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when does the crying and feeling sorry for yourself stop and how do you change the negative mind set that plagues you? been on this site for quite some time now and finally decided to take the plunge and ask for help. thanks.

 

 

 

mary

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Hi Mary and welcome,

You don't mention how long ago your stroke was; it takes a considerable amount of time for the dark cloud to lift. The incredible value of this site is that talking to others who have gone through it and doing things like blogging will help you to work through your emotions and move the process along. A stroke is very traumatic and we suffer the loss of many things as a result of it. We need to go through the normal grieving process just as with any loss in order to heal.

Please ask for help and hugs as often as you need. We are a very caring group who will warmly be here for you.

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Hi Mary,

 

When did your stroke occur and what type was it? In the beginning my emotions were very fragile and I cried easily. As I got stronger, the crying diminished.

 

You can stop feeling sorry for yourself at anytime and when you do, the negative thoughts will go away. Acceptance is hard and we have to work at it.

 

My stroke left me with left side paralysis. I use a wheelchair to get around and I cannot use my left arm. However, I can still carry on a conversation and I can still use the parts of my brain that weren't affected. I spend lots of time on the computer, or I watch TV or read. I am 75 years old and celebrated my 53rd wedding anniversary last week. I have 4 children, 4 grandchildren, a wonderful husband and a cat.

 

It does get better, trust me!

 

Vi

 

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Hi Mary,

 

As Maria and Vi stated the crying and the roller coaster of emotions following stroke do improve over time. For each of us, that time varies.

 

I'd like to direct you to some information we have here on site that may help you:

A Letter From Your Brain - http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showtopic=83

The Five Stages of Grief - http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showtopic=857

Survivor's Bill of Rights - http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showtopic=2094

 

From our records, I see that you joined in 2006 so I presume your stroke was somewhere around that time. Stroke does play a number on us physically and emotionally as well.

 

If you have been looking around the site, I hope you have seen the support and encouragement offered to all of our members. There IS life after stroke - we join together here to help each other through the rough periods. This is a safe place to vent, share, and be comfortable as we all know and understand what we've all experienced.

 

I do hope you will become an active part of our community. I look forward to getting to know you. Please know too that if you have questions about the site you can pm (personal message) a staff member.

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Hi, Mary:

 

Welcome! Glad you decided to post a message.

 

First, know that crying is a NORMAL and HEALTHY emotional response. I'm a big boo-hooer myself (always was, always will be). Sometimes, it's just the perfect release. It's when you can't stop crying or you're crying for no reason that you might want to discuss this with your doctor. Many here have had much success on anti-depressants while others have visited neuropsychologists. Please, if you feel yourself spinning, go talk to your doctor.

 

I am almost three years post-stroke, and I still sometimes mourn life before stroke. I've also lost my dad, my job and my beloved dog and had a major surgery since then. We all go through ups and downs, and we all understand where you're coming from. Cry when you need to. You've changed since stroke. Surround yourself with people who love you and can keep your spirits up.

 

Like Ringo Starr once said, "I get by with a little help from my friends." We're here for you.

 

Karen

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hi Mary:

 

I spent my first year crying & mourning loss of my old self, but for me blogging on this site made me look beyound my negatives and once I started focusing on positive things on my stroke life became wonderful again. I am 5 years post my stroke. I accepted loss of my old life & made beautiful new life with lot of joy. I stroked at age 34 so it was very difficult to adjust in the begining, but now I enjoy my stay at home mom who gets paid role. check out our blog community, and more you stick around here easier it will get I promise you that.

 

 

Asha

 

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hi mary, welcome to our great place. im so glad you decided to ask for help. i too am a emotional person. but i did get help from my doctor with meds that helped me alot. its normal to mourn what we have lost but we can have a good life in spite of a stroke. the acceptance does take time but once there, it all becomes easier and life is better, i assure you as others have said. we are here for you on the good and bad days you will have, so please let us help you, we are not experts but we do understand. try to join one of our chats, it helps to talk to others and to laugh as much as you can. i hope to see you more around the site. hang in there. my stroke was 7years ago and i still have my weepy days, just not as much now. lots of ((((((((((((((hugs

))))))))))))))))) coming your way.

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thank you all for your kind and wise words. i had my stroke in 2004 and i am trying my best to accept it. i have a very tough time trying to deal with the severe spasms and tremors; it's hard to do even the simplest of things...that's why i get so frustrated! i do count my blessings and realize i could have it much worse. i've been on this site for quite sometime and like what i see. i know when i need encouragement that i'll get it here.

 

 

 

mary

 

 

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I must NEED encouragement every day. I come here and soon whatever cloud that was forming over my head dissipates and the sun comes shining through. I am already trying to bribe my grandaughter out of her laptop for when we go to Vegas. I dont want to be without my friends here at StrokeNet. This was really the first place where I felt hope and totally came to the realization that it was ok to take a medication if it helped me feel open to the possibiity that life is still pretty great even if I have a few issues to work towards. Those are now goals I have already reached one of the most important ones. I am worthy of love and caring and support and I did not suddenly become intentionally slow . This was done to me anc in my case it was medical error that caused the bleeds into the brain and strokes and it is what is... is. I can work diligently to regrain what is possible or I can not even try, the choice is all mine I did survive a traumatic brain injury. The only one that can relearn what is gone is me . Like it or not that is going to take alot of work. At the beginning of my day I need encouragement. During my day I still need care understanding and deserve respect. At the end of the day any progress I make is because I chose to not surrender my progress to self pity. Is it slow yes but I believe I have made progress. We are all here to share our jouneys Life is good this was granted a detour I would not have chosen, but its one I am taking and will make the very most of it. This group of survivors are absolutely behind me all the way. I am behind each one of you as well. Hugs and Thanks Love Karen

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Mary you had great, great answers, so I welcome you and say it takes time...that's a big, big change in our lives if it's us as a survivor or a care giver. Lord knows it hurts us deeply, it just take time.

