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Russ

Anxiety, anger, isolation, and depression

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I know that feeling all too well  :terrified:

 

My wife told me she wanted to leave 6 weeks after I got out of rehab but finely moved out of the house June 1 of this year said she wanted to before but waited till now to tell me......what Fing timing  :@#*%:

 

My youngest daughter always says its always about me and having a stroke and she tired of that  :grrrrr:

 

My son gets mad at me if I ask him to slow down or stop cussing or calling me names or telling me im stupid, hes only 16 and thinks he knows everything and says I should be taking CBD oil and getting high and I tell him I could either listen to him or all my Dr's.... who would you listen too, he only texts when he wants something  :ashamed:

 

My oldest daughter is keeping me sane and I feel for her as i'm a gimp, I don't want to bore her with stories or chase her off because that's all I have, I have no other family.  :humming: 

 

For all my Dr appointments and therapy in the last 22 months since I have had my stroke , I would say around 175-200 my wife went to two Dr appointments and my youngest daughter went to two that's all, my oldest lives 550 miles away again I don't want to bother her, she does have her own life.   

 

So in a nut shell i'm alone most of the time and it gets boring and i'm still dizzy all the time but I look at the bright side i'm still alive.................................................................................... wait this is not alive .....i'm just surviving and like I have said before " A man has to know his limitations "

 

I know when i'm around people and my brain cant handle the over saturation of talking, yelling and cussing but what do you do........................   :pounding-headache:

 

I should start up drinking because what could it hurt  :cheers: I'm j/k

 

So I keep trying day by day but so far the same results..........help  :blushing:

 

 

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Ed I really hate that you have experienced these things. One thing I do know is that when a loved one...a husband, a dad, a mom, a brother, a sister has a stroke it affects everyone they love and who love them. Not saying at all that certain things are acceptable, just know the reality of it is truly tough. I hear many times too "Its all about you!". I have run through the ringer of emotions about this statement. I have made a point to listen to myself and what I share with my family, etc. I figured out that I do talk about it all the time...probably every day. It sorta is all about me because I am living it everyday...like a slap in the face. The people I share my "things" with hear me over and over. I know it's nothing compared to feeling it over and over. I lost a 10 year relationship (ok so it was the best thing for me), all of my former friends and co-workers have all but disappeared from my life, my daughter who now treats me nice most days moved out because she was tired of me and her bumping heads, my dad is a jerk (dear God I love him but he says cruel, uncaring, demeaning things to me and I live in his house for now...so I feel like Cinderella before she became beautiful), my biggest support is my mom and even she gets angry with me for reacting to something I can't control so she keeps things from me. I sometimes don't feel like I belong at all. You just remember that those around you who have not had a stroke themselves can not understand. Sometimes it makes them angry, grouchy, mean, distant, and many more things. I again have sorta stepped back from what causes me pain. Anti social...I own it. I don't like it really...I've always loved people. I feel lonely. Surround yourself with positive people for you in your life. You can't fix how others deal or grieve or react but you can control how you receive it. It's painful, giving someone space that you need so much is so hard. Surround yourself with positive people. Join group therapy stroke support (I love it), online support like here, a local YMCA, foster friendships with other stroke survivors its healthy and can lift your spirit. I understand and I know so many here do too. It feels so unfair...maybe it is I don't know. I do know that it gets better over time. Time is the key, and like so many of us we are impatient...but I see it in others who have been survivors for a good while. They are more than their stroke and so are we. We just need time to heal the loss...it's a very big loss. Keep your chin up, smile, laugh, allow yourself to feel the good things around you. We are doing the same! :humming:Tracy

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4 hours ago, edkel1 said:

I know that feeling all too well  :terrified:

 

My wife told me she wanted to leave 6 weeks after I got out of rehab but finely moved out of the house June 1 of this year said she wanted to before but waited till now to tell me......what Fing timing  :@#*%:

 

My youngest daughter always says its always about me and having a stroke and she tired of that  :grrrrr:

 

My son gets mad at me if I ask him to slow down or stop cussing or calling me names or telling me im stupid, hes only 16 and thinks he knows everything and says I should be taking CBD oil and getting high and I tell him I could either listen to him or all my Dr's.... who would you listen too, he only texts when he wants something  :ashamed:

 

My oldest daughter is keeping me sane and I feel for her as i'm a gimp, I don't want to bore her with stories or chase her off because that's all I have, I have no other family.  :humming: 

 

For all my Dr appointments and therapy in the last 22 months since I have had my stroke , I would say around 175-200 my wife went to two Dr appointments and my youngest daughter went to two that's all, my oldest lives 550 miles away again I don't want to bother her, she does have her own life.   

