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Hello to you all. I choose to post this for many times is talking to younger folks, I hear about depression. I have been on an anti depressants for sometime and can feel they are cutting the curb. But the reality is no matter,thoughts do enter your mind. Meditation, counselors and pills help.

I wanted to start this thread for the younger folks on how you deal(T) with this.

I went to counseling as well as medication. Now I'm not going to stand here BS my story. I know when my husband has to watch our son or push me in the wheelchair, it kills me. I begin to feel all these feelings of guilt and what if I did die? If he didn't want to help, he wouldn't be there to offer. My emotions are getting better over time,as most things often do. I am reminded of my stroke daily as my vertigo tells me it's there.But I know in the end , god had other plans for me and my family. I will continue to love life and fight through this. :thumbs up: CAUSE I ROCK!!!

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i had my strokes little more than 10 months ago ... i am soooooo grateful an lucky that i found stroke net and the good ppl here,, i wish hospitals would give stroke survivors this site ,, it would help sooooooooooo much,,, i know i am 53 and not a young stroke survivor,,, i was in denial that i was depressed thought i could handle emotions i was having alone ,, refused meds,, thankx to the ppl here i have accepted the fact that what i am going thru is ''normal'' for stroke survivors,, that i need consuling and meds ,, that it is going to be ok ,,, there is life after stroke,, thank you all here at sn,,,

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kelli:

 

I know how you feel, I have been there but I know what has helped me deal with my aftermath of stroke is taking few steps together.

1. antidepressant pills helped big time in the begining allowed me to look at the bright side of my life

2. blogging on this site every day though in my blog I wrote what was still working positively in my life and at that time my young son's sense of humor love of my hubby helped me big time.

3.writing in my gratitude journal every day helped too.

4. reading good spiritual books helped too(when bad things happen to good people, ripple effect, embraced by light)

5. chatting with other survivors helped too

 

Asha

 

 

 

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Guest jwhetstone

Dear Kelli,

I don't know what age you wanted to respond to you but I felt compelled to reply to your post. I have had major depression all my life and been on all the anti-depressants out there. Most of them helped for a little while and then did nothing. I recently found out I have been misdiagnosed for 14 years....I am bipolar. I am now being successfully treated and it is making a huge difference in me. The reason for my story is to let everyone know that if 1 anti-depressant doesn't work DON'T GIVE UP! Like I almost did. Some meds may work for some people while other people may get no better on those same meds. Everyone is different so if you try one and it doesn't work, let your doctor know so another one can be tried. Once on the right med, you will get better. However, it is just like Asha said above. Prayer to your Higher Power, meditation,talking to someone you trust will go a very long way in making you feel better-no pill can do it all......we have to try to be happy, too. I'm sure you know that and do try!.......your strokenet friend.........Joy

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I sound like a broken recored when I say it's my balances issues that cause me such grief. (i.e. weight gain, lack of excerise)

 

 

thanks

 

Now back to you all..

 

 

I know you all have issues. I want to hear your issues either past or present. My way to learn and grow.

 

Not sure of it's social anxiety.

 

 

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Hi,

I had my stroke a year ago (June 6, 2009). In the hospital I was put on antidepressants; when I was in inpatiant rehab, I saw a psychiatrist (that makes for an interesting session--I was just relearning to talk so he had to ask all yes/no questions). He put me on Wellbutrin and added BuSpar for the anxiety. I was given Xanax for when I would freak out. Since then, I have stayed on the medications and doubled the BuSpar. Even with the antidepressants, I still have some trouble with depression--mostly crying jags--I can't even imagine trying to go without! Increasing the BuSpar seemed to lessen the panicky feelings and I woke up less during the night. I still use the Xanax occasionally, because I have social anxiety--if I'm at all tired, I will just start crying in social settings. I also have difficulty with extreme emotional responses around groups of people--mostly laughing and crying. Strangers and known people can both trigger it, but it's usually large groups. I had problems with depression and anxiety even before the stroke, so I don't think I'll be going off the meds any time soon! :) It's kind of of a viscous cycle, because I also have to take medicine for more "energy" because I have extreme fatigue. I, too, think that many of my issues have to do with balance. In certain situations I become paralyzed with fear--for some reason public restrooms are a nightmare and large rooms and counters trigger extreme fear. After those experiences, it is very difficult to restore any emotional control. So that's my story--hope that's what you were looking for! :D

