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Russ

Anxiety, anger, isolation, and depression

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I was so bad at first...couldn't walk, stand straight, nauseous all the time, vomiting was common, patterns moved increasing my central vertigo, sometimes I felt like things were moving around me or I was moving around them but was really still, I couldn't look at walls with any texture or pattern because I felt I could fall right through them, I could not balance with my eyes open much less closed, in fact when my eyes were closed I couldn't tell where I was in space (right side up, up side down, sideways, etc.), I also had and still have a really hard time seeing in the dark or rather balancing (learned to balance with my eyes at PT), I also saw things (hallucinated <--- I have a hard time accepting that) in the dark like whispy almost ghost like things...they were always white or see through white and moved like the wind was flowing through it really slowly. I also saw my white cat everywhere lol even though she was not there. It took close to a year of PT 3 times/ week before I could compensate decently. Now many times I am in control of my balance. Big stores, tall open stores, malls, crowds, loud noise, night, not getting enough sleep although I feel like I never get enough, being put on the spot, headache (often), heat, a lot of visual and auditory over stimulation, I could go on... affect me and what problems I can have because of them. Balance is one of them. I can't run but I can walk on a treadmill now which I couldn't for a long time. I fall easy without any warning due to all sorts of things...a bump, uneven ground, a rug, my own feet/shoes, stairs, the list goes on lol. I can drive...this confused many people around me but because I am sitting and in a small area with my seat belt on I feel more grounded therefore way more in control of my body which means better balance though I really need to be alone and I need quiet (I am now extremely easily distracted). Some days I feel pretty good and others I have lots of issues. If you haven't had vestibular PT yet that would be my first suggestion and repetition of balancing activities/excercises. The more you practice the better your control. I don't have any answers for you about if it will go away or not. Good luck. Learn how the human body balances, what parts of the brain/body/senses play a part, and work on using what works the best.

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Russ

I have been this way for 20 months tomorrow, I am starting to believe that this might be as good as I get and that's hard to except 

all the treatments don't help in any way.............

"A man need to know his limitations" and I think I'm there

Ed 

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7 minutes ago, edkel1 said:

Russ

I have been this way for 20 months tomorrow, I am starting to believe that this might be as good as I get and that's hard to except 

all the treatments don't help in any way.............

"A man need to know his limitations" and I think I'm there

Ed 

Ed, I hope you are wrong about that.  I know everybody is different, but it took me about three years to feel my best.  Get headphones and listen to music a lot. I have read that that really helps the brain after injury. I have various audio players, and listened to music pretty much constantly while I was flat on my back.

Edited by Russ
Left something out. Verb tense

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I hope i'm wrong too but I cant keep going like on  this, I'm the guy that could do anything and now I'm a gimp......... help

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Russ

How long do you keep trying....... forever because I don't think I can 

Ed

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Just now, edkel1 said:

I hope i'm wrong too but I cant keep going like on  this, I'm the guy that could do anything and now I'm a gimp......... help

I know it's hard, but try to stay positive. I believe that truly helps. I am uncertain as to what your symptoms are from the stroke, but for me it was balloon headedness and nausea.

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2 minutes ago, edkel1 said:

Russ

How long do you keep trying....... forever because I don't think I can 

Ed

What treatments do they have you doing?

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Positive....... My family thinks I am embellishing my stroke, looking for sympathy......... I could go on and on I never quit now walking for five minutes wipes me out 

 

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I am going to the eye Dr once a week, I stopped everything because it was not doing anything

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7 minutes ago, edkel1 said:

Positive....... My family thinks I am embellishing my stroke, looking for sympathy......... I could go on and on I never quit now walking for five minutes wipes me out 

 

The same thing happened to me. My dad told me he didn't want to hear about my stroke, because it was in the past. I was pretty angry for a long time. The first 7 months after my stroke I literally wanted to murder someone, anyone. I locked myself up in the room with my dog because I would have probably not been very nice to my wife or five kids. I have 18 year old quadruplets and a 24 year old daughter. I had people at work making fun of me because I was on reduced hours. My boss where I work had to call 911 on me one day because he thought I was going to get violent. My mood sucked until just about 2 weeks ago or 3 weeks ago. That was the last thing to fall into place. The fatigue was probably second to last to leave. That has only been a few months, and I am over 2 1/2 years out.

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I did lose some of my peripheral vision in the right eye

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I'm just tired of everyone I go to saying they can make me better but nothing ever does

I'm dizzy all the time and have zero stamina and don't take the heat like I once did, gotta be honest this has gotta change because there is only so much one man can take

Ed

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So you had your stroke 2 1/2 years ago and its just starting to come around now, what are you doing medically to help out, any special treatments

Ill stand on my head,eat or do anything to fix this, at 20 months its getting unbearable.

Any help would be greatly appreciated

Ed  

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Ed the big thing is not to give up especially don't give up because you think nothing is happening.  brain healing is horribly slow and so is building new circuits and it builds in such tiny amounts that it's often not measurable. I find thinking of it this way helps. to lift your finger needs x force (signal strength and muscle strength). it's an infinite regression problem. if you can currently only generate x-n force then nothing is going to happen when you try to lift the finger but each time you try the gap between x and x-n is getting smaller( i.e. n gets infinitesimally smaller each time you practice a movement even if nothing actually moves. and then all of a sudden (or so it seems) out of the blue n=0 so your finger lifts. 

 

Multiply this by I don't like to think how many muscles and remember to contract one muscle always means you have to relax or turn off it's opposing muscle, so any functional movement involves a controlled sequence of muscle contractions and extensions, and even once you get the gross movement back getting those fine tuning sequences correct is hard!  So no wonder your brain is tired and hence you are tired.  But therapy and work need to be continued if you are going to see improvements.  A stroke knocks out all the automatic sequencing you learned as a small child. Sorry there aren't any short cuts.

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