Almost A Year -

[Kj mcmeekin]

It is almost a year since Chris had his first stroke and I have been noticing this month that he seems to be more concerned about things.

 

He is very concerned and constantly questioning me about the foods he eats and is this or that O.K.? He is really afraid that the carotid artery that was opened will start to close again and he says "That will be the end of me."

 

He seems to be overly worried about the pain that he is experiencing since he is receiving PT and OT four times a week. The therapists have told him that this is natural since he hasn't had any therapy for over 6 months. They have told him that he has too much tone in his extremities and that is what is causing him to have pain.

 

I am alittle afraid of what to expect on the anniversary day of his stroke. And of course it is also his birthday. So I plan on having a small party for him that day with just family and hopefully it will help ease his mind.

 

I guess my question to all stroke survivors - How did you feel on that 1 year anniversary?

 

And to all caregivers - how did you handle and help your stroke survivor get through that day or was it like anyother day?

 

Kim

 

 

 

 

[Guest kmk]

Kim,

 

At one year out, I went and hid in my room all day. I didn't want to know or think about the day. I had not gotten to the acceptance point yet.

 

Does Chris know about the party? How does he feel about it. If someone had surprised me on that day, I probably would have punched them in the nose! So, from my standpoint, you might want to check with him and make sure it is not a surprise.

 

I think we all handle it differently. I think it depends on where we are in the acceptance process.

 

Kathy

[swilkinson]

Ray always seems to feel something about the time I say "It's x years since" but then he has had a few strokes so it is four years since the last, six years since the majors, and 13 years since the first. Anniversaries are occassions for regrets and reviewing the progress, looking to the future with whatever courage we can muster. Life isn't always good and whatever befalls us we have to deal with each new situation as it happens.

I think I'd tell him about the party. I hate surprises. He may want some imput too. But for Ray gatherings of family and friends can be great moral busters if they don't get too complicated and add extra stress. Didn't someone have a "Great to be Alive"party?.

Ray and I tend to live a day at a time, with just a little forward planning. Works for us, but not for everyone. I'll try to think of ways we have managed to overcome our anxieties, yes, we both become anxious on certain issues.

I think this would be a good time for a group hugs, anyone have arms that stretch 6000kms?

[MrFritz]

April 23, was the one year anniversary of my partners first stroke. He has had two more since then, the latest in January of this year. However, we celebrated with a trip to Florida and were on a plane from Chicago on that day.

 

For me ( as caregiver ) it gave that day a new memory (God knows we needed it ) and although he had to be carried onto the plane, I think it has made a big difference in his recovery.

 

We went to Disney and Universal Studios and he was able to go on most rides in his chair. I have to say that I thought that Disney would have been more "wheelchair friendly", the winner was actually Universal! In addition, we drove to Daytona Beach just to see the ocean. We were given an upgrade to a Lincoln Towncar at the rental agency. I ended up pulling a muscle in my chest when the damn chair got caught on a bar in that huge trunk any my pulling on the chair actually broke the automatic release thing on the trunk (chair kept sliding from one side to the other).

 

Another big breakthrough was that just the week before, he was able to drink thin liquids again. Made traveling alot easier than trying to thickin pepsi at a theme park!

 

I think anniversaries should be celebrated. Turn the bad memories into good ones.

 

Steve aka Fritzie

[jriva]

 

 

Hi,

 

I can't speak for the first or second anniversary---we didn't celebrate those two after my husband's stroke---but celebrating the 3rd, 4th and especially the fifth was a great thing for both of us. As Steve says, it turns the bad memories into good. We're the ones who had the "thank God, I'm a live" party with over 60 people and the after glow lasted a long, long time. He thoroughly enjoyed the planning stage too.

 

Jean

[fking]

Kim

My answer to your question. On my one year anniversary, I celebrated in my bathroom, door closed, praising and thanking God for still being alive. That meant the most to me knowing how I laid on the floor for hours before going to the hospital.

 

My next assement was my physical condition is much better now than in the beginning. Another praise for one year. Happiness was the order of that day and I really did FEEL GREAT. Six months later, I am still feeling good. Looking ahead, six more months will be two years.

 

My goal is to eat healthy, exercise all I can(thats not much). THINK positive that I will live thru this and IMPROVE little by little.

 

My caregiver wife's point of view(we discussed it) was I'm glad you didn't give up and I love you for your courage to battle this brain attack. Then she said she don't know if she would have had the strength for that first year. I shouted with joy for my one year success.

 

Now I feel I'm too blessed to be stressed. I can't change what happen.

[spokangie]

We just past our 2nd anniversary and our 5th wedding anniversary, our wedding one week before the stroke one..

