self esteem

[rosena72]

in need of some ideas of how to build self esteem following stroke, any advice and tips would be greatly appreciated.

thank you.

[ksmith]

Pleasure to meet you.

 

Being newly introduced into the world of stroke, don't give up on things yet. You were correct in saying that you are moving at a turtles pace. your brain was attacked. It takes a lot of time to heal. Even though you know you can do things, your body and brain have to build stronger pathways. I'm 4 years and due to my kind of stroke I'm unable to drive but others on here,as well as you that I can see, will be able to drive again.

Check out cognitive therapy. That just helps in different ways you can look at yourself as well as think. Like ex. you are the only one that is the king of your own life.. you only have to be concerned with yourself. Live for you,not others. If people snicker or make comments about you,at the end of the day it's about you and you alone. It's hard at first but I personally think " I'm better then you for I cheated death. I have a do over bi**ches"

 

I really say that.

 

The first year really is the hardest for therapy and getting used to the 'new you' As time goes on, you'll find a new normal. And don't compare yourself to what you were just focus on what you can be

xxxooxx

[Guest]

Self esteem is tough, especially for those of us who were trained to equate our worth with our performance. I could start by saying we confuse self worth, self esteem and self respect which are each separate things. Even before stroke I battled with these most of my life and thought I was getting somewhere when I ran smack-dab into stroke.

I could write a lot to you about self esteem but I doubt you want a book so what I will say is to start by identifying what is good about you, what you like about yourself, the things that are important to you and build there.

 

After stroke it's hard to see whats still there because of our deficits that hinder our expression of those parts of us. Find ways to let who you are to be expressed and ways to give yourself permission to do things differently.

 

Above all, as my signature says, be willing to let go of who you were so you can become who you can be.

[fking]

I agree with the two ladies above they told you just like it is and the daily grind to keep your senses about you means so much. We are down in a sense but far from out and each year of recovery is an asset to get back some or in some cases much of what was lost to the stroke. As a male survivor for nine years self esteem is tough but we can still do things just not as fast or as smooth but things get done just the same. Keep smiling and people will wonder what you are up to and really want to ask you how you are doing.

[HostAsha]

Rosena

 

 

Reminding myself I am worth it and survived for a reason helps me feel good about myself. You are here For reason and you are enough mantra helps me deal with my new normal and new me. Btw start noticing and appreciating things you can still do and pat yourself for job well done will help too

 

Asha

[smarshall]

Self esteem is tough, especially for those of us who were trained to equate our worth with our performance. I could start by saying we confuse self worth, self esteem and self respect which are each separate things. Even before stroke I battled with these most of my life and thought I was getting somewhere when I ran smack-dab into stroke.

I could write a lot to you about self esteem but I doubt you want a book so what I will say is to start by identifying what is good about you, what you like about yourself, the things that are important to you and build there.

 

After stroke it's hard to see whats still there because of our deficits that hinder our expression of those parts of us. Find ways to let who you are to be expressed and ways to give yourself permission to do things differently.

 

Above all, as my signature says, be willing to let go of who you were so you can become who you can be.

 

Very well said Jaime.

 

Susan :snorkel:

[englishlady]

Rosena, to get my self worthback, I reminded myself there is a reson why Iam here, next I stopped looking back, and looking forward. Every day I try to do one thing that I could not do after my stroke.Also time is the healer, it takes time, I wanted to be feeling well,straight away. I remember asking my doctor, when will I be able to walk better, drive, think better. The doctor looked at me and said maybe a year or longer, just be please that Iam alive. That shook me up, but I needed that wake up call. I was so busy feeling so sorry for myself, that I would not try to walk, use the computer, just worry at what I cant do no more. Now, I am please that Iam here,enjoy my family, look at the sky, listen to the birds, play with my grandkids and see that life is more then work, money, or material things. I enjoy talking to people, findingout whats going on in their life. I wish you all thebest.

 

Yvonne

[Guest]

Rosena,

 

Your post inspired me to blog a bit on self esteem and if you would like to see if anything there might help you, here are links to those two entries.

 

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?app=blog&module=display&section=blog&blogid=704&showentry=11513

 

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?app=blog&module=display&section=blog&blogid=664&showentry=11517

[lizmargaret]

As someone who battled some extreme self esteem issues pre-stroke, I've really struggled to find some self-esteem in my post-stroke world, what helps me is focusing on all of the important lessons I've learned as a result of the stroke and how I've improved myself as a result.

 

For example: I had ZERO patience before my stroke, well..I've found some, I had to, as a result I'm finding I'm much more patient and calm.

 

The fact that I can embrace my stroke as something good makes me feel better, I know,it's crazy, right?

[fking]

Liz, I had to look and see how old you were just because you stated of battling some self esteem issues pre-stroke. I did too having been married 3 times before now. I could have killed and been spending life behind bars for taking a life. I kept on dealing with that until I met my current wife I feel was God sent to me. Now I'm patient, calm, cool and collected. I don't get angry, mad or upset at anyone for any reason. Sometimes I wife ask me why I changed, I just say because of you! You are the lady for me that I wished I had back then.

 

Now my big thing is I survived the stroke and I got more time on earth with her in my life as a stroke survivor. Right there is enough happiness to last the rest of my life. So no Liz, you are not crazy, your heart is into feeling great and being happy now like me.

