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Boyfriend has had many small strokes, he's now disabled, unable to work or drive or do most things without being reminded.  He's living in my home, has no family so I'm his only help.  I work full time so it's hard to deal with him. I watch him on home cameras to make sure he's ok when I'm gone.  He's getting physical now instead of just *beep* off at me all the time. He's VERY angry and difficult. Yes, he's on meds... antidepressants, Seroquel. ...  I need to start figuring out what to do with him.  I made the decision that the next time he has to go to the hospital I will not bring him home. Can I do that, we have no ties, he has nothing or anyone else.  All he gets is a disability check every month.  Any advise or suggestions I would really appreciate it.

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I've been caring for my stroke hubby since 2012.   He alone has made this a possibility.   He is helpful, courteous, patient and understands he has to wait on my sometimes, to get to what he wants.    This is the magic key.   I could not deal with an angry person, and you will find that anger will be aimed at you, like he resents you for being ok, while he had a stroke.   I can't tell you what to do, nor how to do it, I just wish sick people all understood that the key to keeping their caregiver is to treat them like the gold they are.   I hope you have spoken to his doctor about this, he needs counseling, and since you are not even married, I'm not sure you are part of his ongoing equation... only you know that.    But I can tell you that I've been married to mine since 1971, and if he were an angry person, I could not stand up under the work and a bad temperament too.   You need to get the message across to him that you can't do this if he is not into improving.    Our lives are not what we imagined they would be now, but we have seen that they still have value, and our joy was not limited to the things we lost, but to what we have everyday.

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Yes, I've spoked to his Dr.  I also tell Don almost daily when he has his angry agressive fits that I can't deal with him and he will have to go live somewhere else if it continues... he doesn't care, he hates me and even threatens to call the cops and have me put in prison.  He can't even tell me why, he just likes to say it.  He hit me very hard last night, and the only way I can get him to stop and calm down is to spray him with a water bottle.  It's rediculous.  I feel sorry for him but I can't help him when he's like this.  And since we are not married, I'm limited to what I can do or who I can talk to.

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I feel for you and understand the burden that you are coping with. I definitely would talk with his Doctor and even if he can't talk with you about his medical stuff he can at least point you in the right direction. There has to be some type of social service that would be of help. I wish I knew more to tell you. I wish you the best and your bf no matter what happens ahead.

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Is it a possibility I wonder to contact social services in your state and find someone who can guide you the right way? 

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Don also could be acting out or getting violent because of brain damage in spite of anger. There has to be some way in the system to find help.

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Thank you... yes, it's the brain damage causing most of his actions. I will just keep searching for answers.   It helps just reading about others here and knowing I can ask people questions that understand how hard it is.  This has been such a life changing thing for both of us. Sure makes ya look at life differently....

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cindy, i don't think that you have any legal responsibility for him, only a moral one, and that's only if you accept being morally responsible for him. 

  i have a few ideas of what you might be able to do. one is to arrange for him to be seen by a psychiatrist, or neuropsychiatrist, and be evaluated for placement. the doc can help you have him placed in what i guess would be a  behavioral care unit where his behaviors and medications can be addressed. 

 the second idea is to talk to someone in adult services at your dept. of social services, or whatever these are called in your area. they may have some ideas for you. they place adults as a matter of necessity all of the time, and may be able to get you started in the right direction.                                         the third,and worst, idea is to do nothing. but, the next time he becomes physical, get out of the house, and call the police. have him charged, and the police will cart him off to jail. the police can hold him in jail only so many hrs., and then he can come back to the only home he knows. you will have to stay somewhere else until the court date, or take out an order of protection. or, you can move. leave no forwarding address, tell everyone you know what's going on, so that no one will tell him where you are living. i don't know the laws in your state, so you may want to consult an attorney before you do anything. good luck, becky

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14 hours ago, CindyLou said:

Boyfriend has had many small strokes, he's now disabled, unable to work or drive or do most things without being reminded.  He's living in my home, has no family so I'm his only help.  I work full time so it's hard to deal with him. I watch him on home cameras to make sure he's ok when I'm gone.  He's getting physical now instead of just *beep* off at me all the time. He's VERY angry and difficult. Yes, he's on meds... antidepressants, Seroquel. ...  I need to start figuring out what to do with him.  I made the decision that the next time he has to go to the hospital I will not bring him home. Can I do that, we have no ties, he has nothing or anyone else.  All he gets is a disability check every month.  Any advise or suggestions I would really appreciate it.

It is not uncommon for stroke to completely change the personality for stroke survivors.  Also, most anti-depressants don't work for everyone.  What works for me might not work for him.  He might need to try 2 or 3 until you discover one that starts to help him.  Only a psychiatrist or neuropsycholigist should prescribe the anti-depressants.  Plus, then the dosage needs to be adjusted until it is most effective.  The problem with anti-depressants is that they take 4 - 6 weeks to work.  Each dosage adjustment then takes another 4 - 6 weeks.  I was once extremely depressed but I wanted to feel better so bad that I gave the drug time to work.  It took over 6 months.  I've felt like my old personality for over 15 years. 

 

Most stroke survivors had their short-term memory damaged.  My wife can ask me to do something and 2 minutes later I completely forget what she said.  It's very, very frustrating! 

 

10 hours ago, becky1 said:

the next time he becomes physical, get out of the house, and call the police. have him charged, and the police will cart him off to jail

I agree 100%!  

 

One last thing, it might help him to attend a local stroke support group.  It helps to talk to stroke survivors who can empathize with him.  Call your local for information about their stroke support group. 

 

Good luck! 

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