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Taltul

Our relationship ended today

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My partner (male) had a serious stroke six and a half years ago.  I joined this community then and received a lot of support and help.  My partner rehabilitated himself - he learned to sit, walk and return to normal life.  It was a long process - it took more than a year and a half.

This is a second relationship.  We both have children (grown up) from previous marriages. Unfortunately, the personal issues in our relationship (29 years now), continually arose.  We went to therapy and tried to make things work because neither of us wanted to throw away all the years together.  Of course, the issues that arose weren't new - they just became more acute.

My partner's personality began to change and I'm sure that it's a result of the stroke.  He was an outgoing, life of the party guy. He gradually withdrew and preferred to do as little social activities as possible.  He didn't seek out friends and wanted to be on his own. There were periods of time when he became verbally abusive of me - that's one of the reasons that we went to therapy. Just to clarify the situation, when we met friends and family he was always polite and smiling.  People are charmed by him. He allowed himself to take out his frustrations or criticisms on me.  For two years he refused to meet my daughter-in-law (which meant my son's family, including my grandchildren) because he felt she had insulted him.  Every time they came for a weekend (they live about 2 hours away), he would go to a hotel.

Finally a year ago, the whole situation came to a head.  He agreed to go to our therapist and decide if he wanted to continue our relationship or not.  After 3 months of therapy, he told me that he wanted us to continue.  He was willing to meet my family etc... which he did and enjoyed the meetings.  When he announced his decision after 3 months of therapy, I told him then that family is the line that he can't cross.  I would never agree again to him refusing  to meet my family, or insulting them to my face etc...

Over the last 3 months, he has become more frustrated with his life, withdrawn and critical of me.  I realized that we're reaching the end but hoped that he might realize the situation and try to change again. But this morning it ended when I told him that my son and daughter-in- law were coming for a weekend with my grandchildren. He got angry and said that he was too tired to have any guests and that he would go to a hotel.  I told him directly that our relationship was finished and that he had a month to find some place to live. (We live in my apartment.) I moved all his stuff to the guestroom where he will stay.

I don't know what my future life will be but I do know that I have no desire to continue hearing his criticism and remarks.  He has no patience to listen to me when I tell him about my day or express an opinion.  This has been his behavior for the last 3-4 months and it has gotten worse and worse. The relationship has truly ended.

It's sad that the stroke changed his personality so drastically.  However, at the age of 66, I have many years to live and I know I can rebuild my life.  I have no worries about being single again.  I have many friends that I socialize with and will give me support.  I'm retired and have many interests that I pursue.  I love to travel abroad and am not worried about doing it on my own if no one can join me.

Financially it will be a change for me but I know that I'll manage with my income.

I am sure that there are those of you who have dealt with similar problems and there are those for whom the stroke brought you closer together.  At the moment I am trying to process what is happening.  I feel that this community will understand me.

Thank you for reading this.

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All the best with the next chapter of your life. 

 

I applaud your decision.  Stroke or no stroke,  you shouldn't have to put up with all of that.

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Thank you for your support.  It doesn't make my decision any easier but sometimes you have to move on.

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I am sorry about your situation and hope it gets better, strokes take so much from us 

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That's exactly right.  After so many years of dealing with the results of my partner's stroke (physical and personality), I am totally depleted.  If I thought there was still some hope, I would have still made an effort like I have done many times before.

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congratulations for standing your ground.  All life changes are difficult but it, as you said, is starting to gradually fall back into place. Yes, stroke can cause emotional changes but under no circumstance is that any reason to be Belligerent. You made all the right steps by trying some therapy. Have you spoke to someone versed in brain injuries? 

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Taltul, When you've done all that you can do, you've done all that you can do. Which explains why you are so at peace with your decision.Good luck to you in the days ahead.   Becky

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Beautifully said, Becky

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I am sorry your relationship came to where it is now. I see a lot of positive energy in you and such a positive attitude. I so much agree with Becky. I wish you many happy adventures ahead. 🤗

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