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I grew up in a beach town in New York city,only blocks from the ocean.It was the summer spot for many New yorkers, and my parents chose to make it their year round home. Rockaway was great for an active kid, who rode his trike and later a bike n the 8 mile long boardwalk by the sea.Unfortunately bad Governing turned the peninsula into a refuge for low income housing dwellers and for the mentally Ill in half way houses,which scared off residents to leave for greener pastures. I left for college 12 hours away, paid tuition with steady work in a number of bands as a guitar player and singer.Went onto a teaching career which I abandoned to try my luck as a song writer and guitarist in Nashville.I set year long goals for a 5 year period.I met all my goals in two years.So I stayed and got in a group that toured Nationwide as a remake of the Vogues vocal group.We were seen in a Nashville night club by a producer and his crew who offered us a contract yo record an album,but in Country music style, which our tight harmonies leaned into well. Amazingly our first song release went to #9 on the "charts: and we were off and run,ning literally aboard a bus for the next 5 years.The touring was one of my goals, to see the country and let my guitar pay the way, but I also got paid well to do it, so it was a bonus.This began in 1982 and lasted until 1987 when things went wrong due to changes ar our Record Label,MCA. I returned home to Atlanta and married my girlfriend, attempting to carve out a career to support a family.I returned to my education career and was able to get a job teaching elementary school special needs children.This lasted long enough, 20 years...so I could retire.Then this :Sorry about the caps, typing is stressful; ON ASemmingly Normal DAY SINCE RETIRING FROM MY EDUCATION CAREER, I WOKE AT 5am WHEN MY WIFE ROSE TO BEGIN HER WORKDAY. I go TO THE KITCHEN,to GET AN ESPRESSO AND OPEN my LAPTOP TO SEE WHAT MAY HAVE HAPPENED IN THE WORLD OVERNIGHT.THEN, ITS OFF TO THE GYM ABOUT 8AM AFTER THE SCHOOL TRAFFIC IS DONE. I SPEND AN HOUR THERE,THEN HOME FOR BREAKFAST But on this day, AUG 28 2017,WHILE ON THE VERY BUSY 2 LANE ROAD HEADING HOME, I FELT MY TRUCK PULL HARD LEFT TOWARDS ONCOMING TRAFFIC, I WAS NOT SURE WHAT WAS HAPPENENING TO THE TRUCK,SO I SLOWED TO 30MPH, THEN I REALIZED IT WAS MY LEFT ARM PULLING THE WHEEL OVER TO THE LEFT I pulled the fingers from around the STEERING wheel AND DROVE WITH MY RIGHT HAND UNTIL I GOT HOME,THEN IN THE DRIVEWAY I OPENED MY DOOR WITH MY RIGHT HAND AND STEPPED OUT ONTO A LEFT