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JoeGuinn

Help! I’m a A-hole.

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Hi everyone! I’ve been off for a bit as I have had surgeries on both ankles for drop foot and recovering slowly. 

Here recently I have found myself snapping out. First, it started with my wife in the home. Now, I’m freaking out on anybody anywhere. I have had a brain stem stroke. My dr claims it’s a normal side effect to develop for the type of stroke I’ve had. He prescribed Xanax to take when I lose it. I wanted, hoped, for something to stay ahead of my anger rather than take a drug that gives me a "buzz" med head. It is pretty bad and it’s like I’m always angry with no fuse. Anyway, I’m reaching out in hopes I’m not the only person experiencing this shift as a result of stroke. I should mention, I was cool and calm before the stroke. I feel like I may damage relationships with the people around me.

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 I personally don't know what to say that can help you but I do hope things work out for you, your family and friends

Ed:concerned:

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Hi Joe, it sounds like a dose of Mindfulness might help.  http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?/topic/30915-how-mindfulness-helps-you-find-your-way-through-difficulty/&tab=comments#comment-184619

Unfortunately your doctor is right that this reaction is not uncommon.  So you will need to learn to control it. Drugs may help but it's usually a trial and error process to find the best one and dose for you.  Yes staying ahead of it is the key and something you take regularly will probably help more than something you take only when you feel like it's bad. 

Bear in mind it could be either a direct brain dysfunction from stroke damage or part of your ongoing grieving process, or a combination of these.  We need to grieve for the person we were before really moving on.  https://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html  Your stroke was only in 2014 and the anger and frustration phase may only just be hitting you.

 

Hang in there, you can change it.

:hug:

Heather

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Heather and Lin nailed it on the head. Also try to remember that not only had you had a stroke but you also had TWO.... 2.....1 more than 1 surgeries. That would piss off the best person. Cut yourself some slack as to being an A-hole. I , myself , am an a-hole but for being a smart arse. :wink: But really.. dude,, not only are you miserable from the stroke ( as are we all) but you been through two surgeries that are quite painful and would make anyone aggressive. Now, going forward yes some outburst are going to happen but the most important thing is to be able to recognize your triggers, it may be weather or time of day, and calming yourself down. ( I had to do this for real..ooooof I was not a nice person at first)

 

 

Before anything, be mindful of the surgery you had. Sit down with your wife and talk with her and show her these responses.  Share with her so plan you both choose going forward. She is under stress as well. We as survivors sometimes forget that others are going through stroke as well. True they aren't physically or mentally changed but it doesn't mean that they are changed. She is taking on more responsibility that you did. She is trying to maintain  order and calm, when she may on edge as well.

 

She is doing her best but the nuts and bolts is ...I'm not trying to be sexist but it's in a mans DNA to care for his family. Well now man can't and woman is. It's not the same  for she doesn't do and say things that man does.  She is doing her best and it must hurt you and her for snapping on her. talk to her and chillax....  

 

( I used to go into another room and yell F*@k it!! to relax.  I still do but no little people anymore so any room I want now God Darn it!!) (( I take Xanax plus two more mood stabilizers to this day)) 

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Thanks y’all. I’m going to use this site to vent. Rather than blow up. You are all so very nice. Thank you.

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