[becky1]

Rosena, Our self-esteem certainly takes a beating from stroke, doesn't it? I totally agree with what everyone else has said. I think that we were taught by every adult we knew when we were younger that if we were good people, and tried really hard, that nothing bad would happen to us. So, what happens? Something bad. Stroke. So, now we begin to think that there's something wrong with us, and every stroke deficit is like a Scarlet Letter, telling the world that we aren't good enough, or didn't try hard enough. that it's our fault! Thinking this way erodes our self-esteem. I still find myself thinking this way sometimes, and I'm 6 yrs. out. Whatever your stroke deficits, they're always there to remind you... So, what do you do? What helps me, is not dwelling on it. first of all. To me, I just don't have time to dwell on questions to which I don't have answers, and never will in this life! Then looking forward to things that I want to do, or can do. And, if someone would please help me, I might even be able to smell the flowers along the way! Becky

[ken27]

Rosena, Take it one day at a time, try to improve one thing. This can be doing one more exercise, stretch,walk, household chore,cooking something different,calling a friend and saying hi, just do something to improve your self esteam. You then can reward yourself by doing something you like ie listen to music, whatch tv, sit outside and look at the sky. You can make a log on your computer of what you have done on a daily basis and then look at it a couple of months later and think "Whow I do a LOT". This could be a wounderful way to build your self estem.

Iwish you nothing but the best.

[sebi99]

The other Day my friend Diane went to the Convent just a block away. It was the second time I was there. The first time was Christmas eve. The service was in English givin by Father Gus 85 year old. They study theologians there. SO I asked mother superior, a woman who has more common sense than most. I said , I had a stroke, since then I have no porous anymore. I Had to sell my business I am getting a divorce, I have no friends any more. All my bad parts of myself that I use to be able to hide were constantly harming me. She told me I have a gift of a second chance here on earth and what I need to do is...................... do Better. SO I think I understand, be humble ,kind ,concederate , be good ...from this all the good things will come.! Being like this will build self esteem.

[lizmargaret]

Becky, what an amazing and astute answer to this question!

 

I'm sure I'm not the oly one tht askd, why me? What didI do to desreve this? Is this some kind of karic retribution for something>

[bayquake]

I am starting to experience this as well, going from "Mike", to "Mike . . . . Who recently had a stroke." Although people have been kind and compassionate, it causes me a lot of social anxiety around people who don't know. What I'm trying to learn to do, despite all my natural inclinations and conditioning, is to allow people to help me.

 

What I've discovered is that people who pre-stroke I may have distrusted or pre-judged have been some of the warmest and kindest people and have helped make a dent in my esteem issues.

 

[lizmargaret]

Mike, isn't that the hardest part?

 

Asking for help. I know I'm a

 

"I wanna do it myself person, well, not anymore! It is hard to give up that independence and ask for help, to admit that you need help.

[beth74]

I am almost 2yrs post stroke, and I gained a great deal of my confidence by going back to work. I also don't care what others think about me, and how I limp when I walk, and no usage of my left hand. I've learned they must like me for me, as a person. Driving was another thing...going to the groc store, and facing the public. Help others.. Eating healthy and taking care of yourself...exercise, therapy. These all add up I. Helping with self esteem. All the advices on here are valuable. I wish the best for you in your recovery.

~Beth

[trainer]

I am almost 2yrs post stroke, and I gained a great deal of my confidence by going back to work. I also don't care what others think about me, and how I limp when I walk, and no usage of my left hand. I've learned they must like me for me, as a person. Driving was another thing...going to the groc store, and facing the public. Help others.. Eating healthy and taking care of yourself...exercise, therapy. These all add up I. Helping with self esteem. All the advices on here are valuable. I wish the best for you in your recovery.

~Beth

[trainer]

Hi Beth. I am from London, Ontario. Canada. I re train body and mind for folks with strokes . I have been working in this field for over 15 years. I am always looking for new ideas and exercises (therapy) that will help get folks closer to regaining a lot of what they lost. I notice that you mentioned exercise and therapy in your message. Is there anything that you can pass on to me so I might be able to help more folks. I do one on one and classes. I use pedal bikes (hand and foot), plus I use lots of Resistance band exercises. I spend much of the time with the folks motivating and helping them to motivate their self's. Thanks Vince Nash.

[trainer]

Rosena72. Try this for self esteem and making everyday a good day. Write a day story how you want to feel today. Do you want to be happy, sad, funky, make someone else happy, help someone today? Get something new today? See some improvement in your ability? These are just some ideas. The most important part of this exercise is for you to decide how you want the day to go. It is your life. You have more control over it then anyone else. So just write today's story. Make it positive. If the day isn't going the way you wrote it, figure out what went wrong and get the story back on track. Everyday you have new story to write. After awhile you will have a book. You will be amazed when you look back at your first day time story, how much fun you've have had.

[beth74]

I am almost 2yrs post stroke, and I gained a great deal of my confidence by going back to work. I also don't care what others think about me, and how I limp when I walk, and no usage of my left hand. I've learned they must like me for me, as a person. Driving was another thing...going to the groc store, and facing the public. Help others.. Eating healthy and taking care of yourself...exercise, therapy. These all add up I. Helping with self esteem. All the advices on here are valuable. I wish the best for you in your recovery.

~Beth

 

Hi Trainer.

 

Pleased to meet you. Your job sounds very interesting. Are you a Physical Therapist? I appreciate that, and I will think of things to send along your way. I find that moving around in our local therapy pool with a floater attatched around my waist, so that I can try to kick with both legs without falling over. The pool has been the best in helping with my recovery. Also, I wear an orthotic brace to help me walk easier, and i like to be outdoors. I use resistance bands, balance pods, arm pulleys, stack blocks on the floor, mirror box..etc. As you can see, I like gadgets