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She was seeing a neuropsychologist just over a year ago, and they did 2 half days of testing to determine how mentally stroke affected her. Results said little common sense and little logical thinking. Some short term memory. After she got those, she was not happy and would not go back, didn’t believe it’s true. I’ll try again. Just keeps getting harder. She doesn’t trust me, constantly snooping around, going through my wallet. The last one I didn’t know, her mom lives with us and told me things she has said and was doing. See what I can find. Thank you all

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Just to help you make sense of the various psychs

Psychologist - Therapist. Someone who helps you work through emotional or mental issues. This is usually where you start. Cannot prescribe medications might refer you to a Psychiatrist if they think you need medication

Psychiatrist - Mental Health Doctor, may be specialised in particular sub fields like stroke, depression, etc. May do the Therapy stuff that a psychologist does but is also able to prescribe medication and will often go for the chemical quick fix rather than other approaches.

Neuropsychologist - A practical brain function specialist who deals with the mechanics of thinking. Particularly after brain injury of some sort. They will usually do the assessment your wife had and make recommendations for coping and adjusting to deficits identified.  Not much point working with Neuropsych until you are ready to hear what they have to say.

Neurologist  - Brain doctor who looks after physical brain function, not usually very useful with thinking/emotional issues. But can probably recommend a Neruopshych and a Psychiatrist for you.
 

I hope that helps it sounds like you could both do with help from a Psychiatrist.

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Maybe if your wife is reluctant to go to one on your advice...Maybe she would be more willing if it was her Doctors advice...Neurologist, PCP, etc. I know that has to be so hard.

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you can ask for neuropsych testing which will examine your wife's processing strengths and weaknesses.  Medication also impacts our brains but for me, while I have no cognitive impairment according to my neurologist, my memory is influenced by medication. I also have slower processing. I wish people would realize I did not get dummer just because I ask for clarification because asking for repetition gives me time to sort it out.

If she has cognitive deficits, she will need extreme help, but she is still aware she is a grown up, and this is problematic. 

It sounds like marital problems,relationship issues, expectations.

Some marriages this is a deal breaker. This sounds like torture to live this way. I hope you will seek assistance and allow your wife a chance to trust you will be committed to growing together even in these difficult times. Also stroke fatigue is real. It is not laziness or disinterest. But there is grief too, that takes lots of time to adjust to. I suggest talking to your wife even if it is slow and maybe marital counselling may help.

 

Baby steps. And reading here hopefully will show you our perspective and how we live as survivors.

If you look for what was before, you will not be looking ahead where life is happening. 

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1 minute ago, SassyBetsy said:

If you look for what was before, you will not be looking ahead where life is happening. 

Pam this is a great way of explaining the reality of our lives. Thanks for putting it so clearly.

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1 hour ago, SassyBetsy said:

you can ask for neuropsych testing which will examine your wife's processing strengths and weaknesses.  Medication also impacts our brains but for me, while I have no cognitive impairment according to my neurologist, my memory is influenced by medication. I also have slower processing. I wish people would realize I did not get dummer just because I ask for clarification because asking for repetition gives me time to sort it out.

If she has cognitive deficits, she will need extreme help, but she is still aware she is a grown up, and this is problematic. 

It sounds like marital problems,relationship issues, expectations.

Some marriages this is a deal breaker. This sounds like torture to live this way. I hope you will seek assistance and allow your wife a chance to trust you will be committed to growing together even in these difficult times. Also stroke fatigue is real. It is not laziness or disinterest. But there is grief too, that takes lots of time to adjust to. I suggest talking to your wife even if it is slow and maybe marital counselling may help.

 

Baby steps. And reading here hopefully will show you our perspective and how we live as survivors.

If you look for what was before, you will not be looking ahead where life is happening. 

Yes....I would say all of the above. I’ll give short short version. Family who has son and daughter Sam age as ours. Went on vacation with them. Nothing ever happened or was even close to happening. The families kinda drifted apart, didn’t hate each other just drifted. After my wife had stroke she saw the wife of the other family had sent me a text asking how my wife was doing and if they could help. That was it. My wife’s best friend knows all parties involved, my wife’s mother knows everyone. Yet my wife thinks I’m cheating on her and having a “relationship” with her. I’m like how in the hell is it possible....I work from home, I don’t go anywhere...how the hell is it even possible? At 1 point she said I was sneaking out in the middle of the night. I’m to lazy to do that.

ive just given up on trying to convince her. Her best friend see’s everything, her opinion is, she’s making it all up because she see’s what she can’t be anymore. Which might make sense but I’ve never envied or wanted to see myself in that family or wanted to be like any of them...so...I don’t know.

ok...vent over...question 

has anyone felt smothered by someone after a stroke? 

It’s like I’m responsible for her happiness....yet I’m miserable and can’t make myself happy...I don’t know. Maybe still venting...

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Losthubby if you read back to earlier posts, I explained that I went through pretty similar experience as your wife. I was also very suspicious, accusatory, so much so that I would almost spy on my bf. I definitely accused him of things. It was cognitive impairment, my perceptions were skewed. I really believed what I felt. I was also going through a phase where I was terrified that he would leave me because my stroke affected me so much and I felt like he wouldn't want me anymore. I still have this esteem issue. He and I parted ways ( long story ) but we were not married. I would bet that your wife's behavior stems from similar things. I could not help it...my brain didn't work right. There was nothing he could have done to keep me from the wrong emotions I was having. It was physical. I went through Psychiatry, Psychological therapy, medications to control the excruciating anxiety I was dealing with. My behavior pushed my bf away. In the end it was his fault that we ended it...cheating. I pray that you'll seek to get help for yourself and your wife. Some marriages do not make it through this tragedy...but I believe marriage is worth trying all avenues. I believe marriage can survive. I also believe going through this in your marriage is one of the toughest things to ever go through. All I am saying is there is hope...there is hope.

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BTW venting is always ok here. Believe it or not I think 99% of us listen. Everyone needs to be heard. Mine and so many others posts to this thread have been what we hope can be helpful. I think maybe at least for myself I'm not qualified to give you "help" 🙂 But I can listen and hopefully give you some ideas where you might find some. I hope somethings that have been shared or ideas given will in some way get you going in a positive direction...from anyone who has posted. I'm still wishing you only the best.

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FWIW, I think that Tracy is absolutely correct when she says that "there's always  hope". I didn't realize that I was a "glass is half full" type of person 'til my beliefs were challenged by my stroke. 11 yrs. later, and I still believe this.  Becky 

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I am not a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist orang other sort of medical expert.  I can only speak from my own experience.  I'm going through some of this from the other side, but nowhere near as severe.

 

From what I have seen on my stroke journey, the most important thing is to look after yourself.  Take time to run again.  Long/fast runs (especially running to complete exhaustion) are like shampoo for the brain, helps to clear out the crud.  Focus on your family, they also need your help.

 

I am not a neurologist, but in my case, time has made a huge difference.  It's 2 1/2 years since my stroke, and I feel human again fr the first time.  I still have a flat affect, but I am getting better at reading cues and trying to face appropriate responses.

 

Hang in there and look after yourself and your family.  Good luck and let us know how things progress.

 

 

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