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TM66

Greetings from a New Member

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Hello -

 

My name is Tom and I arrived to this site in my search for an outlet for information and support concerning strokes. And, to be honest, just someone/others I can interact with that have experienced a stroke or assist with those who have encountered a stroke themselves.

 

 I suffered a stroke in May of 2015. I then had a TIA in September of 2016. I could go into great detail but may do so in the future. But I was blessed to survive each episode with minimal lasting symptoms. I do have a few but feel sheepish to mention them because they pail in comparison to many.

 

But I look forward to being a part of a community that can be a source of information and support.

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hi Tom :

 

welcome to best online stroke support group, every stroke is different & so is its effects & recovery, though I have found emotionally we all bleed same & look for same thing. My stroke was massive & it left me with lasting physical deficits, even though I had great supportive family. I still felt very lonely in my journey. finding this site & meeting other members was biggest booster for me accepting my new normal & making best out of it. I stroked at age 34 which left me paralyzed on my left side, & retired me from the job I loved the most. I found logging & chatting very therapeutic for my soul. We do have chats here every day afternoon from 3-4 EST & evening 8-9EST. I also host evening chats from 8-9PM in our survivor room & coffee shop Wednesday & Friday.  please join us & feel the difference in your emotional outlook on life.

 

Asha

 

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Asha said it all- a stroke is a stroke, no matter how small.  Feel blessed that it wasn't worse, and we are glad for you that it wasn't. As Asha said, this is a great site, with lots of info to share.  You can come here and post a question if you wish; or share your rants, successes, and not-so-successful endeavors. You can go to chats and do the same., and "talk" to other survivors who have been there, done that. Just roam the site, and click on things to try. Welcome! Becky

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Greetings Tom! No matter how great or how small stroke survivors are kindred spirits. 🙂 I am very happy to hear you are doing so well. Rejoice in the truth of that...you my friend have earned it. Please make yourself welcome, enjoy forums, blogs, gallery, chat, Informative links, and lots of support! 

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Hi Tom, and welcome.  I'm sorry that you had a reason to find us, glad that you did find us.

 

I'm also a "small stroke" person.  As Backy said, a stroke is a stroke, and wreaks havoc on your life and self, no matter how small.  This is a wonderful community; you can cry, you can vent, you can get advice and you can commiserate.  No-one will judge you for "only having a small stroke", and everyone here knows what the impact of a stroke can be.

 

So join in the conversations, start new conversations, and welcome to the club.

 

       paul

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First of all that you all for the warm welcome. I hate the fact we are all here because of strokes but I am glad to have found this venue. And I look forward to discovering what there is available.

 

 

 

 

 

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You are very welcome! I kinda have gone past hating the reason we are all here thankfully. Now I am glad I am a part...my 2nd family. You don't have to think twice why I'm here. I guess i don't think about it anymore...I mean the reason why. I'm just glad to meet you! :happy-dance:Thank you though, I know we have all felt the same. 🙂

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Hell, I'm here to read while i'm have a drink.......................:cheers:

J/K a six pack last me over a year or till it's born on date was 6 months ago.  :lol:

 

Ask away, lots of people here have as much if not more experiences than most Dr's do

 

Good luck 

 

Ed  :smile:

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Hello Tom

 

Glad you are here. 

 

Not question is wrong, so ask freely.

 

It's surprising how similar we all are. 

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Hey Tom

 

Yes, having a stroke sucks (and from what I have seen, having a partner with a stroke sucks equally), but unfortunately there is nothing that we can do to alter the past.  This is a good place to let your hair down, get advice and comfort, and find a way to keep going.  It can be hard at times (understatement) for all involved, but at least there is a group that understands what you are going through and can offer support, sympathy, advice and a shoulder to cry on.

 

I'm not quite where Tracy is, but I'm also starting to accept that this is just how things are now.  It takes time, but can be quite a relief.

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16 hours ago, PaulNash said:

Hey Tom

 

Yes, having a stroke sucks (and from what I have seen, having a partner with a stroke sucks equally), but unfortunately there is nothing that we can do to alter the past.  This is a good place to let your hair down, get advice and comfort, and find a way to keep going.  It can be hard at times (understatement) for all involved, but at least there is a group that understands what you are going through and can offer support, sympathy, advice and a shoulder to cry on.

 

I'm not quite where Tracy is, but I'm also starting to accept that this is just how things are now.  It takes time, but can be quite a relief.

Yes I went to a new Dr today and he was very helpful and honest, said your old Dr was right after 2 years this is it,  the new me. 

I have been thinking about this for well over a year now sorry to say its bring me no relief only sorrow, I am nothing like I once was........................HOW DO YOU COPE, no one understands. Honestly I hate this new me. 