LEG THAT DID NOT HOLD ME, FELL HARD ONTO THE CONCRETE DRIVE. AND PANICKED MORE THAN A LITTLE I FORCED MYSELF OFF THE CONCRETE ONTO THE RUNNING BOARD AND TRIED TO CATCH MY BREATH, THEN WALKED INTO THE GARAGE AND TO THE HOUSE. I WENT TO THE SHOWER AND TOOK A WARM ONE TO RELAX. THEN I TOOK MY BLOOD PRESSURE TO SEE IF IT WAS HIGH,I FOUND THAT IT WAS 202 OVER 110. I TOOK 2 ASPIRIN ( SMARTbut late) AND CALLED A NEIGHBOR TO COME OVER, HE SAW ME, said I looked bad, and told me I To call 911. I ALSO TEXTED MY WIFE WHO SAID TO MAKE THAT CALL RIGHT AWAY!, SO OF COURSE,I DID NOW ,I WAS QUITE WORRIED, BECAUSE I HAD MADE IT TO 68 YEARS OLD HAVING NEVER BEEN HOSPITALIZED BEFORE, and knew it was coming. I TOLD MYSELF I WOULD TRY TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE new eXPERIENCE AND JUST to RELAX,and found THE EMT CREW so PROFESSIONAL THEY MADE ITeasier FOR ME.Then the EMERGENCY ROOM, WITH A BUSY GROUP IN BLUE SUITS ALL AROUND ME. , I KINDA FOUND IT HARD TO BREATHE, ANXIETY SET IN, AND THEY OFFERED ME OXYGEN AND A DRUG TO RELAX ME AND LOWER MY NOW 210/112 BP. I FELT WEIRD as the drug hit,AND WAS TOLD I WAS STROKING,, HAVING a TIA WHICH can COME IN waves . I HAD AGREED TO GET A ROUND OF TPA, THE CLOT BUSTING DRUG THAT PREVENTS MAJOR STROKES, WHICH CAN FOLLOW A TIA, SCARY BECAUSE IF I HAD ANY BLEEDING INTERNALLY, THE TPA COULD TURN 'EVIL" AND KILL ME. IT WORKEAND I WAS TAKEN TO GET A CT SCAN LOOKING FOR BLOOD AND CLOTS IN MY BRAIN,luckily NONE WERE FOUND AS REPORTED to THE NEUROLOGIST, SO I WAS IN THE CLEAR FOR AWHILE. PHEW! I THEN HAD MORE SCANS, including A FULL 45 MINUTE MRI, TALK ABOUT CLAUSTROPHOBIC! ALSO A CARDIAC SCAN AND NUCLEAR STRESS TEST, AS A GENETIC CANDIDATE FOR HEART DISEASE, I HAVE ALWAYS CARED FOR MY HEART, EXERCISING REGULARLY AND EATING HEALTHY. I ALSO Took SEVERAL HEART SUPPLEMENTS THAT ARE HELPFUL, SO ALL THE TESTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE FOR HEART DISEASE AND BLOCKAGES, OTHER THAN AN ELECTRICAL ISSUE, called a RIGHT BUNDLE BRANCH BLOCK WAS DISCOVERED, WHICH CAN CAUSE ATRIAL FIBRILLATION AND ULTIMATELY LEAD TO STROKE. I also had a full body MRI. I ultimately SPENT 3 NIGHTS IN EMERGENCY CARE THEN 5 MORE IN the ICU. I COULD HAVE BEEN RELEASED TO REHAB , BUT IT WAS THE FRIDAY BEFORE LABOR DAY WEEKEND AND THE REHAB CENTER WOULD NOT ADMIT A NEW PATIENT. SO I spent 3 MORE NIGHTS IN THE RECOVERY AREA OF ICU. FINALLY TUESDAY ARRIVED, AND I WAS TRANSFERRED TO IN- PATIENT REHAB, ON LEAVING THE HOSPITAL, I WAS STRUCK WITH HOW GREAT IT FELT TO BE OUTSIDE, IF EVEN IN AN AMBULANCE, THE REHAB CENTER WAS AnNOTHER NEW EXPERIENCE, A