Do you ever avoid functions?

[stessie]

I was speaking with another stroke survivor today who told me she tries to avoid all functions with former work colleagues and friends as she doesn't want them to see her limping and with a curled hand. It made me wonder....do you ever avoid functions or get togethers for similar reasons? I know that when I first stroked I missed a wedding because I didn't want friends to see me in my situation.

 

Just curious.

 

Stessie

[dstraugh]

I have avoided functions post mainly because of transportation issues and getting into or out of vehicles (especially those sitting higher off the ground). That excuse was recently taken away as my cousin purchased a folding step-stool she can keep under her seat for me.

 

The only other difficulty and deterrent is getting into places because of steps and no railings and if there is a lot of walking involved and uneven terrain.

 

Maybe it's part of the acceptance journey but I don't really care what others think when I have to use my hemi-walker to get around. At least I'm able to get around and for that I feel blessed. I am what I am now. I'm still me on the inside. For me, part of the life goes on after stroke includes living my life and getting out from behind the 4 walls. It takes leaving the comfort zone sometimes.

[ksaul]

stessie,

donna is right...sometimes you have to go beyond your comfort zone.....the year after my stroke i turned down invites to social gathering where there would be people knew......not so much because of my cane and funny walk as any type of gatering made me exhausted and dizzy.

i still get very tired and have trouble focusing in social situations....but i have learned to pace myself better with time. i am more self-concious than i was before my stroke, but it stems mainly from not always "getting" what someone is saying or what is going on.

as far as hanging out with former work colleagues i would not be keen on that prior to my stroke. my personal friends are cool and they know i am still me with an extra dash of confused. kathy

[fking]

NO, never I go to all functions I'm invited to and always out in public just the way I am. I feel like I'm an inspiration to others and to those that may be thinking of giving up the battle to live. That's my belief why I'm still here to inspire others.

 

My hand and arm has curled some but I can still walk and drive myself anywhere especially to my many appointments lately while my wife is working everyday. We can't help what happened in our lives we just keep on going as long as we can no matter how we look we are still a person.

[mcdube]

I have in the past turned down invitations mostly if there would be mostly dancing and I would be the only one without a partner, therefore alone at a table when everyone else would be dancing. If there was going to be other singles then I would have someone to talk to then I accepted. Now I go anywhere I feel like going and I get up to dance even if I have to dance alone. I missed out on too much because of the stroke, I don't let anything pass me by anymore. I realize that I could be my worse enemy thinking what will they think or say. No more and I have fun too.

[srademacher]

The first year after Gary's stroke one of his sisters got upset with me for taking him out in public in his wheelchair. She said "If I were him I wouldn't want people to see me like that." I told her the sooner he got used to his "new normal" the better it would be for all of us and if the public couldn't handle it, it was their problem, not his. There but for the grace of God could they be!! After he became so motivated to work on the swallowing issues before our first big trip to Daytona Beach, they realized that blending into the mainstream of society was indeed the best thing for him. There were times when he still had the feeding tube that we would stop in a corner by the elevators near a parking garage and inject his nutrition in the tube and go on about our business - never did anyone tell us that we shouldn't be out in public doing that. If they had, I would have probably decked them right then and there! LOL

 

Sarah

 

[stessie]

These are great responses. After I missed the first wedding function, I have never missed another event either. I was social before my stroke and that hasn't changed since my stroke. I just have to be extra careful because of uneven terrain.

Life goes on....

[AllanWilliams]

After I first had my stoke 10 aug 07 I only went to one friends place(the couple new me well and understood my situation) never anywere else, mainly because of my memory problems but after operation and my memory returned i would go any were. Then i lost my legs that slowed everything down i would not go outside of my home or surrounds garden etc but after a few months and i regained some confidence in myself i ventured downtown shopping etc then as time went on I would accept invitations to go out for dinner etc now i just do as i please without hesitation. Now I enjoy my life to my best ability.

 

Allan

[stessie]

Allan,

You are an inspiration to many of us. Good for you for getting out and about.

 

Stessie

[myhome]

The first months after my stroke I didn't want to have visitors because I was in bad shape and didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me. Since then, I couldn't care less what people think of, or about me. They invite me, I show up, who can turn down free food :Starvin:

[sue in oz]

Hi Stessie,

 

I don't avoid any form of going out, whether it's to my son's soccer match, work colleagues or friends' places. I make the arrangements appropriate to my needs at the time. As I have progressed through this year my circle of activity has gotten wider as I have gotten stronger & more able.

