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GreenQueen

ONE Thing

38 posts in this topic

O shoot Lin, dangit. I'm bawling again. 

I think everyone agrees that you are so important to us too.

I would also like to bring my sister back. 

But what I would like to have back that the strokes took: my brain, maybe. Everything stems from there. If my brain wasn't damaged in those parts then I wouldn't have the deficts that I have now. 

As you can tell I am still having trouble accepting myself. So if it hadn't happened then I wouldn't have met all of you. Which I'm not wanting to trade for. Even unrealistically. 

I believe everything happens for a reason now. Just wish I knew the reason 

later

 

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That's so the truth Donna.  Yes sometimes life sucks but if I we went back we'd have to lose the stuff we have now.  So like you while part of me would like that old life back a larger part would not like to give up the new things and people I have that I would not have had without this.

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Tracy, my dear friend, you're never rude and certainly it's ok to ask.

 

Yes, it is a congenital defect; we're born with weak spots on the internal carotid arteries, and they're known as familial aneurysms.  No warning signs, and my sisters and I never had any of the risk factors...never had high blood pressure or high cholesterol, never been overweight, very physically active.

 

My siblings are monitored with MRI scans, although my youngest sister who died at the age of 38, had one aneurysm successfully clipped  when she was 31, and continued to be monitored after that (lived in Western Canada).  The aneurysms (especially in us females) grow very quickly to the point where they rupture, and her second aneurysm wasn't detected in time.

 

Right now, one of my sisters has an aneurysm, and one brother has 2 aneurysms.  Because ours have a wide neck, the invasive surgery is high risk, so they won't have surgery to clip them to prevent rupturing until the neurosurgeons feel that the size of them warrants it.  Scary for them!

 

I have had my doctor check with neurosurgeons from time to time, regarding whether I should be monitored, and there answer is always "no".   I often wonder if that is because of the province I live in; there are no neurosurgeons here, and since the clip in my brain is metal (looks neat on a skull X-ray; it actually looks like I have a butterfly in my brain!), I can't have the MRI scan here.  (They use titanium clips now that are MRI safe).  With the old metal ones, a neurosurgeon has to be on call in case the MRI causes the clip to dislodge.  

 

Because of the number of aneurysms in my family (my mother had 3), we're having a neurologist (again in Western Canada) look into my situation.  The only thing I know is that I will not move off this Island that I love so much!

 

And emotional hugs back to you! 

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I just read Donna and Heather's reply.  We're all family here! :cool:

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:bouncing-for-joy:

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My gosh...some really honest answers.

 

Thank you.

 

We may want different 'one things', but the act of sharing here unites us.

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I've thought about this, and I keep going back to having 'normal' vision again. 3.gif

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oh my dear linnie you are so very important to me and all on here are my lifeline always. You are so right we want so much more back. all of it. a do over in life.  but alas the biggest success will be acceptance that we must go on with what is now. But I aways look and think selfishly that others have better than I do ya know and forget their losses are sometimes terrible to bear too. It is emotional. too much sometimes. to cry. to open pandoras box. but we have each other here thank heavens to show eachother how to do this. sometimes it is so hard but I remember one of you guys and I become stronger. thank you

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A big hug for you, Pam {{{{{Pam}}}}}.  (Linnie, stroke survivor without CPS).

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The use of my paralyzed hand. I think that is important to me because everything I enjoyed doing required two hands. I would be able to go back to work. I could quilt, I could garden, I could bake, I could do crafts, I could design, I could draw, I could create, I could dress myself, I could do my hair, I could pick flowers, I could go places and take care of myself. This would allow me to have my identity back, my self worth. On the other hand I have come out of my shell since I've come out of my comfort zone. I don't have as much impulse control and that has allowed me to not hold back and just be who I am. In some sense I am more ME than who I was before. I don't worry about what people think of me. It's easier to be honest with myself and with life. It's easier for me to say 'I care about you' and thank you for being my friend. I've gained perspective. But having my hand back would be the icing on the cake. I could and would do so much more than I used to do. I would appreciate my gifts and blessings more. I would clap, and hug, and hold hands.

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7 hours ago, Pearls said:

The use of my paralyzed hand. I think that is important to me because everything I enjoyed doing required two hands. I would be able to go back to work. I could quilt, I could garden, I could bake, I could do crafts, I could design, I could draw, I could create, I could dress myself, I could do my hair, I could pick flowers, I could go places and take care of myself. This would allow me to have my identity back, my self worth.  I would clap, and hug, and hold hands.

 

Same here Pearls -- all the above plus the last sentence is a biggy!!

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I have found my tribe. :minding-business:

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