Guest PamToo Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Hi everybody :-) My name is Pam, and I'm writing from New Hampshire. I had my stroke on December 13, 2006 when I was 53. It was a massive bleed that paralyzed my left side. Fortunately, my speech wasn't affected (I'm not sure my daughter would have always agreed with that, but who's asking her?). It wasn't until May of last year that they were able to determine that the bleed was from an AVM. I didn't want to feel like I was walking around with a ticking timebomb in my head for the rest of my life, so I had a craniotomy at the end of May to take care of the problem so that I wouldn't have to worry about it happening again. (It's hard to not write a novel, so I'm having a hard time figuring out what to include and what not to include). Unfortunately, a lot of the physical progress I made before the craniotomy started going backward, but the surgeon had warned me before the surgery that that could happen and if I knew then what I know now. I still would have had the surgery. I'd made a brief attempt to go back to work before I had the surgery, but I just wasn't able to make that much of a comeback . I'm now on Social Security disability and am permanently disabled. Talk about major life changes, but I know we all know what that's like. My left arm basically just "assists", and I seem to be having more and more trouble with my left leg as far as spasticity is concerned. I had Botox injections just this week that hopefully will help with some of that, and hey, if not I should have incredibly smooth skin on my left leg :-) I think all things considered I'm doing fairly well. I have family in the area, but I'm still managing to live by myself. I can still drive (I only drive around town because I'm chicken), I do my own grocery shopping and just about all of my own housework (I'm glad I don't have a webcam and even if I did I wouldn't have it turned on, because I'm not saying how well I do any of that :-)). I get antsy sometimes and can't figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. My stamina isn't nearly what it used to be and do I ever feel old sometimes! I never had a good memory anyway, but now I figure I can blame it on the stroke :-) Well I guess I've written enough for my first time around, but it's nice to meet you all. I'm looking forward to looking around this website some more, and getting to know all of you. Thanks for hearing me out! Pam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Hi Pam, Welcome to the site, I was 54 when stroke decided to enter my life.. Nearly 6 years ago.. I had a clot on the right side, so left side affected. I do slur sometimes, especially if tired.. I have "word retrieval " problems. I gained most of my left side, I walk with a limp, and if tired.. look a bit "tipsy" ... keep them guessing is my motto. I am also medically retired. I also drive. Last October, I drove to my daughter's... about a 4 hour drive. I was a tad nervous driving that far. I was so excited that I did it on my own. and plan so visits this summer. I live in a small town, it is about 17 miles to town, but I don't have to drive in any fast heavy traffic. My walking continued to improve over several years. I walk slower.. and running is not something I have been able to accomplish , but don't ever give up on progress or improving. Welcome to the site, this is a GREAT place to make friends, and we all understand what stroke is about. Bonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjohnson Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Hi Pam ... :cheer: **hi** :welcome: to StrokeNet. You will find a lot of information and people like you who are Stroke Survivors. You will learn from them and you are able to post on our message boards any time and join in chats. Sounds like you have been through a lot and you are on a new journey in your life. It's wonderful you were able to get SSD. I am on it as well. Just take life a second at a time and just be greatful for what you are able to do. My life has changed and I'm not the vibrant gal I once was either. I am a Brain Stem Stroke Survivor, was in a coma and on life support, was 100% paralyzed, etc. Today, I am in a wheelchair, however, I can scratch my nose when it gets itchy :giggle: I look at what I still have and not what I lost. I try to stay positive and appreciate life for all it is. I am a miracle and it's through God's grace that I am still here. Don't get so hard on yourself, that is the one thing I did, get frustrated cuz I wasn't still that vibrant gal. What's important is I am alive. I will keep you in my prayers and I look forward to hearing your updates. You might want to start a blog, I have one here and it truly helps me .... writing is very healing for me. You did a great job with your first post. :music_band: :Clap-Hands: :You-Rock: :congrats: Hugs,Jan Believe In Miracles And SOAR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fking Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Pam, I welcome you to this site, you'll find that we are a great bunch of support people. I am a survivor like you brain bleed on right side, so my left side acts just like yours. Five years this month so I can relate to what you have said. I was suppose to get the operation but my bleed had stopped by the time I made it to the second hospital. I'm right handed so I got my left side that acts like yours and I'm 67. It's good you are driving and can live alone. I drive, work full time but I hurt all the time. I wish you a speedy recovery. I was a year before you and couldn't have made it by myself. But we are still here by the grace of God. Continue to read around the board as you said and log in often to read more welcomes to your introduction post, We will get to see you in chat one of these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdube Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Welcome