 

I do think that one has to push oneself a little each time, other wise how does one improve.

 

As to what people think about how I look or move, I don't really care, I do the best I can. On the other hand, the more we get out there, the more others realise how many people have with mobility, arm use & that we still are essentially the same people that we have always been.

 

HTH

[arogers]

We do avoid going to some functions. We don't go where there is not good handicap accessibility and where there are large crowds. The reason is not because of what others might think, or because Bill is embarrassed. When there is a large crowd of people socializing the only thing Bill hears is "la, la, la, la, la," etc. It isn't much fun to sit in a room full of people and not to be able to follow a conversation because of the background noise.

 

We do go to functions for other people who we want to honor such as graduations, weddings and funerals. Sometimes it is important to demonstrate our respect for others and put our situation on the back burner for awhile!

[HostAsha]

stessie:

 

 

initial years post stroke were little difficult til my acceptance & loving my new self kicked in. Now I go everywhere in fact I am planning new year party at my own house this year. I realized I have come quite far after my initial sad days. I love life & not ready to sit in sidelines due to my stroke.

 

Asha

[kanderson]

yes i did not go to some functions right after my stroke. i could not attend my nephews wedding it was to soon after my stroke in a different state. i just wasn't ready yet. now i do go out when i am able to get their safely, so i have to look at the accessibility of the function and if i will have help with me should i need it. i don't care what people think either. this is me now. i can't help that. i just want to get away from the walls of my home and have a good time.

[PhilW]

In my first couple of months I didnt go merely because I couldnt walk too well & I aws still having trouble with my Dysphagia, but after that I always go where people that heard of what happened , compliment me on how well i looked, and the people who dont usally come up ask and say that "magic word" how are you? I reply still here arent I !!!

[redsonya]

I avoid going to unfamiliar places by myself. If I can't drive very far without being very tired when I get there. If someone else drives and I have someone with me it is a lot easier. Lately I am less brave than I was earlier in my recovery. That could be because I have gone a few times by myself places and fell into the wall and got disoriented. I learned I can't sit in a theatre unless I am on the first floor and movies are really hard on me due to perception problems. Bleachers and not for me and if at all possible I sit with my back to the wall so no one comes up from behind me. It is really hard to explain to people all the things that mess me up so I have been avoiding going out a little.

I have kids so I go to all their functions but my husband has to take them to after parties and such because I'm done after about an hour or two at the function. I have lost some friends because they thing I'm avoiding them. I tell them I would love to have them over it is just hard for me to know when my energy will run out. My husband has convinced me to go a lot of places I would have never gone without him. He says I'll drive and I'll we will use the wheelchair so you won't get so tired so fast. He even convinced me to go to the Kennedy Space Center with him. I would never have done that alone.

 

It is hard to explain yourself when you are tired and your words start to jumble. I'm concentrating so hard on keeping upright that people think I'm not social. I think I have gotten into a bit of slump. I need to keep trying.

 

You all are very inspiring. I am still trying to find my new normal but I am very grateful for everything I am able to do. Thanks for being so honest and encouraging.

[gramma]

I feel my slight limp and over-under steps are noticable to others and I don't like spending a lot of time at my to-be inlaws homes. I don't know how much of my medical history is known to them so it is a let down, sort of, when I know we are going to visit anyone. My family knows all my insecurities I just don't want my to be to be inlaws to think I am not good enough for my fiance. And I would be so embaraced if I fell while I was visiting. I have almost fallen just while out, my fiance lets me hold onto him for support, thankfully.

[jjohnson]

Good Topic:

I will go out if it is handicap accessible. I know there is one friend whose house isn't and she won't allow me to come with my wheelchair, welp, sorry, I am one with my wheelchair. So I haven't gone to their Holiday party for the past three years and I know she is having a baby shower soon and I won't be attending that either because she shared with me the other day she is having it at her home.

 

I will send a gift for the baby, but, I won't be there. Same thing with Wayne's kids, their homes are not accessible and they know I can't go there. I tried and it was a disaster, so we said we tried, we gave it the good ole college try, but I wasn't going to be stupid and do something to jeopardize my recovery.

