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Anyone in a sexless marriage

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My husband lives in a nursing home for the past year, after having his stroke 10 years ago. We’re married, and I visit him almost daily, but there is no sexual relationship. I haven’t had sex for 10 years and I’m only 60. Anyone else like me here?

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I was in that position from 1999, the major strokes took that away from us. It is sad that such an important part of our lives just disappeared. I loved my husband and looked after him for 13 years but our relationship changed and I was more nurse than wife. Difficult for me to think of even now, I just put that part of my life aside and went on doing the things that had to be done. Companionship rather than love became the norm in our lives. No regrets, just a few wistful moments when I see older couples walking hand in hand and wish that could have been us. Ray died seven years ago and although I have many friends a second love has never come along.

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Since my stroke we haven't had sex.  Nothing physical, I've just felt sort of broken mentally/emotionally.  I know that Linda is not happy about this (and neither am I, come to that).  We're trying to restart, which is surprisingly difficult -- she wants me to initiate things, and I am now very very bad at timing, trying to start the ball rolling, and so on.

 

In some ways trying and failing is worse than not trying.  We'll keep on until we get it right.

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My wife and I are both 79 and both have some health issues.  Timing is always a problem.  The times when I am up for it, she is feeling poorly or has an injury and vice-versa.  The times when we are both in good shape, we usually do things with family or friends and by the time we get home, we are just too tired.  I think Paul has it right that you just have to keep trying until you get it right.  Just keep on keeping on.

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We do, but I must admit it's not fun.

 

I find it hard getting into the right position without some part of my body aching.

 

Our relationship has changed big time. Like most of us, there's a lot of caregiver / survivor going on these days.

 

That's why I accept the struggles, as it keeps us "married".

 

J x 

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Less sex all the time and that was happening already. Honestly I am feeling stronger love these days in other ways. I think our ages have as much to do with this stuff as anything. Plus we more than made up for less now by over doing it back when! lol  ✌️ 

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3 hours ago, Willis said:

 I am feeling stronger love these days in other ways. 

 

Absolutely. 

I have Wayne, over time, three chances to walk away. 

He stayed.

Sex is a part of marriage, but it's not all of marriage. 

 

J x

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Right GQ overtime for our special caregivers. What would our lives be and where would we be without them? I know the question comes to mind how we would react if the tables were turned. I am confident that like April I would be there for her. Even if I had to step up now in my compromised condition I'm confident I would find a way. 

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Absolutely Willis. Being a partner to someone is exactly that; sharing.

 

Wayne has had a very difficult time with his mother recently.   What we lack in the bedroom is definitely made up in other ways.  He needs to hear from me that he's wanted, needed and loved.

That, I can do.

 

J x

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It's a beautiful thing GQ!

 

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It certainly is,  Willis. 

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On 10/28/2019 at 2:31 AM, GreenQueen said:

We do, but I must admit it's not fun.

 

I find it hard getting into the right position without some part of my body aching.

 

Our relationship has changed big time. Like most of us, there's a lot of caregiver / survivor going on these days.

 

That's why I accept the struggles, as it keeps us "married".

 

J x 

I'm so sorry.

Finding the right position or time can , and is , challenging.  

 

I have had the enjoyment of another but , it's in my head, it's difficult for me. I'm not happy with the issues, or lack of mobility and , as stated in another thread, a change in my 'pleasure'  ( vaginal dryness)   Yes , we've talked about lubes and whatnot but it's a change in how fast, or frequency, I can get into the mood.  In my mind I think, 'boy does this show him how I'm not really into this?' even though I want to 

 

((keeping this a PG as possible ))

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What a subject but it effects all of us :huh:hang in there 

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👩‍❤️‍👨This may be a race that I'm going to lose.  The other runner just does not show up at race time.  I hate not having the sexual companionship but also hate what it does to my self image and confidence.  I'm not sure how to "move on".  Most other areas such as how I walk, how I talk, how I look - I can just accept the status quo and move on; but this sexual area seems to keep coming back and challenging me.  But I guess there is another way to look at it -- If you are the only one running and you still can run alone, you will win every race.😜

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22 hours ago, jwalt said:

👩‍❤️‍👨This may be a race that I'm going to lose.  The other runner just does not show up at race time.  I hate not having the sexual companionship but also hate what it does to my self image and confidence.  I'm not sure how to "move on".  Most other areas such as how I walk, how I talk, how I look - I can just accept the status quo and move on; but this sexual area seems to keep coming back and challenging me.  But I guess there is another way to look at it -- If you are the only one running and you still can run alone, you will win every race.😜

one suggestion I have, and have shared before, if the the use of a sexual toy.  you are the  captain of that and you both could share the experience..  ( am I off base?) 

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