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:( Hello, I'm new here, so I'll try my best. I had a stoke 10/30/08 shopping with my daughter, just driving when I started to slur my speech, it only lasted a few min. & then when I got out of the car I could not walk. I was 911 to the ER. I was in total denial the first month because I look "normal" but I felt like 1/2 of me died. I had the doc. do 2 cat scans & they found I had 2 TIA earlier. I had moderate cholestrol & BP & was not concern to put me on meds until I had the stroke. I cried every day for months.......how this could happen to me. The dr. alwasys said I looked so good for my age(66) & was not on any meds so cocky me got slam hard. I went to a depression group where I live, but I still felt out of place, how could really know how I feel. everthing make me cry. My kids don't understand, my mother doesn't understand why I don't get over this NOW!.

I feel after reaading some of you guys blog it's a process it all go thru. I understand make the best of what you got, but I'm crying as i'm writing this. BUT, I think I have found the right place to vent & not be ashamed of myself. I'am soooo scared of having another stroke. I eat healthy, I walk everyday, but I'm still depressed. I sure it gets better in time, but I feel like I'm mourning the loss of my old funny self. I never thought of death intil now. I'am scared when I go to sleep, but happier when I wake up. Tomorrow I am buying a dog I saw at the shelter. Thanks for letting me vent to you all, it felt good

 

funky Jean in Ca

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Hi Jean, after stroke can be a real emotional rollercoaster. There can be.. "emotional liability" Please phone your Dr, you may need an anti-depressant for awhile.

Most of the antidepressants can take a few weeks to really work, or you may have to try more than one, or adjust the dose until you feel better.

 

It does take time to grieve, you have changed and feel you have "lost" something.. Try to think of this as a warning, You did not have a "big" stroke. You are walking, eating healthy.. doing the right things. The first year is the hardest, it will get better, but there is not "snapping out of it" Even a "mild stroke" there can be some emotional or cognitive deficits. It takes time and adjusting..

 

Try each day to do someting that makes you smile.. just smelling fresh brewed cofee, or buying a little plant for the house or yard.. Remember,, you have a 2nd chance to enjoy and see these. I try think of the stroke entering my life.. to tell me it was time to slow down, to enjoy the little things.. the sun on my skin, the breeze.. My husband, children, grandchildren, my pets.

 

I was left side paralyzed for a short time.. I know walk sower and with a limp... my left hand is a bit clumsy , but it works.

 

This was an "event" that happened to you.. you did not ask for it.. It is like someone having a heartattack or.. anything else.. It jumps up and smacks you in the face.. but you are a Survivor. The fear of another stroke is real.. and it also lessens.. all you can do is live healthy, take your medications. Do the best you can to prevent another one. There are also chances of getting in a car accident, or thousands of things happening.. but we don't dwell on these. Life is worth living.. and enjoying..

 

(((((hugs)))) Bonnie almost 6 years post stroke Survivor.

 

 

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hi jean and welcome to the site. what you are experiencing is normal after a stroke, the fear, emotions all over the place and depression. you should speak to your dr about meds for the depression. there are many of them out there now, just need to find the right one for you and the proper dosage. fear of another stroke is also normal and scary but hopefully they found the reason you had a stroke and have you under preventative care to stop another one from happening. emotional liability, like crying, laughing, etc at inappropriate times, hopefully your dr can help with that too. i had my stroke 7 yrs ago from a clot leaving me with left sided paralysis. i too can cry at the drop of a hat, but it has gotten better with time and my meds. you may even need to see a psychologist that deals with brain injuries. please try not to worry about another stroke that will cause stress on you that you don't need. don't worry about something you dont know will happen. live each day the best you can and enjoy life you were given a second chance and now you are a survivor. you can still have a good life after a stroke, just maybe in a different way now. no one else trulyunderstands how we feel unless they have walked in our shoes. it takes the swelling at least 6months to go down after a stroke in the brain. your family should learn about stroke themselves to help them understand. in the classic postings forum, there is "a letter from your brain" you should read and print out for your family to read. our lives have been changed forever, recovery takes time and patience and repetition to retrain the brain. you can vent to us anytime you need to. we do understand here. good luck with the dog, i think thats a great idea for you. the love and unconditional companionship will be good for you. keep us updated on how you are doing. i wish you better days ahead.

