•  

    Correct forum?

    Before you post, please ask yourself this question, "Is this the correct forum"?  Please read the forum description before posting. 

tmciriani

The pain of reality

28 posts in this topic

Hi I've been struggling over the last week with my relationship. I call Adrian my husband and he calls me his wife but we are not married. Something happened last week that hurt our relationship. I have been upset and in pain with this. Yesterday I made a decision that is the hardest most painful decision for me but it is my reality. I asked Adrian to really talk to me which is hard for him. During the conversation he said something that took my breath. He says he loves me and that I am his responsibility and that he will do the right thing by that. When I love I love with all of me I don't know how to compartmentalize love. He said that the way he loves me is not a romantic love. I was floored and he was shocked that I didn't understand that. After a tremendous amount of crying, thought, and reflection I decided that when I can get myself more financially stable and hopefully get my disability that he and I should go our separate ways. (for many reasons) This decision does not come without pain and emotions. It is the hardest decision I have ever had to make because I truly love Adrian (with all of me). I am scared, really scared and don't know really what this will mean for my future. I can't imagine not having Adrian in it. I truly have a broken heart and I feel it to the depth of me. I just needed to let this out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tracy, I just looked at my email and saw your post.  I really don't know what to say to make you feel better.  Your heart's broken, and mine is breaking for you.  Even though it may be more difficult for you, I am somewhat glad that the separation won't happen immediately.  After a stroke, I think we all experience for varying lengths of time a lack of desire for physical love.  Could that be the reason that Adrian thinks his love of you is not a romantic love?

 

I'm so sorry this happened to you, my dear friend.  Lots of love and hugs from me!  

 

Image result for to my online friends images

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tracy, Hugs Hugs Hugs, but if that is what you need then it is better to acknowledge where you both are and move on from there.  At least you don't have to do anything specific about it just yet.  Waiting until you are ready to make the actual move is a good idea so long as where you are now is not dangerous to either your or Adrian's mental and physical health.  I bet you find that having made the decision a whole lot of things will become easier for you to live with as suddenly they are no longer for "forever"

 

Just remember that even if Adrian is not "the one" that doesn't mean your "one" is not out there. And nothing wears you down faster than a one sided love

 

All the best,

Heather

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My heart goes out to you , knowing what you are going through. but also know that does not ease your hurt.  I know you don't want to hear this, but time is a great help. Over time you begin to see things clearer, and you think clearer. I though I never get over my first relationship, that lasted 16 years, and really was not good for me. Now i see that we were worng for each other, he was not happy and nor was I.  Also though he was the "One'. So walked around feeling lost, and so angry with the World, thank goodness I got my self out of that, cause not only did I see that we were not happy or a good fix, but I would have not met my husband now , and we have  been married for 24 years.  

 

Know that you have caring good People here, who  are here for you. If you need a hug, or just to talk, come on let us know.

 

God Bless 

 

Yvonne

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It s a hard step but you will be proud of what you do. You know if you need me....... :wink:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh Tracy...

Finding the words...so I'm not.

 I'm going to sit here and hold your hand, brush away the tears and listen.

When you are ready...

My heart is breaking for you, my lovely.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am proud of you and in awe of your strength. You just took a stand for yourself that halfask is not good enough and you want the oportunity to find true 100% real love including hot romantic kind. Now while he sounds all noble and stuff why cannot he understand this is hard to hear disappointing hurtful. Good for you. Cry now Play later. You will open some new doors and get what you want need by not settling on second best as many do. GReet the future. Get yourself set and then go look for your romance. Next time you will find your great love if you keep looking.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I really want to thank each of you for your encouraging words. This is foreign to me but one thing I do know is that I don't want it or need it in my life. My plan for now is still the same get my financial stuff in order and pray for my disability. The only new thing is that my goal is only for me. This is one step that I can take now. Reality opens your eyes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Been there, done that. I can't think of anything to say, except that I know it hurts, and hugs being sent your way. Becky

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well this is it. Last night Adrian didn't come home he stayed at the 24 year old's. We had talked and agreed to stick together until financially we were better and then go our separate ways but I told him he would have to wait on doing all this other stuff until he was gone that I just couldn't handle it. He just didn't come home. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tracy, I'm just now seeing this thread. I'm sooooo sorry to hear of this. I would be devastated! You hang in there best you can.  Bear hugs to you.  2929u6b.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well you just do it now instead of later if you must. No matter what you will be ok. I believe it comes back to people how they treated others. Just know you can stand alone

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

do what you have to do tracy, and know that you have the unflinching support of all (myself included natch) you friends here!

 

david

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tracy, all I can think to say is that you have some very important things in your life; your daughter, the love and admiration of all of us survivors, and a belief in your own value.  Your strength was used to make your decision, and it's going to get you through this.  I keep noticing the quote in your signature block....you can do it, my friend.  Hugs  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tracy,

 

Real men don't do that.  I can tell that there is a lot of pain in your heart but you are finding your voice.  It is time to be selfish and make sure that you finances are stable.  You have your daughter and your Mom who loves you unconditionally.  And like Linnie says, we on this board All admire you.  You are a rock.  

 

Please take care.  

 

Charles

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We are all with you Tracy, you have the support of the entire strokenet community.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/3/2017 at 10:13 AM, 2Fight said:

Tracy,

 

Real men don't do that.

That said it all.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It has started...the remnants of this nightmare will be over sooner than later (I am feeling so thankful). Hopefully by this time next month I will be starting a new chapter elsewhere. I feel freer (if that is a word) lighter, i'm putting on my big girl panties and getting rid of this heartache. The next few weeks will be hard, emotional, and yet so worth it. Think about me please...I can use all the positive vibes I can muster.:bye:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tracy, I'm thinking of you. Think of this as a new beginning. Butterflies represent new beginnings.  i5ufth.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tracy, my dear friend, you can count on me to think of you while you're preparing for your freedom.

I'm looking forward to the future, and feeling grateful for the past. - Mike Rowe

 

Hugs 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tracy,

 

With this change, I hope that those heavy feeling that have been wearing you down is finally lifted.  With all the changes, it won't be easy at first.  But, I am sure that you will find positive change to fill the negative void.  And you are a strong person.  Even with this bad situation, you are showing a lot of poise.  With the help of family members, I hope that you can get back to your feet and regain financial stability.  We (on this board) are all rooting for u. 

 

Charles

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tracy, Hugs you got this!  remember to breathe and know we are all behind you in this. 

 

Good luck with the move. 

Heather 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I really can't thank you enough for all the supportive responses. This has been a really painful, humiliating reality and it has really taken it's toll on me. I'm exhausted right now thank you guys.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Omygoodness Tracy, I thought I posted a note to you and apparently I didn't post it. I'm in awe at your strength. My heart is breaking for you and swelling for you at the same time. I haven't got answers as I am going through the same thing. Just take one day at a time.

If you need to talk, I am here for you. 

With Loving Thoughts

SweetMom

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tracy, I know you'll be feeling relieved when this is all over(getting your stuff out, getting moved in-wherever you're going, etc.) And you may not be able to go slow, so make a list  of all you want/need to do.  When you start feeling overwhelmed, take 5, drink some water, and breathe, like Heather said. Tell your psychiatrist what's going on so that he can help you with the emotional part. This is a lot to deal with even with NO stroke deficits, so take good care. As several have said, we're all with you, in spirit, since we can't be there in person. You can do this, just plan on several down days afterwards. By "down", I mean you'll need some good sleep  time. If that happens, please give in to it. Good luck, Becky 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now