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hi Kelli, sorry I missed your intro. Welcome to StrokeNet. You have a great attitude. Good for you. I think depression is very counterproductive when you are on the road to recovery. I agree about meds and councelling, they both help along with the change of attitude. Here are a few links that might be of interest to you. Looking forward to knowing you. Sorry I could not help you get into chat last night. I am not very computer savvy. Good luck to you. Hoping to see you in a chat soon,

 

mc

 

A survivor's Bill of Rights

 

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showtopic=2094

 

The Five Stages of Grief

 

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showtopic=857

 

A Letter From Your Brain

 

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showtopic=83

 

Classic Postings and Advice

 

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showforum=23

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Guest wickedwings

I had depression since I was 20 years old. It took over 2 years to find the right meds, as psychological counseling and self-help were not working. The meds helped me manage the depression for years. When I had my stroke, my depression reared it's ugly head. The antidepressant I was on quit working for me. Well, it's not the medication. It's my brain. The brain chemistry was altered by the stroke.

 

It took another 2 years to find the right meds. I have issues that I never had before the stroke. Issues like death. I never felt invincible in life and knew the human frailty. After the stroke, death became something entirely different. It's so weird. Soon, I'm going have a therapist, so I can work on that issue and other issues.

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Guest TeresaWdeG

The pain pills they gave me in the hospital, "Tramadol" also have anti-depressant effects. They worked like "happy pills" and it wasn't until I tried to stop taking them that I realized what they actually did. One of the withdrawal symptoms is despair.

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Hi Kelli! Almost anyone who knows me will tell you I am a very upbeat person and have a great and positive attitude about eveything. Well the trueth is we all have down times. Especially when we have survived something that altered our lives...be it physical or emotional. Some of the things that I personally have struggled with is my independence. Needing help especially when I have to ask my kids to help me with something really bothers me to the core. I guess because I am mom and am suppose to be helping them not the other way around. I have good days and bad day. Usually a bad day is set off by one of my limitations but sometimes I just feel irritated and upset and there really isnt any one thing I can point my fingure at to explain why. And then I get more upset because I feel like everyone can see I am upset and its not fair to them. Its can be visicious circle. I have managed to get some what of a handle on it. Unfortunately because I have a wide aray of health issues I can not take anti depressents. Some of the things I have found helpful are:

 

~ staying busy...if I am just sitting around it can be very bad for me...my brain needs to be active

 

~ chatting online with friends

 

~ listening to up beat music and getting myself into it...you know having a total jam session :)

 

~ take a nap...I know for some people that doesnt work but for me because my short term memory is bad by the time I take a nap and wake up I wont remember why I was upset so I tend to move on

 

To be honest there are times when nothing helps. It dont happen very often but when it does I try to stay surrounded by my family and we get through it together. It will eventually pass....but man it can be hard waiting for it to pass. I know a lot of people on here know exactly what I mean by that. I have been blessed with a great support system which definately helps. My husband has been amazing! My kids, parents, friends...they have all been great. Some of them have went above and beyond and some have just been there when I needed to talk. People on this site included.

 

Aside from family and friends the thing that I have found most effective in getting past the bad days is a tattoo I have. I have a tattoo on my right wrist of a rainbow. I initially got it to remind me of God's promises. But it has become so much more for me. It reminds me that in life we all have storms that come and reek havick on our lives. Some have catastrophic effects and leave behind lots of damage and hurt and scars. But when it comes to storms both the ones we see on the weather channel and the ones we see in our lives...all storms end. They never last forever. Not only that but the bigger the storm the bigger and brighter the rainbow is when its finally over. My tattoo reminds me to keep looking for my rainbow when times get tough. I hope that helps someone. It sure has helped me alot.