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Welcome Jean,

 

The more you see people your age and health having had a stroke the more you will be at ease and understand it can and does happen to (ANYBODY, ANYTIME) so WE learn to accept (that's the hardest thing to do) what happened, we survived, and now we learn to live with what we got left.

 

In my mind, that's a blessing from above because we could not have made it and some don't. I count my blessing every day and feel good about finding this wonderful site to be among others from around the world to discuss stroke, support and recovery. I hope you join in and be a part of learning to accept ourselves.

 

Hey, we have fun here chatting, telling jokes, laughing and crying together. There is more information right here than you'll ever get to really know about in therapy and rehab which is a MUST as long as you can get it because recovery never stops. It slows down but people have started back talking after 20 years of saying nothing.

 

Get out of the funk get into the learning to do things one handed and go on with your life. We are all in this together so come out of your denial, accept it and keep talking to us, we are in it together. OK, you are crying as you wrote this topic (you can do 2 things at once) you are scared when you go to sleep but happy when you wake up.

 

You just solved your own crisis, go get your dog, your president still has to get one for his kids he promised them, see your doctor get some medicine for depression and let life take it's course.

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Hey Jeanie, you FUNKYYYYYYYY cole madinnnnnnnnnnnnna... Herad that song. hope that made you laugh, not making light of your situation girlfriend, but a little humor never hurt anyone. Hey its ok to be mad, angry, in denial, trust me we have all been there and back. I was 44 when I stroked, a life changing event. at time of stroke I was the top ofmy game, looked like a million bucks an BOOM, WAMMO, it took about 5 years post stroke for its effect to show in my face, my body, etc. But I WILL NOT BE BROKEN, get this book Jeanie, by Jerrry White it has helped me immensley. as much as anything can right.

 

The best advice I can give you is this:

We all have our own pallette, we choose what colors we paint it with. I choose to paint mine with beautiful colors and create a masterpiece. in other words

your worst enemy can be the colors of gray and black. Doom and Gloom, negativity, and pity parties will consume them if you let them. and I know because I did. so I say to you. replace them with sunny happy thoughts, the min your mind goes there, take it away, say a prayer, spend time with a 70+ or a under a year old aged person. Thats amazing therapy.

 

SNAP OUT OF JEANNIE YOU FUNKY COLE MADINNNNNNNNNNNNNA, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE NEEDED AND I AM YOUR NEW FRIEND. YOU CALL ON ME ANYTIME, HEY SOMETIMES I NEED TO FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF TOO..

 

Ann

Stroke Warrior

Kentucky

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Hi there. Yeah, you are getting a Shelter Dog, they are the best, they have so much love to give. That is the best medicine out there. I have a Shelter Dog, Harley. He has been my baby since my Brain Stem Stroke in 11/03. He has become my service dog and helps me in every way. He just loves me and loves me more and more. I simply adore him.

Just take life a second a day. There's nothing to it but to do it. I am praying for you and know that God is carrying through your journey each day. Life will be good again. It all takes time. No, my life has changed in every way since the Beast, Stroke . But, I am a fighter, a Warrior a Survivor ....

Hang in there and keep us posted how u r doing. Have you thought about starting a Blog here? they are very helpful.

God Bless, Keeping you in my prayers

Hugs, Jan

Believe In Miracles And SOAR :friends:

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Jeanne,

 

You are making the best step you possibly could - getting yourself a shelter dog. Not only will you be giving him/her a second chance on life but he/she will give you unconditional love.

