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GreenQueen

Depressed or Sad. Not sure which

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So I'm the treasurer of the badminton club I used to play in.

I've kept being involved, one because I enjoy it and two, because no one else wants to do it. 

 

I'm organising our Christmas lunch at the moment,  so I went to baddy today (I only go to the centre when I have to) to discuss the lunch. 

 

A few people complained about different aspects of what I've organised.

 

Now I don't know if I'm depressed,  sad or hurt.

 

I'm not generally thick skinned, but I think my skin is definitely thinner post stroke.

 

Anyone else feel like that?

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Heck yeah I do! Words can just rip through me before I can have any time to put my shields up. It is a strong factor of my PBA. I'm learning though. I'm finding that inner force that has felt so gone and still is a lot. Like today, a lady pulled right behind me as I backed out of a parking space. There was a couple who had been waiting for my spot for so long. I was trying to back up so they could park but this other lady got so close to me so I couldn't back up anymore...because she wanted the spot. I motioned for her to back up and she shook her head no. So I politely got out of my car and went over to her window which she opened and explained that the other car had been waiting on me (Ok I'm slow) a very long time. She said so has she and I just put my hands in the air and said not as long as this couple had been waiting but you do what you want I can't back up any further. I apologized to the couple and put my car in drive. Believe it or not the car behind mine let the couple have the parking place. I smiled...there is still goodness in humanity. BTW it was a handicap spot that was why it was so popular and they were really full. Ok maybe I'm just a tad hot headed now lol. I don't know if that is better or worse lol. The stroke has made me the anti-social queen, and really mouthy at times. Ok so emotional lability (PBA) could explain it all. Now I'm just confused lol. Yes Janelle I find this true for me too. 🙂

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I get the same sort of thing -- much less resilient than I was, far far more sensitize to criticism.  I think that in my case I see criticism as a reminder that I am broken in various ways, cannot do things that I used to be able to do,  I forget the things that I could not do in the past, and only remember the stuff that I could do.

 

I try to remind myself that I was not perfect before, and that the criticism or anger probably has more to do with the other person's state of mind than with my actions or forgetting or whatever, but it is not easy.  And does not always work; and pretty much always leaves a residue that makes the next criticism even more painful.

 

I wish that I had an answer for this -- I can't change other people to criticize less, and I seem to have no way of changing myself to cope with criticism better.

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I have found myself to be much more resilient to criticism than I used to be. Part of it is the knowledge of how hard it has been to get to where I am, most of those complainers would have surrendered long ago. Remember you survived and thrived something that most of those folks wouldn't have.

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Paul I feel like you are right about the way we judge ourselves and how it affects our reactions now. I think that is true for myself even beyond the PBA. I am more sensitive most times and was already sensitive lol. But my reactions sometimes surprise me...sometimes sensitive, sometimes angry, sometimes both. Sometimes I can really tell off the person judging me...this usually someone who is a family member or close to me who think they know more about my brain than I do or that I'm lazy or less intelligent. Scott I also agree with you. Lol I have used the phrase " Ok I had a stroke what about you, what's your excuse!". 😂 Seriously though, things hurt me easier now or I have less ability to safeguard inner self. 

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It's also the reminder of things that are broken.  I can fool myself that I'm OK for a while, then get a great big slap in the face and have my nose rubbed in the deficits.  Which makes it difficult to carry on with normal life, which gets a reaction from my wife, who wants me to try as hard as I can.  And *that* makes me depressed, and on and on and on ...

 

Fortunately, my memory is broken so I often forget about these exchanges, but there is a bit that sticks and builds up slowly, which does not help.

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Paul, you’ve got it in one. Trying to please others, keep them happy, doing what they think we should be doing...very depressing indeed.

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Janelle,   Only an Aussie could abbreviate the noble sport of Badminton  to BADDY! 

I understand what you are saying, it is true for me too, I am seeing slurs when none are intended. Very thin skinned these days!

Deigh

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oh yes. I often felt like people often complained because I make plans for everybody.. Kind of life " handicap accessible"  No matter is no one shows with handicaps, I often make plans that will involve everyone. It's funny how our brains change to be more conscious of others, not just a few. It did bother me but I am now what you would call a loner. I don't enjoy being with a bunch of people, mainly for I don't know how to deal with negative folks. 🙂 

I think if they don't want to be inclusive in your plans, their loss.:wink:

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Janelle, Remember the old saw: "You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time."

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Deigh I guess all Aussie slang is not as universal as I thought!!

Becky...Exactly!!

 

The only people we should please is...ourselves.  If I'm happy then the whole house seems to be happy. 

 

Kelli I think I prefer to be like tiffany, alone now.

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