tmciriani

The pain of reality

9 posts in this topic

Hi I've been struggling over the last week with my relationship. I call Adrian my husband and he calls me his wife but we are not married. Something happened last week that hurt our relationship. I have been upset and in pain with this. Yesterday I made a decision that is the hardest most painful decision for me but it is my reality. I asked Adrian to really talk to me which is hard for him. During the conversation he said something that took my breath. He says he loves me and that I am his responsibility and that he will do the right thing by that. When I love I love with all of me I don't know how to compartmentalize love. He said that the way he loves me is not a romantic love. I was floored and he was shocked that I didn't understand that. After a tremendous amount of crying, thought, and reflection I decided that when I can get myself more financially stable and hopefully get my disability that he and I should go our separate ways. (for many reasons) This decision does not come without pain and emotions. It is the hardest decision I have ever had to make because I truly love Adrian (with all of me). I am scared, really scared and don't know really what this will mean for my future. I can't imagine not having Adrian in it. I truly have a broken heart and I feel it to the depth of me. I just needed to let this out.

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Tracy, I just looked at my email and saw your post.  I really don't know what to say to make you feel better.  Your heart's broken, and mine is breaking for you.  Even though it may be more difficult for you, I am somewhat glad that the separation won't happen immediately.  After a stroke, I think we all experience for varying lengths of time a lack of desire for physical love.  Could that be the reason that Adrian thinks his love of you is not a romantic love?

 

I'm so sorry this happened to you, my dear friend.  Lots of love and hugs from me!  

 

Image result for to my online friends images

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Tracy, Hugs Hugs Hugs, but if that is what you need then it is better to acknowledge where you both are and move on from there.  At least you don't have to do anything specific about it just yet.  Waiting until you are ready to make the actual move is a good idea so long as where you are now is not dangerous to either your or Adrian's mental and physical health.  I bet you find that having made the decision a whole lot of things will become easier for you to live with as suddenly they are no longer for "forever"

 

Just remember that even if Adrian is not "the one" that doesn't mean your "one" is not out there. And nothing wears you down faster than a one sided love

 

All the best,

Heather

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My heart goes out to you , knowing what you are going through. but also know that does not ease your hurt.  I know you don't want to hear this, but time is a great help. Over time you begin to see things clearer, and you think clearer. I though I never get over my first relationship, that lasted 16 years, and really was not good for me. Now i see that we were worng for each other, he was not happy and nor was I.  Also though he was the "One'. So walked around feeling lost, and so angry with the World, thank goodness I got my self out of that, cause not only did I see that we were not happy or a good fix, but I would have not met my husband now , and we have  been married for 24 years.  

 

Know that you have caring good People here, who  are here for you. If you need a hug, or just to talk, come on let us know.

 

God Bless 

 

Yvonne

 

 

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It s a hard step but you will be proud of what you do. You know if you need me....... :wink:

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Oh Tracy...

Finding the words...so I'm not.

 I'm going to sit here and hold your hand, brush away the tears and listen.

When you are ready...

My heart is breaking for you, my lovely.

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I am proud of you and in awe of your strength. You just took a stand for yourself that halfask is not good enough and you want the oportunity to find true 100% real love including hot romantic kind. Now while he sounds all noble and stuff why cannot he understand this is hard to hear disappointing hurtful. Good for you. Cry now Play later. You will open some new doors and get what you want need by not settling on second best as many do. GReet the future. Get yourself set and then go look for your romance. Next time you will find your great love if you keep looking.

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I really want to thank each of you for your encouraging words. This is foreign to me but one thing I do know is that I don't want it or need it in my life. My plan for now is still the same get my financial stuff in order and pray for my disability. The only new thing is that my goal is only for me. This is one step that I can take now. Reality opens your eyes.

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Been there, done that. I can't think of anything to say, except that I know it hurts, and hugs being sent your way. Becky

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