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GreenQueen

Throw Away Comments

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So we ALL have an avid dislike of the throw away comment...

 

I know how you feel...

 

It could be worse...

 

My cousin's hairdresser's next door neighbour's lawn mower man had a stroke...he completely recovered...

 

Well for me, this one takes the cake (I coulda shoved it fair down her throat!)

 

I went to a focus group recently, and the woman in charge asked us all what we missed the most. Totally not wanting to say Self Worth and getting all emotional, I decided to say the tangible thing that utterly guts me I can no longer do.

 

Tap Dance

 

My true love. I danced for 35 years.

 

You will never ever guess what she said to me. Never. Ever ever ever. Ever.

 

"Can't you dance with your other foot?"

 

Now, what shattered me the most, was that she only commented on my thing. And...wait for it...she's disabled too. Yep. And can no longer do the one thing she loves, skiing of some kind.

 

I was so upset that a few weeks later I emailed her and let her know how inconsiderate her comment was. 

 

She then said "Sorry, we try and concentrate on what disabled people CAN do, as opposed to CAN'T do,"

 

Which begs the question:  Why *#?!%^ ask what we miss?????????

 

I give up.

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That's like the people who with the nicest motives spoiled one of my goals. This was a few years back and I was still not very strong. We were going on a trip to Alice Springs and I said I wanted to "walk around Uluru".  The only bit they "heard" was "around Uluru" where for me it was about WALK.  On the day we did it they insisted on bringing the wheelchair even though I said I didn't need it.  Then the kids in the group fought over who was going to push the chair so I "had" to get into it when we'd only gone 500 meters of a 7km walk. So we got about half way round with me walking 500 meters and then riding 500 meters and trying not to get cross each changeover.  And then the bus driver declared it was taking too long and we had to stop. So he "ran" on ahead to get the bus and bring it back to us.  Then after the trip everyone said how happy I must be to have achieved that goal.  I had to bite my tongue.

 

There are some things I'm happy to do differently but there are also things I do want to do the "old way"

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On 2017-09-23 at 7:57 AM, heathber said:

 The only bit they "heard" was "around Uluru" where for me it was about WALK.    

......

Then after the trip everyone said how happy I must be to have achieved that goal.  I had to bite my tongue.

You must have the patience of Job not to have bitten their heads off.  

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Part of surviving this journey is learning to pick your battles. When there's only limited resources you don't spend them on things you can't change

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Although being a widow is not a disability insensitive remarks are very common.  I tend to treat the person who makes the remark as if they are a not-very-bright kindergarten child.  I smille and say something like: "I didn't heard what you said.  Did you say....?" usually hearing what they said repeated back to them brings them to their senses.  Mind you within the first year I mostly just burst into tears and ran out of the room!  Sorry this woman is so insensitive and not a good listener obviously not a good choice for a group leader.

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I think that an apt reply may have been something like, "M-m-m-m. Is that like clapping with one hand?" Then,  "Can you show me?"    

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In the south we would respond with 'well, just bless your heart'.:#@</!!:

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Hey! I'M FROM THE sOUTH ORIGINALLY, AND I AGREE. We Southerners have the most blessed hearts in the world!   Becky

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On ‎11‎/‎8‎/‎2017 at 10:39 AM, scottm said:

In the south we would respond with 'well, just bless your heart'.:#@</!!:

 

On ‎11‎/‎8‎/‎2017 at 8:54 PM, becky1 said:

Hey! I'M FROM THE sOUTH ORIGINALLY, AND I AGREE. We Southerners have the most blessed hearts in the world!   Becky

I was a transplant from New Jersey then back to New Jersey but I know " Bless your heart"  to mean ..........."look at ____ they mean well but just pitiful" and that was used a lot in Florida but again Florida really isn't a southern state I've come to learn ( at least by Daytona Like my family was at)  I could very well be wrong 

 

Becky, you are blessed xxoo

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Now wait minute y’all, it is as complimentory as we Southerners can get under the circumstances. Lol :big-grin:

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My "blessed heart is with Donna on this one. Becky

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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