Search the Community

Yesterday I went to my doctor because of pain in my hips and increased anxiety and depression. I went back to work 2 1/2 weeks after my stroke in January 2014 because being a nurse, I thought I was "superwoman." Well, it finally hit me that I am not her! I have tried so hard to do my work but my body has been telling me to slow it down and I just haven't been listening. You guys have told me to take it slow but I just kept going thinking I was my pre-stroke self. I lost it yesterday. The depression, the anxiety, the guilt and everything came out all at once. I couldn't handle it anymore. My dr said I had to stop work and that it would be months at least before my brain was re-organized and my body would be better. She said it was a good idea to go ahead and apply for disability, which I have. I also called my boss and did the paperwork for disability with the State because that's who I've worked for since 2007. So now, I am waiting to hear from Social Security. The State gives you short term disability for 1 year and then re-evaluate you for long term after 1 year. So I'm doing what the dr has said do and resting my brain and taking care of myself. My husband is so supportive. I do feel guilty not having an income right now, but i have to think about me and my body. It will all work out the way it should. I go see my Psychiatrist next week for my anxiety and depression. Please everyone keep me in your thoughts and prayers about this disability thing. If it's in his plan, it will work out. Thanks for listening to me. Any advice is appreciated.

Thanks for all the good info. I am laying of the computer games and stuff. I feel pretty crumby now. When I have a bunch of seizures in one day I pretty much can't remember ANYTHING that happened because they wipe out my memory of a lot before and afterwords. June you are so right. It is a "smell sensation". Not really a smell but it is never the less a sensation of a smell. (Oh my gosh... if my therapist heard that she'd get out the straight jacket! ). Once again I put myself into the VERY LUCKY category. My seizures are very unpleasent and make me sick and dissorented but so far they don't have not taken on any form that could hurt me or I could hurt myself. Somebody up there, is helping Awesome Chick look out for me. Oh and Scrappier you are also right. The Nintendo game has a warning on it that it can cause seizures in certain people. I hadn't used it though because I hadn't felt good that day; which I think was an early precursor to the seizures.

This has been an up and down few days. For some reason my seizures are back. It seems though like I can tell when they are going to come on, even before I feel the affects. Is that weird? It is almost psychic. I

I have read some about this on Stroke Network. But I guess as time has gone on it means more to me. What do people mean when they say "You don't look like you had a stroke"? I want to say thank you but I had 4 and maybe 5. For some reason when people hear you had a stroke they expect physical dissabilites. I am so lucky and blessed that I don't really have any. Oh sure I lost about 25% of my visual field, my balance is off and I usually feel like I have the flu. Otherwise though I'm not stricken like most people think I would be if I had what they consider a stroke. My difficulties are much more subtle but still there. My cognitive abilities are damaged. During a conversation I sit there, looking like I didn't have a stroke, but feeling fearful I will have to say something about the topic and my mind won't keep up with everybody elses thoughts. Everybody else is discussing some hot political topic and I'm working hard so I can just remember who was there and most of the time even that I was there. There are so many things I can't do anymore I can't list them. The things that bother me the most are the things that I can't do that make me feel like a child. My wife has to take total control over when I take medicine and what I take. I don't even try to take Tylenol without her knowing and saying it is OK. The big problem is I don't remember. Lately I twice I had to take my medicine on my own. I ended up double dosing myself because I didn't remember taking the first dose. My wife puts my medicines in a pill box that has slots for each day and different doses each day. I still get confused. I search for things to do during the day that will give me a feeling of accomplishment. I think I do some stuff but at the end of the day I can't remember. I used to love to read books. I loved to immerse myself in the "other worlds" authors create. I can read now, but I lose interest in my books. I don't have the urge to go back and keep reading because once I put the book down the story is lost on me. When I do pick up the book to read the next chapter I don't remember anything about the story. I recently signed up to play ESPN Fantasy Baseball online. I thought that the statistics baseball is famous for and some competition would be good for my brain. The problem is that every day I look at my team page there are changes that only I could have made but I don't remember making them. I have a list of players that I got in the draft because I prioritized a list of players. I don't ever remember making the prioritized list or why I chose the players I did. My days and actions are so fragmented and my memories are like snap shots. I can't remember action or real life. If I go to a friends house for an evening, the next day I will only have a few snapshot memories of what went on the night before, if anything at all. The other issue I have is fatigue. If I do even a simple task it will wipe me out even the next day. For example if I try to help my wife by vacumming while she is at work, I do it knowing that I will be wiped out by the time she gets home and most of the next day. This is a good high level overview of what my stroke issues are. There are a lot more but I feel like such a whiner by going over even what I did. I should just be strong and take what I've been given and not complain. If I was a strong person physically, psychologically and spiritually I would do that.