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Oh, Ed. Wish I could say or do something to cheer you up.

 

Finding acceptance of ourselves is quite possibly the hardest thing to achieve.

 

When I say one day you will be more accepting of yourself, I’m not saying it to make you feel better or as a throw away comment.  I’m saying as someone who has arrived at that point in time.  Today. Tomorrow could be a different story.

 

Life is a roller coaster. Today I happen to be going along a straight uneventful stretch. But I’m well aware there is going to be a curve or dip coming up.

 

How will I handle that? It’s all in the approach.  And that my friend, makes all the difference.

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It's a daily thing for me too. Today i was weepy all day, just felt like poop. I have no close friends to just go be with, i realize that my inevitable self absorbtion pushes everyone i have close away (its just what i live each day so it comes up a lot), i get on people's nerves, i have less empathy for non stroke people around me (thats a step backwards), im rigid, im a baby, im a whiner, im lonely, im angry, im extremely emotional, i dont feel like I fit in most times. So somedays just plain suck. Some days i wake up and reason with myself "You don't want to feel this way 4 ever do you?". Or somedays i wake up and im just tired of being tired or depressed or in a negative zone. I make myself do the things that validate me on those days. I go do something, plan future things, think about living alone and what color bath towels i will have, what type of dinnerware will i get, ya know its a lot of girl kind of stuff i think about. I'm not a guy and dont really know anyone's enjoyments in life. These are little things but i dream of bigger things even if they are different than my dreams used to be. It's those days when i wake up and get on my own nerves that i can really need a happy heart. I hold myself back from a happy heart sometimes. I suppose i just get tired of me feeling not ok. As i said at the beginning it is a daily process. I certainly dont always prevail but i am dang glad i do sometimes. I think its getting more often. It just makes my head hurt less.

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That Janelle is true wisdom.

 

Ed I do hope you can finally reach the place where acceptance of the "new you" is possible. I was lucky and found it fairly early in my journey. The key for me was facing forwards and doing the things that would take me forward rather than trying to get back to the old me. Would I like to be more like the old me? you bet I would! Is current me OK? yes she is. Does she do the things I used to do? sometimes although not as easily or as prettily Does she do things the old me never did? absolutely life never stays still.

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Ed you know i hope the same. A survivor grieves after a stroke...they grieve the self that was present the day before it happened. Grieving is a process and everone does it differently and the time it takes to go through is different. I completely understand feeling like you do. I know i did at times. Dont know that everyone felt that. I wish like Janelle said i had a wand that could lift you up. Sadly, i dont but i believe in the soul healing and i dont think your story has no more chapters. 😏

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Hi Ed

 

I feel for you, want to make you feel better somehow.  All I can say is that moods ebb and flow, doctors are not always right, and things change over time.  I hope and pray that things (and especially mood) pick up for you quickly.  Grief is natural, and takes time, and you have lost someone who is really important in your life -- a part of yourself. 

 

I tend to wallow in it.  Let myself go, feel really bad, and just let it all wash over me; dig down so that it hurts more and more.  This is probably just my personality, but after some time feeling more and more sorry for myself, I exhaust all the available misery and start to come out of it, feeling paradoxically refreshed.

 

Strokes suck.  Well, more like blow goats.  There is no getting any from it.  Day-to-day, all that we can do is try to focus on what still works, but that misery is still there and needs to be heard.

 

We're with you.  Please keep pouring out how you feel -- it really does seem to help being able to cope.

 

Now onto the upbeat part.

 

I still see a significant change in my mood, my level of acceptance, and my cognitive function.  Right now, I'm also on a downward path, although nothing material has really changed.  Part of this is the weather -- after three months of significant snowstorms, with all the gloom and icy roads and being cooped up inside, *everyone* that I know in Toronto is gloomy to a greater or lesser extent.  It sounds trite, but when the sun comes out and the weather warms up and the snow melts and our internal clocks adjust to the (RANT) ridiculously stupid bad no-good daylight saving, things will mostly improve.  

 

Some of it is acceptance.  As I get used to the idea that this is what my life is now like, and as the people around me get used to it, things get better.  Or maybe just less worse. It doesn't matter; the effect is the sane.  As the summer starts to set in, and as I get used to the new times and start to get some sleep again, I know that things will improve a bit.  Yes, I know that I will still have bad days, but they are at their worst right now.

 

In the meantime, I cry for you.

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Thanks but I don't want anyone to cry or feel sorry for me, don't get me wrong I sincerely appreciate  the concerns but its just how I feel.

Everyone has a nitch in life, something that they love or enjoy, that brings them happiness and respect from others well I was that guy that could fix anything and I figured it out at an early age, I always had an answer and if I was stumped I would figure how, why and then fix it . 