 

So in a nut shell i'm alone most of the time and it gets boring and i'm still dizzy all the time but I look at the bright side i'm still alive.................................................................................... wait this is not alive .....i'm just surviving and like I have said before " A man has to know his limitations "

 

I know when i'm around people and my brain cant handle the over saturation of talking, yelling and cussing but what do you do........................   :pounding-headache:

 

I should start up drinking because what could it hurt  :cheers: I'm j/k

 

So I keep trying day by day but so far the same results..........help  :blushing:

 

 

There are days I honestly wish I had not survived,  but I just keep working through those feelings.

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BTW your son is 16...they're not always saying the brightest of answers yet. 😉 He hasn't accepted the notion that his Dad is probably pretty wise yet. Typical! My daughter is 22 and she's still smarter than me...and she never calls me! I have to call her and pray that's she'll answer...then when she does answer I have to pray again that she is actually in a conversation with me and not the game she is playing, her cat, or her weird boyfriend. Yes, he is weird...dont judge lol. Also the dumb ex well he cheated on me with a 24 year old bimbo <---- I know I am a little judgey I suppose. He'd been working on that for a good two months. Not that any of my scenario is any worse than yours just saying...many of us have been through some pretty smelly crap. Now let's dance! :sneaking:

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Ed, Sometimes it's easier to deal with behaviors if we can understand the reasons behind it. This is often true of kids, especially, because what we may see is anger, when what they may be feeling is fear or frustration. They are too young to understand adult situations, so they put their own spin on things, just so that their world makes sense to them. For instance, they probably don't see their mother's leaving  as walking out on you, but as walking out on them. In their eyes, you have them to help you, but who's gonna  take care of them? And, they may be wondering if you're going to leave like Mom did? They don't understand all that's happened, and may not know how to cope with it. Ya'll might benefit from family therapy so that someone can help you figure out where to go from here.   Becky

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On 9/13/2018 at 9:07 PM, Deigh said:

 

I have dreamed regularly since about four years old. Anything from mildly pleasant ones (pretty rare) to super nightmares which can take some recovery from. Sometimes I've dreamt about situations that were so real that it took most of the following day before I recognised them as being a dream and fully believed they actually happened. Over a period of a few months once I found out how to fly in my dreams and that made things a lot more comfortable. I don't fly nowadays but two things are really interesting. One is that I still smoke and get annoyed that I will have to give it up again. The second thing is that I don't recognise my stroke and behave exactly as I did unhandicapped!

If I could take a pill to stop me dreaming I'd be very pleased to take it!

Deigh

I'm still having dreams but my head started feeling different about 6 weeks ago and I'm 3 years out for my stroke. The anxiety is overwhelming and the anger about my work situation. I need Valium!

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Talk to your Dr. about your anxiety. It is a factor that should be watched and/or treated. There are many kinds of treatment. Anxiety can make that blood pressure climb high and other things as well. Ask if you should maybe see a Psychiatrist. Then be brutally honest of your symptoms...no sugar coating...it's important. I hope you feel better soon.

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2 hours ago, Russ said:

anger about my work situation.

I have put a few messages on this forum about something I read in another forum and is parallel to a problem of mine. I keep getting flashes of bad things that have happened to me in the past. Someone cheating me, embarrassing situations, being put in place by a superior, all sorts of things, some of them quite minor, but they are not easy to get rid of and at times I've got quite upset and angry over them.

It sounds as though you could be having similar flashbacks!

Deigh

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>> There are days I honestly wish I had not survived,  but I just keep working through those feelings.

 

I feel that way too, from time to time.  The feels take less and less time to pass, and occur less frequently over time.

 

It still sucks, though

 

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I found a lump in my boob last year. Thankfully it was nothing major at all.

 

While we were waiting for results, however, I decided not to fight it. I mean, what else could go wrong?

 

Then I looked at my family and decided they were the exact reason I needed to fight.

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