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Hello Kelli,

 

It seems a common thing, Depression.

I too have depression & am on medication to help.

I had many signs of depression before my stroke in may of 2006 but after my stroke i felling into a crazy mess & had to take anti-depressants.

They do help but i still have my bad days, its hard to learning to get to know the new person that i am now, post stroke.

 

Thankyou for your post, i found it when having one of my down days, it helped me to feel that i am not alone.

 

hoping life gets better for all. :)

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Hello Kelli,

 

It seems a common thing, Depression.

I too have depression & am on medication to help.

I had many signs of depression before my stroke in may of 2006 but after my stroke i felling into a crazy mess & had to take anti-depressants.

They do help but i still have my bad days, its hard to learning to get to know the new person that i am now, post stroke.

 

Thankyou for your post, i found it when having one of my down days, it helped me to feel that i am not alone.

 

hoping life gets better for all. :)

 

Twinkle I had one of those days yesterday. We all have ups and downs. I too had symptoms prior but. I think it was my working schedule. Everyday is a challenge especially depending on your deficits. You never picture yourself as "handicap" when you were younger. It does take time and sometimes you don't to hear the word TIME. I know for me I can't really remember my life before this. It's hard but ,I'm here

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Hello Kelli,

 

It seems a common thing, Depression.

I too have depression & am on medication to help.

I had many signs of depression before my stroke in may of 2006 but after my stroke i felling into a crazy mess & had to take anti-depressants.

They do help but i still have my bad days, its hard to learning to get to know the new person that i am now, post stroke.

 

Thankyou for your post, i found it when having one of my down days, it helped me to feel that i am not alone.

 

hoping life gets better for all. :)

 

Twinkle I had one of those days yesterday. We all have ups and downs. I too had symptoms prior but. I think it was my working schedule. Everyday is a challenge especially depending on your deficits. You never picture yourself as "handicap" when you were younger. It does take time and sometimes you don't to hear the word TIME. I know for me I can't really remember my life before this. It's hard but ,I'm here

 

 

Thankyou Kelli,

 

Its sadly turned out to be one of those weeks.......Iv just been feeling down, had a hug argument with my husband on the weekend just gone & due to my depression/anger/emotional problems, I can often say things I don't mean & then feel really bad after, plus I often forget most of what had just happen'd, it all seems like mumbo jumbo.

 

I have many childhood & past problems that have caused my depression on top of having my stroke.

I'm getting used to how I am now, the new me & I too have trouble remembering life before but the above makes life hard, not being able to control all emotions...... but surprising to myself iv been engaging a lot more with people, instead of feeling so timid & standing back in the shadows trying not to be noticed!!!

I have a wonderful husband, but I'm sure it gets all a little much at times & he try's so hard, every day in every way he can, & I just seem all messed up, 3 weeks of the month, I will be good & then I have this downer week.

 

I am still very young & try my hardest most days to be thankful for the operation that saved my life & caused my stroke, because if not, I wouldn't be sitting here now typing this to you.......... I will often say to people, as hard as it is to say, having just a stroke was a good thing because I could of died, my odds were not good.

 

Your reply came at a much needed time & that's what I love about stroke net!!!

I have many a new topics/questions to post/ask but am a little shy.......a lot are to do with relationship issue's eg. the bedroom, life, family,kids ect............ I know we are all adults lol, but I can be a little bit of a prude at times ( so my husband says.hahaha)

 

Thanks again for your reply, Hugs to you.

Leina xoxo

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I do whatever it takes to keep my depression under control. Depression is insidious and affects everything. It affects even recovery from the stroke. After my stroke, I knew I had to get my depression under control so I can move forward in life even if it's just to enjoy life. Do not give up - there IS hope. I really am grateful that I am here.