 

Your family needs to learn about stroke. Perhaps provide them a link to the site so they can visit as a guest. Or perhaps print up or email to them information you have read here that you think would help them. As a survivor, you have rights - http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showtopic=2094 Please check it out.

 

Brighter days are ahead - I promise. You are not alone - we are here for you every step of the way.

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Welcome to your place to feel comfort, support and peace. All of us know the feeling of its not fair. No but it is real. I look forward to each day now. I am a two year survivor and I have come a very long way a minute at a time. I have deficits but I also have a 2nd chance at life, A stroke is not something you can just get over, I have heard that from my family and I told them that is just silly and look how far I have come and it was not done feeling sorry or wondering why me but through darn hard work and never giving up Just get over it..... I think they need some help coming to grips with what happened. Hugs to you. Great idea on the shelter doggie.

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Guest electric Heart

Hi Jean,

I totally hear you- really. I am brand new here too. I was 41 when I had mine and while I have made tremendous gains I still mourn my losses. My advice (take it with a grain of salt) is to find a Psychiatrist that specializes with people dealing with physical illness. I found mine at my cancer center. I just completed a dialectical behavior group which teaches distress tolerance and crisis survival skills. It has been tremendously helpful. I do not expect to be air lifted a third time to Mass General from Hartford Hospital for a 3rd suicide attempt. Get support-please. There is so much loss and grief after a stroke. "who are we now"? What is left of who we were? I discovered I was grieving the death of a loved one...ME, even though I was still breathing.I'm wishing you happier days ahead Jean

Regarding the dog, I am happily raising my third golden retriever and she really is my best therapy. She helps me change the emotion when I am in despair. Her beauty and grace astounds me and after only 6 months she has stolen my heart but in a good way :rolleyes:

gentle hugs

Ally

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Thank you all for the welcome, It sure feels good for the understanding. I can't take antidepressants, I feel worse. I know I have to work this thru but when I have a bad day it stays with me. My kids are grown & won't go on iinternet. I have macho twin boys. 1 understands & another thinks I'm just a baby, I'am going to talk to him & leave him your messages to read if he wants. My daughter was with me when it happened & I think she feels it's like a cold .........your sick for a while & then you should be fine. You know I was a multi task out going person & now i woke up a old lady. I was like Suzanne Somers, in looks & personality. Now when I look in the mirror I see a scared olde person.

I'm getting ready to get my new pet "Riley" I feel real good about this, I love dogs, I haven't had a dog since I lost my sheltie years ago. MY husband has been a good support. He read your comments too, I think it reinforced what I was telling how I felt, but for the fact I was such a strong person, now just a scared baby.

I will try to embraced this a& enjoy my life more

with you guys help when I fall down NOW & THEN, OK!

 

tHANKS TO YOU WHO WROTE!!!

PS aNN YOU MADE ME LAUGH & thats good

jUST jEAN

 

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Jeanne,

 

We'll look forward to hearing about your new baby Riley. I'm glad your hubby has read the posts and is understanding more.

 

I have my daughter, who is now 16 at home with me. She was 12 when stroke slapped me up along side my head. There are times when she totally "gets" it and other times she doesn't. The times she doesn't, I try to remain patient with her as she is a teen. She has told me many times in the past 4 years that she is glad I had the stroke. I was a workaholic in social services as well as a college student from when she was around 2 years old. As I'm a single Mom, education, hard work, and dedication has been a terrific lesson for her. She is my personal cheerleader in recovery as well as my motivation to keep forging ahead. We also have 2 furbabies (cats). My oldest, Crystal at 9 years old has been with since 6 weeks old and has become my guardian kitty when I'm home alone.

 

Animals, with their unconditional love (as long as food & water bowls are filled and treats are handed out :hahaha: ) are invaluable.

