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EmilyBooth

Dad made his transition

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Dad made his transition last night at 6 pm. He died at home surrounded by family. There's a part of me that still can't believe it's over. Dad had 2 strokes, Oct 20, 2006 and Oct 31, 2006. He had a heart attack Jan 23, 2007 and was diagnosed with stage IV nsc lung cancer in Nov. We've been thru so much together over the past 4 yrs. Thru it all, he never complained, he just did it. I just feel like its going to take time to absorb everything we've been thru together. How about other caregivers?

What were your grieving experiences like?

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Emily,

 

My condolences are with you at this difficult time. Your Dad is now at peace and watching over his family from Heaven.

 

((hugs))) and prayers are with you and your family

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So sorry for your loss.

 

mc

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Guest Bryan

God Bless you and your family. Just remember, he is at peace and now he can rest.

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emily, i am saddened to hear of your loss. hopefully your lifetime of memories will help you through this very difficult time.. my condolences to you and your family.

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Emily,

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I have not had to go through the loss of a parent, so I can only imagine how you feel. Please take care of yourself, and keep coming back here to share your experiences with others if you feel you can.

 

Kristen

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Thank you so much for your condolences and kind words of support. I had this website bookmarked under a heading on my toolbar called "Dad". I did not post here often but the times I came here I read a lot and always left here feeling less isolated. I am hoping to hear from more caregivers about their grieving process? Dad's not my first loss-- we lost Mom 10 years ago and I lost my fiance 9 years ago but Dad's loss feels a lot different because of all we've gone thru the past several years. Dad hated hospitals and I am happy he got to die at home in bed surrounded by his family. Thank you for this website! I always mention it to others whenever the subject of stroke comes up.

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Emily,

 

You certainly have my condolences and my human concerns for you and your family. I'm mother and fatherless just like you. My memories of what they taught me and the love my mom gave me is what has kept me going. I pray it works for you at this time of your lost.

 

I just hope you stay with us on this site and share your thoughts and the things you have learned being a care giver. I have learned so much from all the care givers here in my 4 years I've been a member. My hat is off to all of you!

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SORRY ABOUT YOUR LOST YOUR DAD IS IN A BETTER PLACE GOD BLESS YOU AND HIM.

 

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Emily,

So sorry to hear about your Dad. I lost my father to lung cancer eight years ago next month. l think every loss and every grief is different but I felt very blessed with my Dad because we were given the time to say goodbye. My Mom (who had a stroke) is still with us, and I know I will be devastated when she passes on, but I also know that the time taking care of her since the stroke has made her totally understand how much I love her, and am proud of her. I complain a lot about what the stroke has cost her and to a lesser extent us, but it does give you the absolute clarity of knowing - while your loved one is still alive- how much you care for them. You also get to show them how you feel -- not just by the words you say, but by the things you do.

 

I'm sure your Dad got to know that from you and I am sure it made him feel very, very loved. I ams ure that you will miss him desparately but I hope that it is a comfort to you to know that you got to share this time him.

Mary

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Emily: I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. It is such a blessing that you were able to be his caregiver. Those moments were so very special. He was blessed as well having such a devoted daughter. I am sure he knew how much you loved him. Just rest in knowing he is in Heaven and sitting right beside God and your Mom. There is no more suffering, pain. You have your own Guardian Angels.

Maybe speaking with a Counselor about your grieving would be a great help. I have had a lot of losses in my own life and it truly helped me. Just a thought. Have you ever thought about maybe visiting Nursing Homes and a Visitor? They get lonely and left out of the loop, I used to do that every weekend and it really was a wonderful thing. I always tried to make a positive out of a negative and losing those I did, I found helping others was the ticket for me.

Plse let us know how u r doing. God Bless, Take each day a sec at a time.

Hugs,

Jan

Believe In Miracles And SOAR :friends:

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HI EMILY,

 

I'M SORRY TO HEAR OF THE LOSS OF YOUR FATHER. LOOSING A LOVED ONE IS NEVER EASY. I TOO HAVE LOST MY PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS AND UNCLES, IN-LAWS, AND CLOSE FRIENDS. WE ALSO LOST MY STEP-SON AT AGE 19. OUR FAITH HAS GOT US THROUGH ALL OF THIS. I MISS THEM ALL TERRIBLY, BUT KNOW THAT THEY ARE IN A BETTER PLACE.

 

IF YOU EVER NEED TO TALK, COME HERE TO CHAT OR PM ME ANYTIME. MAY GOD GIVE YOU STRENGTH NOW.

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Thank you for your very kind condolences and warm words of support. After the funeral today, I think I will be able to slow down and fully absorb Dad's loss. I am grateful for this board. Everyone has been so thoughtful and supportive. Thank you!