to StrokeNetwork Pam. Sorry about your stroke and aneurysm, but happy that you found us. Great intro by the way. Feel free to roam around the board and ask anything you wish, someone here is bound to have had the experience and we all willingly share our experience as we have all been touched (or knocked out) by stroke, one way or another. Join the many hosted chats we have, The schedule is under the Stroke Support tab and the way to the chat room is there as well. Hope to chat with you soon so we can get to know you. Again, a nice warm :welcome: to you. mc message board moderator Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stessie Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Pam, Welcome. I have an older sister named Pam, too. Great job in introducing yourself. I stroked in April of '07 at the age of 57 and will soon be coming upon my 2nd anniversary. It's funny how one day you are working and then poof your whole life changes. It's not planned retirement but rather medical retirement. I focused so much on recovery for the first 18 months that I am now beginning to focus on the remainder of my life. What is it that I want to accomplish? How will I accomplish it? When will I accomplish it? These are things I am working on now. I care for our only grandchild two days a week (7 months old) and then exercise/volunteer the remainder of the week. Fatigue is one thing that is not verbalized enough while we are rehabbing. I know on days when I over extend myself that I will pay for it the next. I walk with a left sided limp so most folks think other than that, I am normal. Oh, as you and I know...if only they knew. Fatigue is there. I look forward to your future postings. We are happy you found Stroke Net. Stessie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Hi Pam and welcome to our home in cyber space. Sorry to meet you under these circumstances; you've found a great place for support and encouragement. I was 3 months shy of turning 51 when stroke decided to do battle with me via a massive right-sided ischemic that left my left side paralyzed on 1-1-05. I too am medically retired and on ssdi. My daughter was 12 at the time and we were told I'd never walk again, including steps. Today I live in a two story home and yes I have mastered the steps. By no means am I graceful (heck grace was NOT my middle name before stroke let alone after :laughbounce: ) but am able to manuever safely. Look forward to getting acquainted with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HostAsha Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 hi Pam: welcome to wonderful stroke support community online. I suffered stroke at age 34 which left me paralyzed on my left side. though due to my stroke I am now stay at home mom who gets paid. life goes on after stroke. you have great attitude & great sense of humor. Asha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le Hermite Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Hi Pam..... Welcome to the Strokenet.... You'll find lots of people who know exactly what you're talking about...or at least very closely... I didn't have a bleed, but for a while there I thought you were talking about me....<G>.... Lots of stuff going on here...you've found the board, there's a monthly newsletter, there's blogging facilities, and we have a real time chat... The chat is kind of interesting....at times it is a global experience with folks from Canada, Britain, Australia, and the US, all yakking at the same time around the globe... Also....live help for you, when you are poking around... If you haven't done it yet...read the newbie posts pinned to the top of this section, will do a lot to get you familiarized..... Hope to see you around more.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllanWilliams Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Hi Pam Welcome to StokeNet You have found a place were you can communicate with others that understand what you are going through and what you want to achieve in life after stroke. I had my stroke Aug '07 and have come to the reality that I used to set my goals to high now I take each day as it comes and live it to my abilities, enjoying it while i can. Like others that have said before there is untold amount of information here for you to browse and one day soon it would be nice to meet you in the chat room. Best wishes on your recovery Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PamToo Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Thank you for the welcome everybody! Before I go any further, to explain how I'm answering so that you'll understand why, at least for the time being, I'll be answering you only a few at a time--but I have every intention of responding to all of you--because I want to. I'm convinced that I have the most wonderful family on the planet. Without my knowing it, my younger brother who lives out of state, had noticed how I had gone from loving the Internet to rarely using it at all. When I type, I can only use two fingers on my right hand and I guess it just got to be too discouraging for me. So he went ahead and ordered one of those voice recognition programs--and it's awesome!! What a difference, and it's the reason why I finally felt free enough to start posting here. I've only had it for a little bit, so I'm still getting used to it. Right now, I think I've pretty much figured out how to use it here-- but I'm going to answer just a few of you at a time. I figure if I lose something before I post it, I'd rather lose just the few responses instead of a whole bunch! Bonnie, thanks for sharing and for your encouragement. You're obviously doing very well and you have every right to be proud of yourself for driving to your daughters on your own! I can certainly understand your initial "apprehension", but you