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I have been caregiver to my husband of 41 years this monday for 4 months. I will do it forever. I love him, and it is my duty. I am able to care for him. I was an LPN in my past life, and here I can keep him safe and well taken care of. I hope to remain healthy to care for him forever. I told him right from the beginning that we took our vows, "in sickness and health".....well, I say, he's pushing his luck now! And that gets a chuckle out of him. Seriously, I wanted to take him home, here is where the improvements are happening. I love the guy. I only hope that someone will take as good a care of me as I am of him! Sara

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Well I am sort of new to this website.

 

I have cared for my wife for just over six years now. I still run my home based business and try to have my employees to most of the jobs and only do ones that are close so I can get back to her. She needs my help for bathroom calls and pretty much everything. I was a person that was happy to sit and read a book or get on the computer or watch the news. Sort of a loaner. I think my wife thought I did not care but never understood that my fault was mainly working a lot of hours. Maybe she should have realized that I did not go out to the bars or run with women I just worked but always came home. Well I still remember the day I got the call from her work that she needed me and that changed are life. It has been some sad times for her and I suppose me as well. I find that I just plow forward with blinders on and do what I have to do to make sure she is as comfortable. My hope is that I will be able to take care of her as long as she is here. As far as if it is out of love or duty it really does not matter to me I just do what I can and do not ask for help and other then brief stays in the hospital and once or twice a year for maybe no more then eight hours I have had my daughter watch her or a relative. What I would like to see is her to be willing to do some rehab but she does not want to go anymore. I have told her that I think she has given up to some degree and that does not help her life.

 

Thanks for listening,

Dave

 

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I just completed ten years of caring for Ray at home, give or take some hospitalisations, respite breaks etc. If you want to visit the blog I wrote about it here is the link.

 

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?autoc...;showentry=8429

 

Today is ten years plus two days. Bad start to the day, cleaned up Ray, had another clean-up just after our evening meal. I do it automatically now, practice makes perfect. I can't say I enjoy that part of our life together though.

 

I have been impressd with a lot of the replies on this topic. I want to congratulate all of you for your endurance and the love you have for the person you are looking after. May God give you the strength to continue well into the future.

 

(((Hugs))) from Sue.

 

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I also feel that the more you take care of someone, the more you care for them. Sure there are days when the cleaning up gets to you, or the "waiting on" drives you nuts, and you want to be "waited on", but generally speaking the love gets stronger, and greater. Sara

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest gailygirl

: Caregiving - touch stuff:

 

I have been total caregiver almost 2 years now. He is mobile but my biggest hurdle is his inability to speak. So ---- i have to guess most everything (getting good at it). His was a massive left side Ischemic stroke. Tried it all for speech etc. Can say a few words.

 

Guess I am burned out from talking to doctors for him (more guess work) and Ive had to do a ton of this due to a couple hospitalizations etc.

 

He also has congnitive issues so cant make any decisions (nor wants to).

 

He is about to enter a second semester at a nearby university speech program. There he has a 1/2 hour class with his lingraphica computer and 1-1/2 hours of group participation (where they try to draw out each individual person and give them some incentive to talk). This is good socialization for him at least!!!!! I think he even likes it.

 

Otherwise life is pretty "bla" here. Me in therapy and some low key meds. Wish life was better many many times!

Maybe time heals - lets hope!

 

Thanks for listening all!

 

Gail

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  • 2 months later...

I think this question was great! My wife is my caregiver and she does a good job of it. She makes sure I take my medicine and things like that. I give my wife credit for taking good care of me. I am pretty self sufince to take my own shower in the moring and get myself dressed.

 

 

Bruce Schwentker

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  • 2 weeks later...

Such an intereseting set of questions, and I appreciate being able to read all the replies.

 

I have been caring for my husband at home since April 2009. When he had the stroke (Major) in December, I remember thinking that I could just pack a suitcase and take a flight back east - maybe no one would know I was gone. But, of course, I didn't. Early on, I came upon something that has really helped me - 'when i look in the mirrow in the AM, do I like what I see?' Also, can I live with what I am doing. I always try to anwer YES.

 

I have a duty to Jim. I also love him, and want to protect him. So you see, duty and love are not opposites.

 

I try to not think about 'forever.' I am 61, and I feared at first, and even now and then, that my life would run thorugh the hourglass, and so many things would be unfinished. then I think about JIm, and try to find a way to make that day better for him. And when I do, it is better for me, too. Maybe this is my latter years purpose. Sometimes these big ideas are too overwhelming, so I just think about what to make for his lunch today.

 

Hope that helps, it surely helps me to express it -

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Corey you are so right, love and duty are not opposites they are part of the same set of values. Remember some of the vows you have taken? Not only the "in sickness and in health" but also the oaths we swore as scouts, as part of our schooling, when we enrolled in the military or even a job sometimes has vows attached to it. A lot of vows focus on duties. So you may "love" your job and still have to "do" your duty.

 

I must say that as Ray's deficits multiply my sense of duty sometimes takes the place of my love for him. When I am cleaning him up after a choking session or an "accident", getting yet another pile of sheets off the bed, cleaning up the bathroom etc for the second time in a day THAT is when that sense of duty really kicks in.

 

I still visit my Mum twice a week in her nursing home, I looked after her at my home out of a sense of duty and because of a promise I made to my dear Dad on his deathbed. After two years of caring for her and Ray, Ray had another stroke so I found her a Dementia specific Lodge, the best in our area to suit her particular needs.

 

I am her Power of Attorney, I do her shopping, make medical decisions on her behalf, advocate for her etc. When she had the hip break in June and spent three weeks in hospital I went in every day and fed her lunch, I also acted as her interpreter as she no longer has speech and language skills due to end stage demenetia. During those three weeks I had to look after her needs while still looking after Ray - that sense of duty really kicked in.

 

Sure you love your spouse, parent or child but without that sense of duty does love translate into a lifetime of caring?

 

Sue.

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