Too hard on myself

[gramma]

It is hard for me to accept my limititions since I had my strokes. I often feel I am stupid, even though I know I am not. I make mistakes that I would't not have made pre-stroke. I am kinda off with my footing and balance. I know I am doing better than I was in the past. I just get so hard on myself. I used to love to read, not it just hurts my head because I can't remember what I have just read and I am bad with numbers or letters. If I am writing a number, I can get the number wrong, I know what the number or letter is I just cant get it to from my brain to my fingers. I used to really good with computer stuff, now I can't remember to do things I used to do. I know that I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but I am anyway. I have come a long way. I just need to be kinder to myself. Hope everyone is doing well. I guess I just need to know I am not the only one that is going through this.

[dstraugh]

No dear you are not the only one going through these things. Grace was never something I had an abundance of and now post it's long gone. As time goes on, there are good and bad balance days. Last week I had a bad balance moment and ended up sitting on my bathroom floor and subsequently hurting my left leg as I tried to get up.

 

I'm not sure how much of my forgetfulness is related to stroke and what is related to the creeping up of years. It's a combination for sure and difficult to handle. You are right, we must be kind with ourselves. Beating ourselves up over the issues won't get us anywhere whatsoever.

 

For me, if I can keep relaxed and calm, the knowledge of the yesterdays is more easily and readily accessible. In the words of my teen daughter....she says "Chill". She can be wise past her years lol.

 

Hang in there Diane

[kwaltke]

Most days I could have easily authored your post. Except I cannot write yet. Not at all I can read but dont ask for my to get my signture on paper. I have visual issues but mostly it would be easier to list the things I can do and do as well as before the strokes Thats a shorter list by far. I do my best not to let it get me down. I have a long gratitude list to write out once I can write again. Hugs Karen

[Guest Pjoy]

My Dear Gramma,

I have never had a stroke and have the same problems! We are always our own worst critic. Somehow we have to learn to love ourselves, despite our shortcomings. God Bless us all!................Joy

[bstockman]

Hi gramma, It is much easier to say.. be kinder to yourself, than it is to actually do it. Frustration seems to come hand in hand with stroke. Slowing down and practice seem to help. In the beginning I could not even finish a hand of solataire on the computer, each time i was on the computer it became a bit easier and I could be on longer. I practiced with card games and Mahjjong (matching games)

 

Our injuries.. for the most part are invisible, thought, reading, focus etc. With reading, I started with mgazines, short stories, I have only completed a few books post stroke, but I am reading a book now. I used to devour books.... With slowing down, and practice things will come back.

 

I still have days when phone numbers or words escape me. ... I have learned ..look it up, the next day it will probably be back soon. Frustraition sometimes helps us get motivated or challenged. You are not stupid.. you have had a brain injury....

 

Bonnie

[PhilW]

Gidday DI, Yes we are all in the same boat and it does frustrate us all. Ive lost count too how many times Ive yelled &screamed when things dont go the way I want it. Unfortunately you just have to be patient&accept the way things are Im sure we all have too. I wish you all the best with your recovery & chill out so you dont damage yourself **hi**

[kanderson]

gramma, what the others have said is true. its easy to be hard on ourselves when things go wrong and its human nature to react that way. you are in no way stupid. please do not think that way either. we need to lift our spirits up on the bad days and as bonnie said. we have had a serious injury to our brains, that does not heal itself over night. please try to be patient with yourself and realize that you are trying to heal and get better. things will be better in time. we have to love ourselves for who we are now and let our former selves be a memory. with thanksgiving coming up, lets be thankful for what we are able to do now. you are never alone when you are here with us. i hope you feel better in the days ahead.

[Le Hermite]

Hi Gramma....

 

Let me add to the chorus of 'Yeah...me also'...

 

For me it was almost constant in the beginning....

 

It took a while to get it thru to my psyche that it'll come, I just have to keep nudging it...

 

Though I still find my self shouting at me..."NOW CUT IT OUT!!" once in a while....

 

Fortunately, I live single, so other folks don't have to question my sanity any more than usual....<G>....

[GEMartin]

Hey Gramma **hi**

I was good at math, spelling, reading diagrams and schematics. All of this changed in an instant when I had my strokes. My son told me that I actually forgot his name when I was in the hospital. I have dementia, massive memory problems to say the least. It IS VERY FRUSTRATING !!!! :Argh:

I know that words can't describe how you feel.

Be patient with yourself and KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

You are aware of your condition and your feelings and much much more. This is a good thing.

 

Jerry

[jjohnson]

Dear Gramma: Add me to the list. I am my own judge and jury. I have said the following so much, probably every day since I was out of my coma, etc. and could understand what I was thinking.

 

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

 

Living one day at a time; sometimes I have to take one second at a time

Enjoying one moment at a time; appreciate the days I have as I missed out on months from the coma

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; and accept it as my journey

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will; He has my life all planned out, I just need to take the journey

That I may be reasonably happy in this life President Lincoln said people are as happy as they make their minds to be. I choose to be happy. I say in the morning or when I wake up: I welcome the day and I tell myself I am going to enjoy what the day brings.