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Emily,

 

Please know that we will always be here for you. You are encouraged to stop by and let us know how you are doing.

 

Continued thoughts, prayers, and (((hugs))) as you go through this difficult time.

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So sorry about your father. Lost my father in 1994 to a heart attack. He always said that the doctor told him that when he went, he would go fast and he was happy about that and that's just what he did. I don't know if it is easier to have a parent go fast or slow, I just think they both are hard. I knew that the day would come for my dad, and I still wonder why I didn't talk more about some things with him, I think I tried to pretend it wasn't going to happen. I am sure you had many wonderful days sharing your thoughts and that is a precious gift.

 

No matter how many times it happens, we sometimes forget how precious life is and to remember that we may never see someone again, so live life with no regrets. I hope that I can have the patience with my mom as you did with your dad.

 

Bless you and your family and I know your dad would want you to remember the great times together.

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I did my best for Dad these past 3 years but there were a couple of times I lost my cool with him. In hindsight, and I know hindsight is always 20/20, I think Dad had a series of small strokes prior to the 2 he had in Oct 2006. There were changes in his behavior and a step by step progression in the loss of skills. It started with Dad unable to lock the door. He blamed it on his eyes and was misdiagnosed as having macular degeneration. Then he was misdiagnosed as having Alzheimer's. When I discussed this with his last doctor (who was a godsend), she thought Dad had multi-farct dementia.

 

I can't blame the medical establishment 100% because Dad wasn't always forthcoming with what was going on with him and tried to hide it and in the beginning, it did look like a loss of vision. It was really cognitive.

 

My only regrets re: Dad are a couple of items I ordered that did not arrive in item before he made his transition. I ordered some nature CDs for him and extra long twin sheets for the hospital bed and they are arriving sometime this week!

 

We expected Dad to die but I thought it would be sometime around spring and his caregiver thought it would be May. Dad went to adult day care up until the week before last and the following day, Saturday, he began to spend more time in bed. He made his transition 5 days after his last day at adult day care. It was my first time experiencing a natural death. It was a very intense experience but I'm glad we were there.

 

Thank you again for your beautiful condolences! They are a blessing.

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my father died two years ago May 20th after suffering from a stroke 25 months earlier. He was in hospice care five weeks before passing. A few months after his passing, I had an unexpected prolonged crying spell at work in front of two employees. My father at age 75 was a very active and engaging man. The stroke took away his ability to walk and talk. I think of him everyday...

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Guest Hostjoy

Dear Emily,

I'm sorry I am late responding to your post but missed it somehow when it was first posted. First I would like to say how very sorry I am for the loss of your dear Father. I know you will miss him terribly. It seems no matter how long we know ahead of time what is to happen, we are never really prepared when the time comes. I know your Father must have been very proud of you and thankful to have you in his life both as a daughter and a caregiver. I was a caregiver to my husband Seth, he died last summer after having two massive strokes, three months apart. I was an RN for 25 years but even that could not prepare me for the job of taking care of my dying husband. I was strongly urged by his doctor to take him home on Hospice after his first stroke. The doctor told me he would not live long and would get no better. But he was awake and talking and felt I could not just give up on him. I had to at least try and help him! or I never would have been able to live with myself. So we went home on home health. He had the second stroke almost exactly 3 months after the 1st and was gone4 days later. You asked about other caregivers grieving process, here is mine........Upon his death and the funeral and for the first few months afterward, I was completely numb. After the funeral, I really had no recollection of it or the last few days leading up to it. I even forgot other times during his illness.

It was several months after his death before I shed the first tear. Once I realized he was really gone, I did cry and still do particularly when I think of the hard times we went through together and when I think of the pain he suffered alone. (He lost his own Dad when he was only 15 and never really got over that loss). I cry when I think of the pain it has caused our son, Thomas, who was only 20 when Seth died. For the first few months after he died, I would wake up throughout the night and each morning to him calling my name. He called for me any time I was out of his sight after his first stroke. And now, at times, I still wake up to the sound of him calling me. From last summer until recently, I have been through the worst depression in my life. My sweet son, my Mom, and all of the wonderful people here have helped me keep my sanity and have pulled me from the depths of my depression. I don't know what I would have done without them all. Any friends we had nearby dissappeared when Seth had his stroke. The people here at StrokeNet have been more than friends to me....they feel more like my real family. I still have a long way to go with the so called grieving process. And the loss of a spouse or parent may be something you never completely get over but hopefully the passage of time will lessen the pain. I will keep you in my prayers. Please feel free to PM me anytime. God Bless you!......................Joy

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