SMALL PRIVATE ROOM WITH very SMALL TV, a BED, LOUNGE CHAIR AND two ROLLING TABLES .THIS WAS TO BE MY HOME FOR 3 WEEKS. VERY DULL, EXCEPT FOR THE THERAPY SESSIONS WHEN MY WHEEL CHAIR WAS ROLLED INTO THE GYM, FOR TWO OR MORE HOURS OF LEG EXERCISES, AND LEARNING HOW YO USE A WALKER SAFELY. ONE DAY AFTER SEVERAL WEEKS I WAS INSTRUCTED TO TRANSFER TO A LOW MAT- TABLE , MY CHAIR WAS PLACED SEVERAL FEET AWAY, SO I STOOD AND WALKED,TO THE MAT. THIS WAS SUCCESSFUL BUT NOT VERY PRETTY. MY LEFT LEG WAS GAINING IN STRENGTH BUT NOT IN GOOD CONTROL, I REALIZED THOUGH THAT I HAD ACTUALLY WALKED AND WAS QUITE PROUD OF THAT ACTION. THE OT THERAPY CONCENTRATED ON MY LEFT ARM AND HAND USING VARIOUS TECHNIQUES INCLUDING E-STIM, ELECTRONIC MUSCLE STIMUATION, WHICH AMAZED ME TO SEE MY HAND AND FINGERS MOVE ANIMATEDLY. I ALSO HAD SPEECH THERAPY TO IMPROVE MY VOICE CONTROL, AND WE SPENT SOME TIME SINGING WHICH FOR ME WAS A MAJOR PART OF MY LIFE PRIOR TO ALL THIS. I KNEW THAT THE POSSIBILITY OF REGAINING MY GUITAR PLAYING ABILITY WAS REMOTE AND WELL INTO THE FUTURE OF ALL THIS. DEPRESSING, BUT MY REALITY NO DOUBT.SINCE A STROKE CAN MAKE YOU VERY EMOTIONAL QUICKLY, often I WOULD BE OVERCOME WITH CRYING JAGS WHEN I BECAME truly AWARE OF my new REALITY, AND this ONLY ABATED WITH A PRESCRIPTION ANTI -DEPRESSANT PRESCRIBED FOR ME. THE THREE WEEKS DRAGGED ON WITH PROGRESS BEING HARD WON, AND MANY HOURS SPENT IN MY BORING ROOM., ALONE THANKFULLY I HAD MY LAPTOP BROUGHT IN, AND FOUND THE STROKE SUPPORT ONLINE NETWORK, WHICH GAVE ME INSIGHTS INTO WHAT OTHERS HAD EXPERIENCED WITH their STROKE AND AFTERWARDS. I ALSO STARTED READING A BOOK ON RECOVERY FROM STROKE WHICH WAS VERY EDUCATIONAL. I SAW THE POTENTIAL AND MY OPTIMISM INCREASED GREATLY. I JOINED AND EAGERLY READ THE POSTS FROM OTHER SURVIVORS. I RECEIVED A NUMBER OF VISITORS at rehab INCLUDING A FEW OLD FRIENDS I HAD NOT SEEN IN QUITE SOME TIME. MY WIFE CAME EVERY DAY AFTER WORK , ROLLING ME OUT TO THE COURTYARD FOR SOME AIR AND SUNSHINE. I LOOKED FORWARD TO SEEING HER EACH DAY, AND SHE PREPARED TO BE MY HOME CAREGIVER SOON. I WORRIED ABOUT BURDENING HER, BUT SHE WOULD NOT HEAR ANY OF THAT, MY SONS BOTH CAME TOO AND ONE STAYED THREE DAYS, SLEEPING ON THE COUCH IN THE ROOM I HAD. HE IS STRONG YOUNG MAN AND VERY POSITIVE , SO HIS VISIT WAS GREAT FOR MY MOTIVATION. I RELISHED THE TIMES I HAD ACCESS TO A HOT SHOWER AS THEY WERE FEW, BUT IT WAS WONDERFUL.BEING CLEAN AND FELT GREAT AFTERWARDS. Then the special joy of going home where a friend had supplied us with a ramp over the stairs to the door, and several bathroom grab bars thankfully.

