•  

    Correct forum?

    Before you post, please ask yourself this question, "Is this the correct forum"?  Please read the forum description before posting. 

17 posts in this topic

Hi all

 

i'm at my whits end tbh. I've read so many story's on here last night with some brutally good advice I thought I'd give it a go.

 

my  now ex boyfriend had a stroke sept last year. He was 33. He hasn't got any physical disabilities but he has a severed artery in his neck and 3 blood clots on the brain. He was in a coma for a while but as soon as he was well he went back to work. He also had full custody of his son but now he's gone back to his mam who now won't let him see the child!

 

We we met in January he was really honest about what's happened it didn't bother me. When we first met the chemistry was electrifying. We became joined at the hip we spent all our free time together. We fell in love so fast. In the 5 months we were together we did what some couples hadn't done in 5years. My daughter loves him so much. 

 

Anyway.... as it was a car accident what caused the stroke he's suing the person who crashed into him. So he has a massive team of medical people. Occupation therapy ect... as soon as they got involved they have made him give up work.... now it is good intentions as he just got up and went back to doing 15hour days he didn't faze return ect... but with the severed artery in his neck he can't... go swimming , play football, go to the gym, go on holiday abroad as not allowed to fly, can't drive. Anything a young man should do. 

I only work part time so I was so worried that he'd get bored and go to the pub and drink all day I tried to keep him company. Which had back fired.., we were looking st houses to buy for when we were ready to move in. Planning the future with the kids. 

 

One day last week he woke up and txt "me it's over" out of the blue!! It's like I'm now enemy number one! I've done nothing wrong. 

 

Can anyone tell me... is this the stroke??? Or is he a complete *beep*? I'm really struggling I can't eat or sleep I'm so worried he's thrown a perfect relationship away with out thinking rationally. He's in a deep depression at the moment also 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hi kath,

I can only say wow!!! your boyfriend didn't deserve the stroke and you certainly didn't deserve this.

I believe others will give your their thoughts and support.  you have come to a fine place with very caring people and knowledgeable about strokes. but most of all caring.

from what you have said of yourself you and your boyfriend had something special. and you are to be sure a priceless person that your boyfriend has at the time has forgotten.  others will tell you that strange things can happen as a result of a stroke and this has all of the characteristics of such an thing.

you should know you are still special and your boyfriend is also special but perhaps mentally a little blinded by this rather tragic event.  it definitely can improve with time and patience.

wishing both you and your boyfriend well,

david

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi he's ended it. I move my things out of his tomorrow. I've tried to tell him that he needs to see a shrink so many times the last few weeks. From what I gather he's just started to go to the pub more. I mean I don't think he's met someone else. I try to give him space for him to come back to me but he's so stubborn. I just feel like I've lost him because of his horrific head injury and he can't see clearly 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kathy, His behavior may be due to his stroke, or if he's drinking a lot, to his stroke and alcohol.Doesn't matter really what it's due to, it is. A long time ago, I learned that if you have to convince  someone not to end the relationship, you need to run for the hills. Because he''ll never be truly committed unless he arrives at that decision himself. And, if he's not truly committed, then he won't do much, if anything, to make the relationship last. My advice is to go on about your life. If he changes his mind, I'm sure you'll be the first to know. He'll never be the same person you knew before the stroke, and there's nothing that you can do about it, even if you stay.   Becky 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Becky. 

 

I'm just going to move my stuff out of his home tomorrow and concentrate on myself and my little girl. If he comes back to me he does if he dosnt it wasn't meant to be. 

Just think I've lost my soul mate and it's horrendous I've been put on anti depressants because of all this. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 I feel for you Kathy but Becky has the right of it. I've been where you are many years ago and that led me to my now wife who somehow still puts up with me. Let him go and move on with your life. I know that is trite advice but it is the only thing you can really do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You're right I've been trying to find an excuse within his stoke but you've all made me realise it's probably just Him. Thank you all for being honest sometimes I need honesty then people *beep* footing around me. 

 

I think you're all inspirational 

 

thank you xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow Kathy my heart goes out to you. I had a stroke alomost 2 years ago but had been in a relationship with the same man for 10 years. He and I have been so close. He was my best friend. He has stayed during my last 2 years of recovery and everything seemed fine sorta. For one he is an ^%$%%%*...it is something I had accepted and knew how to handle this (before the stroke). Second he had such a hard time realizing I have stroke effects because I look fine but my issues are cognitive and psychological. I moved out almost a month ago because he began seeing a girl 30 years his junior. I know your pain. It will feel so hard at first, surround yourself with people you love and be good to yourself. You have the right thought of focusing on you and your daughter. It gets easier...with time and keep busy. I am not sure if his actions are stroke related or something else all I do know is that you need to put you first right now. I hope that things happen the way it should. Be careful and protect yourself and ask yourself can you feel good and happy which includes your daughter after such an upheaval. David is right he didn't deserve this stroke but you didn't deserve this. I am sending my hugs to you for this pain you have right now and I send you the very best.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Went to get my stuff today. 

He just dosnt love me anymore he said I'm "over possessive" he's took my worrying about him as me being possessive. I feel so stupid thinking it was the stroke making him over think things. 

Atleast I got closure. 

Thanks for all you're kind advice sometimes speaking to strangers is easier then friends. Xxx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Kathy,

 

While reading through the advice you've been given, I kept thinking "spot on".  It's very difficult to know if his actions are related to his stroke or to his use of alcohol.  All I can tell you is that I was 34 when I had 2 strokes + 2 brain surgeries, and for the following 2 years, my logic and ability to make decisions were severely compromised (and I didn't use alcohol or medication).  

 

I'm so sorry that you've been hurt, but you'd be doing the right thing by just letting him go, and being a good role model for your daughter.  Since you mentioned that your daughter loved him too, it's important that you both understand that it's not anyone's fault; and that you'll always be there for each other.

 

For you and your daughter :hug:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear that Kathy. you and tracy definitely have something in common!  its time for you to move on and I know you will do that well. you are an honest person and willing to share.  those are good gifts to bring to any relationship.

best wishes to you!

 

david

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kathy, my heart goes out to you. As you said before and is sound advice, it's not you. Brain injuries can cause changes in someone no one can understand sometimes. I'd just brush myself off and move forward. You did what you could do and you are a good person . He maybe feeling a change within him and doesn't want you to go through it. I know that you would but there are somethings no one can do for a person that matters. it's within them

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kathy, I think that it was the late comediane Erma Bombeck,who said, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince." She also said, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." I'm sorry you were hurt. But, someday, you'll consider him one of your frogs.   Becky

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Becky, I love that quote!!  And Kathy, again I'm so sorry that you were hurt.  

 

I have another quote for you to think about: "It's not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you."
- Tyler Perry

 

All the best,  :humming:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so hurt I can't believe he used the stroke card to end things when all along he was seeing someone else. He even sent me a picture of them both in bed! As if I wasn't already hurting. His loss 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kathy, my heart goes out to you. As you said before and is sound advice, it's not you. Brain injuries can cause changes in someone no one can understand sometimes. I'd just brush myself off and move forward. You did what you could do and you are a good person . He maybe feeling a change within him and doesn't want you to go through it. I know that you would but there are some things no one can do for a person that matters. it's within them but this is going to far. I wouldn't even let him get to you. what an aresehat...jerk

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now