Recommended Posts

Hi,

 

I'm a 42 year old from Sweden. I'm not a caregiver

because mom's stroke was fatal. Guess I'm here

for support since I'm not coping well with the loss.

I wrote a post explaining what happened when I

registered. So hopefully that post isn't lost. 

 

Thanks

Tomas

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Not coping after the death of a loved one is quite normal. I think it took me four years to get over my husband's death My friends thought that was a long time but the closer you are to someone the harder it is to lose them. I hope you are able to get some counselling if it goes on too long. That was part of my solution. That feeling of loss can drag you down otherwise and overshadow your life. Welcome to Strokenet.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Tomas, welcome and I'm terribly sorry that you had to endure such a horrible situation .  I hope that you can find the support , either in counseling where you live, here at Stroke Network. There are some members here that have had to , sadly, go through a death from a stroke. I had two grandmothers have strokes but they survived for a while after. A passing of a loved one, from stroke or not, is something no one  knows how to handle. Know that you have great memories to help you in your grief.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Tomas I'm so very sorry for the loss of your dear mum.

💚

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm really sorry for you.   My father died quite young (I have out-lived him) and I remember being quite devastated by his death, with no real outlet.

 

I can only offer my sympathy, and the knowledge that there are people out here who care.  You must have loved her very much.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all for the warm welcome.

 

Mom was 80 yrs old and had a history of high and fluctuating blood pressure.

It would go from very low to very high. She was on ACE-inhibitors and

would sometimes use diuretics.

 

Here's what happened in May.

 

Monday 

Mom passes out while walking on the street. Wakes up lying on the ground.

 

Tuesday:

Mom mentions this to me and we both shrug it of as just an odd event. 

We have on previous occasions discussed the classical FAST symptoms of a stroke.

We both thought that maybe it was just a drop of BP not realising this was a TIA.

 

Wednesday:

When I visit her place in the evening I found her lying on the bathroom floor.

She was paralysed and couldn't open her eyes or speak. She could just

move her right elbow joint and fingers. Ambulance arrives shortly.

I visit her in the hospital. Was only allowed a short visit due to the current pandemic.

I didn't even stay the whole time since I panicked from seeing her totally helpless and unresponsive.

 

Thursday:

I visit her again and stayed for a few hours. Her covid-test was negative and

she was on palliative care. No IV was given.

We could communicate to some degree by having her move her fingers

while I'm asking her questions. The last question was if she wanted

more morphine. She did and was given more and was unresponsive after that. 

 

Friday: 

Unresponsive all the time as she was very sedated from the morphine.

Thought she was hallucinating as well.

She passed later that evening. I wasn't there when it happened but arrived

later to say my final goodbyes. She was still warm when I arrived.

 

Still have tremendous guilt from not reacting to her TIA. 

Don't know how much difference it would have made 

since more than 30 hours had passed between the TIA

and her mentioning it to me.

 

Tomas

 

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

 I'm so sorry Tomas,

  You can not have guilt. At that time, you , nor she, ever thought that was a possibility. Looking back on things is when we often see the little indications of something but you can't blame yourself for that.  You were there to find her when you did. That is s blessing

Link to post
Share on other sites

Tomas, my heart goes out to you.  Please don't blame yourself; things are clear in hindsight, but not that clear at the time.  

 

Grieve for your mother and for yourself, but don't blame yourself.  You found her and you got her to the hospital.  That is important, and it is important to remember that.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.