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How do I get him to dress up again?

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I love going places with Mike and he usually loves to get out of the house a couple times a week, but lately all he wants to wear is his jogging pants or his pj bottoms that look like worn out jeans. He rarely ever puts on regular shoes just bedroom slippers or his clogs. I know the shoe thing is because of the swelling in his left foot but I can loosen his tennis shoes up enough for his foot to fit.

 

Help! I miss my sharp dressed man! :pimp:

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I have to bribe my husband to get him dressed up for things... maybe if you planned something where he felt more obligated to dress up - like a nice restaurant? Or just tell him that you want him to take you out on a hot date, so he'd better look snappy. Maybe if he sees that dressing nice every once and a while is important to you, it'll happen more.

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I don't even get dressed during regular daysmmostly for bathroom. with one hand I can't pul lmy pants & depends up straight.I wear a night gown or duster so when I go to the bathroom - which can be alot during the day I gather the gown skirt in my my mouth. when we go out mostly to church or shopping I do my hair I put on decent clothes -staying away from pants I know I can't pull up enough by myself.

 

I still cannot go to a bathroom myself unless I am sure it has the correct side assist bar. we pretty well limit our going out to places we know that hav e family bathrooms so Wayne can help - & the ones I know I can manage I just can't take a chance going somewhere I'm not sure we/I can manage .

 

If Mike is totally one- handed , I can't imagine pulling up& zipping Jeans one handed. Just my thought ( and if he can manage the bathroom in elastic waist clothes- that's what would be most important. it is very scary away from home afraid you will have no choice but to wet yourself - in public.

 

 

Susan in

Alberta Canada

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As a stroke survivor I can tell you that you might not be able to loosen his shoes enough. I thought that too until I found out I couldn't loosen them enough. I ended up buying wider shoes and loosening them to fit--but still snug enough to support my foot. Have you told him how you feel because stroke survivors can feel so uncomfortable that "comfort" becomes the main attraction in dress. Also independence figures in. Its much easier to slip into jogging pants and slip on shoes than it is shoes that need to be tied with one hand.

 

Talk to him and see if you can help him solve the obstacles in the way of snappier dressing. This may also be a time you just have to pick your battles and let time work it's wonders.

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I really don't care to get "dolled" up anymore for the rare occasion that we go out somewhere. Takes too much energy and effort and whats the point really? No matter what I look like, I am still gonna be hobblin with a cane or riding in a wheelchair like a sickly old lady. Might as well be comfortable. All my cute "prestroke" clothes don't fit me anymore and the shoes and boots and sandals are useless to me now with this AFO I have to wear. I feel like I'm doing good just to be getting out of the house and am not concerned about how I look or what I'm wearing.

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Cat,

 

I know it takes a lot of effort and is generally a PITA ... but for me, if you look better, you feel better.

 

Ask him to do it for you as a favor ...

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We also bought bigger shoes for Mike after his stroke, because of the swelling and his AFO. It made a big difference and he's more comfortable wearing shoes now.

 

Susan - My husband is completely one-handed and he eventually learned to get his jeans on by himself (zipper and button and belt done by himself!), but that took several months. He felt better when he was wearing his "regular" clothes, so we made it a point to practice. I had to help him with it for a while, but he can do it on his own now!

 

And I agree with Theo - sometimes it feels good when you look good, or can wear something that used to be normal for you. Even if it's just for a short outing, it can help.

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I don't know and can't say as I sit here now as I type in PJ's and T shirt and been like that ALL day! Tomorrow is Sunday my wife will lay out my suit clothes for church but I get out of them afterwards just as fast as I put them on and I love to feel at home and comfortable!! Maybe Mike is the same way but I will put on clothes if I go to walmart shopping or for gas!! Around the house I live to enjoy it and my family so it looks lived in and comfortable!!

 

We are not the ones to start dusting and straightening up where you sat soon as you got up and we don't have you leave your shoes outside the door!! We have a couple vacuums and I know how to use them and we know how to dress when we get ready!! My wife is a teller supervisor and she has to dress daily but not me!!

 

Wish I had answers that make sense but hey I'm a survivor of nearly nine years and comfortable how I am and Mike probably is too!! :zoro:

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Cat: Bruce had to wear a shirt and tie to work every day. He does not own a suit and only shopped about once a year. You know the shoe story: 12 pairs, but the pants story is even better. Since we were planning on a June wedding, he had gone out and shopped for dress pants just before the stroke: 9 pairs of Dockers, tags still on them.

 

Early on I purchased elastic waist, one size too big, pants. Bruce can not tolerate elastic around his ankles and does best with natural fabrics. He can get these up and down, by releasing the grip bar, to toilet. If we found nice pants with the elastic at the ankle, my secretary at work just took it out and hemmed them. We tried his jeans and dress pants, but they were too constricting on that over-toned thigh. So I just keep three pairs of the elastic waist pants aside for dress. BJs has a brand of shirts: 100% cotton, long or short sleeve, no logos, mock turtle neck - Bruce gets these on himself. So again I have probably five set aside for dress, rest for everyday. Bruce loves a flannel shirt over these-always cold, and fortunately he has a good selection of those. I keep three at hand when he gets out of bed in the morning, but the really good Pendleton's are saved for dress. That is enough for him: warm, comfortable, natural fabrics, neutral colors.

 

Shoes: and I have a wide selection - LOL. His AFO fits into a pair of Rockports. If we go out, he has the same pair, without the AFO, in black and off white. He would prefer his mocs, but they offer no support. The Rockports look nice and support that foot keep the swelling down and the turning to the side to a minimum. He won't walk anyway, but when the day comes (and I still believe it will) when he decides to walk again, the foot won't be so far gone to have to start over again. So an hour or two without the AFO is OK.

 

The few times we do go out, he is glad I have taken the effort to keep things nice for him. He loves seeing me dressed and I do try. But lifting a WC and assisting Bruce really requires comfortable clothing. Plus stuff you don't mind if it tears or gets stained. Just getting him ready is enough to say OK, I am clean, that is about as good as it is going to get.

 

I agree that Bruce reacts positively when we put in the effort to take out the "dress" clothes. And he acts differently: napkin in lap, using utensils, aware of the continence issues. It does enforce his self-esteem, his connection to life and that is why I make the effort. Debbie

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The worst for me is trying to do/undo the button on the pants' left back pocket -- my left hand is half numb and the right can't reach. But it's always another little victory when I succeed!

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I live where it rarely gets cold (Mississippi) so I am in running shorts and a nice t-shirt normally. I don't miss my old clothing at all. Jeans are uncomfortable to me now that I am used to these super soft running shorts. When I go out to eat, I just wear a nicer collared shirt with my shorts. Everyone down here dresses like me anyway so I fit in I guess.

 

I wear running shoes and I use the no-tie laces. Here is a link... http://www.amazon.com/Sof-Sole-Fashion-Laces-45-Inch/dp/B003IJ2QTI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1352866400&sr=8-1&keywords=sof-sole-no-tie-shoe-lace. One of my therapists got me these and they make my life much easier. You just pull the laces and they tighten plenty enough to keep my shoes secure. I was worried about my shoes falling off and getting lost by the brake pedal when I am driving but they stay on comfortably tight.

 

Brian

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Thanks Brian, I will check out the link.

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I'm going to jump in here if you don't mind. As for the shoes, I had the same problem, not really a problem but not wanting to wear anything that causes me grief. Until I found a New Balance product, it's a walking shoe that has velcro ( making it easier to dress) instead of laces, they're comfy, looks good and it comes in dress black!! ... just my 2 cents, hope it helps.

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