"Normal" activity?

[larrymm]

Hi all.

 

I had my stroke in May 2003.

 

I was thinking the other day that if someone asked me what I can do where I don't feel the affects of the stroke (I think that would be a way for non-stroke-related people to try to start understanding), I wouldn't have anything to say. The stroke affects my walking, eating, talking, speaking, laughing, thinking, drawing, throwing, writing, identity, intimacy, self-confidence, etc. (too many to list). Actually, I couldn't think of any activity that I haven't had to directly change (or live it with if I couldn't change it). It is something I never get relief from except when I'm asleep (and I told my family this over a year ago).

 

I imagine that most survivors have something they can do where there they can get a bit of a reprieve from their stroke's lingering effects, but maybe I'm way off base here.

 

If someone can think of something of mine that might not have been affected let me know.

[marlen]

LARRY,

 

THERE ARE TWO CATEGORIES IN MY LIFE. THINGS I CAN'T DO ANYMORE AND THOSE I DO DIFFERENTLY. IN THE LATTER, HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT DOING THEM IS A STATE OF MIND. FOR ME, I DO THE BEST I CAN AND THAT'S NORMAL FOR ME. WHY SHOULD I FEEL I'M NOT AS CAPABLE AS THE NEXT PERSON? I GET WHERE I'M GOING AND I FINISH WHAT I STARTED. IT JUST TAKES ME LONGER.

 

007

[jriva]

 

If someone can think of something of mine that might not have been affected let me know.

 

Larry,

 

Has your stroke negatively affected the way you love your family and/or friends who have supported you since your stroke? Has your capacity to love and appreciate them been affected?

 

Listen to Marty. He's a wise man.

 

Jean

 

 

[fking]

Larry.

 

I tend to agree with Marty 007, and Jean above, instead of searching for other words to explain my thoughts of something that might not have been affected since my stroke 21 months ago.

 

I still do the things I can think of right now just slower or much slower in some cases. In fact, I said below my signature, until just recently, "disable, no, able to do, just takes a little longer". So with that frame of mind there are no boundries other than the things I never did before my stroke anyway.

 

I consider myself the blessed one, in that I can drive(had to be retested), cut the grass, open doors, cookout on the gas grill, water the lawn, clean the garage, vaccum, take out the trash, do ALL the bathroom stuff, go shopping, and on and on, it just takes a little longer to complete some tasks, but I get them done.

 

Even use this computer with one finger, change the ink cartridges, and add paper to my printer. To me there is no end to what I can do. I haven't thought about what I can't do. My wife is one happy caregiver and very thankful of what I can do. I came home in a wheelchair, unable to do anything for myself, so I have come a long, long way since my stroke.

[larrymm]

Before I wrote that post I thought that I knew I was commenting on how things were difficult for me (e.g. walking) when I knew I had it better off than others (e.g. at least I CAN walk). But I had to post anyway. Sorry. You know that saying about someone lamenting his own walking then he saw someone with no feet? I know, I know.

 

My mom asked me if I couldn't do whatever (this was when I was living with her about 1 1/2 years ago) and I said there really isn't anything I can't do. I told her then (and have reminded her) I can do anything I used to do it just takes me longer and sometimes I do it differently. At least I understand that.

 

Yes, I too came home in a wheelchair and progressed through everything to nothing. So, yes, I have made great progress. I live on my own, do all my own stuff, work a full day, etc. They thought I was going to die in the ICU. So, from my family and close friends' perspective, this is probably sour grapes. However for me who deals with this stuff 24/7, it is not. I know I should not think about comparing myself to those who are not stroke-affected, but if I do that then where does the fuel for further progress down that road of recovery come from? How do you go further in your recovery when you admit your "deficits"? Can you make peace with your "deficits" and still make progress? Or do have to live with your "deficits" and hope for progress? Or do you make peace with your "deficits" and use something else for the fuel for recovery?

 

No, Jean, that has actually improved.

 

Thank you all for replying.