“Just go in the Emergency Room entrance madam and they will take care of you,” were the words calmly spoken to me by the paramedics. They would go to a designated entrance with that special cargo known as my husband. I was to go to the Public entrance. Of course, I followed the ambulance closely while simultaneously biting my nails and praying that everything would be O.K. Pulling into the first parking spot I saw I hurriedly parked and scurried through the doors only to be directed to have a seat. With in the first few minutes of my arrival to the hospital emergency room I was made aware that the trauma surrounding me was of no significance to those behind the glass divider. Upon the first words spoken it rang out like bells in a steeple; that I was just a number. Why this matters to one wife of a stroke survivor may not be that pertinent. But when I acknowledge the vast amount of individuals who are thrust suddenly into a world of fear upon walking through those doors of a hospital each day it somehow seems important. Somehow, those scenes portrayed in the medical TV dramas don’t emphasize this not so miniscule detail surrounding hospital emergency. Basically, my husband was alert, talking clearly and fully aware when the paramedics loaded him in their van. He just couldn’t move on his left side but because he spoke for himself I had it in my head that this wasn’t so bad. When I stated to the front desk I was here with my husband, whom was just brought by ambulance, and asked to be directed to his room I was greeted by a nonenthusiastic, “Have a seat and we will call you.” monologue. It was added that they were still checking my husband in to a room… This, my dear readers is even more so when I became aware that I was now a number in a system. No one seemed to care that I was scared, worried, confused, tired, panicked, and still in my pajamas. I sat in the waiting room far longer than I should have. I was left there in a waiting room to pace, wondering what was taking so long, and debating if I should call anyone. More so I wanted to be by my husband’s side, holding his hand, not nervously pacing in a waiting area wishing I would have road with him in the ambulance. In reality these people were doing their job but as I watched the desk clerk, the various individuals come and go behind her desk, and the clock I became angry. I felt 45 minutes was beyond a reasonable amount of time that had lapsed. I scurried to the desk once again and harshly requested to be taken to my husband. Conversation took place among those behind that glass and finally I was buzzed into the Emergency Room as if there were an underground casino establishment. It was when I entered the area where my husband had medical staff scurry around him that I heard, for the first time, the word “Stroke.” From the moment I learned that my husband was having a stroke I felt like I was swept up into a tornado. Questions were hurled at me regarding my husband’s history, insurance, and how would we be paying today. “Did he have a living will, advanced directive, or DNR preference?” On and on the questions and comments were tossed at me like daggers. My brain was numb and slow to respond as if I was dreaming. “I didn’t know all the answers, but I did, I just couldn’t think at that moment.” Somewhere in the midst of it all I stopped and looked at my husband…All the nurses, the doctors, and the machines moved in unison with one another. Never once did anyone or thing acknowledge the emotion I was feeling in that time or the role I had just been thrust into…I, just became a stroke survivor’s wife without warning or alarm. I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t asked for this or prepared myself. How could I? It was the unknown. I didn’t know if I could trust anyone. Yet in the same token those treating my husband maneuvered with such certainty. It was like I was pulled into a country line dance only I didn’t know the steps. I truly felt the expectation of the medical personal was that I should know… “That is it, they did what they do and now that I was in their midst, a new caregiver, I too should know what I am to do…” Certainly, I do not wish to demean those who work in the medical arena for their service is important. However, I do desire to create awareness. When someone requires Emergency Room treatment it is difficult to be a loved one on the other side. We are an extension of the patient but not the patient. We are immediately brushed aside, but also at the same time made to be a part of the care giving team. I questioned that night, I questioned that next day and I questioned for weeks, and I still question “Where were those in the health arena reaching out to help me?” Perhaps it was customer service issues, minimal staffing, or the time of day. At that moment of crisis when I had entered the doorway to a new world I just wanted one person who was assigned to get me some water, hold my hand, note what I need to do, and interpret what medically was being said to me. So, my quest, with this blog, is to erase “The just a number factor”…because loved ones and/or caregivers are far more than just a number.

