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Heard that before?

 

I'm sure I've told you about my cousin who is dying of cancer.

 

I saw his wife Robyn  the other day, and asked her how she was going.

 

She said "fine".  I said "no, how are you going, really?"

 

Then I got the truth. 

 

Robyn's sister has recently graduated and is now a nurse.

 

Robyn hasn't broken down yet over Jason. Her sister says that Robyn needs to let it all out, cry etc. Because she's "a nurse, and knows these things"

 

Sound familiar? Makes me glad to be honest, that I don't see any therapy workers.

 

Being told You Should and You Need To all the time didn't help at all.

 

 

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I agree.  People feel what they feel, and process things in their own way.  Folk who want to help should offer support, not instructions.

 

That said, I'm sure that her sister is trying to help, just doesn't know what is most appropriate.  I know that I do that sort of thing a lot, when I know that someone is in pain and I want to help but don't know what to do.  But then sometimes, you have to follow Atul Gawande's advice:  " don't just do something, stand there".

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So I had to look Atul up on the internet. 

I totally agree with his quote.

Love it.

 

Paul I always used to try and find the "right" words. Now I try not to. Because I know how they can sound.

Most of the time I just nod. 

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3 hours ago, GreenQueen said:

Paul I always used to try and find the "right" words. Now I try not to. Because I know how they can sound.

Most of the time I just nod. 

That is my approach. I know I don't want them to say something to 'make me feel better' I just want them to be quiet and listen for a minute. More people should do tht.

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9 hours ago, GreenQueen said:

Heard that before?

 

I'm sure I've told you about my cousin who is dying of cancer.

 

I saw his wife Robyn  the other day, and asked her how she was going.

 

She said "fine".  I said "no, how are you going, really?"

 

Then I got the truth. 

 

Robyn's sister has recently graduated and is now a nurse.

 

Robyn hasn't broken down yet over Jason. Her sister says that Robyn needs to let it all out, cry etc. Because she's "a nurse, and knows these things"

 

Sound familiar? Makes me glad to be honest, that I don't see any therapy workers.

 

Being told You Should and You Need To all the time didn't help at all.

 

 

I totally understand that. Every woman ,in my family, who has had to deal with death is a nurse. My Aunt who lost her son to cancer was an oncology nurse( cancer). I deal with death differently from being a hospice nurse. It’s sad but I deal with it by seeing how the deceased will not be ill/pain/suffering more than how everyone else lost a loved one. I hope that makes sense. I often tell people that I hope they don’t see me as cold or callus. After my stroke, empathy is difficult for me 

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Kelli

 

It's a joy to see someone who recognizes that death can be a relief.  Canada allows doctors to "terminate life" (ie. euthanize) patients in the last stages of a terminal disease. Linda and I both have living wills asking for this.  I saw my mother deteriorate over may years from Parkinson's, and I would hate to inflict anything like that on my family (or on myself).

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Kelli, totally makes sense.  I too find empathy difficult over the little things.

 

Paul, I too am for euthanasia.  The Catholic Church, however, is not.

I’m actually going to see a movie the church is presenting in the case against euthanasia.

 

Will be interesting to see if they change my mind.

 

My grandfather and father in law had Alzheimer’s. My uncle Parkinson’s. My other pop had kidney failure. All horrible to watch.

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They seem to run in families.   My mother had three brothers, two had Alzheimers, one had Parkinson's.  In all four cases, it was brutal for the patient, even worse for their families.  

 

My father died of a heart attack; Saw his doctor for "indigestion", doc sent him to hospital for a check radiograph just in case.  He died shortly after the rads; according to my mother (who was there) he just slipped away painlessly.  She was never one to sugar-coat, so I believe her.

 

If I had to choose, I'd rather go that way.  Or with a needle.

 

In a slight weird way, this conversation makes me feel far more positive about life!

 

On a more upbeat note, went to a lecture about migratory birds yesterday.  There are some absolutely gorgeous birds that fly up through the US and Canada at this time of year.  So if you can, look out of your window for feathered migrants taking a rest in a tree, splashing in a puddle, or just flying past.