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Mary

 

I'm glad you posted. Welcome to Stroke Net!

 

You've gotten some great responses and I'll just add that time does have a way of pushing the negative thoughts away. But, I do understand the tremors and spasms are real and there are on and off days. Please know we are here for you and together we can walk this stroke recovery journey.

 

Come back often and, once again, welcome!

 

Stessie

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I believe that crying and feeling sorry for yourself is a way of thinking and in order to overcome that, one must change their thought process. Talk to yourself. Look at yourself when you're crying. Remind yourself, that this doesnt solve anything. Just like a child, we must learn that crying has its time but its not the answer for everything. When I feel sad, I try to change my focus, get up and do something. Tears are completely expected after a life change, and in many ways they are a healthy way of releasing emotions. It means we understand that things have changed. I was in a deep depression for about 18 months after my stroke. My final turning point, is when I came to accept that Happiness was something I had to create, it wasnt gonna come find me.

 

This is what worked for me. I also became a volunteer and now I speak out about stroke. This has also been a great way to turn something so devastating, into something worthwhile.

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Guest jjspoppa

hi mary,

glad you took the plunge to reach out. the one who is talking to you right now is very familiar with how difficult it can be to reach out and simply ask for help. you are not alone. believe me you are not alone. i stroked on November 4, 2008 making it 5 months now. i still find myself bawling like a baby from time to time. does it hurt? hell yes it hurts. is it self pity? sometimes yes, sometimes no. is it depression, a lot of the time, yes, all the time, no.

 

you know what, sometimes it just plain hurts and that is the only way of releasing it. i know soooo well what you have felt.

and then the old mind wants to get in there and tell me how screwed up i am, tell me how i am hopeless, tell me it will not get any better, tell me i should be stronger and not cry, tell me i have to get it together, tell me that because i don't even know why i am crying that i am somehow something less than human, and less than a man, tell me that because i am crying i am just plain messed up. and then i want to run. then i want to run away from wherever i am with the false thinking that that will somehow solve this hurt and confusion.

 

guess what, the crying is real, the hurt inside is real, the confusion is real, the fear is real, the wanting to run is real.

we have been hurt. our brains have been struck by lightening, i have decided now, if i need to cry, that by the grace of God who created mankind with the knowledge that we would cry and gave us the ability to shed tears, that i will cry and i now refuse to think of myself as something less than a man, and a human being if i do cry. thank God for tears.

 

let us not forget however, we have been given tears, but we have also been given others to help us through the pain, WHATEVER THE PAIN IS CAUSED BY DOESN'T MATTER SO MUCH, as the fact that there are others here who walk that same path and can hold us when we are in that pain, who can hold our hand and say walk with me i will show you a way to walk THROUGH this pain.

 

you do not have to deny it. you do not have to fight against it. you dont have to run away from it. BUT YOU CAN WALK THROUGH IT. YOU CAN. I PROMISE THAT TO YOU. THE FOLKS HERE AT STROKENET WILL HOLD YOU AND WALK YOU THROUGH IT. I KNOW. I KNOW BY EXPERIENCE. AND I KNOW I DO NOT NEED TO RUN ANYMORE.

 

stay here, mary, and i promise there are folks who will walk with you and support you, and you will get through it.

i believe, the more you walk through with the folks here at strokenet, the stronger you will become. don't misunderstand the use of the word stronger, though. i recognize that the ability to shut off my tear ducts and hold them shut until i think i am going to explode is not the true measure of strength. i now recognize that the true measure of strength is the ability to let the tears flow, be able to reach out to someone and say hey I HURT, AND I MATTER, PLEASE HELP ME, and then to walk with that person, or people, through the pain.

 

i am looking forward to watching you grow here with the rest of us. welcome. send me a message any time you feel like it, ok.

 

 

Brian

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Hi Mary.....

 

I would say that you've taken the first step to break out of the negative feelings and emotions by coming out of lurkdom and bouncing it off of others....

 

Most of us, if not all, have been where you are at.....Everybody's situation is a little different, but there's lots of things that are the same....

 

Let's face it, you are stuck with this thing....Just as I am stuck with my scenario and so forth....

 

Once ya accept that, then you can take it apart and start fixing it.....

 

And believe it or not, you will find out that you are the most powerful and effective force in dealing with it.....

 

Don't hesitate to reach out again if needs be, because you've just signed on to one of the toughest jobs you're ever going to have....

 

The rewards are outstanding....

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Guest Hostjoy

Dear Mary,

Please don't lurk anymore! Please get involved with our community here! We have chat most nights ( check out our schedule ) and it is a great place to meet the folks here and make friends. Talking about the things you are going through will help. You can PM me any time if I can ever be of help or you want to talk! I will keep you in my prayers! God Bless you.............Joy

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