For some time I have been mulling over the idea of starting a blog…Way back when, I thought about a blog for Massage Therapy to incorporate the insights of alternative therapy. I even went as far as setting it up…I think there are one or two stories on that blog. Time slid by and I never blogged more than those few notes. Certainly, I don’t discredit it because it is still a good idea but in the past summer I was thrust into an experience that I never planned on…That’s when I became a stroke victims wife. With all that is involved around someone who has had a stroke it became a daunting task to get through each day. Somewhere, I said I could be of help. Then time went on and I had not drafted one word…Today, eight months later, I have decided that the excuses stop here. I have become aware of so many things and I must write about them. So my dear fans as I embark upon this journey that some of you may follow and others will find too insignificant I heed your support for there is much to learn in this world of circumstances. With that being said…Let’s begin: Blog 1: Vision In June last year my husband had a stroke. Upon that day, I became the wife of a stroke victim. This title didn’t really define itself clearly and I didn’t really want it. Basically, my life was turned upside down. It was everything I could do to just get through each day as my husband lay in a hospital bed fighting for his life. A fight it was…I barely left his side and when I did it always seemed like the worst would happen. Guilt became a regular visitor while I lived in a recliner chair conveniently located by my husband’s bedside. Oh, certainly, there were times that I had family and friends to assist me with the ongoing task of support. But, at the end of each day when I was so tired I could not function I would lay back in that recliner and hope for something better to present itself in the new day. Each day, that “something better” would actually show itself. Yet, each day would have landslides that kept tears falling down my face and I can only describe as horrible. It was a time that I would never want anyone else to experience, nor would I want to revisit. I prayed for understanding. After a months stay in the hospital my husband was moved to an inpatient rehabilitation hospital. Each day they scooped him out of bed and took him through a schedule of therapy. While this was effective…it was robotic. I found myself with moments to breath…rest…and take care of the “Over the top” paperwork. My husband would do the exercises they told him to do; yet, he couldn’t do the exercises they told him to do. As his wife, his caregiver, and his love I ached to see him respond. Again, much pain filled my being. It was during this time that I realized the simplicity of being able to take a sip of water, to turn to your love and smile, or to walk to the bathroom when you feel the urge. I realized how much I took for granted. I realized how quickly we can have something removed from us. Awareness of what is most important was knocking at my door. Somehow, in all this turmoil I received vision or clarity. And as my eyes have been opened, my dear readers, I was made aware that this vision needed to be shared. So, today I begin blogging as a stroke wife’s life…and I simply ask you to please join me.

As the heading says, this was the way it was. Yesterday the bloody long steep hill......today it was the 15 minute walk before spending a horrendous 15 minutes pounding up and down steps of the race course grandstand. The calf muscles felt it first, then the knees. And then it was the lungs and heart. But.....I feel better for it.....or so I like to think. And today I remembered the chest/heart monitor and the wrist gizmo. Sadly, I forgot I was wearing them until late afternoon! ;-( Tomorrow I do the brisk 30 minute walk. And then it's back to the bloody hill again. And I am doing all this torture in the named of medical research. Though I admit that I am also doing it for the betterment of my health. I also went to the library today and borrowed a book called "Pain" which initially looked like a kids cartoon type of publication.....but as they say: Never judge a book by its cover. It's damn good. Can't remember which ppl wrote it, but as it's in the study some distance away, and as it's after 11.00pm, and as it's bloody cold....you will all have to wait until tomorrow when I get myself out of bed and blog again. Then I can give you all the details. G'night zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I had most of today to myself, as Jules went tol Melbourne to spend the day browsing the fashion shops with daughter Mia. So just as I decided to cook Moroccan meatballs, architect Ian dropped by for coffee, and stayed for an hour or so. Then I managed to get into cooking after he left. It takes me an age to cook these days, as having only one effective hand means I have to be careful with everything, specially the super sharp knives. I'm not much good at finely chopped onion, for example, unless I want to include some finger....which I don't! And while measuring out spices is easy, cracking an egg is still hard...without getting some shell into the pot as well! I guess most of we survivors who enjoy cooking have to adopt different ways of doing things to people who are not in the slightest disabled. But someow we manage. The meatballs are now cooked and sitting in the 'fridge until we have them for dinner tomorrow night (with salad and cous cous), as this evening we have been invited out to a wonderful couple, Ian and Simon, who live just down the street. Ian, who is an outstanding cook, still loves simple food so we are having corned beef, mashed potatoes and greens. Anyhow, I digress. After finishing the cooking I went for my half hour fast paced walk, and really felt it in my calfs, which are obviously still feeling yesterday's stair walking! But if I dont walk, the body starts to seize up, and Moochie the dog loves it. I wish I had her boundless energy!. When I got home I jumped in the car and did a quick tour of the food shops and bakeries as Jules' best friend is training it up from Melbourne tomorrow to spend the day with her, and she is a vegetarian. So Jules wanted me to check on which were the best looking vegetarian pasties and savoury tarts. So I have had an interesting day, and Jules arrives back at the Kyneton station at 4.30, where I will pick her up.

