How do you tell other new people about your stroke?


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How do you let people you just met know that you had a stroke? Do you tell people you work with, including your boss? What about people at the store, hotel, restaurant etc.?

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I do. I tell people I had a stroke because I have no deficits that you can tell on the outside. When I speak, I have hearing problems so I have a hard time understanding. My mind goes blank and I have a hard time , like say ordering when we go out. I can speak of myself when I say that I don't want people to judge me because I have a post-stroke stutter now. Blanace issues and more. As for a boss... I can't answer that in experience for I cant work now. I would tall them because something's you may not be able to do as a result of. Having them know Is beneficial for you and the business. Mainly there are legal issues with the business that are underlined. ( we're not going into that one lol) You have nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, this has made you a better person.. mentally.

 

I don't think people will judge you differently

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How do you let people you just met know that you had a stroke? Do you tell people you work with, including your boss? What about people at the store, hotel, restaurant etc.?

I dont tell unless I am asked. Usually people will say. You hurt your leg? then I tell them but have no need to share without being asked.

 

mc

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How do you let people you just met know that you had a stroke? Do you tell people you work with, including your boss? What about people at the store, hotel, restaurant etc.?

 

I agree with MC - I don't say anything unless I'm asked. Usually older people will ask and care, while younger peeps pay attention to you until you tell them, then I usually get the backward eye roll "OMG she's retarded or something" So I just don't say anything unless I have to.

At a hotel it's a bit different - have to let them know a bit so they know about you in case of an emergency.

I no longer work - have tried at a few places but the attitudes and stress had me lasting less than a day at both of them.

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hi justice, i am with lenny on my response, its really obvious with me, my left arm doesn't move, it hangs and i walk like a penguin. but i don't announce it either. if asked i just tell them the truth, they usually don't ask any more questions. LOL we are what we are now, nothing to be ashamed of as kelly said.

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Hi Justice,

I was 36 when it happened. I got a lot of stares because of my facial paralysis. and, "Were you in a car accident?" was the usual question.

I did tell the hotel; I requested a 1st floor room close to an exit in case of a fire or something.(Mobility) I've requested a seat at the front of the plane. (More room) Aside from those, only if I'm asked.

 

Susan :Typing:

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Justice:

 

That is a very interesting question and here is why.

 

I am not ashamed of my stroke, but I too have 'hidden deficets (spelling). Yes, I usually don't announce it to the world, but in some cases, it would be to your best interest. The one most important situation would be your boss.

 

But, here are the situations. If you are applying for a job, you state upfront you had a stroke. Now either you will be denied or you get the job. However, if you 'conceal' your stroke, and the boss finds out, you could be terminated immediately for lying on your application.

 

Most companies will not discriminate due to physical disabilities, but it would also be hard to prove that they did.

 

As far as hotels, restaurants, etc., yes I do tell them. Hotels -- they can provide a handicapped-accessible room with the amendities (walk-in shower, grab bars, etc.) that you may require. In a restaurant, they can seat you in an area that will provide the most comfort for you. Your server/waitress and the kitchen staff should be able to present your food (does your meat need cut, other special needs), in a manner that is suitable to you

 

I hope this helps.

 

 

Denny

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I do mainly for awareness issues. ( chiropractic stroke) that's just what I do but all in all you do what makes you feel comfortable

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Thank you all for ur advice. My stroke can't be seen by looking at me. Sometimes this is great, sometimes not so great. I am actually a social worker at an elementary school (20 hours a week). Sometimes the kids will say things or ask questions. But they are so accepting they just move on. Some times they even remind ME! It's the adults who don't know and they throw 10 different things at me at once and then say "ok?" I just feel SO inadequate saying "no! Not ok!" I also feel like they expect me to be "slow" once I tell them. Or that they r just watching to see if I can't handle it or make a mistake.

 

I also have to figure out how to handle people's reaction when I DO tell them. Of course, everyone has a story to tell me about Aunt Betty or Grandpa Joe! I usually just smile and let them talk.

 

Anyway, thanks for listening!

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I so glad thagt everything worked so good for you.

 

Children are so understanding and so pure hearted.

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I agree with most of the other posters. I don't usually volunteer the information but if asked will answer honestly. I have to use a walker so most people know something has happened. I haven't worked since the stroke but imagine I would be upfront about what happened and what limitations it will put on me. So far most people that I have told have been understanding and most are kind. Just asking the questions of how old am I? how did something like this happen to someone so young? Will I recover?

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I personally dont usually tell people unless they ask. I do tend to get asked quite a bit about what happened to me. The only time I really mention it is if I am having a hard time communicating or remembering something.

 

I have done some public speaking about seat bealt safety in schools, churches, drivers ed classes, and occassionally some other places also. In those cases I talk about everything that is wrong with me and how it has effect my life as a whole.

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  • 2 months later...

I usually wait a little bit before I just blurt it out, but actually most people I meet are really amazed by my story. I have no visual defects from the stroke so I do need to tell them I have problems hearing and balance issues, but I dont always tell them WHY I have problems hearing, I just say I have hearing loss, or my balance is off. There is no reason to blame the stroke, this is just me :)

 

Also, I think everyone should tell their stroke story proudly. Dont be ashamed that you survived a stroke, let it empower you!!

 

And I told my current boss about my stroke during the job interview and she was just so amazed!! I think it scored me extra points towards getting the job.

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I hope you get the job!!!

