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prommie

Does not see his actual excessive weight gain.

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Normal? This is 9 years post stroke! He does not want to move much, sits around a LOT. Other times, wants to take extensive vacations which I fight, not wanting to waste money for him having days he does not want to even get dressed if he can help it.  He has ZERO self motivation most days even after all this time and other days you would not know he had stroked.

I am wife, caregiver.  Physically he actually has no limp or weaknesses etc from the stroke. It is all in his brain basically. Of course but you know what I mean.

Edited by prommie
I am listed as survivor and I am caregiver.

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Prommie, There have been others who claim that their loved ones have no motivation after having a stroke. Apparently, it is possible to have a stroke which damages the part of one's brain that deals with motivation. He is not in control of his motivation, and I don't know of anything that you can do except to arrange for him to be seen by a neuropsychiatrist to see whether there is any therapy or meds that might help him. Neuropsychs are uniquely qualified to examine your husband because they are specialists who examine neurology's effect on behavior. Good luck, Becky

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Hi Prommie, I hear how frustrated you are. I am a survivor and thought of a few things. So it's been 9 years since your husband's stroke? I know others with even more years behind their belt. Things change in the years past...journals are good ways to remember. Some of my friends still have deficits after 9 or even 20 years. It's especially hard when physically your body has improved and now people may not see that you have had this life altering event. When you say "It's literally all in his head." ...how does that feel and affect him? Do you know? Probably not because most people who have never had a stroke can not relate. How is your husband's stroke fatigue-neurofatigue? What has your husband lost over the years? Deficits? Anxiety? Depression? No motivation? Would like to travel but is expected to be a physically active tourist so not enough reason for that? Was he the bread winner before the stroke? What about today? Was he the protector and provider before the stroke? What about now? Do you know if he is capable of doing these things but just has no motivation? or Is he not capable to fill some of the positions in life he once did? How does this make him feel? Is he social? Is he happy to see, be with, and excited about others and other loved ones? Does he really not notice his actual excessive weight gain. Do you share with him that you do? Does your husband feel helpless or hopeless (all of which can lead to lack of motivation). Does he have a Psychiatrist or Therapist? Have you suggested this to him or his doctor? I'm 3 years past but I had a unique stroke. It affected many cognitive and psychological issues. People have no idea I have had a stroke usually. What I try to keep inside is that I'm always, always exhausted. I have weakness and exhaustion. I also have insomnia. I also sleep to late according to others when I do finally get to sleep. I get out of breath a lot. I have real difficulty handling temperature extremes. Too many people around me can make me feel like an alien from so much overstimulation. Noises bother me. I crave serene relaxation (it keeps me calm inside) and I love to be in a different than usual place or room. Different smells, different surroundings, just different. I forego these things because it makes others uncomfortable...to just be. I know I can't meet their expectations. Life is sometimes really hard for me, I miss being able to do what I used to do and my family doesn't understand why I don't. I sure look like I could bit I know the truth even if no one sees it. You know what? It's depressing. Sometimes I feel depressed...sometimes I just remove myself or mind from the scene. You know what? I don't want to be around people...anti-social...never was like that before. I don't dislike people but I feel my best when nothing or no one is there to judge my lack of something. I need quiet, calm, a lot of rest....I know it bothers my family. I have no idea how to not bother them. It's all in my head but I am not the same Tracy I once was...I may never be...I've accepted this. My goals now are to be self protective even around those I love. It's to find solice in my today. Tomorrow is usually different and differently difficult. I get depressed on and off...sometimes by the day. My saving grace is that a few of my family allow me to be me that day even when they don't understand. My mom says "it's ok to be you right now and I love you". I am forever thankful for her and know I'm blessed. Ask yourself "How can I support my husband today and let him know he is loved.". Can his PCP suggest a Psychiatrist or Therapist? I hear the epitome of depression or simply not being able to work through deficits...depressing in itself. Unfortunately, just being different or snapping out of it may not be a possibility at all. A stroke changes you...many for the rest of their lives. Improvement does happen the longer you are here after a stroke. But I can promise you...it is doubtful that your husband will become like he used to be, or how others feel he should be, and he knows it. God bless your family.

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I pick and choose when to be motivated. 

It probably has more to do with the spoon theory than a deficit. 

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is he on an anti depressant?

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Maybe he gets worn out and needs a day of rest in between.

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Giggles leave it to me to write a dramatic book. Love all your quick to the point posts and I feel they are a big help. What they said Prommie 😁! Spoon theory...that is a good thought. Try reading about the spoon theory Prommie...it explains some things that are difficult to explain. Especially for us who have a limited amount of spoons way after stroke onset. Let us know how it goes. 🙂

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