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Im glad you're all here too.

 

It sounds so easy to 'kick" depression. The truth is no one stroke is like. Much like snowflakes. The way we each deal with our life situations is indicative to person attitude. The younger generations seem to have a hard time copeng with stress. I know I do. I still have outbursts. I yell and cry because someone one is there

 

 

Here are a few web sites that may offer ideas.. hope it helps

 

http://www.strokensw.org.au/recovery.html

 

http://www.rorc.research.va.gov/rescue/RESCUE_Newsletter_July2009.pdf

 

http://www.rorc.research.va.gov/rescue/RESCUE_Newsletter_July2009.pdf

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I've been on anti depressants since my stroke (5 years). My crazy pills as my family and I joke. I have anxiety, vertigo, and other emotional issues but I deal, 1 day at a time! My key was to get involved with advocating for other survivors. It makes me feel great and really helps me gain confidence.

 

 

 

 

Hello to you all. I choose to post this for many times is talking to younger folks, I hear about depression. I have been on an anti depressants for sometime and can feel they are cutting the curb. But the reality is no matter,thoughts do enter your mind. Meditation, counselors and pills help.

I wanted to start this thread for the younger folks on how you deal(T) with this.

I went to counseling as well as medication. Now I'm not going to stand here BS my story. I know when my husband has to watch our son or push me in the wheelchair, it kills me. I begin to feel all these feelings of guilt and what if I did die? If he didn't want to help, he wouldn't be there to offer. My emotions are getting better over time,as most things often do. I am reminded of my stroke daily as my vertigo tells me it's there.But I know in the end , god had other plans for me and my family. I will continue to love life and fight through this. <img src="http://www.strokeboard.net/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/thumbs up.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":thumbs up:" border="0" alt="thumbs up.gif" /> CAUSE I ROCK!!!

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happydance.gifKelli, You DO ROCK, GIRL!!! I wish I had that kind of attitude ALL the time!!

 

Usually my emotions are in check.. today in particular, not so much. I've actually been in tears for like the last hour or so & I'm not really sure why? It's been a year since I had a brain hemorrage.. I've had 2 brain surgeries, the last being 8months ago to replace my bone flap.. I can walk, talk altho sometimes when my brains thinking of 1 word my mouth says something completely different (?), sometimes I can't remember stuff & yeah my concentration gets a little off but theres so many things I am greatful for!! BUT today I'm stressed, confused, feeling isolated & lonely more so than I've ever felt in my entire life!!

 

maybe I'd just feel better after a good cry... maybe I'll feel better after this post...

maybe I just need a good swift kick in the pants! LOL

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Dani we all have funk days. I still have funk days. It's OK to have them. you've been through so much. I have great family and friends that tell me things are going to be OK.

 

As for memory.. I use that to my advantage J/K. But the truth is it's very shot term. Most of my memories are gone. What hurts is the memories of my oldest son. But I it sounds so cliche but I truly tell people the big picture i you're alive. It may not be the life we envisioned us to have but we have one.

 

I've told myself I'm not going to stress things that aren't in my power. It is what it is. I know some things as money and such we have to make it a priority but I'm going to make due with what little of any I have . No sense getting worked up possibly into another stroke... Much love & hugs Kelli

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ive never been on antidepressants since my stroke, but i was severely depressed for 2yrs following my stroke. i just chose to deal with it on my own terms. i went from a 6'8'' college basketball player to a guy who can no longer walk or speak so it hit me hard. i wallowed for 2yrs n then decided to find my purpose n life. before my strok i wanted to b the sec. of educ. so i went back to school n finished my bachelors n am now workin toward ph.d. i now advocate for people with tbi. i give presentations at tbi conferences among other things. i served on the board of the disability rights commission in arkansas for 2yrs.