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I have such mixed feelings about this topic ( euthanasia) that I can't say much because I probably won't be able to state my thoughts clearly. Let me just say this: If doctors could make these decisions, I probably wouldn't be here. Not because  I was in pain, but because I would be a "vegetable" if I survived. Well, I survived, and I'm not the "v" word. "Well, your case was different," some of you are saying. And, you would be right. But, as soon as euthanasia is pronounced legal for people who are terminal, and in horrific pain,  someone is going to raise the "quality of life" issue, or the "contributing member of society" issue. And, that won't be a pretty picture. Where are we going to draw the line? And who's gonna draw it? I need some answers before I can decide.   Becky

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I'm not sure how Janelle's topic about people telling you how to grieve and when got sidetracked to euthanasia.  But I'm for it, so long as it's the patients decision not the doctor's, and not the family's. Which means either the patient has documented the wish before the event e.g. with something like a "living will", or the patient is in a position to ask for it themselves ( i.e. terminal and "had enough" and capable of saying so.)

-Heather

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I have a spectrum of empathy after my stroke. Some things I have a lot of empathy for...so much so it affects my own emotions and some of my psychiatric issues. Other times I have a very difficult time having empathy...i am aware it can come off as cold, brutal, blunt...communication issues are super hard at those times. Sometimes it is best for me to remove myself from the environment so that I have fewer of these encounters. When I have empathy I have Huge empathy in a way an empathy. When I lack empathy I feel like I get anger feelings, a disregard of another person's actions or words. My internal filter gets a short...i then maybe become too blunt (even when it's the truth). This has been helpful as well as an issue at times. I was never good at standing my ground or setting good boundaries for myself. I am 100% better at it now. They may be quirky too but I am thoroughly grounded in my internal moral compass and if you challenge that I can't promise you will like me at the end. I refuse to care who dislikes me. 

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Tracy, good for you!  Nothing wrong with quirky, a lot right with the moral compass and standing your ground.

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yep what he said! you go girl!

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As I am going through this new chapter in my journey, I am better and better at honing in on this new part of me. I think it is something I have always needed in my life. I am worth it. I believe that 100%.

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Tracy, you are so worth it. Please keep reminding yourself that.

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On 5/12/2019 at 10:38 PM, PaulNash said:

 

On a more upbeat note, went to a lecture about migratory birds yesterday.  There are some absolutely gorgeous birds that fly up through the US and Canada at this time of year.  So if you can, look out of your window for feathered migrants taking a rest in a tree, splashing in a puddle, or just flying past.

Ok, so I have a dumb question.  I can admit it.

 

We call them Canada Geese.

Do you?

Or are they just geese? Because,  you know,  you are Canadian...

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We also call them Canada geese.   

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Oh good. One of the most beautiful birds.

I have a wooden set of Canada Geese. 

They were my nana's. 

One of my favourite things. 

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large.20190718_133738.jpg.54c39bc970305c43d680198d6167c1c1.jpg

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Gorgeous!

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I  call them Wawa  lol  It's a convenience store and fuel 

wawa3_1_722x406_2204329490.jpg

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That sounds like their call. They are regular visitors here too and have settled permanently in a couple of lakes near Taupo.

Deigh

 

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Deigh, a little jealo you get to see them all the time!

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large.1207955141_genral0026(2014_06_0804_58_26UTC).JPG.a5e80bf77b747d2826f7d7bcfdc4c948.JPGlarge.1769987865_genral0029(2014_06_0804_58_26UTC).JPG.575c6d0c611a9e28628f8923929750ff.JPGNot there days, When we were grey nomads we parked alongside their lake quite regularily. They were an incredible sight when they paraded in families at breeding time. They would be in line astern, Dad at front, mum at rear and all the kids between them in line. The noise was unbelieveable and the mess they made of the parking area with their poo was amazing.

Deigh

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Oh Deigh!

How beautiful are they! Thanks for sharing these photos!

I have never heard geese, so can't really imagine the noise. But if it's louder than ducks? Wow.

 

Our dog does her business on one section of lawn, away from the back patio where we sit.

 

The rabbits have a section of lawn too, well away from the patio. They weren't taught that, they just did that on their own.

 

If only birds in the wild could find a spot, we'd all be happy! 🤣

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