CagedBird Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Today I found some diaries I wrote in as a kid. I always had a diary and wrote in it everyday recording everything I did. I used to do so much. I was so active. Some of you may remember the poem I wrote in my blog a while back where I wished I could go back in time and do so many things just one last time if I knew I was going to have a stroke. My last journal entry was on October 16 the day before my stroke and surgeries. After that I quit writing for a year. When I did start writing again all my entries just talked about going to therapies. It was painful to read it. Of course we all want to be a kid again but for me being a kid again means so much more than just being young and innocent with no responsibilities. It means being free to be human, free to explore adventure, free to do the simplest things with the use of both hands. Seems like my life slowed down so much after the stroke. I picked it up a lot during college staying active in school but I know my life will never be as easy as pre-stroke life. I was 12 when I had my stroke so pre-stroke memories are pretty great but I know some of you were older when you had your stroke. Do you ever think back to pre-stroke life and wish you could be that person again? I have tried to move on and I know we cant dwell on the past but reading my journal really reminded me just how carefree and adventurous my life was back then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Katrina, I was older than you, in my late 40's physically, but I had only started the life most people start in their teens. I was just a junior in college, and yes, I looked at pictures of me up 13 ft in a Magnolia tree that I climbed, art work I had drawn, music I played and sang, remembered things I did that I could no longer do and may never again. Sometimes I still do and sometimes I feel robbed. I fought and beat the odds once and here I am fighting them again. Yes I still think about it but I have to remember what the camera didn't capture. After having a stroke at 12 yrs old you've beaten several odds and no I don't think anything will be as easy as it was but honestly, when was it ever easy? You had what many of us had...determination. who ever thought you would get through college, or drive a car, or have a boy friend, or a job? And it wasnt easy nor did it happen quickly. If you have to revisit the past do it with an eye to what you're capable of, and build your confidence and determination. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HostAsha Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Katrina : I was older than you when I stroked at age 34, but what I learned in my post stroke journey is that when you stop looking at past and start looking forward to your future by doing your best every day something great comes out in present. I bet as with bad lot of good things also must have come out in your life, start focusing on good things & you will realise stroke as just speed bump in your life's journey, it made you the person you are who all of us are proud of. that's what I have believed in my life & it has served me well. Asha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksmith Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Kat, I miss somethings but I have read some of my journals as well as look at pictures of my past and ZILCH.. no memories, I wish I could go back and see what life was but I have nothing to compare it too. You said it as not looking back but I can appreciate due to an early age. But as Jan said, you've passed so many hurdles. And you have a wonderful boyfriend who loves you for you.I see it as this;Did the people on the planes in 9/11 have a second chance at life? No. It may not be the kind of life you wished to have but it is life no less. You are GORGEOUS . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamwill Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Katrina, We all think about it and wish we could go back. But we have to suck it up and make the best of it. And you have done a remarkable job of doing everything you wanted to do as any other young adult your age. So be proud of yourself even more because you accomplished it disabilities while everyone else had it easy. Pam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksmith Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Katrina, I though more about what you saying and I think you are where you are because of a reason. What reason?is it fair? I don't know nor I think it's fair. I do know that you have completed college.. ( more than most could do) I am just in awe of you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CagedBird Posted September 5, 2012 Author Share Posted September 5, 2012 you guys gave really great comments that I took into consideration. I realize I have a choice to either dwell on my resent and wish I could go back to my past or try to make the best of what I have now. At least I did have 12 years to enjoy my childhood as an able bodied child. Memories I will always cherish and appreciate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wrinkles Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Hi. I wish I could go back to the time before my stroke, but for a slightly different reason. My stroke was largely self-inflicted, since I had been prescribed high blood pressure medicine but refused to take it. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could go back in time and go straight to the drugstore and get that presciption filled. And when I think that, it's not just because of the effect of the stroke on me, but the effect it had on my family. It's natural to regret what we've lost, I think. It's only human. But it'also natural to move on. That's human, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdube Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Katrina, do not dwell on the past, look forward to the future but live in the present. Concentrate on making new memories. Of course we would all like to erase time. In my case I was in my 30s. Who would not want to be 28 years younger, stroke or no stroke. Stop wishing your life away Katrina and live. We were all dealt a hand hard to play. At least we are still in the game. Make the most of it. Live your life so that 20 years from now you will look back on this time with the same fondness you are looking at your prestroke life. Live so you have no regrets and are proud of yourself for making the best of your situation. All the best to you, mc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HostAsha Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 mc : well said, could not agree more, Katrina listen to this wise words, by dwelling in your past, you are missing enjoying this wonderful present, start writing 5 things u r greatful for every day. Asha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aplusgurl Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 I LOVE what mc just said. I have to remind myself that I am NOT the person that I was before my storke, and that is NOT a bad thing. I had my stroke at age 25, and I was a musician, with hopes of making it. After my stroke, I lost the ability to stay on pitch, so I gave up. GIving up was the worst thing that I could have done. Seven years later I picked it up, but it will never be the same. I used to have natural ability, and now I have to work VERY hard, but I am still doing it. My advice is to not dwell on the past ( I have to tell myself that too), and look at the future. You have a chance to be someone that you never dreamed now. I will never be a concert vocalist, but I do believe that I can contribute through Music Therapy. You have come a long way, keep pushing ahead! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksmith Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Katrina, I finally came to the realization of don't stress on when I cannot get back but to look forward to what is yet to be done and I believe that you are the best person to do that because you are smart and beautiful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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