were able to move past that, and that's impressive--good for you! Fortunately, I don't have any heavy traffic to worry about where I am either, and that's a blessing because I would go nuts if I had to rely on other people to chauffeur me around town. I don't let much stop me, but I had to be honest with myself and realize that heavy-duty driving just is not safe for me. It's not so much the driving as it is my difficulty getting around. I said last night that I can pretty much do what I need to on my own, which is true. At the same time, though, my balance isn't good. And if I were going to be honest with myself. I wonder if I should be trying some of the things I do. So far it hasn't gotten into any trouble, but I don't want to push my luck, either. Thanks for reminding me about never giving up on progress, because especially lately. I tend to lose sight of that. "Keep them guessing"-- I like your motto! :-). And Jan! I love all those icons! They are still making me laugh, they are so cute! Yup, I'm on SSD, too. Talk about being blessed, I was one of the lucky ones. Applied in November of 07 and started receiving it in January of 08. And you're right, I do better when I focus on what I can do is do the things that I can no longer do. Blogging is an interesting idea, I like to write, so that might help me, too--thanks for the suggestion! You have obviously come a long way (baby), and I'm so glad that you can scratch those itches! God doesn't miss a beat, does He? Hi Brian! It sure sounds like (besides the obvious "having had a stroke") our situations are very similar. I'm sorry to hear that you too are in constant pain :-( . What do you do to manage yours? I've tried various things, and right now I'm waiting for an appointment with a Pain Clinic not too far from where I live. I don't know about you, but the pain really does frazzle my good nature. You work full-time?? Wow, I don't know how you manage it, but we stroke survivors are a pretty resilient group of people! I'd love to try getting in on a chat soon. I probably have the most unstructured schedule on the planet, but maybe that will be the incentive I need to start getting a little structure back in my life. Now it's time for me to go back online, and I hope I can figure out how to post this without losing everything :-) I'll be back to respond to the rest of you hopefully later on tonight. I'm sure glad that I found all of you. :-). Pam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PamToo Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 I'M SO EXCITED I'M TYPING THIS OUT MYSELF!! Last night, I noticed that some people had a "HOT" button next to their posts, but I didn't. Story of my life *sigh* All I could think was "Aw, and they don't even KNOW me yet..." But I just noticed that tonight, I'm "HOT"!! Yesssssssssss. Now I don't know what this really means, but please don't anyone burst my bubble. Tonight, I'm "HOT" and I'm just going to bask in it for awhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PamToo Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 I feel like I should apologize for "talking too much." I don't want people to start avoiding me. Thanks for the welcome, MC. I'm looking forward to getting to know you and the others here too! You too, Stessie! (Pam's a darned good name, isn't it?) I can relate to what you said about how the initial months after stroke are so taken up by recovery that other things just get shoved to the back burner. And as we all know, recovery is an ongoing thing--over the course of the past five or six months, my left leg and arm have really gone backward as far as spasticity is concerned. My arm seems to want to stay bent at the elbow and hugging my body, and as far as my leg is concerned, it's almost worth my life to get it to bend at the knee. More often than not when I walk, I swing it from my hip (even though I know better)--I feel like I have one huge peg leg, Both have this new tendency to turn ice cold seemingly at random, too, and the doctors are looking into this. In the meantime, I exercise them both as much as I can. We have something else in common -- -- I babysit for my only grandchild, too! :-) except mine is a two-year-old chihuahua. I love her to pieces, and would be lost if I didn't have babysitting to look forward to! Donna, you've been through a whole lot too, but I love reading stories like yours where you do things they say you'd never do again (what did they know, anyway?). I've never been associated with "grace", either, so you've got company! Thanks for your welcome, Asha. You're an obvious overcomer and you are right that life goes on after stroke. It can be a full and darned good life, too! I appreciate you chiming in Gary, and thanks for the info on the other aspects of this website. I read the newbie posts that were pinned, but almost as soon as I read them. I forgot what they said, so I'm sure I'll be referring to them often if I know what's good for me. I like Your attitude Allan! I've had to lower some of my standards, out of necessity, but like you, I think some of them were set too high anyway. (And if they weren't, it gives me a good excuse to slack off. :-)). I intend to get in on some chats, and hopefully soon! Thanks again everyone! Pam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksaul Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 hi pam, better late than never with my welcome to the site! i had my bleed when i was 53 too by the way. you are doing great! remember you are here with people who understand and are not here to judge you. relax, and get to know your way around the board. be sure to try blogging and do try to make it to chat. this is the place for information, care and support.....glad you found us! cheers! kathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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