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NikalPikal

My messed up life

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I don't know if this is the right forum for this, but here goes.

My whole life has been a series of periods of doing well then having something knock me on my a$$. The first major catastrophe happened when I was 18. I had just started college after graduating high school when I lost my eyesight. It gradually came back over the course of a few months. Then I had a baby at age 19 (he's 30 now) and college got out off again. I did eventually get my associate's degree in medical assisting. Then I got married and had 2 more babies. I had to have all my kids by C section and always had complications. My marriage was a constant power struggle. He wanted to control me, but I refused to be controlled. 

When my youngest was about 3, I stopped working as a medical assistant and started teaching it at a career college. While teaching, I went back to school myself and got my B.S. in healthcare management. During this time, my husband quit working due to a severely torn rotator cuff. For 3 years I was the only source of income. Then he had a heart attack and finally got disability. Then the college I worked for closed and I taught online for a couple of years. Right after the college closed, my husband got really sick. His kidneys started falling and he lost more of his already amputated leg (he initially lost it in a childhood lawnmower accident). All this was due to his uncontrolled diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. He would never take his medicine or do what he was supposed to do. He came through that illness, got a new prosthetic leg, and was doing much better physically. But, he fell into a deep depression and just laid down to die. Then a new career college opened and they recruited me to be the director of Education. I was thrilled with my new job, but miserable at home. At that point my husband had already had erectile dysfunction for 5 years that nothing would help. His vascular disease was just too bad to allow the blood to flow properly. He had spent the last 3 of those 5 years sleeping on the couch. His choice, not mine. I did EVERYTHING! He even stopped going to the kid's stuff at school, including our son's football games and wrestling meets.i was essentially a single mom with one grown up and moved out kid, two teenagers, and the biggest baby on the planet. One day I had an epiphany. I realized that this was what the rest of my life looked like. I was really desperate for a change, but didn't want to totally upset the apple cart. I thought that if I could just get sex again, I could deal with the rest. So, I had an affair with a nice married man who I met online. It was a lot of fun, but it didn't fix my problems. I was only 46 and didn't want to live like that. I broke off the affair and asked for a divorce. I never did get caught cheating and will never tell a soul that I actually know about it. We separated in December of 2014 and I met my soulmate in February. He's the best man I've ever met. We dated a year and then combined our households. We have 9 kids and stepchildren between us. We're down to his youngest (a 16 year old boy) and my youngest (a 17 year old girl) left at home. About 6 months after we moved in together,  I got a pilonidal cyst over my tailbone and had to have surgery. I ended up with a bone infection in my tailbone. It was a 7 month long ordeal that cost me my job. I started working for the Department of Child Services last August and love it. Then I had my stroke this June. I swear, I can't win! My boyfriend has been super awesome through everything. Sometimes I feel guilty about leaving my ex, but then I think about how miserable I was and then I don't feel as bad about it. Attitude is everything and I refuse to give up. If my ex had been able to find a little bit of gumption, it might have been different. Although, my daughter tells everyone that I saved her dad's life by leaving him. He was forced to get up and do something. 

So, that's pretty much the story of my life. I'm 49 now and the happiest that I've ever been even with this crappy stroke jacking up my life. My oldest son has given me 3 beautiful grandsons. Life is good.

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You have had a lot happening. 

 

So glad you are in a happy place now.

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You have proven yourself to be a survivor and to be familiar with dealing with ups and downs, which are good skills to have in coping with the aftermath of a stroke. Good luck, Becky

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That is one amazing journey that you are on.  At least you made the move in time, and have a supportive partner.

 

And you can pat yourself on your back for forcing your ex to get his life back.

 

You are remarkable!  

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Thank you, Paul! Most days I don't feel remarkable, but I am stubborn. 

Nicole 

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Stubborn isn't so bad. 🙂 I think it takes a bit of stubborn to kick the "S" word in the butt!

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wow.. ( is it bad while reading this I hear Carole King  ) you are very strong and wise. Bless

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Yep, I think all of us who have had a stroke have to be stubborn or we'd never get any better.

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yep this is one area where being a "Stubborn b*****" is in our favour.

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