 

Larry

[Rich99]

Hmmmm, i cant say...it was 10 years ago, and i was only 18 Wasnt even a proper adult, although was in an apprentice electrician. Could i do what i used to do, those years ago? Nope. I cant play football that much....so i play tennis instead. As for the rest? Yeah, everything changed....thats the way it was.

[lorrainelm]

 

Hi,

I believe we have to live with deficits and hope for progress.

That isn't a choice we have.

I am statng this as a survivors point of view and also it would be the same from my nursing perspective.

 

Take care

lorrainelm

[Phyllis4732]

Larry, (same name as my brother) I also had a stroke in May 2003. For the second time I had to start my life all over. The first time, 11 years previous, it was a simple stroke. Although I had numbness, I could climb ladders and put packages on the top of displays at Home Depot. Now, I could climb the ladders (they have rails) but I wouldn't try putting boxes on shelves because I have balance that isn't the greatest. I don't think it can be helped 100% so why break my neck trying. I also can't lift things 50 lbs. probably, so why even trythat? Is that so terrible? Of course not!.

 

So like Marty said, we just do things a little slower. I too, came home pretty much in a wheelchair. Hadn't ordered my own rollator yet. Soon after it came, I used it less and less and now it is "parked" and I only take it when I'm really tired and want to walk the dog for a really long walk.

 

It's just normal slower. Slacks still go on one leg at a time.

 

[bstockman]

I have come to terms that I have deficits, that does not mean I give up.

 

I have days that are very good, and I have days that the deficits seem to be more pronounced.

 

I have learned to focus and be more aware of what I am doing, (so I don't forget to turn the stove off; and burn the house down)

 

Admitting you have deficits doesn't mean you are defeated.. I think it means you are actually aware of being more careful, doing things more slowly. It takes intelligence to know you have deficits.

 

Bonnie

[hz462]

I have come to terms that I have deficits, that does not mean I give up.

 

 

31064[/snapback]

 

I have agree with Bonnie. I came to terms with my new life after my second stroke in less than 24 hours. I was totally paralyzed on my right side. I knew then that most likely would never be the same.

 

The acceptance of my condition had no effect on my drive for rehab. I was totally committed. Now three years later, I'm still making improvements.

 

The one think that is the same as before my stroke is my cognitive thinking. I know there are stroke survivors that aren't so lucky. I thank God every day that it wasn't taken from me. Being a programmer/analyst, my mind is very important to me.

 

[jasco]

 

Like some of you, I came home in a wheel chair; but it could have been a basket!

 

I do things slower, but where was I hurrying to before?

 

I am amazed at how quickly most of you have recovered well enough to take walks or return to work. My walking is verry poor. I've been so busy with legal research which means sitting that I have badly neglected exercise.

 

Tomorrow I will get back to my normal routine.

 

Cheers,

 

Marilyn

 

 

[cnemec]

I think everything is different for me. But the main reason is fear. I'm afraid to try things. I know I can, may need help in some, like climbing in a canoe, but I'm afraid to try. I can not job interview now, I don't come across well, even tho I know I can do the work. Except those big dogs. But then it was fear of falling or the dogs getting loose.

 

I am different. I am depressed. My husband works so hard and I contribute nothing. I wanted to go south and help after Katrina but was afraid I wouldn't have the stamina. I want to volunteer somewhere but am afraid to drive there and go talk to someone about it. I can do it, I'm afraid, so I sit and feel sorry for myself and take it out on my husband.

 

Carol

[marlen]

CAROL,

 

IF YOU GET RID OF THE WORDS CAN'T, SHOULDN'T, WOULDN'T, WON'T, DON'T AND EVERY OTHER ONE OF NEGATIVITY, AND USE WILL, CAN, SHOULD, TRY, ETC., MAYBE YOU WON'T BE SO DEPRESSED. IF YOU TRY SOMETHING AND FAIL, SO WHAT? YOU PICK YOURSELF UP AND MOVE TO SOMETHING ELSE. WHAT'S THE WORSE THAT CAN HAPPEN. YOU FEEL A LITTLE DISCOURAGED. BIG DEAL.

