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alansd

celebrate or be sad?

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coming up on my 2 year strokeversary in a few weeks.I am certainly glad to be alive and well-er.But also kinda sad that this happened in the first place, still miss my guitar, and so much more.Running, hikiing, camping, ball playing..etc.Is that dumb?

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Not dumb at all! I'm 3 years in and miss dancing, singing, needlepoint, creating digital art, crocheting, driving to the store when I need to (not have to wait on Hubs to have the time).

Lots more, I'm sure.

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Its ok to feel bad about it sometimes, but this is cards you are dealt, if you spend in  past, you miss living in a present moment where you can still create lot of fun memories with your new self. In my mind that's biggest finger to stroke. I refuse to live feeling sorry for myself. I can still do lot of things albeit bit differently, but important thing is I can still do.

 

 

 

 

Asha

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Posted (edited)

I am slower at my job than before.  I listen to a lot more music than I used to, and do other things to enjoy my time. I still feel blessed that I can at least work, although differently than before.  Read some Mark Manson books, they are truly liberating.

Edited by Russ
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Nope alansd not dumb at all in my book. I was 64 when I had mine Feb. 2015. I had ice skated and played hockey most of my life (still never was real good lol) but was still skating once a week with the old guys, riding my mountain bike all over the place in the country area I live. I miss that and my wife and I had just got back a week prior from a few days of downhill skiing in Northern Michigan. That was something we took up in our 30's to give us something to do during the winter. Won't be doing that again either. Over these 4 1/2 years I am accepting this "new normal". I use to hate it when I would go to a room like the kitchen to get a few things and would forget something. That has changed. I now gladly hobble, limp, walk to get whatever it was grateful I can. Btw I do Love all music and have seen, like they say "all the cool bands".Unfortunately I don't play an instrument. Onward!

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alansd,

I seem to do both, celebrate and be sad, depending on my mood.  I celebrate that my "challenges" are not as bad as they could be but I'm still sad that my New Normal does limit me.  Guess I have to decide whether my "mood" is determined by the celebrate/sad or the "celebrate/sad" is result of my mood?????  This morning I went to my speech/swallowing therapy.  Some people there were really fighting some big problems and made me realize how small my problems are.  Soooo good mood and I'll celebrate today.  Good luck to all of Us.

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The good thing is it does get better unless there are other issues besides the stroke. No we will never be that person the day before but it can be uphill just the same. It does get better just because by nature the human body and brain refuse to be ignored. Of all the things I often thought of is I remember being "normal" closing and locking the front door of our home (Friday the 13th btw) and leaving to visit my daughter and her family. It was almost 3 months before I was back home again.

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I am now in my fifth year and still fighting to get back to a level of living that is acceptable to me. I play the guitar and keyboards again but not at anything like the level I want to be. My talking has improved tremendously but again I am well short of having the sort of conversations I'd like. I practice whistling daily (When I remember!) and actually have got back to a little warbling. Jwalt put it in a nutshell when he pointed out that there are a tremendous amount of survivors out there who are worse off than me and this knowledge makes it easier for me to accept my shortcomings.

Deigh 

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CELEBRATE that you are still here with your family, able to share in their joys and sorrows and CELEBRATE  the good times you and your wife still have. Of course you miss things you can't do anymore but you have created a new life for yourself which can be an example for other stroke survivors and give them hope for their future.

 

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Nothing in life is ever entirely happy or sad. You can celebrate and be sad at the same time.  Sure there are times I miss my other life, but mostly this life is pretty good and enjoyable. I settle for nothing is perfect. and the reality is you are better off looking forwards so take that deep breath and step forwards into the unknown.  I may not ever do some of the things I used to do but I have plenty of new things I do now and life is full, as it always has been, remember there was a time in your life when you didn't play an instrument.

 

And don't give up on running, hiking, camping, ball playing you are only 2 years into this.  I know every stroke is different and you can't compare one survivor to another but I'm coming up for my 9 year anniversary and I have done the last 3 post stroke (admittedly not with the grace and ease of before) and I'm getting close to running.   Keep working on it.

-Heather

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I WOULD ONLY REPEAT SOMETHING THAT'S ALREADY BEEN SAID IF I SAID ANYTHING, SO I'LL LEAVE YOU WITH A SIGN THAT A FRIEND POSTED ON FB YESTERDAY:   "DON'T LOOK BACK, YOU'RE NOT HEADED THERE". Simple, but profound if you think about it.   Becky

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Love it, Becky!

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You can celebrate and be sad at the same time.  Linda and I just had out 30th anniversary, which was quite emotional.  While neither of us wanted my stroke, or would have wanted any of the effects, we are still both glad that I survived, impairments and all.  Compared to most of us, I got off lightly, but the stroke (3 1/2 years ago) still had a major impact on our lives and our relationship.

 

There is a lot that we both miss, but we are slowly re-building a new life together on the foundations of the old one.  It is not easy, but it is worth it.

 

We still celebrate the fact that I survived, and that my impairments are as "mild" as they are, while mourning what we have lost at the same time.

 

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Agreed, i celebrate mine because I’m, like many survivors, glad to be alive. But that’s a choice. I’m sad I’m not able to do many things I once could but happy to be alive  x

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The survivor said: "I don't think about the 1,000 things I can't do, I think about the 9,000 I still can." 

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So true Will.  your comment made me think of this song

https://genius.com/Christine-lavin-victim-volunteer-lyrics

Sometime the line between survivor/victim is only in your head and how you approach the situation. Personally I refuse to be a victim.  So I'm going to go live my life and that means celebrating milestones.

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Love it Heathber! We are doing it! Onward!

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Alan I feel that it is very normal to carry sad feelings and you miss things you enjoyed before and either enjoy differently or possibly can't enjoy now. I feel like it is a healthy part of grief. Mindfulness can be very positive going forward. 🙂. Happy Strokeaversary! 🤗

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Well I had a great day on my ..versary. Strong workout chatting with friends, driving top down in 75 degree sunshine...great dinner shrimp fajitas my wife cooked up.

life is good great comments all!

 

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🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 Sounds wonderful! 

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Yes "Worse off than us." I see many almost every night on the news with so much more to deal with than me and my numb left side.Like the children whose shaved heads have zipper scars every which way from surgery for brain tumors and so much more. I got almost 65 awesome years of health and am still standing almost 5 years after a stroke that kills about 1 in 4 within days So yeah poor, poor Bill right? I think not.. 

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Alan that is a tough question. 

I've been giving it a lot of thought.

 

I don't think you are living in the past if you think about stroke day and your previous life.

 

We all remember life changing days. Weddings, funerals, births etc.

 

We think of life with and without certain people in it, jobs we had, holidays etc.

 

Being a stroke survivor just adds a new set of things to remember,  in which ever way we want.

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We have all had a life changing event.  That doesn't mean the life before the event is gone.  I think a lot about my life before and in fact that is a major motivator for me.  I think it is only when we dwell on our "before the event" life and don't do any living in the present, that we bog down.  I think often how my wife and I would dance every dance and have such a good time, and I am determined that we will dance again but within my limitations.  Things like dancing are too great a joy, to not be revisited on occasion.  I would think playing an instrument, painting or any beloved pastime would be equal to my dancing.  

I love you all for making me think about things like this and to be able to analyze my own feelings about the same.

James

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