I was self employed at 21 married with kids and had way more interests and hobbies than most. I was always going 24x7x365

As in hobbies I drag raced and helped coach my son in little league, had my dream muscle car, collected coins and hot wheels, life was better than good, the harder I tried or worked at something the greater the reward afterwords as in everything fitting together like a puzzle but the best part was seeing the smiles on peoples faces , the happiness that was my reward, there is nothing better than to make or fix something and see the smiles on the person face, if made me fell valuable and appreciated. 

Now I have to be careful just driving around town so no more racing, I try to play catch with my son but I can't catch or throw like I once did, but the worst thing is seeing it in his eyes that its no longer fun to play catch so now he has moved on.

If it was just me having a stroke and I was like most other men that I knew that worked 9 to 5 and got home had dinner and watched TV till bed time but I was different, I feel like I have let down everyone around me from family, friends and customers.

I keep trying everyday but its like groundhog day same thing and nothing changes.

Enough on me spilling out my guts, I never intended to take over this post.........I am sorry

Please never give up, do the best you can be thankful for family, and to the others remember we could have been like Luke Perry and died so give that person you love a hug and tell them how grateful you are that they are still with them.

Ed 

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Ed I too don't want to take over this thread.

 

But Luke Perry...my first boyfriend. 

 

I think as survivors we are sadder than most when it comes to well known stroke victims.

 

And yes, I too think how differently thingscould have turned out. 

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To continue the thread hijack (because that's how conversations flow ...)

 

Ed, I hear you and I feel for you.  I'm in a similar position (details are different, but was the go-to person for anything that needed doing, understanding or fixing).  I won't go into the litany of issues, just they are similar.  Stroke was January 2016.  I'm physically able but cognitively and visually impaired.

 

I've only recently turned a corner, and understand that my family understand the struggle that I have day-today, still love me, still respect me, still rely on my but in different ways from before.  I used to be the family historian (remembered everything in excruciating detail), now I can't remember a list of three things if I have to fetch them from the basement.  But I am still a husband and a father, I still love and am loved.  I am still learning this, and there are times (a lot of times) when I forget this.

 

Your son may play ball with others now (this would probably have happened anyway), but you are still his father.  And you are still alive.  You have another role in his life now, which is to show him that however bad things may get (and he will understand that things are difficult and get more difficult at times), it is possible to persevere.

 

Failing is NOT a problem.  No longer being able to do things (drive fast, play ball, fix stuff) is NOT a problem.  Giving up IS a problem.

 

Depression, anxiety, irritability, even despair are all normal reactions to stroke (according to my health team).  Being able to keep going is not always easy, but is the best lesson that you can give your son.  He will admire, respect and love you all the more for the way you deal with adversity.

 

Keep reminding yourself of this, and come here whenever you need a shoulder to cry on, or need to vent, or need advice.  This is my home whenever I feel depressed (a LOT of the time), and it always cheers me up.

 

You have our love and support (and, I am sure, that of your family)

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Thank You

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Paul,    Congratulations on your reply to Ed's mail. I was trying hard to find a way of saying the same things but gave it up and had to walk away from the problem. Your reply would be the answer to many other reader's situations and I'm sure most of them would also be appreciative of your response.

Deigh

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Yes im sure this is a thread takeover too lol. You guys make me smile and helps me realize even more that we are sort of family. This IS support...i knew i loved you all! (((BIG BEAR HUGS!!!))) That's for everyone btw. 😊

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Tom 😊 you have just witnessed some thread takeover support!!! Family I tell you. Really glad you found our little hut...please come on in! 🙋

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I tend to sit on the sidelines and watch. I don't always abide by what I was taught but sometimes I do learn more by kerning my mouth shut and my eyes open.

 

I am currently in a phase of anger. I am sure it is tied to my stroke/tia but also the other health issues thst has been tossed in my direction. It's not a constant thing where I make all those who encounter me miserable. But at times I have a very quick trigger. More times than not it is my family that suffers. To the point where my step kids rarely visit.

 

I really have no idea how to handle this. I just know it becoming an issue. I just wish my I had my folks to talk to (they are deceased). I really feel alone at times.

I

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Hi Tom,

yes anger and a short fuse are almost certainly related to the stroke/tia. Sometimes our feedback and control circuits get stuffed up by this thing.  The first step is always to recognise the problem and then try to rebuild those circuits and unfortunately that takes a lot of repetition and effort. Start with trying the count to 10 in your head before you open your mouth thing. Although even saying to your family "I've realised I'm doing this and I want to change" can make a huge difference to family dynamics.

 

I am sorry to hear you have lost your folks. I know how much I rely on mine to tell me when I'm being unreasonable.  However we are all here and happy to be your sounding boards. There is no need to feel alone

-Heather

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