 

SO WE HAD A STROKE. DO WE GIVE UP LIVING? HELL NO! WE LIVE WITHIN OUR NEW LIMITATIONS AND WE MAKE A LIFE FOR OURSELVES. TO NEVER TRY ANYTHING AND ASSUME FAILURE IS A CURSE.

 

COME ON CAROL, YOU'RE A BETTER, MORE VALUABLE PERSON THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR. NO SYMPATHY FROM ME. I'VE FALLEN ON MY FACE (OR A**) MORE THAN ONCE IN THE PAST 21 MONTHS. I GET UP SLOWER THAN I USED TO BUT I GET UP AND MOVE ON.

 

TRY ALL THOSE THINGS YOU'RE AFRAID OF. YOU MAY BE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED

 

007

[danni3]

I AGREE WITH YOU 100 PERCENT MERLEN COULD HAVE SAID BETTER MYSELF, IT TAKE COURAGE TO OVER COME YOUR DEFECIT,NOT TO JUST LAY DOWN AND SAY YOU WILL BE AFRAID, TO CHANGE DONOT BE AFRAID TO CHANGE DONOT GIVE IN TO YOUR STROKE,HAVING MY STROKE HAVE MADE A BETTER PERSON,I SEE IT AS A CHANLLEGE TO GET EVEN BETTER. BECAUSE IF YOU READ YOUR POST YOU WILL FIND MY KIND OR PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT AFRAID.

[pprovost]

From my first day after my stroke,my mind was continually focusing on what would be possible and that has never ceased. If I saw an able bodied person performing an everyday task,I would immediately wonder if this is something I could do even as a hemiplegic. I am constantly amazed at all the things that are possible even if more difficult or that I do it much slower. The computer has kept the world open to my curious mind. I lie awake at night sometimes wishing I had a blueberry or something to surf the internet without having to get up. The stroke has not affect my ability to learn and be in awe of the world around me. Sure,I do get fatigued if I don't take breaks once in a while but the joy of quenching my thirst for information without leaving the comfort of my home is fantastic and I am infinitely grateful for the technology that allows us to access the information highway.

The question you were posed is very unusual and I must say that I would have been taken aback had it been addressed to me.

 

Thanks for this topic as it gave me a chance to mull over the question and I can focus on what is good in my life even if it is not like before my stroke.

 

 

for what it is worth

Pat

[larrymm]

Hello to all.

 

I have thought about this off and on and probably what I was trying to say is how do you reach acceptance while still acknowledging your deficits?

 

A corollary to that is what drives you in terms of your drive to improve? Is it the gap between the old you and the new you? That's what it has been for me but I think that might be a dead-end road.

 

Larry

[fking]

Larry,

 

In my case, and the type of stroke I experienced, I am glad to be a survivor, instead of death. That said, my acceptance as a survivor out weigh my decifits, and how much worse they could have been under the circumstances.

 

The fact that I made it (survived), is what drives me to recover in spite of what I was left with, in terms of paralysis. Being able to think of what I can do at this point drives me to improve even more as I remember where I was after 3 months in the hospital. Looking at 3 other people leave long before me, who was hospitalized about the same time, gave me inspiration to succeed.

 

I don't think in terms of the before stroke abilities, and relate them to my abilities at this point. My push now is to be able to be independant to a degree beyond having a caregiver. It's not the gap between the old and the new me. Never was, I accepted the setback from patient to being a survivor as a gift from God. My drive is to get back as much as possible to accomplish my goal of independance.

 

Hope I answered the question Larry, from how I understood you to ask.

[kkholt]

Larry,

 

Your post is of great interest to me - I've had thoughts similar to yours about my husband who had a stroke 8/12/05. He is only three months post stroke - He is better off than some and worse off than others.

 

I try to look at things in what ever way necessary - that will keep us motivated to go forward.

 

All the best to you Larry - I appreciate your thought provoking post.