I truly feel my hubby is burnt out. I know it's been hard for him, but I can't do anymore than what I am. He gets frustrated with me when he will say something to me and then I can't remember what he said, I have short term memory really bad. I find it gets worse when I am tired and/or stressed. I can only imagine how hard being with me is. I also know being my caregiver gets to be much on him. I have come a long way but five years is a bit much. I think he realizes that as well. I just keep striving to be happy and learn as much as I can .... being here has helped me so much. I am so thankful for those who share. This is such a safe haven where we can be totally honest with one another. There are many who walk in our shoes. I know another thing that is tough for me is I will type a post and when I go over it to check for typos, etc. there are words that are backwards, etc. like you said in your post, I know what the number or letter is I just cant get it to from my brain to my fingers. In my mind, I know what I want to say and I type it and dang it's wrong. None of us are stupid or we wouldn't be here. We are Survivors. We went into battle and have had war with the beast.... STROKE. We have beat the odds. We have fought hard to reclaim our lives. Each of us deserve a medal of bravery and the ability to do whatever we had to ... to get back what we could of our lives. We need to learn to love and accept ourselves. Great post Diane, thanks. God Bless, I'm rooting for you. Keep me updated ok. ty

Hugs, Jan

Believe In Miracles and SOAR

[kwaltke]

Gramma

If only I had a nickel for every time I got frustrated or someone got frustrated with me Id take us all to the Bahamas. I have come so far, IE I can get my spoon to my mouth now When there was a time that seemed mission impossible. If only you knew how many typo s I have had to back space to correct or how bad I feel knowing I need a caregiver and my poor husband.... he gets burned out. I went to visit a friend for a couple weeks and when I got home my dear husband looked like he was 10 years younger. I am a survivor and do the best I can and am so grateful that I am not where I was when I woke up. I remind my family that they prayed so hard for this. I am alive. On the most frustraing day, and I am not proud of this I told my family this I said I know you all prayed so hard for me and now you that your prayers were answered you get upset that I am not perfect.... It isnnt fair But I am so grateful to be here to frustrate you. And then we battle depression because lets face it Life is good but it is not what it was before the strokes. Just know that we are out here rooting for you and every day is better and sweeter. I wish for you every thing you dream of and more. We all do. Life is wonderful!! Even when there are days you want to throw in the towel. I will here for you when you have that day I know someone will encourage me on my days I want to give up.

[gramma]

Thank you for all the kind words. I try not to be so hard on myself, I was this way also pre stroke. I guess I was a profectionist even though I am far from perfect. I just get frustraged. I will try to be kinder to my self and take things much slower. My fiance is always telling me to slow down, lol, maybe I should listen to him and I wont be frustrated all the time. Thank you my friends. And I printed out the serenty prayers, it will help to read it often. hugs, diana

[Farrell]

Hi Diana~

 

I can say Amen to being to hard on yourself...I do that to...It's hard not to when you've

lost the ability to function as we once were. But I have to turn myself around and say

there's a reason why I'm still alive. (sometimes I to am to hard on myself) But it's hard

not to be when baking cheese cake @ Thanksgiving was so easy now it's become a Mtountain.

But today I accomplished a recipe my husband gave me pumpkin cheesecake. As I prayed

my way through it, I DID IT! PRAISE BE TO GOD! When the kids all come home, the mixture

@ times gets to be to much. But I have to go to my room & seek peace. It's so hard to trying

to sort through it all, but you know what God knows the reason & in that I know it's right.

So if you can lay it all at His feet & find something to build from, because you are alive for a

reason and your special...Know we are behind you everyday In every way. We are here for

you.... :Clap-Hands:

 

Your friend ~ Nancy :friends:

 

[ksaul]

hi diane,

just joining the crowd here to say i understand. i still have that pre-stroke tape in my head telling me how and what i should do. it is hard and like everyone has said, you are not alone. keep on trying....after all, if we are not kind to ourselves what can we expect from others. kathy

[Louis]

Goodness sakes, I could have written your post. Things that were easy before are difficult or nearly impossible now.I was working as an equiptment operator running a large loader with a 12yard bucket without any problem. I also drove a semi-trailer with oversized loads. Now I have trouble with my Ford pickup truck.In my case it has been only a little over 6 months since my stroke.Sometimes it seems like my brain just skips a beat and it is exasperating. I like to think that I am getting better every day but sometimes I am not sure. You are not alone in your feeling and GOD BLESS YOU.

[Outsider]

My 2 cents...

Ever see a 34 year old man through a temper tanturum of a 2 year old?(Be nice ladies )

You should see me on my really bad days..

I get so frustrated when things aren't going as I know they should.

The other day I was making my 2 year old a cup of chocolate milk and I dropped

a whole gallon of milk I had just opened on the floor.

I immediately felt my blood preassure going up then my 2 year old looks at me and says

"Ah Ohhh daddy make mess!!!"

he then proceeds to run through the house telling EVERYONE of my fodder

I couldn't help but bust into laughter over his doing that

Go easy sometimes we just gotta laugh at the dumb things that happen to us

[bartszatmary]

Ill join in I too have my moments. I just got home with my 2nd stroke and and know the fits I threw with the first and the pain it caused my wife. Ithought about that everyday at the hospital. Where would I be without her, dead.Thats where. She saved my butt

[fking]

Gramma,

 

I'm on the band wagon of those feeling just like you and it just came in the past 6 days or so. One side has regressed to a point I never saw coming and that in itself is hard to deal with no matter your defiance and (will) to get better. So take care of yourself, you got company in the same boat. :fishing1: Lets put our hooks in the water and wait for a bite.(we'll get better somehow)