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How do you let people you just met know that you had a stroke? Do you tell people you work with, including your boss? What about people at the store, hotel, restaurant etc.?

 

I don't generally blurt it to strangers on the street, but I'm likely to talk someone's ear off if they show the slightest interest. I think the more people who have some clue what a stroke is, that it could happen to anyone, and that survival and recovery are challenging but quite possible, the better they will be able to accept and accommodate other survivors. Possibly I *could* conceal my deficits from casual acquaintances, but I don't see any benefit to doing so.

 

My boss (and hers, and hers....) has been quite understanding. It used to be useful for me to be able to, on a few minutes' notice, hop in the car and drive to one of our other campuses, and that's no longer possible. IF that had been in the official job description as a requisite, I would have had to either move to another position or be terminated, but it wasn't, nor were anything that my other deficits cause problems with. So the accommodations I've needed do not critically affect performance of my job and are not extravagant, so under ADA they have to be reasonable about them and they are. (I'm not the most severely challenged employee here, although I think I suddenly vaulted into the top 5....)

 

My parents are in their early 70s and still chugging along. I won't go into their health issues -- they're not relevant here. But many of the friends they grew up with or worked with over the years are encountering more and more serious health problems, and my wife's half-brother, who was their age, died just recently. My wife suspects that news of my stroke was much harder on them emotionally than they have let on.

 

I have only once requested any special treatment because of my stroke. My employer had already paid for me to attend a fairly expensive conference just less than two months after my stroke. When I checked the registration web page, I found that they had had a deal where with purchase of a full attendance membership, one could get a free pass for a second person to attend just the show part (normally $100). That deal had expired a couple of days earlier, but I called and asked if they would extend the deadline for me so that my wife could attend as my carefiver, and they issued me a promo code to that effect.

(As someone who had attended several past conferences, I was invited to special sessions the day before the official conference start, and priority check-in on site. And the priority check-in folks looked at me, listened to my explanation of why my wife was with me to check in for her show pass, and comped her up to a full attendance pass without even telling us they were doing that!)

Sometimes, people will offer help, or ask if they can help. But sometimes the only way you'll get the help you needis to ask for it -- which is hard, but surviving is hard anyway, and also necessary.

 

See, I told you I could talk your ear off!

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  • 2 weeks later...

How do you let people you just met know that you had a stroke? Do you tell people you work with, including your boss? What about people at the store, hotel, restaurant etc.?

 

I talk about if it comes up, or they ask. I have visual side effects. I am pretty casual about it, so others react casual as well.

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  • 1 month later...

Social situations—if they ask me about working (I can't work yet), if I haven't seen them in years, etc.—it's largely a pride issue, but also a need to spread awareness. Plus, because it was pretty recent, I tend to mention PT, etc. a lot.

 

Otherwise, no. I was very private even before and I don't feel that it is any of their business. I refuse to act like I have to make excuses for myself.

 

Of course, I don't know if my reactions are reasonable—I do have bad social anxiety since the stroke. lol_2.gif

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I think that , as I stated before was I stutter as a result and cant think of words to say. In that case I do mention it. I have no outward visual effect but really that is the major

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  • 3 months later...

Thank you all for the replies. They are very helpful to hear how others handle similar situations. I did end up telling our school principal. She just said "Oh!" And that was it. So much for kindness and understanding! Anyway, as I struggle each day, sometimes I wonder why I'm even working. Especially of I have a virus and my stroke symptoms come back stronger. No amount of meds can make it all just go away.

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Justice, thanks for listening to us. Take your time about returning to work, that job or jobs just like it will be here for years to come. Get well, get back on your feet, if you are sick or feel you got a virus stay home.

 

Sure, I understand about household income and not being able to pay your bills if you aren't working but with help from your church and other resources you will survive. That's what I had to do when my wife quit working to care for me!

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When I first told people about my stroke I just got some strange looks and no one knew what to say. It wasnt until I spoke proudly of my stroke that people really started to be understanding.

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hi justice i find justice that i usually don"t have to say anything because when they see me they know some thing is wrong so they will say to me pardon me i don"t mean to be rude but what happen to you?and of coarse when ask i will tell them but only if they ask and as far as your boss nedding to know if it is for a job i believe yes i would tell him so that he will know that i can"not work that hard or that long

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Wow Nice topic Justice. I to have been strugling with this. My strokes left me with invisable defisit. Now if they all would read my writing not so invisable. I get mixed reactions when i tell ppl. I look like a normal 54 year old guy but i am SO MUCH MORE since my stroke LOL. Usually when i have to tell someone its because, i have to think before i talk, now. I talk faster than i can think, so i studder now. Or brain freezes up trying to think of the word that fits. So when i say sorry i had a stroke ppl say I can not even tell. People dont care as long as they get what they want.

I wish my mom and sister would be so kind and daughter. My wife has done a turn around, Now shy understands. Telling or reminding loved ones is so much harder. They think it is an excuse. Do not know why. I just carry around some matches it explaines all. I take the match out i say this was my brain I lite the match blow the flame out and say this is now my brain any questions............. No questions

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  • 3 weeks later...

sebi99,

I like your visual example with the match. I know what you about trying to find the word that fits. I'm not sure what it is called but I often will say "ground" when I mean "floor" or "ceiling" when I mean "sky". People will usually laugh and correct me. But, what I HATE is when people say "well, I do that stuff all the time". Or when people who are older will say that they understand bc they go through this stuff every day. No, they don't understand.

Maybe I should carry around a match too. ;)

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