 

I call them millstones because in not only one year but two there have been no signs of other strokes. There have been hospitalizations due to Seizures he is one of the Strokers that is predisposed to them. They can't explain why some have them and some dont. The same applies as to why some have multiple strokes and some dont..

My husband had an artery close in his brain on the left side. It is a hereditary condition. We were told that the MRA showed the same narrowing on the right side of his brain in the same area. He is on Aggrennox to prevent any further artery damage..

We went through some challenges in these two years but thankfully I never worried whether he will have another one. His Neurologist said it was very unlikley as long as we keep on top of it..

He just had another MRI last month and it showed no new strokes or possibilites of new strokes, everything was normal..

The one suggestion that I would have for you is to find out more of how his stroke happened. What exactly caused it and ask if you can see the MRI if they took one ask them if they can see any risks of him having another one.

To live in fear of every anniversary that you will have is not living at all.. I look at this as being thankfull that he is still with me, dissabilities or not. To us his "anniversary" is just another year that we got to share..

So take out the champagne glasses and pour into them whatever pleases you and toast the year past and to the years ahead of you..

Take care

Angie

[Kj mcmeekin]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

 

Things have kinda changed. I got a call today from my sister-in-law from Maryland. She and my brother-in-law are coming up to see Chris on his birthday. So I have decided the day after Chris' birthday I'm gonna have a small get together for family.

 

I was really concerned about what Chris was feeling since it is almost a year - but actually he hasn't said anything about it. He has though informed me as what kind of cake he wants.

 

So we are gonna keep it very low key and it seems like we will be celebrating his birthday not his 1st anniversary.

 

Kim

 

 

 

[swilkinson]

Hi Kim

Make the most of those family gatherings. It is a good time to "normalize" life. That is where all those great family photos come from too and the building of some new memories. We find it kind of hard to plan events too, it seems as if it is right timing for one half of the family it is not for the other half. Sometimes this leads to two celebrations instead of one!

If Chris has decided what kind of cake he wants it shows he is eager to participate and a birthday is a great excuse for a party.

Make sure it is low key, low stress but great fun!!!

[Kj mcmeekin]

Hi Everyone

 

Chris' 1st anniversary went smoother than I thought it would. All that fear for nothing!

 

My father stopped in this morning as he does quite often to just shoot the bull with Chris - wished him HB and brought up the subject that it is 1 year since his stroke. Chris really didn't say anything except "Thank God I'm Alive."

 

Chris' sister and her husband came up from Maryland and spent the afternoon with us. She is a very generous soul - she brought us bags and bags of groceries - a BD cake - lunch - and gifts for Chris. After they left Chris was so tired that he slept for about 3 hours. That evening we just watched the baseball game together.

 

Wednesday afternoon Chris finally after 1 year went to the eye doctor. We did find out that he is nearly blind in his left eye and that this will never come back. I was amazed at how well Chris accepted this. That evening I did have a small gathering with my parents (Chris' parents had died many years ago) our children and their boy/girlfriends and 2 very close aunts. Actually again Chris and Dad watched the baseball game, we had cake and ice-cream , Chris opened his gifts and it was a quite evening.

 

As time goes on I am finding out that it is not worth worrying about the future and what could be but to enjoy and accept everyday as it comes. I worried more about his reaction to the 1st year anniversary than Chris did.

 

 

Kim

[swilkinson]

Hi Kim

Sounds like the birthday and anniversary all went well. It is certainly better if you take the pressure off yourself . If you just have those friends and family members who enjoy your company and who you feel relaxed around at an event then it is "no worries,mate". I just love it when someone else "brings the party". Isn't it marvellous when others are generous? Makes up for the mean and nasty ones, doesn't it?

Congratulations to you as his caregiver too, he owes his better health, living conditions etc to the great effort you put in too. I have followed your postings with much interest.

If you read my last topic you'll see that Ray and I have just passed another milestone too, our 37th wedding anniversary. In the scheme of things it's not huge but each little marker gives me a bit more confidence.

[arogers]

Hi Kim,

 

Thank you for your reminder to me. Every time I project into the future I get into dangerous waters emotionally. If I take each day as it comes I deal fine, but like you, looking into the future leads me down paths of fear and confusion.

 

I'm so happy Chris' one year anniversary went well. It gives us all faith that by taking this thing a day at a time we will be ok!

 

[janiem]

I haven't made it to my first anniversary yet, but I think I may want to celebrate it with only my immediate family, and then in only a small way. Maybe by the second I will feel differently about it. I think you should definitely discuss it with Chris before planning anything. I would be upset if someone planned something big without my knowledge.

Janie