I said I'm off to a slow start, but I never realised it would be so damn slow. The past 3-4 weeks seem to have flown and I don't appear to have done much at all. Now I'm having problems remembering what I have and have not done. But things have been happening: ..We drove back to Adelaide for several days (a round trip of about 2,000 km) to see Jules's 93 yo mum as she had been rushed to hospital......only to find that she was sitting up in bed looking fine. Makes me wonder how many more if these "mercy" dashes we will have to undertake before she passes on. Not that I would wish her evil....... ..We had the grandkids come and stay with us for a few days. . ..We went down to Melbourne for a few days and watched 8 yo Jack playing footy (he kicked one goal, was instrumental in his team getting another two, and took a couple of wonderful marks) and missed 5 yo Gus kicking four goals, including three in almost as many minutes. ..Gus had his photo on page 3 of Melbourne's major newspaper and featured on a national TV news service...but it was like water off a duck's back to him. He greeted his mother the day afterwards shouting joyously, "I'm famous!" and waving both arms in the air. ..I had my first session at Monash Epworth Research Foundation which is doing a study into exercise and people who have suffered brain injury and was interviewed for an hour about my sleep and exercise habits (my sleep is rotten and I only average around 3-4 hours a night....but that was the case pre stroke anyway). I go back again in August 7. ..I have had bronchitis - at least that is what my dr said when I saw him on Tuesday to get e results of tests that were done the previous week..... Chest x-Rays to check on lung damage/emphysema/lung cancer and breathing tests. Good news.....apart from minor damage done by some 40 years of smoking the lung capacity is only moderately down, and the lungs were clean apart from damage done by thoracic surgery in early 2010. ..and I had my iPad checked by Apple and it is OK......but I have lost a stack of stuff that was on it when they reset it, and now my passwords are all up *beep* bonzer creek and I'm having trouble accessing various things including internet banking. So that's my dreary and booring story. Finally, I apologise for any typos etc. it's almost midnight and my eyes feel like *beep* holes in the snow..... PS: I know the censor has a job to do, but I do find it a bit of a pain in the *beep* when what has been beeped out actually added to the story...but I guess I will get use to it.

In 2007, when I came home after school, I saw so many people in your home, something bad hit in my brain. It's hard to speak it out, but you are gone. I wish I can see your smile face one more time, so that I can recall how sweet you are when I miss you. Still, I will follow to do all the thing you told and taught me.

Hey everyone I wanted to share my latest blog post with you'll. It discusses some of the options that are currently available for stroke survivors in regards to typing on a computer. This is an important domain for stroke survivors to speak up about. If you know of any other resources like keyboards, software, or programs that I missed, please suggest them in the comments and add links, so others can benefit from the information. It is important to raise more awareness, all comments are encouraged. http://fightstroke.com/typingafterstroke/ Thanks,

I've been posting for a while over at http://strokesurvivorblog.wordpress.com/ and hope no-one will mind me just cross posting here for simplicity and idleness's sake. Your comments are always welcome. Ben

I want to let every one with shoulder problems know that there is a arm brace that is designed to hold the shoulder in place that works with out restricting movement.I know that doctors and therapist don't recomend slings for subluxation (my girl friend had a stroke)but every therapist that has tried this sling now recomends it you can check it out at subluxsling.com