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Hi Ally,

 

Thanks ffor your thoughts & sharing your experiences with me. I feel like the only person with this, but all I heard back gave a seccond look at myself (after a good cry) again. today is a new day. I'm going to save a dog & love it & try hard to get over this 1 day at a time. I promise!! i THINK i FOUND my help.........SO I'm putting on my Jeans & wait for the shelter to open. I will fine Jean again...............Bless you all

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hey Jean:

 

welcome to this wonderful support group. I felt all alone & scared till I found this support group. I used blogging on this site as my tool to get out of depression. I personally found blogging very therupetic. I stroked at age 34 which left me paralysed on my left side. but fast forward to 5 years, I am having blast in my new life, not to say I did not mourn loss of my old self. but I am proud of newme I rebuilt after my stroke. I am proud to be thriving survivor.

 

Asha

 

 

 

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Hi Jeannie, I missed the part about getting a dog.. I guess I was focused on you feeling so down and some of your family's not understanding stroke

 

My husban and I have 5 acres.. :) We have 5 dogs.. ( we had 6) 2 were rescues. we have 2 rescue cats, and we have 2 goats.. that needed a new home.

 

My fur babies gice so much love and joy.. my husband and I refer to them as " the kids" lol Having this many we rarely get away.. Other than shopping, or for 6 or 8 hrs. My husband also owns his own business so that makes geting away together difficut; but I wouldn't have it any other way. The love and joy we get in return gives us happiness, and many laughs.

 

( if we time things during school vacations.. my daughter and grandson can come and.."funny farm sit")

 

I know Riley will give you happiness and fill your days.

 

we look forward to hearing more about him

 

Bonnie

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Thanks Asha, I have been reading your blogs, I hope to be where your now soon!

You are a inspiratio! I will start today to enjoy myself.

new Jean

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Jeanie, its weird what a little laughter can do.. It made me laugh and feel better too. Im a twin, and you tell that one twin, its hard and I said so. so its true :) ...

 

Love ya Girl

Let's Party On :wacko:

Ann

Stroke Warrior

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Hello again, I just wanted to geve a quick update on my new shelter dog (Riley) who wanted to know how it went. What a pleasant surprise. He is cracking me up. :lol: He is a purebred they think. He small but thinks he's a wonder dog. He makes it known when we go out, he's going too. He also slept in his new cage all night. He really has a funny personality. Got to go, he's letting me know he wants toplay with his new little toy, I have to throw it, so he can get it & brings it back to me. he is now sitting nexts to me staring at me to hurry up. So life of (Riley) id a KEEPER!!!

I think this breed is called a Rat Terrier , small, white with brown spots & big ears.

 

 

 

 

jEAN

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Thanks for the update.. Terriers are hysterical.. and Very smart. I have 3 minature pinschers (which were bred from terrier) and a toy fox terrier. You will be amazed at how many words he will learn.. and even your routine and body language.

 

If you have mice or moles in the yard.... expect holes.. he will dig to get them.. Terriers were bred to keep mice and vermin ou of the house.

 

Have fun , Enjoy...

 

Bonnie

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Hi Ya Jeanne...

 

Welcome to the StrokeNet....

Though I think we've met in Chat already......<G>....

 

I think one of the great things about StrokeNet, is that folks here understand....

 

Normies have a lot of trouble understanding what it's like....and they usually do so at the time when you're trying to get a handle on the event and you, also.....

 

I ran into the misconception like your daughter's and mother's, too....Sometimes I think it's folks wanting things to be like before, generally....

But with a stroke that's the *rare* exception to the rule....

 

For a lot of people, it's essentially 'ya hafta be there' or they'll never get it....

Think of how hard it was getting it through your own head, and you 'are there'.....<G>.....

The normies don't have the 'benefit' of your daily experiences to remind them.....

 

Eventually, they do figure it out.....It just takes a while...

 

Glad ya picked up on Riley....I'll bet you'll be doing each other good deeds real fast....

 

Look forward into bumping into you some more....

 

 

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