home hospice care plan will be developed The cost of this is over Ten thousand per session ever other week. This is already considered experimental as it is out of Europe and not Authorized by the FDA for here. He uterly failed at the Gemcetabine and Folfow is the ony other thing out there. We wont be blessed with remissiong but perhaps a bit of extra time and knowing that the statistics may benefit others down the road I believe I shared that it is all experimental You are in my prayers If ever there was a formidale foe it was Stroke and now I HAte Cancer of any kind In the midst of this we have had a friend kill herself with drama played out on the news as Swat was called in How can Life be of such value to one and be nothing to another I was going to update the forum on Bill Maybe Sue or one of others could Use this Blog in some way I have little strengh to try to repeat I will keep Jerry in our Prayers Do let me know the results and Leah remeber you can only do what you can Sainthood is not all its cracked up to be Hugs Karen

Katrina my husband is dying he is hanging on to life with everything he has and is fighting monumental battles for added days or weeks. This was a car accident the Humvees tires did not squash your head Everything is fine the only thing injured here was a material things which can be replaced You have come so far dont throw in the towel now. Look at all you have overcome and triumphed over Hugs This is another day that the Lord has made and We shall rejoice and be GLAD in it Love Karen

I so totally agree It is you that has really got to step up to the plate He is going to need a care provider not another to care for if this makes sense For you to have a list if demands is really so very sad as you have nowhere to go but to get hurt. If he was totally self sufficient it would still be uphill both ways but he might post stroke be able to meet you half way As it is how can he possibly tend to your needs at every turn I know that all sounds so harsh but the kindest thing to do would be to have a realistic check list as you will be taking on a huge load here None of which will lighten your load at all we are not talking about coping with a wheel chair but the reality of brain damage and it "sounds" like your needing him to lighten the load on you and that is simply not reality. I wish you nothing but the best but I think some time in couple couseling would be a wonderfu tool to consider right now I think you both want the same thing You want him to take care of you and he needs you to really step up to care for him I wish you noting but the best and always I wish you love Both of you Karen

No one likes to think about it but its a reality but i read somewhere that the longer you survive without another the less chance you will gets dramatic if you make it past 5 years I have not managed that yet I am about at a near now Karen

I am so happy to get good news Lets hope that the remainder of that tube passes easily Love Kare

Kimmie I need for you to know that the failure was not yours or your husbands but the crooks out there I wont go into all the details but anyone that reads about the rise and fall of out housing was inescapable. Your husband was double victimized. God bless you and I wish you all the best in starting to forge out a life Hugs and more Love Karen

PS I believe it is also called Thalamic pain That is because in nearly all that have it the Thalamus was affected, Karen

Indeed I do know and I believe it is Central pain some have called it Neuropathy its awful I Chris DeWald wrote an article regarding it I have tried everything and I believe Steve Mallory has suffered from it as well You are in my best thoughts and prayers this is the most heinous thing it truly is there is little relief that is certain I am going to pursue a surgical option once I am at a point in my life that this could be a viable option Karen

If you get my reply in time get a LED not LCD the LCD is already slated for being ancient technology we compared the price and still even though they are higher $$$ they are sleeker and thinner and take far less energy Other than the newest genre of 3D you are at the peak with the LED Our son has a LCD and they like it but are a bit regretful they did not spend a little more and our other son has a Plasma and really likes it so it is really all what you like and feel the most comfortable viewing Cost can be a factor as well Have a great time with whatever you choose and enjoy Karen

I cannot recall specifics but i know many times I have said that to my husband That it would have been better for him had I not made it. Now he has Level IV b Pancreatic cancer My every moment is focused in doing all that I can and whatever I can to see to it that he has every minute possible Life is so precious if only I could have seen clearly then I am doing my best to take care of Bill He does his best to make that as easy as humanly possible as we pray for remission or a miracle Hugs to you Karen

Today was Valentines day I am really getting emtionally drained wondering is the the last......fill in the blanks So we decided that unless something really stands out last years (fill in the blank) was the last The chemo went upside down the week before and we had a real scare but this last week we seem to be well enough they changed their mind and let us have the infusion of chemo Our Primary care does not feel that with everything all in all that there is the amount of time they mentioned he believes it could be less time but then I have come to realize that they simply dont know. My daughter in laws cousins husband got cancer back around Christmas and they did not know what kind and he passed away this week At the funeral we found out it was ..... pancreatic spread to the liver That is Bills primary and secondary and then we also have lung involvement and spleen. I am doing about as well as can be expected Keep us in your prayers and positive thoughts I will get an update to you as I can I am so exhausted and my emotions are all over the place since that cousins funeral I know how blessed I am to still have my BIll with me but I am not sure that I am anywere near ready for any of this Keep us in your prayers and positive thoughts I will keep you up on any changes as I can Love Karen

Bill siees to be tolerating the Chemo as well as to be expected. We are getting a food basket prepared for us once a week from the wonderful ladies in our church It all helps I am so NOT prepared to be a caregiver and yet I must not only step into the role I have to excel at it. Thursday we find out if they schedule another 3-4 weeks of chemotherapy for Bill. He is doing ok on it Each session leaves him a bit more vulnerable and less able to get through the drill I have thought so many times what do you do when these may be the last time we get to do the very best things ws can do for each other Is this our last Valentines day? Was Last Christmas our last together And through this I am somehow supposed to make it the best ever I so want to get our lives back Go out in the Motor home and do fun things again Love Karen

What I know is this I need him like I need oxygen I cannot fathom what we are going through right now How can this even be possible? Love Karen

URGENT Correction Its 4-6 months most likely not that long that is optomistic however I just reread this and I see I said weeks Its bad enough the way it is ARGH!!!!! KaREN