 

His youngest daughter said why don't u just bring Jan's bedside commode and she could just use that cuz their bathroom is on the second floor. losts of steps and I can't do steps. Yeah, like I'll just sit on the front lawn and wave to the passerbuyers.

 

Goodness, hehe That was so funny. Gotta love it, life is good. At least I still have my sense of humor.

 

Have a blessed day.

Hugs, Jan

Believe in Miracles and SOAR

[bartszatmary]

figure it like this, we got our stuff together better then most so be proud impress the growd with your brains looks and personality. I slir my words limb forget eveything and the more educated still want to converse w/ me. Ill bet its the same with you. SO GET OUT AND PARTY!

[Le Hermite]

Hi Folks.....

 

I get out as things arise, but don't do solo.....

 

My Doc only approved my driving short trips...drog store, groceries, appointments....

He's right, too.....Driving is tiring for me....

 

If there's transportation to and fro....why not....?

 

The only other issue is crowds.....Negotiating with a cane can be an issue, though most folks are accomodating....

[Mary Goldberg]

Hi, my name is Mary and I definitely have to comment on this. I welcome going out and don't care if I have to use my cane. My husband and I went to a party last night for his professional society and I had a good time. It left me with good thoughts for today as I am by myself until 6 p.m. I hadn't seen any of his friends in over two years so they were happy to see me and I them.

 

When I had my stroke 3 years ago I was so lonely and didn't know what to do with myself. I now go to a senior center 2 days a week and to Curves 3 days a week. In the beginning I had to get rides there but now I drive a little. I still use the free ride to the senior center and have made new friends who are much older than me but hey they talk and have a lot to share with me. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

 

 

[Guest]

hi i had my stroke on 2-11-03 5 years now going on 6

i have continued going out of the house daily

i never stopped even at first when i was wheelchair bound

i still went out

the way i see it is you can't give up you have to fight

never quit attitude has gotten me this far and it will continue to get me even further

you cant hide well you can but that's no good 4 u

i go out weeekly with my wife on our dates still

[Kristen]

I was such the party girl pre stroke - I went thru a tough period initially post and had what I called "Cooona phobia", I moved out of town into a church I had brought and focused on doing some renovating, I was having panic attacks each time I had to go into town, one day my sister said to me 'don't be so up yourself to think that everyone is talking about you", that really hit home as I live in a very small community and realised that was what my anxiety was over, after pushing myself to to return to work, I am now much better, I still avoid the party scene, largely cos I have come to realise pre-stroke I was an alcoholic, and now I'm not ready to face the temptation of drinking, it will come, not just yet tho, It's a huge step to admit you are an alcoholic, especially for me as my dad is one and has been sober 25 years now so I grew up with AA, Ala-teen etc and convinced my self that a bottle of red wine a night was normal as I could still function with my 2 children my job as senior management position, so my life wasn't uncontrollable due to alcohol, I was using it to control and cope with my life , have a good day

Kris

[swilkinson]

Ray and I go out as much as I can manage. Today was our Stroke support Christmas party and we had dancing. Ray hasn't danced since 1999 but I noticed a lot of the women stroke survivors put chairs around the dance floor and using the chair as a prop danced to the beat. It was awesome to see. Good for them I say.

 

We have a couple of homes we don't go to because of the "bathroom is upstairs" problem. It is a pity as both households have plenty of money and a downstairs bathroom would save the problem. Oh well, we have plenty of good friends and can always meet somewhere other than their homes like in restuarants, shopping centres or one of our beachside parks and have a good time.

 

Fortunately Ray has never had a complex about being in a wheelchair and uses the stick when the going is flat and even and not too far away. I find rain is a hazard though especially at night when I have to get him and the chair out of the car and into the venue without getting all of us soaked. At least in summer we dry out fast...lol.

 

Happy holidays to you all, and party like there is no tomorrow!

 

Sue.

[Vix]

Once a party girl - always a party girl!!!!

Greg hasn't let me sit at home feeling sorry for myself. we go out for supper or drinks at least once a week. I am very self-concious (sp) of my walk and Greg still helps me cut up my food but it doesn't stop us from going out. We have attended a couple of weddings this year and after a glass of wine you will find me on the dance floor along with everyone else. I wasn't a good dancer pre-stroke, so that hasn't changed but I do enjoy bopping to the music!!! And all our friends are aware of our situation so no-one feels sorry for me - they are all pleased at my progress.