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Hello Kelli,

 

It seems a common thing, Depression.

I too have depression & am on medication to help.

I had many signs of depression before my stroke in may of 2006 but after my stroke i felling into a crazy mess & had to take anti-depressants.

They do help but i still have my bad days, its hard to learning to get to know the new person that i am now, post stroke.

 

Thankyou for your post, i found it when having one of my down days, it helped me to feel that i am not alone.

 

hoping life gets better for all. smile.gif

 

Twinkle I had one of those days yesterday. We all have ups and downs. I too had symptoms prior but. I think it was my working schedule. Everyday is a challenge especially depending on your deficits. You never picture yourself as "handicap" when you were younger. It does take time and sometimes you don't to hear the word TIME. I know for me I can't really remember my life before this. It's hard but ,I'm here

 

 

Thankyou Kelli,

 

Its sadly turned out to be one of those weeks.......Iv just been feeling down, had a hug argument with my husband on the weekend just gone & due to my depression/anger/emotional problems, I can often say things I don't mean & then feel really bad after, plus I often forget most of what had just happen'd, it all seems like mumbo jumbo.

 

I have many childhood & past problems that have caused my depression on top of having my stroke.

I'm getting used to how I am now, the new me & I too have trouble remembering life before but the above makes life hard, not being able to control all emotions...... but surprising to myself iv been engaging a lot more with people, instead of feeling so timid & standing back in the shadows trying not to be noticed!!!

I have a wonderful husband, but I'm sure it gets all a little much at times & he try's so hard, every day in every way he can, & I just seem all messed up, 3 weeks of the month, I will be good & then I have this downer week.

 

I am still very young & try my hardest most days to be thankful for the operation that saved my life & caused my stroke, because if not, I wouldn't be sitting here now typing this to you.......... I will often say to people, as hard as it is to say, having just a stroke was a good thing because I could of died, my odds were not good.

 

Your reply came at a much needed time & that's what I love about stroke net!!!

I have many a new topics/questions to post/ask but am a little shy.......a lot are to do with relationship issue's eg. the bedroom, life, family,kids ect............ I know we are all adults lol, but I can be a little bit of a prude at times ( so my husband says.hahaha)

 

Thanks again for your reply, Hugs to you.

Leina xoxo

 

 

I swear like I'm looking in the mirror. Maybe I became you in a past life. You nailed me there cloud9.gif

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I've struggled with depression all my life. It is simply a part of who I am. I do take meds for it. Two actually. But after the stroke. I could barely function. Work was my life and now, the thing that was my haven, my sanity, is ripped away from me. It was devestating. I lived with my brother at the time, still do in fact. He was my lifeline. The only thing that kept me from killing myself was knowing how much it would hurt him. So I stayed. And now, finally, after six long, painful years. The depression has lifted. Not all of it mind you. But the majority. That soul numbing, heart crushing depression is gone. See, I had a dream that I was standing in the hallway of this very nice hotel. And I was looking in the mirror on the wall. I noticed something on my face, like a zit. So, I messed with it. The more I did, the bigger it got. Until finally I had the whole thing out of my body. It was huge! Part of my face should have been missing it was so big. But I looked back at myself and I was fine. I could see myself clearly. When I woke up, I felt better than I had in years. I didn't say anything to my brother right away. I wanted to see if that feeling stayed. I waited a week and the depression still hadn't returned. So I told him about it. It's been two months now. I go out now. I go around people now. It's so nice to be "normal" again. Well, as normal as I'll ever be. lol

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Interesting how our brains work ....that is a really cool story

 

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That is an amazing dream, and that is what dreams are for....to take care of the subconscious problems that we push aside all day long. Sounds like you were ready to move on, that is so wonderful. Congratulations!

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That is a really awesome story! I wish I could have that zit dream myself though. LOL

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I have to agree with Luckygirl! :hiya: I wanna have a big zit dream too!!

Dina

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