 

Karen

[glaidice]

I LIVE EACH AND EVERY DAY TO THE FULLEST. TODAY WAS ONE OF MY WORST DAYS. THE INTENSE SPASCISITY (OR HOWEVER YOU SPELL IT) THE BURNING AND TINGLING WAS SO HORRIBLE, BUT I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO BE DEPRESSED PERIOD!!!!! I WAS SUPPOSE TO GO TO THE DR BUT EVEN THO I TOOK MY NEURONTIN AND BACLOFEN I WAS STILL HURTING AND MISERABLE SO I COULDNT EVEN CALL HER BECAUSE MY LONG DISTANCE ON MY PHONE WAS NOT ON (ITS A TOLL CALL). OK . . . BUT IM STILL HERE AND DOING BETTER THAN MANY SO I WONT COMPLAIN - AFTER ALL I HAVE MY COMPUTER AND TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY - THE LOTTERY, MY ONLINE GAMBLING, MY GLASS OF WINE, ALL POSITIVE STUFF OF COURSE

[kkholt]

My husband asked me the other day - if I thought it would be possible for him to be in better condition than he was before his stroke....... Now that's a positive thought!

 

-Karen

[Guest lwisman]

Interesting question Karen. I suppose it is how one looks at things. Stroke changes life, but many of us (often after some time struggling) have found ourselves very grateful for the live we have been given. I am very glad that my stroke gave me the opportunity to learn and appreciate some things which I did not know about or took for granted prestroke.

 

In that way my life is better than it was before. If I think my life has to be a certain way I am probably not going to be happy with the way it is. If I am grateful I may well see my new life as an improvement.

 

This gives me something to ponder over today. Thanks.

[jriva]

 

Hi Larry,

 

You said up above:

.....how do you reach acceptance while still acknowledging your deficits? ......A corollary to that is what drives you in terms of your drive to improve? Is it the gap between the old you and the new you? That's what it has been for me but I think that might be a dead-end road.

 

I don't see how anyone can reach acceptance without first acknowledging deficits. That doesn't mean giving up on yourself to improve. My husband, for example, can't talk, type or write and it's been over five years since the stroke. We still go to speech classes twice a week. At the beginning of every term, I give him the opportunity to quit. He hasn't wanted to yet and his unprompted vocabulary at best is under a 100 words, with a daily average of around 25. The acceptance part, for him, is that he's learned (on his own) to perfect facial expressions to a science and is able to interact in public pretty well and he enjoys doing so. He's not hiding from the public until he's back to pre-stroke form.

 

The more I see of the stroke community, the more I believe that what drives a person to improve after a stroke are the same things that drove that person in their pre-stroke years. If you were a self-starter as opposed to a couch potato it's easier to motive yourself post-stroke. If you were a person who always saw the glass has half full rather than half empty, acceptence comes easier. If you only gave 50% of your enery pre-stroke to improving your mind and body then post stroke you'll do the same percentage. That's my theory anyway.....

 

Jean

[jkirshenbaum]

I would say I am about 90% recovered from my stroke, but I did not have far to go. Things I can't do that I used to do: type fast, play golf, become sexually aroused. Not the worst things. I have worked hard to overcome any deficit I have had-- walking normally, achieving solid balance, reducing the pain on my left side. Since I volunteer for this site and for a local stroke council, having my stroke has brought me to a place of giving to the community, which I had always failed to do, but had always wanted to do. In that way, my stroke has enhanced who I am.

[merichsen]

LARRY,

HOW ABOUT YOU ABILITY TO LAUGH, SMILE, AND GIVE THOSE WHO LOVE YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO ENJOY JUST BEING NEAR YOU? THE ONE THING A STROKE CAN'T TAKE FROM YOU IS WHO YOU ARE INSIDE YOU DIDN'T LOSE THE ABILITY TO HAVE OTHERS LOVE YOU.

MARIA

[A_Fallen_Angel]

ya know,

 

I find this hard to accept. What I mean is I was a whole person - doing all kinds of things pre stroke (drivingg, walking, ect.....) and now I am in a wheel chair with no use of my right side, and darnit I dont like this !!!!

 

I have trigger finger in my good hand now and I am worried about the fingers locking on me.

 

NO --- I dont accept it but, I will deal with it because I have to.

 

I am guessing God must think I (and all of the rest of you) must be pretty strong cause He doesn't put anything on us that we can't handle -- right??

 

 

^A^ Claire