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Kevin33180

New Caregiver scared, stressed,

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Hi all,

Hope this is the appropriate place for a caregiver intro.

Three weeks ago on a Sunday afternoon while out of the country for work my live in girlfriend of many years suffered a complete ischemic stroke followed by a hemorrhagic.
 
I became aware of the problem while in my hotel room in Peru when she didn't answer her phone or show for work Monday morning. I checked my in home security cameras and saw she hadn't moved from the bedroom to the living room since the previous day when I kissed here goodbye and left for the airport.  She seemed to kiss me back, but didn't give me an "I love you" back which was weird. I believe she had suffered the event before I left the house and I was in too much of a hurry to notice.
 
That's killing me. 
 
I had to have my nephew and her son break into my house (while in Lima watching horrified on my cameras) to call EMS. She suffered alone in that bed for over 18 hours.

We spent Hurricane Irma locked down in a Miami hospital in ICU and she is now on day 4 of an inpatient  rehab hospital receiving "acute" care which as I understand it is one hour of Speech, Ocupational, and Physical therapy. She will be evaluated weekly until she either exceeds required standards, cannot meet minimums, or the insurance stops paying.
 
Her 82 year old Mom and I are her advocates and divide our schedules to not leave her side. I've spent every night next to her on a cot in the hospital. Her Mom is sharp as hell, had to assume power of attorney, has all the health issues one expect at 82, and is really saving the day with the insurance company issues.
 
Complications include her three brothers and two adult sons that all have various drug and legal issues with all of those inappropriatte and aggressive behaviors  aggravated by this family event.
 
I had a whole point to express when I started writing, but I'm late to get back to the hospital.  I know everyone says I have to take care of me in order to take care of her but just this morning the rubber armrest cushion broke off her rusted crappy wheelchair at the facilty to leave a rusted screw sticking UPWARDS at her immobile right forearm. If I hadn't been there when it occured it would have been horrible.
 
Thanks for reading and letting me vent. Gotta go,
 
Kevin

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Wow, What a tragedy. Please keep us up to date.

Deigh

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oh Kevin..  

 

I completely felt your pain and panic in your intro.  May I apolitically  welcome you to our website. I'm so glad that you had a security camera in your house ( mine is only outside) and were able to see her. You must not blame yourself for not seeing the possibility of her stroke though I can see how you might feel that way. I am so glad that her sons and your nephew were able to break in for her.

 Recovery is a s-l-o-w process. We all want our loved ones ,as well as ourselves, to get better fast because we already know how to do these things .right?  We know how to go them but our body disagrees. She is still in the EARLY recovery process and she sounds like she is getting the all the right therapy and now she will do the best she can everyday. She MAY get angry and cry a lot but know that is normal https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pseudobulbar_affect   <------ explains 

 

http://www.strokeassociation.org/idc/groups/stroke-public/@wcm/@hcm/@sta/documents/downloadable/ucm_457429.pdf  <-------- great handbook

 

Much like having children, there's no exact instruction manual but you're not alone. There are great caregivers here that understand how you may feel. We have a caregiver chat every Tuesday evening 8-9pm(est) 

 

I know it's still early but the way she is At This Moment isn't always the way she will be. 

 

Image result for you are not alone in this

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Kevin

You are doing the right thing by being there all the time, how is she doing it took me 2 weeks to get out of ICU and I was at the hospital in about 30-40 min , Its hell Don't give up and keep going, time will tell.

You have found a great place for answers and support so don't be afraid to ask questions

Good luck

Ed

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Kevin :

 

even though it feels like crisis right now, trust me things will improve, & she will get better improve, try to get her as much as therapy possible, & encourage her to be as independent as possible, by giving her emotional & moral support. stroke affects the whole family & puts every one out of their comfort zone. Its difficult on caregiver too in the beginning, since you have to hold fort at all ends. lot of relationships either break or get stronger when adversity strikes. but trust me things will get easier as time goes on. when your girlfriend comes home encourage her to join us here in chatroom or start blogging here. Its quit therapeutic for your soul. you should also join us in our chatroom. we do have chats every day M-F 3-4 EST & evening 8-9 EST.  I reember my family by my side 24X7 & all that helped me big time.

 

Asha hope to see you soon.

 

 

 

 

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Kevin, Ya'll have been thru quite an ordeal. You can celebrate the fact that she survived the stroke, and that she does not apparently have any medical concerns other than the stroke, or she couldn't go to Acute Care. Now you wait and see where she goes next.  She could be sent to in-pt. rehab, short term nursing home, or home. It's up to her doc and her ins. co.

Don't beat yourself up because you weren't there. Once you figured out something was wrong, you acted quickly to get her help, and you're there now.  Becky

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Hi Kevin, and welcome to StrokeNet.  You and your girlfriend/wife are going through a panicky situation right now, and my heart goes out to you both.  Everyone is so right about no need for you to feel any guilt.  In that situation you may have thought she was still sleepy, no need for concern.  You started action right away when you realized that there was something wrong!

 

Can you clarify something for me please.  I've never heard of an ischemic stroke causing a hemorrhage....Mine was vice versa.  When I was 34, I had a severe hemorrhage which caused a stroke L side of brain (lost consciousness within first couple of seconds), and several days after neurosurgery for that, I had an ischemic stroke on R side of brain.  (This happens in 20% of hemorrhagic strokes.)  I was in the Neuro ICU for 5 weeks before transfer to the general Neuro unit.

 

I think you're getting the message from the previous posts that there will be a lot of tiring days ahead during her recovery, in patient and at home.  We're here for you to lean on if you have any questions or just need to vent.  When your wife is able, I hope she joins StrokeNet as well.

 

Depending on how she's doing in her therapy now, you may want to think ahead to check some agencies to arrange for having some home care when she's discharged from the hospital/rehab.

 

Let us know how it's going, please.  Take care, Kevin

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Hi Kevin, I'm Sandy and caregiver to hubby since his massive stroke Feb 29, 2012.   I'm so glad you were able to prevent injury from that nasty screw!   I know this is all bewildering, but it really helps to be with us and know there are other people who have been thru the same, and still at it.   If I'd not found this board, and thought this had happened to just us, while everyone sung in the sunshine, I would have went crazy.   But knowing there was a whole world of people, all experiencing the same thing, somehow made me feel like I could do it too.   

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